To all the suckahz (RE: AmateurMatch.com) (365 hits)
Category: RomanceRating: -1.44 on 9 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by NotApologizing (Bird in the Bush) (View user info) at 2009-06-30 09:15:55 EDT
While out of town on business recently, I was looking to meet up with a local lady for some lovely conversation and plutonic companionship. Where better to look than the 'Casual Encounters' section of craigslist? As most of you know, none of those people posting there are real - they're all advertising something (lately it's a 'safedate' identity verification type of service trying to take advantage of the craigslist killer concerns).
In any case, needless to say I spent the bulk of my evening alone until Handgela showed up for a booty call like she always does. During he course of the evening, however, one of my new craigslist lady-friends told me the best way to talk was through a website called amateurmatch.com. I thought "...wow, you're right. We already have each other's email addresses and email is completely free, but why not use a poorly formatted website that requires payment of $25 just to enable messaging!!? Brilliant!" What an idiot - do you think I'm stupid!!!!?
So I went to amateurmatch.com (yes, I know this is contradictory to what I typed above - that's part of the schtick). I did not sign up for the paid portion of the site, but did create a free profile just for shits and giggles. I immediately began receiving messages from 'other members', a total of about 20 or so within the first hour of creating my profile. Keep in mind that my profile had only my username and location (which at the time was set to Bowling Green, KY).
Naturally, I became suspicious as soon as attractive women started sending me messages based only on the fact that I created a profile. Hell, that an attractive woman would communicate with me at all is as big a red-flag as I need. Moving on, it quickly became obvious what was happening. Most of the messages cited the fact that "...we're close to each other..." without mentioning where we actually were, and virtually all of them contained the imperative: "Write me back" Writing back, you see, is a feature available only to paid members which I obviously was not (and never will be so long as my wife has access to my credit card statements). After reading several messages, the formula was plain as day. Website staff were finding photos of women around the internet and creating fake profiles, then using them to convince 'free' members to join. Figuring this out was not difficult, but reviewing the messages became somewhat entertaining so I've left my free profile posted. Below is a small (unaltered) sampling of what I've received over the past few days. I've added my comments in <xxx> to provide some perspective on a few of the messages.
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From: greatdaness
Date: June 26th, 2009
Subject: reply to me
Folder: Inbox
I'm looking to talk dirty with you, if you are interested in cyber'n then message me back.
We can use the instant message service if you want
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From: katzmeow12
Date: June 26th, 2009
Subject: Hello
Folder: Inbox
You seem like the type of person that could really bring some happiness in someones life. I might be wrong but from what I read I would like to get to know each other. If this seems right to you and you want to get to know more about me send me a message and we could either send emails or get each other's phone numbers and set up a time to meet somewhere. Hope to hear back from you soon.
<Yes, you determined that I'm the type to bring someone happiness from reading my username and that I pretended to live in Bowling Green. Then again, providing happiness WAS my main reason for navigating to a no-strings-attached dating site.>
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From: BarbieDolll
Date: June 28th, 2009
Subject: Hello
Folder: Inbox
How long have you been a member of the site? Have you found anybody that your interested in yet? I see we live close and wanted to take advantage of that. Let me know what your status is. I'd love to get to know more about you.
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From: Finejannet
Date: June 28th, 2009
Subject: Get back to me sometime
Folder: Inbox
I came across your profile and was wondering if you had the time to check me out and let me know what you think. I know there is a lot of competition on this site so I don't exactly expect a response back but one would be nice. Even if it's a not interested go f yourself. Take care.
<Trying the old 'take advantage of Mr. Nice Guy' approach using self-deprecation. Me: "...no, no, I would NEVER tell you to f-off because you're so sweet! I guess I better join and call you Miss Jackson 'cause I'm nasty>
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From: the-other-cheek
Date: June 28th, 2009
Subject: Playmate wanted
Folder: Inbox
I was thinking maybe a little naughty chat to start things off. I like the fact that were close so I thought I would message you to see what up. You up for it?
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From: sexy5jean
Date: June 28th, 2009
Subject: Finally Joined
Folder: Inbox
I'm just now able to send u a message. I've been wanting to so now that I have I was wondering if you wanted to chat sometime. In person if your cool with that. One the site is cool to. Get back to me either way and le me know what's going on with you. Talk to you soon.
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From: Atomicbabe2
Date: June 29th, 2009
Subject: Interested In Me?
Folder: Inbox
I signed up a while ago on this site but was never really active because I had a boyfriend at the time. I was searching for someone that was good in bed because at the time it really sucked. We worked things out and it got better but now it is back to the same old and I just couldn't deal with it. We are no longer together so I thought I would search here to see what I can find locally which is why I'm messaging you. I see that you aren't to far so wanna meet up in the chat room sometime and see if we could get anything started?
<Oh yeah, well I'm TERRIBLE in bed so HA! You see that I'm not far...and surely I must have a gigantic peepee (ahem, I do by the way {whistles}...) because of where I live. Yes, it was meant to be and I've finally found my one soulmate and she calls herself: Atomic Babe>
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From: prettynfun6
Date: June 29th, 2009
Subject: Fun
Folder: Inbox
Would love to engage in chat with you. Not sure what your into but I would definitely like to know. I can also share some personal stuff about myself if your interested. Shoot me a line and let me know.
<Yes, let's "engage" in chat. Jesus christ they must be outsourcing their fake profile creation and fake messaging to Nigeria. Tonk Tonk click (Nigerian for your mother blows monkeys)>
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From: majkira
Date: June 27th, 2009
Subject: Hello
Folder: Inbox
I saw your profile and thought we might be able to get to know each other. I was thinking starting with IM's or maybe email and going from there. Send me something back and let me know if your interested. Can't wait to hear from you. Bye for now.
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From: Blossoms2
Date: June 27th, 2009
Subject: So how about this
Folder: Inbox
So how about me and you get to know each other better. I thought I would just dive right in and ask instead of beating around the bush. I see that were close and I'm really horny. I'm usually online at nights in the chat room so message me back and let me know what a good time would be to meet and chat. Hope to hear from you soon. XOXOXOXO
<Wow, how can I be so lucky!!? Sadly, I'm afraid that I'll be leaving Bowling Green tomorrow so your horny feelings, caused exclusively by my proximity to you, will subside and eventually disappear altogether. Where has the magic gone!!?>
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From: Naughtygirl_
Date: June 26th, 2009
Subject: What do you say?
Folder: Inbox
I see we are close. I would love to get speaking with you. Would you be up for that maybe starting this weekend. Let me know if you have time. Hope to chat with you soon.
<Would you be up for using question marks? No beating around the bush here - "...we're close so send me a message and let me 'get speaking' with you...">
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From: MNactive
Date: June 25th, 2009
Subject: Ever Been On A Blind Date?
Folder: Inbox
Guess that's what it would be if me and you went out. I mean we can chat here for a little and get to know eachother first. I was browseing your profile last night and found out that you are pretty much what ive been looking for. I didn't think I was gonna find anybody even worth talking to on this site but boy was I wrong. Send me a message. I'd love to hear from you and what you have to say about this. Hope to hear from you soon. See ya.
<This is my favorite one. Again, my profile contained zero personal information and no photo. I guess this lady has been looking for a faceless, anonymous man and she finally found him. No wonder it took so long! I especially like the part where she says "...but boy was I wrong..." What kind of person would actually type something like that; or worse, who the hell would believe someone who wrote that in a casual-encounter type of message!!? Notice again though that she's asking to chat first even though I'm "...what she's been looking for...">
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The bottom line here folks is that there are very few honest dating sites, and even fewer honest hook-up sites. Whatever you do, don't give these people a dime. You're better off spending the $25 on a haircut and hanging outside the waffle house. Oops, I've got to go - Handgela beckons with with her sweet siren's call. Borrow me some glue so I can reattach a googly-eye...? Thanks!
User Reviews
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2009-06-30 13:13:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
What are you doing, dude?
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2009-06-30 12:52:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
-8
Submitted by RoadSong (user info) at 2009-06-30 11:25:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"Most of the messages cited the fact that "...we're close to each other..." without mentioning where we actually were, and virtually all of them contained the imperative: "Write me back" Writing back, you see, is a feature available only to paid members which I obviously was not (and never will be so long as my wife has access to my credit card statements)."
heh
Tell you what. There ARE men near Bowling Green who really have sent money to these women {?} for "plane tickets".
How do I know? I just do.
I know a man who was working with a torch and a tank blew up taking half his brain and one eye with it. His wife died a couple of years ago and he started sniffing around the dating sites for pussy and companionship. He got talked out of a LOT of cash, despite my warnings and the pleading of his mom and brothers to grow his brain back...
If anybody is looking for a half wit with one eye, let me know. {must have P&C}
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-06-30 11:04:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
So you received emails from a bunch of bots...WOWZA!!!
-7 indeed.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2009-06-30 10:29:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
fuck off nitty... you know this was at least a -7.
Submitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m (user info) at 2009-06-30 10:28:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
"In any case, needless to say"
Not sure why, but this little bit really pissed me off.
Also, the rest was pretty shit
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2009-06-30 09:33:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
This -2 is to help to close the curtains on this sad little window into your life.
Submitted by TuTs (user info) at 2009-06-30 09:32:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
A prostitute from craigslist was on Doctor Phil the other day and don't ask me why I was watching that, but I was.
Submitted by nitty34 (user info) at 2009-06-30 09:21:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
This was fucking terrible.
-3