The not so curious case of Joseph Markel Junior the Fifth (633 hits)
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Submitted by drogoroch (View user info) at 2009-07-02 06:41:25 EDT
Joseph Markel Junior the Fifth had an odd feeling that today wasn't going to be a great day. There had been five Joseph Markel Juniors before him, hence his imaginative name, all of whom had suffered horribly dramatic and brutal deaths rather early on in their lives; but not before having the foresight to spread their seed into some unwitting female to continue their line. Now most people would have thought after about the second unfortunate incident that maybe something about the name wasn't all that lucky, sadly the Markels didn't believe in such hokum.
He sat at his breakfast table; yes they were a rather rich family for no other reason that many moons ago someone who was actually called something other than Joseph Markel Junior had managed to do quite well for himself and his family hence why they had a breakfast table, a lunch table, a dinner table and various occasional tables for various different occasions should the need arise. Joseph sat and surveyed the wild array of breakfast options in front of him and wondered exactly which type of branded cereal he would shovel into his mouth before he had his grapefruit. Selecting the wonderful looking Captain Crunch he proceeded to pour it into his bowl until it was overflowing and added the milk.
At aged 12 Joseph was blissfully unaware of the tragic family history but did understand that he seemed to have a rather uncanny ability to pick out good days and bad days. His mind today was telling him, rather forcefully, that today was definitely going to be one of the later. This was probably because so far in his short life he could only actually remember 2 good days; both of which had piggy backed onto a bad day and had only been saved by a rather fortuitous glimpse of Maid Mandy's boobs. Even at his tender age Joseph knew that boobs were definitely the way forward and Maid Mandy's boobs looked rather superior, even though he had nothing to judge them against.
He stood up from the table and walked over to the sink to wipe the spilled milk off his bare chest before picking up his shirt from the back of the chair and putting it on. He had recently decided that he was incapable of eating anything without spilling it so had taken to eating topless. With shirt buttoned he grabbed his backpack and headed for the door, tripping over the step on his way out. As he was closing the door behind him he heard his step fathers voice shouting from his study, he paused and turned back creeping along the corridor to listen at the door.
"It isn't what you think. She was helping me with my stuck zip."
"A likely story. She is to be gone and out of this house by midday or I will personally drag her out by her bloody hair."
The door to the study flew open and Josephs mother stormed out of the room. Joseph peered inside to see his step father red faced and looking apologetically at Maid Mandy. He turned away and let his shoulders slump as he realised that today wasn't even going to be able to be picked up by a glimpse of some mammorial excellence.
He managed to get the bus for school, just, it was touch and go for a second but the bus driver had taken pity on him when he had seen poor Joseph launch himself head over heels as he ran over the stone driveway. Sadly for Joseph most of the children on the bus had managed to see the incident which wasn't all that uncommon. Arriving at school he tried with all his power not to misjudge the last step down and actually almost made it, only managing to twist his ankle slightly.
The morning was tedious, as usual, and he found himself staring out of the window waiting for the bell to go for lunch when he could escape outside to his bench hidden in the trees. When it finally sounded he waited at his desk for everyone to leave, leaving at the same time normally caused some accident to occur. Outside he smiled at the feel of the cool breeze blowing onto his skin, allowing a little shiver to go down his spine. He hefted his rucksack and walked over to find his bench.
Most of the children left him to it these days; they had long ago discovered that his potential for personal mishaps had a strange affect of sometimes including other people if they were close enough. Settling onto his bench he opened his lunch box and was greeted with the unappetising smell of egg sandwiches. He carefully removed his shirt and placed it on the bench beside him, making sure he laid a book on top so that it didn't make a bid for freedom like it had a few weeks earlier.
As he was about to take his first bite he heard a strange rustling nearby followed by a girlish giggle. He ignored it and went again to take a bite. The giggling came again and was followed by a female voice.
"You're so naughty."
Joseph was slightly put out by the thought that someone was judging him as naughty for trying to eat his lunch and tried to ignore it.
"You really shouldn't its bad."
Placing the, still untouched, sandwich back into his box he stood up and moved to the bushes where the voice seemed to be coming from.
"O god that's good."
Realising that the voice wasn't actually talking to him he started to creep closer very slowly, his heart was beating very fast and he was breathing quite quickly.
"Don't stop that."
Joseph had reached the bus and carefully tried to peer through it. He could make out the vague outline of what he though was a bare leg. Taking a step closer he parted the bush slightly and gasped at the sight before him. One of the sixth year girls was lying on her back with her top pulled up exposing her breasts, maybe Maid Mandys were not the be all and end all after all. Joseph started to actually think for the first time today that maybe it wasn't going to be a bad one. The girls legs were completely exposed too as her skirt was pulled up to her waist. Joseph was definitely unprepared for seeing one of the sixth form boys lying on the ground with his head buried into the girls panty area.
He gasped again and suddenly felt very hot and uncomfortable. He stepped back slightly but his back foot was caught on something. Unable to drag his eyes from the scene in front of him he pulled at his foot but succeeded in doing nothing more causing him to start to totter off balance. Realisation hit him far too late and with a groan he fell forwards and landed in a heap next to the girl on the floor.
The girl screamed and the boy between her legs looked up and wiped his face.
"What the fuck?"
The tone of the boys voice caused Joseph to leap to his feet and try to escape but the boy gripped his arm in a vice like grip.
"What the fuck are you up too you little shit?"
Joseph tried to speak but his mouth had decided that he may well have turned instantly dumb. He managed to mumble and garble but that was it.
The boy looked him in the eye and used his other hand to pick something out of his teeth; he looked like he was about to say something when the girl started laughing and pointing at Joseph.
"Look at the little half naked pervert. He was in the bush stroking himself off look."
The boy looked at Josephs crotch and Joseph managed a quick glance down too.
He wasn't completely surprised by what he saw and could understand the genuine misunderstanding that had taken place. As the boys fist came towards Josephs face all he could think about was the fact that he was now going to have to eat his breakfast cereal in nothing more than his underpants, or maybe not have any milk.
User Reviews
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2009-07-07 13:40:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2009-07-06 15:54:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I was amused several times throughout this but thought that the ending was a bit contrived and unbelievable. However, anything that makes me laugh out loud more than once is deserving of a +2.
I have horehound candy if you want some.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2009-07-05 11:08:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I FARTED IN AMUSEMENT
Submitted by YourNameHere (user info) at 2009-07-05 03:46:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by bustedcompass (user info) at 2009-07-04 16:39:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2009-07-03 11:15:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by CrapWeed (user info) at 2009-07-03 08:54:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Great ending. And the rest was good, too, of course.
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2009-07-03 06:50:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Bingo.
Submitted by cheerios (user info) at 2009-07-03 01:35:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by X54 (user info) at 2009-07-03 00:51:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The ending made me laugh.
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2009-07-02 17:26:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nicely.
Submitted by frankthebear (user info) at 2009-07-02 17:09:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2009-07-02 16:37:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2009-07-02 15:19:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
A face in a bush, watching a face in a bush...........
It must be like when you're in an elevator, and there are mirrors on both sides, and you can see your reflection looking at your reflection over and over until infinity.
Mmmmmm.....bush until infinity....gaaarghhhhhh
Submitted by RoadSong (user info) at 2009-07-02 14:35:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ace story.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2009-07-02 11:33:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
heh
Submitted by TuTs (user info) at 2009-07-02 10:09:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
nice.
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2009-07-02 09:54:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2009-07-02 08:38:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Those silly kids.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2009-07-02 07:39:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I like the topography of your fuel map.*
*it's the new 'I like the cut of your jib'. Pass it on.
Submitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m (user info) at 2009-07-02 07:35:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
true story?
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-07-02 07:22:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ok, im off!
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2009-07-02 07:16:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
There are some true horrors in the world. This post isn't one of them.
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2009-07-02 07:12:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You'll be fine EM. If anyone understands learning needs it must be you :-)
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-07-02 07:11:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i have a mock learning needs interview to give today, wish me luck drogo. After all, you did rather soil my name yesterday. Insinuating somewhat that i am dirty and disease ridden.
im quite nervous