Wanted: Cartoonist/Graphic Artist. Yes, I’m serious. (1094 hits)
Category: GraphicsRating: 1.26 on 48 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Forensic (View user info) at 2009-08-11 09:50:25 EDT
I'm in need of a cartoonist/graphic artist who can draw a cartoon crow, kegs (as in beer), and some wording with a complimentary cartoony font that is suitable to be screen printed on t-shirts.
Please leave your e-mail addy in the review.
I'm willing to reimburse you for time and talent providing you don't try to bleed me. In other words, be reasonable.
Yeah yeah, reasonable on Uber is like...hell, I don't know.
But I am serious.
I'm seeing if I can avoid calling on a graphic artist acquaintance, who is very talented but smokes so much marijuana that it's rather hard to get him motivated.
If Berg pokes his head in here today, somebody direct him to this post.
Besides that, here are some things I've overheard in the last few days just in case the advert doesn't apply to you.
"If he'd stop sucking cock, his golf game would improve."
"HAHAHAHAHAHA you're such a dick."
Overheard while browsing for DVDs.
"It's not like I stared at them pissing. I stood inside, facing the door. I don't give a rat's ass if it made them uncomfortable or not, he's only 4 years old. Bitch is on the move."
One of my friends describing how she took her nephew to the bathroom in public.
"Yer so cute! Why doncha come home with me n' sit on my face?"
My frequently drunk friend/acquaintance 'Hillbilly' trying to pick up on some random girl at the pub.
User Reviews
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2009-09-17 12:00:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
did you know your next review will be your 10000th?
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2009-09-08 15:37:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2009-09-08 09:22:30 PDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I know you think he's sold out now, but I love Eddie Izzard's...
Vicar! I have done many bad things.
So have I. [shrugs]
Well, what should I do?
Drink 5 Bloody Mary's... and you won't remember.
or
Father, bless me for I have sinned, I did an original sin... I poked a badger with a spoon.
I have "Pokes badgers with spoons" stickers on my monitor, taped up inside my car's window, and on my fridge.
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Mine says, "Je suis le President de Burundi."
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2009-08-18 19:39:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2009-08-13 09:51:07 PDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I wasn't going to respond considering that this is either Simon or Bret trolling again but..
Submitted by Liquidice281 (user info) at 2009-08-12 13:30:14 CDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Fine -- I'll take the bait & be helpful. 99designs.com -- post your project there and I guarantee I'll win it if the price is half-ass reasonable.
===
Like I'm going to give any business to some cock wank who insults me and assumes I'm either poor/cheap.
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OH SHE'S DEFINATELY NOT CHEAP GO TO ANY APPLEBEE'S IN KANSAS CITY AND ASK AROUND, THEY'LL TELL YOU
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2009-08-13 12:51:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I wasn't going to respond considering that this is either Simon or Bret trolling again but..
Submitted by Liquidice281 (user info) at 2009-08-12 13:30:14 CDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Fine -- I'll take the bait & be helpful. 99designs.com -- post your project there and I guarantee I'll win it if the price is half-ass reasonable.
===
Like I'm going to give any business to some cock wank who insults me and assumes I'm either poor/cheap.
A fine businessman indeed.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2009-08-13 12:32:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2009-08-13 05:41:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Liquidice281 (user info) at 2009-08-12 19:30:14 BST (#)
Ranking: -2
Fine -- I'll take the bait & be helpful. 99designs.com -- post your project there and I guarantee I'll win it if the price is half-ass reasonable.
============
I'd challenge you to some kind of art/drawing/design competition, but I got bored of taking sweets from infants around the time I hung up my 'lucky blue suit'.
---
If either of you two boobs feel like some sort of drawing competition, I'll be yer huckleberry.
>spit<
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2009-08-13 05:41:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Liquidice281 (user info) at 2009-08-12 19:30:14 BST (#)
Ranking: -2
Fine -- I'll take the bait & be helpful. 99designs.com -- post your project there and I guarantee I'll win it if the price is half-ass reasonable.
============
I'd challenge you to some kind of art/drawing/design competition, but I got bored of taking sweets from infants around the time I hung up my 'lucky blue suit'.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2009-08-13 00:20:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Liquidice281 (user info) at 2009-08-12 11:27:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I really really hate you. I'm a graphic designer and I know what people mean when they say 'reasonable' -- That means that will spend less than $50. Guess what my hourly rate is -- $50/hr. It takes about 4-6 hours to put together a spread. Plus another 30-45mins listening to you babble on the phone about what you really wanted but didn't tell me on the first go around. Then another 2 hours going back and adjusting the original spread. Hopefully you like it, if not its another adjustment and more time.
Then you try to justify paying me $50 for the spread that took anywhere from 5-10 hours. I don't work at McDonalds.....
===================
If you are what you say, then you've heard of pro bono. Get your hand off of your crotch. It translates to a bit of free advertising. Sheesh!
Submitted by Liquidice281 (user info) at 2009-08-12 14:30:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Fine -- I'll take the bait & be helpful. 99designs.com -- post your project there and I guarantee I'll win it if the price is half-ass reasonable.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2009-08-12 12:17:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Plus, if Liquidice was any good, he'd nail it first time with only minor 'adjustments' (always heard these referred to as amends myself, but there we go) to make. If you're freelance and charging people 15 hours work for a piece of work that should have taken 5 or 6, you're not going to get much repeat business.
BUT THEN I'D NEVER SELL MY SKILLZ FOR LESS THAN $1,000000000000000,0000000000000000000,000000000000000,0000000000000000!!
Submitted by LoooseSprocket (user info) at 2009-08-12 12:15:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2009-08-12 12:07:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Liquidice281 (user info) at 2009-08-12 10:27:42 CDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I really really hate you. I'm a graphic designer
=====
Of course you are, alterlicious.
Have you ever noticed how trolls are always experts in whatever a post topic is about?
Submitted by Ducky (user info) at 2009-08-12 11:48:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I have a friend who does storyboarding for a kids tv show...if you haven't found anyone let me know.
duckylucky2000.at.hotmail.com
Submitted by Liquidice281 (user info) at 2009-08-12 11:27:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I really really hate you. I'm a graphic designer and I know what people mean when they say 'reasonable' -- That means that will spend less than $50. Guess what my hourly rate is -- $50/hr. It takes about 4-6 hours to put together a spread. Plus another 30-45mins listening to you babble on the phone about what you really wanted but didn't tell me on the first go around. Then another 2 hours going back and adjusting the original spread. Hopefully you like it, if not its another adjustment and more time.
Then you try to justify paying me $50 for the spread that took anywhere from 5-10 hours. I don't work at McDonalds.....
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2009-08-12 05:10:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Are you remaking the Kia Ora advert?
http://tv.80snostalgia.com/index.php?module=PostWrap&page=videos/adverts/kiora.html
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2009-08-12 05:07:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Here you go, darling;
http://www.ubersite.com/m/123043
You're welcome.
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2009-08-11 18:06:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That sounds cool...
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2009-08-11 18:05:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
KK, if you want, I'll e-mail you the specific details so that you can decide for sure.
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2009-08-11 17:58:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2009-08-11 10:25:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I would like you to specifically offer this opportunity to Kaos-King. He can draw, not too horribly (except hands for some reason but crows and kegs don't have hands). Not sure what you consider 'reasonable' but I'll cover the first $50 of it if he takes the job. Only condition is that if he turns you down I want to see his reasons. You in?
______________________________________________
Oh, I'd attempt it, and I'd do it for free, but...
1 - I'm really not good with animal anatomy. Poor crow may come out looking like a slight retard. I guess it would all depend on HOW cartoony FG would want the crow.
2 - I worry I wouldn't have the proper equipment & programs to create and transfer a "professional" image of the caliber that I think FG is looking for. I just draw my stuff out on paper, ink it up with microns and then scan it. I actually don't even have PhotoShop, although I have 2 smaller type programs.
3 - Ultimately, I have no problem with deferring to Rob Berg as the far superior artist of this kind. Given that this seems to be something important to FG, I would want to see her get the best results, and I honestly think Rob would provide those.
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2009-08-11 17:54:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
If it's strep throat, you'll also notice an odor.
Submitted by no1hasdis (user info) at 2009-08-11 17:46:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Seriously though, if it starts getting sore, it's likely strep-throat.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2009-08-11 17:38:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i knew that would come back to haunt me.
:(
Submitted by no1hasdis (user info) at 2009-08-11 17:31:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
It means you have gay aids from deep-throating nigger cock.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-08-11 17:30:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I didn't get an email from you and after further review, I'm pretty sure that MY offer was the best one you received.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2009-08-11 17:28:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
what does it mean if my uvula is swollen? sort of dangling lower than usual so that i can feel it tickling my throat when i swallow. darker red than usual.
it's probably cancer, right?
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2009-08-11 17:20:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ch-ch-ch-CHECK it OUT
http://www.ubersite.com/m/69390 (you have to scroll to the bottom but it's WORTH IT)
call me.
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2009-08-11 17:10:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Drank too much smart-ass juice below.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2009-08-11 17:06:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
has anyone suggested contacting rob berg yet?
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2009-08-11 16:11:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
E-mails sent to the three who responded. Let me know if you didn't get them.
Submitted by Offspring (user info) at 2009-08-11 15:44:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Sorry, I'm of no help but good luck.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2009-08-11 12:35:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2009-08-11 12:25:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Does anyone know Berg's addy?
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I do.
robberg.at.gmail.com will work - but don't tell anyone - ok?
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2009-08-11 12:30:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-08-11 08:54:18 PDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I can't draw worth a shit but...Let me know when you're looking for someone to fill the position...between your legs.
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+2 my garbage disposal is being fixed and it seems like it's been a long time since shlongy has made me laugh. Even though I feel like a retard for laughing.
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2009-08-11 12:25:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Does anyone know Berg's addy?
I'll e-mail every one soon with details.
Submitted by no1hasdis (user info) at 2009-08-11 11:59:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Berg is your best bet.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-08-11 11:54:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I can't draw worth a shit but...Let me know when you're looking for someone to fill the position...between your legs.
Submitted by sandmantate (user info) at 2009-08-11 11:50:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I can't draw.
Submitted by messmind (user info) at 2009-08-11 11:37:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by sage104 (user info) at 2009-08-11 11:28:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Berg is your best bet.
People are fucking idiots.
Wisdom from teh sage...
And i couldn't draw if my life depended on it.
Submitted by Can_Always_Trust_A_Liar (user info) at 2009-08-11 11:29:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I was staring at that picture for a while trying to get it, then i realized it said Sisyphus, not Syphilis...
Submitted by sage104 (user info) at 2009-08-11 11:28:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Berg is your best bet.
People are fucking idiots.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-08-11 10:56:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I GIVE UP!
Submitted by HellRazer (user info) at 2009-08-11 10:48:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Yer so cute! Why doncha come home with me n' sit on my face?"
My frequently drunk friend/acquaintance 'Hillbilly' trying to pick up on some random girl at the pub.
----------------------------------------------
So did it work?
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2009-08-11 10:47:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I can draw a bit.
scrofulousgut.at.googlemail.com
Submitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m (user info) at 2009-08-11 10:37:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I do have a friend who draws comics as a part-time job. Drop me a line and I'll forward it on to him and see if he's got time to do it.
nathsleeman.at.googlemail.com
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2009-08-11 10:30:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Sure I guess. When I e-mail people, I'll explain in depth what I need done. It might be beyond his drawing prowess.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2009-08-11 10:25:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I would like you to specifically offer this opportunity to Kaos-King. He can draw, not too horribly (except hands for some reason but crows and kegs don't have hands). Not sure what you consider 'reasonable' but I'll cover the first $50 of it if he takes the job. Only condition is that if he turns you down I want to see his reasons. You in?
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2009-08-11 10:22:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I have maybe three artistic talent stitches in my body.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-08-11 09:56:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
why didnt you just email me?? havent you seen my Jesse The ELPHDOG posts?
Submitted by Toddler (user info) at 2009-08-11 09:55:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
GAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHA
Reasonable, right, have you seen the pricks on this website? They'd charge you to talk to them.
Submitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m (user info) at 2009-08-11 09:52:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That cat just made me think of Dirty Dancing. I'm so ashamed