Man Farts - 5 Die (445 hits)
Category: NewsRating: -0.96 on 17 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Hilarity Ensues (View user info) at 2009-08-04 16:42:01 EDT
MAN FARTS - 5 DIE
Dover, MA -
"I think its something to do with his stomach.." was the last thing that 911 dispatcher Carol Quandt heard before the loud explosion that ended her conversation with a local Dover resident.
At 5:15pm half a city block exploded killing 5 people and seriously wounding 15. The explosion was not caused by any gas leak or natural disaster but from a severe rectal build-up.
Dennis Edwards, a local FAOD (Fat-Asses-of-Dover) member, and a Dover Elementary PTA member was killed by a self inflicted anal explosion also killing his wife and 2 children, and there pet Dog fluffy. Apparently Dennis was eating refried beans for days, left-overs from his oldest son's high school graduation reception, and had been complaining about sever stomach cramps.
His wife called the paramedics at 5:10pm to dispatch an ambulance but it was too late. At 5:15pm Dennis could no longer hold his flatulance and exploded.
A memorial service is planned for Thursday night at the Bethony Lutheran Church. Funeral plans have not yet been announced.
"I knew Dennis, and he loved beans.." - Wilma Westbrook (fellow PTA - 43)
"What a fat piece of S**T, he deserved to die." - Adam Kully (Neighbor - 14)
User Reviews
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2009-09-08 15:54:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
le President de Burundi
Submitted by Gayvid_Gerrold (user info) at 2009-08-10 02:30:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Excellent!
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2009-08-04 20:15:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2009-08-04 19:41:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2009-08-04 16:44:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
i wonder if she had that baby yet?
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nice.
Submitted by PlatinumScarecrow (user info) at 2009-08-04 19:20:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Cakes (user info) at 2009-08-04 16:47:55 CDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Scarecrow, Cakes is an alter.
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I'm aware, I just wanted everyone else to know as well.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2009-08-04 18:14:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
so which one are you?
there were a few in the 12K range or high 10K as well, but anyone gay enough to comment about age range/elder nonsense wouldn't downgrade to 11 if they were in the 10's, right?
not that CAKES is gay. he/she/it is probably an awesome asskicker extraordinaire.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2009-08-04 18:11:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Aziz_Olyale (11112)
Registered: 2004-08-10 22:41:11 Hits: 255 Messages: 1 Reviews: 1 Reviewed: 4 Avg Rating: 1.33
DanielH (11977)
Registered: 2004-09-08 02:13:23 Hits: 38756 Messages: 17 Reviews: 1590 Reviewed: 351 Avg Rating: 1.33
DDD (11393)
Registered: 2004-08-18 19:13:47 Hits: 669 Messages: 1 Reviews: 0 Reviewed: 3 Avg Rating: 1.33
Garet_Jax (11838)
Registered: 2004-09-02 15:49:30 Hits: 475 Messages: 1 Reviews: 47 Reviewed: 5 Avg Rating: 1.33
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2009-08-04 18:09:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
When is this hilarity to ensue?
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-08-04 17:51:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
hmm the only user i can find with that average rating is Coley, not that im sad, with no life and having nothing to do with life :(
sorry
Submitted by Cakes (user info) at 2009-08-04 17:47:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Scarecrow, Cakes is an alter. I'm from the 11,000 era, an Uber Elder so to speak -I dislike using an alter but find it keeps my inbox free of such trite as, well this. My overall rating is 1.33, as if it matters. I just enjoy commenting, on rare occasions, w/o using my old Uber name.
Now go pour peroxide on your cunt, just to see what happens. I suspect it would be quite a fizz-fest.
If you're not a girl, try pouring it on your hand.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-08-04 17:02:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
The anti-Guffaw
Submitted by PlatinumScarecrow (user info) at 2009-08-04 17:01:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Everything you ever wanted to know about Cakes
User id: 30301
Registered on or around: 2007-02-24 22:55:08 CST
# Messages posted: 4
# Reviews written: 159
# Times these posts have been reviewed: 63
# Hits: 1807
Average rating of all messages: -0.98
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Lots of room to talk you have.
~Yoda
Submitted by Cakes (user info) at 2009-08-04 17:00:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
at least you got the "-5" right
Submitted by PlatinumScarecrow (user info) at 2009-08-04 16:54:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2009-08-04 15:43:06 CDT (#)
Ranking: -2
She's 16! Don't touch her!
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too late...
Submitted by PlatinumScarecrow (user info) at 2009-08-04 16:53:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2009-08-04 15:44:55 CDT (#)
Ranking: -2
i wonder if she had that baby yet?
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Who?
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2009-08-04 16:44:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
i wonder if she had that baby yet?
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2009-08-04 16:43:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
She's 16! Don't touch her!