...And I heard a faint voice call through the fog... (553 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 2 on 23 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by HonkeyKong (View user info) at 2009-06-30 22:05:11 EDT
I graduated from the University of Illinois. During my tenure there, the (American) football team was god-awful. Something like five wins total in three seasons. But, there's not a whole lot else to do on a Saturday morning when you're a freshman, so you go to the games and you learn the cheers. The most simple Illinois cheer is used at all Illinois sporting events; One half of the stadium/arena/venue will yell "I-L-L", and the other will respond "I-N-I". Not exactly rocket science, but it's an easy cheer to accomplish drunk, hungover, or otherwise disengaged.
The two years since I left school have been a bit of a roller coaster. My wife left me and is now living with another guy. Various medical problems have stacked up a significant amount of debt. My cat keeps running away. Shit like that. I don't mean to sound like a sad bastard, but the whole experience has left me pretty well closed off, numb, and unable to "let people in".
At my lowest point, I would take two or three percocets with two or three glasses of scotch. I never wanted to die, I just never cared if I did. I finally decided I needed to get my act together after a three day bender in which I had (apparently) driven all over town, including to bars and to work (a good way to get fired when you're hammered and stoned, and a good way to kill people and end up in jail). I began therapy, developed an exit strategy for getting out of town, and decided to do something good for a change.
There is a service project that operates in Kentucky, Tennessee, West Virginia, and Virginia that seeks to rebuild homes for disadvantaged families in rural areas who are unable to perform the work for themselves. It is a Christian ministry, and although I haven't attended church in years, I still approve of what they are doing, and the opportunity to get out of dodge for a week seemed like a good idea, so I signed up and went with a group of fourteen other people to the Appalachian Mountains in Kentucky, hoping to come away from the mountains with something; a new perspective, an renewed sense of faith, anything really.
Each county in the region has a center that is staffed by four or five "employees". They are paid, though it works out to be well below minimum wage when you account for the 80-90 hour weeks they are putting in. Generally, they are good-natured college students who know nothing about construction, and are religious fanatics. Although I knew our center was staffed by four girls and one guy, I had no idea what I was in store for until my arrival.
On my first night at the center, I discovered that one of the staff had just graduated from the University of Illinois. As the week progressed, I enjoyed talking with her about the University, memories of the area and such. It took me back to a time before everything was so complicated. I remembered the unbridled optimism I had in college, sure that I could take on the world. It saddened me to think that the person I was is gone now, replaced by a much more cynical, bitter version of myself.
And yet, in that sadness I also found strength. I knew that I was not done yet, that I had more life to live, more love to give. I came to love this girl I barely knew, not romantically or like a creep. I loved her for reminding me of my former self, for helping me reconnect with the person deep inside who was always there, but just waiting to come back to the surface. I loved her because, intentionally or not, she gave me peace. She gave me hope. She gave me the strength to accept my mistakes, to learn from them and to move on from them, and I'm not even sure how.
Saturday morning, it was time to leave. In order to make the return trip in one day, we had to be on the road by 6:30am. 6:30 in the mountains is still foggy, still chilly, and still pretty gray, but the staff all woke up on the only day they'll have empty all week to see us off. I gave her a hug and told her thank you, though she probably had no idea why. As we pulled our three vans onto the road, the center disappeared into the misty gray mountain morning. Window down, I yelled towards the spot where the staff had been standing "I-L-L". Clear as day, I heard her respond at the top of her lungs through the fog "I-N-I".
And the sound of her beautiful voice, echoing in my mind, carried me all the way home.
User Reviews
Submitted by cheerios (user info) at 2009-07-03 01:17:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by FALLEN (user info) at 2009-07-02 07:43:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm all warm and fuzzy and full of hope now.
Submitted by Ducky (user info) at 2009-07-02 03:00:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
feelgood post.
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2009-07-02 02:06:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2009-07-01 10:43:52 PDT (#)
Ranking: 2
no. are you saying that without religion, people from different places and with different skin colors and different languages and different natural resources and myriad other differences wouldnt still kill each other?
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No, I'm not. Are you saying they wouldn't still help each other either?
Because, no offense, that would be incredibly stupid.
Really, I think all you would be able to argue is that religion has absolutely no effect, good or bad, if you want to invent hypothetical situations where it doesn't exist. Even then, I would imagine that with all of the world mapped out territorially, and all the races that be, religion makes it easier to justify murder and conflict.
Are your religious? Do you have family members who are? You seem a little offended and/or involved is why I ask.
Submitted by RoadSong (user info) at 2009-07-01 21:57:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
When you help others, you help yourself. Way to go.
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2009-07-01 16:06:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
awesomeness
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2009-07-01 15:19:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2009-07-01 10:42:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HOLY SHIT! two or three percocets with two or three glasses of scotch! it's a wonder you're alive to tell us this tale at all, man!
and i suppose it's a reflection of what uber has done to me that in this bit: "...she gave me peace. She gave me hope. She gave me the strength..." i was totally lookng forward to the next line where you'd state, "she gave me a boner." but then you didn't and i was bummed out.
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she gave me peace. She gave me hope. She gave me the strength... she gave me a boner.
Alls I ask is that you play it forward.
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2009-07-01 13:43:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
no. are you saying that without religion, people from different places and with different skin colors and different languages and different natural resources and myriad other differences wouldnt still kill each other? religion is just the easiest excuse to use when you want to convince a bunch of people to kill other people. it's more like a vehicle for destruction and death than the cause of it. history has shown, though, that we'll go to war with other people just cause they look funny. even without religion, humans would still be very good at fucking one another up.
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2009-07-01 13:43:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Liquidice281 (user info) at 2009-07-01 12:33:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
My cat keeps running away.
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Two for that. Cats are arrogant, up themselves, assholes. Fuck them man. You need to be a really secure, confident person who can handle rejection to have a cat.
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Cats can sense weakness. When you're in emotion turmoil, they always do bullshit to try to make you kill yourself.
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2009-07-01 11:53:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That's why I said it's probably not harmful on an individual scale, assholy. I would be willing to bet, that if someone could draw up the numbers, that religion has caused more struggling, conflict and death than it has helped people.
But that's just me.
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2009-07-01 11:24:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I think it's funny when people try to make religion a bad thing. The bad things people do out of greed and ignorance that they try to justify with religion are astonishing, but most people don't commit genocide on a daily basis and most people aren't Jerry Falwell, Al Sharpton, or Osama bin Laden. Those WWJD bracelets people used to wear weren't exactly encouraging violence.
Religion does a lot of good for people, and it doesnt matter if prayer has real honest-to-god spiritual healing power or just simply a placebo effect, because if the end result is positive then the practice is positive. Going out and helping people is not always a religious thing, but altruism on a large scale is very often associated with some church or another.
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2009-07-01 10:54:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2009-07-01 02:43:42 PDT (#)
Ranking: 2
See, that's one of the reasons I love Americans; they'd think nothing about doing this. My immediate response is one of negativity. "What a pile of faggotry" I thought. "If I had to spend time picking shit up and building junk with a load of Christians, I'd kill myself." And you know what? That is not the attitude, man.
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I don't know, it's not like the poster is a convert now, but religion seems like just as much of a crutch as alcohol or drugs when turned to like that. My friend's father was a raging alcoholic, and went back to the Mormon church he was raised in because he couldn't deal with his problems himself, I really don't think he actually believes any of that stuff.
I guess religion is probably less harmful, at least on an individual scale, than booze and drugs, though. Plus, prayer must have some wonderful placebo effects if something like 75% of Americans are Christian.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2009-07-01 10:42:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HOLY SHIT! two or three percocets with two or three glasses of scotch! it's a wonder you're alive to tell us this tale at all, man!
and i suppose it's a reflection of what uber has done to me that in this bit: "...she gave me peace. She gave me hope. She gave me the strength..." i was totally lookng forward to the next line where you'd state, "she gave me a boner." but then you didn't and i was bummed out.
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2009-07-01 09:03:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2009-07-01 08:39:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good on you. Appalachia is full of people living WAY behind the times, except for the drug problems.
I remember getting lots of free services when I lived near the Va/W.Va border because it's just so poor there. VERY pretty, but also very poor.
Submitted by TuTs (user info) at 2009-07-01 06:50:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
My cat keeps running away.
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Two for that. Cats are arrogant, up themselves, assholes. Fuck them man. You need to be a really secure, confident person who can handle rejection to have a cat.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2009-07-01 05:43:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
See, that's one of the reasons I love Americans; they'd think nothing about doing this. My immediate response is one of negativity. "What a pile of faggotry" I thought. "If I had to spend time picking shit up and building junk with a load of Christians, I'd kill myself." And you know what? That is not the attitude, man.
If I were to take lots of drugs and drink and destroy my life then I'd be doing it consiously. There'd be none of this forgetting stuff or not knowing why it happened. Certainly no packing it in and going for some healing experience with a bunch of idealists. No speedy recovery, just go into the ground hard enough in the hope that I'll bounce.
Perhaps it has to do with attitudes? Perhaps I am merely a fatalistic drudge whereas wossname here is some manner of restless soul; ploughing through life like an ice-breaker, burgs of apathy shattering against his hull.
What makes a man these days, I wonder.
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2009-07-01 01:47:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is good, not sure how I feel about that last line though.
Kinda gay.
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2009-07-01 00:44:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It's actually pretty incredible how refreshing those week long work or mission trips can be. My sister is going with out church to Ethiopia in a couple weeks, and I declined an invitation when it was offered but I now wish I hadn't and it's too late to sign up. Oh well.
Good for you.
Submitted by HateMudkips (user info) at 2009-07-01 00:10:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by locksly (user info) at 2009-07-01 00:03:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
so... did you guys fuck or what?
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2009-06-30 22:17:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
cool