My Ten Tiny True Stories. (367 hits)
Category: NoneRating: -1.16 on 16 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by v1p3r0412 (View user info) at 2009-06-18 10:13:22 EDT
Ok, I've seen other people write Ten Tiny True Stories, so I figure why not?
Feel free to -2 me. I don't mind, the comments are usually pretty funny
1- When I was ten I fell ten feet out of a tree and almost broke my neck once. My Step mother was so scared she was crying, which made me cry even harder.
2- My wife and I got engaged six months before our wedding and we pulled it off beautifully. But, everybody thought it was because she was pregnant. Turns out she got pregnant on/around our honeymoon so everybody really thought it was because she was pregnant when the month after our wedding we announced we where having a baby. I only earned my pardon from her father after he did the math when the baby was born.
3- I joined choir for the girls in High School. I ended up doing six years of choir in three years of high school. And my teacher ruined me for life. I can't watch "American Idol " without critiquing everything everybody sings... I hate it sometimes.
4- My first time getting drunk was when I was thirteen. My dad forced me to drink an 18 pack all by myself when we where out camping. That was the sickest I have ever been in my entire life. Then the next morning he took me to McDonalds for breakfast... to this day I can hardly eat McDonald's breakfast, And I can drink Jack Daniels all day, but five beers make me sick every time...
5- A friend wanted to get revenge on a girl that cheated on him when we where in high school. She had a Mitsubishi Lancer: Rally edition. We went to the neighboring construction site and took a chunk of concrete and got in the car. We threw the chunk out the window at her car doing 45, and the rock hit her trunk with such force it sounded like an explosion. The next day he went over there to "See why the police where there " and it turns out the chunk disintegrated and they where trying to find out what hit the car. There was five thousand dollars worth of damage.
6- My brother used to drag me out "Mailbox bashing" we would take a crowbar or a bat and drive around and beat the shit out of random mailboxes. There was one house we would go to about once a month. About three months after we had started singling his out he ended up encasing his new mailbox with concrete. We went home and got a sledgehammer and smashed the mailbox anyways. He replaced it with some homemade monstrosity that was made out of steel... We never where able to bash his mailbox again. So we wrote him a note congratulating him on his victory. He wrote us one back the next night that he duck taped to his mailbox telling us to fuck off.
7- I talked a friend into trying on my dogs "shock collar" one night when he was drinking. The dumbass actually let me put it on him. So to teach him a lesson I CRANKED the voltage to max and I held down the continuous button. He never let me come near him with that collar ever again, and I almost died laughing.
8- The same friend asked me to choke him out once while drinking. I obliged him and he woke up a minute later and forgot about it within ten minutes. The next day my dad asked him "what the fuck happened to your neck? It looks like somebody choked you out." He looked at me and called me an asshole.
9- There's a guy I work with whose from Nigeria. He's a pretty nice guy, but he's a little gullible. I snuck up on him once and scared him so bad he fell out of his chair and screamed. It was great...
10- I once caught my Grandmother picking her nose and eating her boogers in her sleep. I told her about it in the morning and she denied it for at least ten minutes. Then she threatened to kill me if I ever told anybody.
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Let the -2's fall from the sky like rain...
User Reviews
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2009-06-22 14:23:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
dude, fucking LOL at #9, i mean... seriously? you should send that shit to readers digest or something! HIGH-LARIOUS.
Submitted by sandmantate (user info) at 2009-06-18 12:37:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Lying on the internet is such an admirable trait. You should do it more often. Honestly, we are all just as inbred and ignorant as you, so we believe every thing you say.
Do us all a favor and blow your mongoloid brains out.
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2009-06-18 12:18:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
the mailbox story made me lol
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2009-06-18 12:15:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by v1p3r0412 (user info) at 2009-06-18 11:43:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
My wife makes me watch american idol, its not my fault. O_o
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That is the type of spineless mentally-castrated maybe-even-the-possibility-of-pussy whipped excuse I'd expect from an American Idol watcher. You married her, so it is your fault that you let her determine what you will spend your time doing. Go find her purse, get your nuts, and beat her with them.
OK, that was kinda harsh. Ignore it. Just getting ready for Hatemadness.
Submitted by v1p3r0412 (user info) at 2009-06-18 11:57:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
ya, I think they are tryin to tell me something along the lines of "GTFO"
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2009-06-18 11:45:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow... you seem to have made a great impression around here.
Submitted by v1p3r0412 (user info) at 2009-06-18 11:43:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
My wife makes me watch american idol, its not my fault. O_o
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2009-06-18 11:26:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Goodbye. I almost didn't -2 you because you seemed not to care, which is an attribute I admire, however you completely fucked it up by being un-entertaining, telling generic stories that were far too short, and mis-assuming that we cared who you were or what you had to say.
-2 die by Amanita Phalloides.
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2009-06-18 11:20:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2009-06-18 10:51:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Yeh, well I once gagged on a girl's beaver because it tasted like a mixture of stilton and carpet dust, but you don't hear me bragging about it.
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A 2005 study carried out by the British Cheese Board claimed that when it came to dream types, Stilton cheese seemed to cause odd dreams, with 75% of men and 85% of women experiencing bizarre and vivid dreams after eating a 20-gram serving of the cheese half an hour before going to sleep.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2009-06-18 11:06:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m (user info) at 2009-06-18 10:55:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2009-06-18 10:51:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Your stories are to entertainment as Taco Bell is to tacos, but this -2 is because you watch "American Idol".
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2009-06-18 10:51:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Yeh, well I once gagged on a girl's beaver because it tasted like a mixture of stilton and carpet dust, but you don't hear me bragging about it.
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2009-06-18 10:32:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
eh?
Submitted by Maddog (user info) at 2009-06-18 10:18:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
POW!
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2009-06-18 10:16:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Allow me.