Mumbo Jumbo, Profanity & A List Of Shit People Don't Talk About, Let Alone Do, In Public. (379 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: -1.4 on 11 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by moopy4u (View user info) at 2009-06-24 23:32:14 EDT
I've heard of walking on thin ice. I've heard of barking up the wrong tree. But this guy, Daniel, has been hitting on me for the past few weeks and i've thought of a new terminology to describe his characteristics.
I call it, "A shark in shallow water".
The guy rings me with the voice of a drag queen. Needless to say, in meeting the guy face to face i can now picture him wearing make-up and a dress and the like... Not that it's to my fancy or nothing.
He asks me about buying a USB hub with more than 4 ports. I offer him a 10 port one. With this, his response involves added gayness for no apparent reason. "Oh that's too many ports. I'm not a size queen, i think i will take the 4 port hub." Ofcourse with that being said, once he sent the order through - to my amazement, it was the 10 port hub.
When ever he rings, i don't need to know who is speaking. I know it's him. His voice, one so familiar. One so scary... I try to hide from him if he ever comes in. After the first day i met him... He shook my hand and told me, "You stay pretty now."
-Oh shit, an advance! Um, reluctantly replying "Yeah.. You too"
He's obviously twice my age, and i'm not gay because i don't take peoples advice. Otherwise i probably would be gay.
Twilight.
Okay, i hate Twilight. I read the news, Rob, Rpat, Patty, Blah fuckin' blah. Nickname insertion required here!
He gets clipped by a cab, and beaten in an alley. FUCKING COOL. I really don't like the movie. The actor, Rob, is as selfish as hell. And all the chicks raving on about him? Fuck off, Get a piece of Bill Cosby. He's the man. Once you go black, you are fucking Bill Cosby!
So Twilight was really a fuck off movie to all guys. Opening up womens hearts around the world to this crazy idea that all guys have an inner vampire. And can treat a women so well. And tell them how much they love them and blah blah mush mush.
Does anyone else here hate Twilight? Come on, speak up. I wana know!
On Street Random Convo.
Why do people think you're weird if you approach them out of good interest to have a chat?
You advance with an opening line ie. Hey, nice weather we're having?
All of a sudden, you're a pervert and want to try get into them because you're asking them about the weather.
Fuck, okay then, next attempt.
Hi there, do you know how much a polar bear weighs?
-Uh.... What?
Enough to break the ice. Hi i'm Richie. *Reaches hand out as a greeting*
And now this is all of a sudden okay? You're okay with this? She replies with a "Ohhhhhh :) Thankyou!"
I say, oh, that's your name? Thank you? What a weird one. So i leave, "See ya later, Thank You."
Public Transport.
Two students openly sit on a bus and talk about the time they we're drunk and urinated on the back seat. Laughing at how it all flowed down through the foam in the seat, along the stair line and onto the passage way of which people walked in order to be seated.
In other words, they we're asking to have their shit-face little heads smacked against the solid glass windows that the bus had in place to prevent drafting. So be it.
Swearing Tourettes Syndrome.
What is it with people named Daniel?
This short asian man comes in now and again and he has tourettes syndrome. I feel sorry for him, but at the same time i spontaneously bust into laughter. He tries to speak with a chinglish accent then next thing you know "FUCK", but with the time he has spent dealing with his disability - he has learnt to cover up his little tics with a complimentary "COUGH".
"Hi, there ehhh CUNT, COUGH*, i'd like to FUCK*COUGH* get a mouse please.... SHIT *COUGH!"
With this, we guessed that he has SARS. Ofcourse, SARS was so 2005 or whatever. So just a refresher... SARS was a deadly virus that struck asian countries and made them cough and shit, and they died... It was pretty gay really.
So this guy has earnt the name SARS Man. Good times. CUNT.
Why is Cunt so offensive?
Women find cunt offensive, why?
Ofcourse it's all good and fine for them to call us a dick, and it's part of our anatomy, yet if we say cunt around them, they get all shitty about it.... Not cool.
Ain't that a peach?
Peaches are good, What have you cunts got against peaches EY!?
I walked into KFC the other day to get something to eat, but i needed to take a dump. I walked past some gangster looking guys as i was making my way to the toilet. All of a sudden i farted... RIGHT NEXT TO THEM. They turned and looked and me and one said "WHAT THE FUCK NIGGER" in a deep toned, roaring voice. And i just kept walking as if nothing had happened. It wasn't till i got to the toilet that i realised i had farted loudly enough for them to hear it and smell it. And had a good chuckle about it. My farts we're laughing too.
There was some ginga kid in town who was trying to be cool, and these lil homos bound and gagged him in broad day and left him lying on the middle of a fountain.
Shortly after the police arrived and arrested the lil homos. The ginga kid fell into the fountain and now they are being trialed for man slaughter.
Man slaughter... Manslaughter - Mans laughter.
Fuck i love eggs!
User Reviews
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2009-06-25 09:47:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i predict a berg zero on this post. maybe a 1 if he's feeling particularly chipper. he likes rooting for the underdog.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-06-25 08:28:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
...And your fucking Uber name sure isn't helping matters, either...
Submitted by nitty34 (user info) at 2009-06-25 07:59:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
It's sad that you tried this hard, yet remain this terrible.
Submitted by HellRazer (user info) at 2009-06-25 07:56:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Keep trying. Or don't. It doesn't really matter to me either way.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2009-06-25 07:50:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
It gives me some small pleasure to know that you only exist in my computer and that Start -> Turn Off Computer -> Turn Off means that you get stored in some dark silent place until I decide to bring you back.
Submitted by sexualchocolate1984 (user info) at 2009-06-25 05:48:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
That's an amazing filename right there, amazing filename for an amazing image on an amazing post.
You sir are made of pure, unadulterated, triple filtered, win.
.................</sarcasm>
Submitted by Unabonger (user info) at 2009-06-25 04:31:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
content.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2009-06-25 03:32:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Are you an ESL? It's painful.
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2009-06-24 23:48:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
not uhh...
not too funny champ.
Submitted by moopy4u (user info) at 2009-06-24 23:42:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Suck. My Dick, Cunt.
Submitted by Ebenezer_Spooge (user info) at 2009-06-24 23:38:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Shut. The. Fuck. Up.