Bored on Friday, or an inappropriate joke only I thought was funny (1064 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.5 on 40 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Indoninja (View user info) at 2009-08-14 08:04:40 EDT
I am bored and only have to sit here until 2:30.
I though I would write about a time I thought I told a hilarious joke only to be looked at like I stuck my dick in the mash potatoes.
Write your stories of telling jokes only you found funny or appropriate.
Anyway I was invited to the wedding of a friend of mine from high school a few years back.
He was born and raised in the US, and his family was from India. His wife was born in India but grew up mostly in England. They were both very western for lack of a better word (ie they didn't smell of curry). Both of their parents have money so they decided they were going to do the wedding in the old country style.
The hall it was in was what I imagine Bombay to be like. Orange and red flowers everywhere, a big statue of ghandi (or some other old indian dude) candles, colored drapes on everything, every indian person there dressed up in gold and bright colored sarongs (and whatever the dudes wear). The ceremony itself was a few hours long and we were told by the very friendly families there that it wasn't like a western marriage, you were encouraged to walk around, and talk take pictures. All while the husband and wife to be had rice thrown at them, family prayers over them, roleed coconuts back and forth, burned things, etc.
I got to talking to a few friends from highschool I hadn't seen in years. We were watching the ceremony trying to figure out what was going on. People were guessing what they thought the signifigance of each action was. The subject of which old indian guy standing above the couple (there was a number of them) was the priest came up. I pointed one guy out with authority and said, "It's that guy". I was of course asked how I knew. I then explained, "well that guy obviously likes little boys".
Nobody laughed.
In fact a couple of them avoided me the rest of the evening.
It was at that moment I decided it was a good thing I didn't keep in touch with most of them.
User Reviews
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2009-09-03 08:58:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
ooooh no
Submitted by Sturgeons_Law (user info) at 2009-08-16 17:41:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by PlatinumScarecrow (user info) at 2009-08-16 16:56:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
SWING and a suck!
Submitted by MoPed (user info) at 2009-08-16 16:30:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I read all the through thinking that maybe id laugh.... nope.
Submitted by YourNameHere (user info) at 2009-08-15 19:57:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2009-08-14 15:51:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Maybe they didn't laugh because it sucked???
Submitted by no1hasdis (user info) at 2009-08-14 15:44:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I don't think anyone ever laughs at your jokes. Maybe at you, when you try to talk about politics or world affairs. That is funny in a sad sort of way.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-08-14 15:36:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I can see why only you thought it was funny...becasue it wasn't.
Submitted by Death_Metal_Dude (user info) at 2009-08-14 15:27:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
not that funny really
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2009-08-14 15:25:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hehehehe...
Submitted by Replen (user info) at 2009-08-14 14:56:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"you've got to give to cancer, Jade Goody can't have been easy to live with".
How was I to know that the new girl was a Heat magazine reader??? Probably watches Big Brother as well. The bint.
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2009-08-14 14:17:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2009-08-14 17:35:37 BST (#)
Ranking: 2
What do Virginia Tech and Mount Everest have in common?
They are both minus thirty-two with a killer slope.
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I heard that one at the time and thought it was genius.
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2009-08-14 13:38:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2009-08-14 12:49:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2009-08-14 09:11:08 PDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2009-08-14 09:09:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2009-08-14 08:45:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2009-08-14 08:38:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
the problem is i usually forget and start telling work jokes to my gf who doesnt give a shit
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Oh my god, this is why I can't go to my girlfriend's work things. All they ever talk about, or complain about, is work, people at work, health benefits at work, etc... My girlfriend doesn't complain much nor does she like to talk shit about other people at work, so we usually end up keeping to ourselves. I actually have to go to some guy's last day party thing tonight, I'll have to pre-drink for this one.
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if you go and completely embarrass yourself and your girlfriend, you'll give her a lot to talk about at the next party.
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...or she won't ask you to go to any more company functions.
___
sounds like a win win to me.
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That's no good, she thinks it's funny when I make a drunken ass of myself. In her eyes it's part of my charm. I'll have to do something so outrageous that she herself is banned from these things. So, I guess it's still a good plan either way.
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2009-08-14 12:35:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2009-08-14 12:04:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
When the Queen Mum died, there was a joke doing the rounds at the time.
Why did Prince Charles complain at the Indian restaurant?
Because his Naan was cold.
I told that to several people at work, and some found it funny. Then, I told it to geoff, as I hadn't seen him around for a few days. He didn't laugh.
I found out later that day that geoff had been off for a few days as his nan had died from hypothermia.
My bad.
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that's the kind of uber-appropriate joke i tell people who are PC when i forget that they are PC. there was a joke on uber after the Virginia Tech stuff happened that went like this:
What do Virginia Tech and Mount Everest have in common?
They are both minus thirty-two with a killer slope.
Nobody ever thought it was as funny as I did. even the fraternity people go, "eeesh, that's wrong." It was even less funny when I told that joke to people whose friends - i did not know this - had been killed in the subsequent shooting at northern illinois.
Submitted by Can_Always_Trust_A_Liar (user info) at 2009-08-14 12:30:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Also, me and a college buddy of mine used to joke about what the most inapproriate things you could say in certain situations were.
We concluded the worst thing you could ever tell a girl is "The only thing you're good for is being raped."
Women tend to not find this conclusion amusing.
Submitted by Can_Always_Trust_A_Liar (user info) at 2009-08-14 12:25:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I thought it was funny.
Another joke I think is funny that no one else likes (and I'm sure none of you will like):
How many serial killers doe sit take to replace a light bulb?
Just one, but it takes a long time because he first has to take apart the old one and jerk off over it.
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2009-08-14 12:14:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ha.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2009-08-14 12:11:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2009-08-14 09:09:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2009-08-14 08:45:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2009-08-14 08:38:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
the problem is i usually forget and start telling work jokes to my gf who doesnt give a shit
===
Oh my god, this is why I can't go to my girlfriend's work things. All they ever talk about, or complain about, is work, people at work, health benefits at work, etc... My girlfriend doesn't complain much nor does she like to talk shit about other people at work, so we usually end up keeping to ourselves. I actually have to go to some guy's last day party thing tonight, I'll have to pre-drink for this one.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
if you go and completely embarrass yourself and your girlfriend, you'll give her a lot to talk about at the next party.
-----
...or she won't ask you to go to any more company functions.
___
sounds like a win win to me.
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2009-08-14 12:04:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
When the Queen Mum died, there was a joke doing the rounds at the time.
Why did Prince Charles complain at the Indian restaurant?
Because his Naan was cold.
I told that to several people at work, and some found it funny. Then, I told it to geoff, as I hadn't seen him around for a few days. He didn't laugh.
I found out later that day that geoff had been off for a few days as his nan had died from hypothermia.
My bad.
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2009-08-14 11:43:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2009-08-14 11:11:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I got really bored at a party listening to two girls talking about weight and made a joke about abortions being the best way to lose unwanted pounds. They didn't laugh, but at least they stfu.
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Last night my wife was reading some article about exercise not really helping with weight loss because it makes you mor ehungry (yeah I know stupid article) but a lot of people were commenting on it and someone asked what is the best way to lose weight bulemia, anorexia or diarhea. I told her to respond, "abortion" but she didn't.
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2009-08-14 11:11:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I got really bored at a party listening to two girls talking about weight and made a joke about abortions being the best way to lose unwanted pounds. They didn't laugh, but at least they stfu.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2009-08-14 10:46:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Yeah, I drop in time to time but not much anymore. Blocked at work thanks to new web filters, although it's probably for the better that way, and I can't be arsed to bother with the BlackBerry much.
Worth reading, mildly amusing. On second thought, will rate up a tad based on some of the reviews below.
Peace out.
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2009-08-14 10:33:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2009-08-14 10:21:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
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you are still around?
I thought you died of aids or something.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2009-08-14 10:21:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2009-08-14 10:00:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2009-08-14 09:09:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2009-08-14 08:45:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2009-08-14 08:38:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
the problem is i usually forget and start telling work jokes to my gf who doesnt give a shit
===
Oh my god, this is why I can't go to my girlfriend's work things. All they ever talk about, or complain about, is work, people at work, health benefits at work, etc... My girlfriend doesn't complain much nor does she like to talk shit about other people at work, so we usually end up keeping to ourselves. I actually have to go to some guy's last day party thing tonight, I'll have to pre-drink for this one.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
if you go and completely embarrass yourself and your girlfriend, you'll give her a lot to talk about at the next party.
-----
...or she won't ask you to go to any more company functions.
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2009-08-14 08:45:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Maybe it's just my healthcare crowd that's a little morbid then. My doctor friends aren't like yours. Granted it's just in private when we all get together, when they're on the job yeah, they're goody-goodies.
I'm trying to think of something for you. I'll come back.
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2009-08-14 08:45:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2009-08-14 08:38:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
the problem is i usually forget and start telling work jokes to my gf who doesnt give a shit
===
Oh my god, this is why I can't go to my girlfriend's work things. All they ever talk about, or complain about, is work, people at work, health benefits at work, etc... My girlfriend doesn't complain much nor does she like to talk shit about other people at work, so we usually end up keeping to ourselves. I actually have to go to some guy's last day party thing tonight, I'll have to pre-drink for this one.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
if you go and completely embarrass yourself and your girlfriend, you'll give her a lot to talk about at the next party.
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2009-08-14 08:43:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
indoninja: rape, abortion, etc.
berty: sort of. my frat is a little bit different from the typical "brah, dude, fuckin skanks" frat.
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2009-08-14 08:38:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
the problem is i usually forget and start telling work jokes to my gf who doesnt give a shit
===
Oh my god, this is why I can't go to my girlfriend's work things. All they ever talk about, or complain about, is work, people at work, health benefits at work, etc... My girlfriend doesn't complain much nor does she like to talk shit about other people at work, so we usually end up keeping to ourselves. I actually have to go to some guy's last day party thing tonight, I'll have to pre-drink for this one.
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2009-08-14 08:37:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2009-08-14 08:28:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It has just occurred to me that all the subjects I studied at school that have proven most relevant and interesting to me in my adult life are the ones that I failed.
I luffed.
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true dat.
i thought studying english would allow me access to all sorts of different subjects. then they made me read kate chopin novels.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2009-08-14 08:36:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wait, wait, hold up a second.
"Your frat"? Are you an actual frat boy?
I have only ever read about those in books and seen documentory films! Do you have any funny stories about pranking the Dean?
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2009-08-14 08:36:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2009-08-14 08:33:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
this happens to me a lot also. whether its ubersite, my girlfriend, work, my frat, or my classes, every group of people likes different jokes and i have something for everybody. the problem is i usually forget and start telling work jokes to my gf who doesnt give a shit and i tell ubersite jokes to people at work and they think im a fucking idiot. i dont think before i speak unless i am prompted to do so and that usually comes much too late.
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How do you tell a ubersite joke at work?
Is it just the crudness or do you drop the, "that was as gay as the time Caul sucked some guy off"?
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2009-08-14 08:34:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2009-08-14 08:32:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
One Thanksgiving at my mother's house, only two of my uncle's showed up, one a born again christian, the other a recently sober alcoholic who had brought his new girlfriend, Kiwi (ew), along. Oh, my stepfather was there also.
Anyway, Kiwi was talking about her Grandmother's recent 90somethingth birthday, and about how she told them all about her birthday wish. Apparently her birthday wish was, "Sooo cute!", I asked if I could take a wild guess before she told us what it was. Unfortunately, she obliged.
I said, in my best old lady voice, "Somebody, please kill me!"
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hahaha!!
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2009-08-14 08:33:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
this happens to me a lot also. whether its ubersite, my girlfriend, work, my frat, or my classes, every group of people likes different jokes and i have something for everybody. the problem is i usually forget and start telling work jokes to my gf who doesnt give a shit and i tell ubersite jokes to people at work and they think im a fucking idiot. i dont think before i speak unless i am prompted to do so and that usually comes much too late.
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2009-08-14 08:32:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
One Thanksgiving at my mother's house, only two of my uncle's showed up, one a born again christian, the other a recently sober alcoholic who had brought his new girlfriend, Kiwi (ew), along. Oh, my stepfather was there also.
Anyway, Kiwi was talking about her Grandmother's recent 90somethingth birthday, and about how she told them all about her birthday wish. Apparently her birthday wish was, "Sooo cute!", I asked if I could take a wild guess before she told us what it was. Unfortunately, she obliged.
I said, in my best old lady voice, "Somebody, please kill me!"
The best part about the uncle that brought her, is that he was laughing hysterically, so technically I wasn't the only one laughing, but it didn't go over very well with the rest of the crowd. I had to do some Curb Your Enthusiasm type apologizing that night.
It was worth it.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2009-08-14 08:28:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It has just occurred to me that all the subjects I studied at school that have proven most relevant and interesting to me in my adult life are the ones that I failed.
I luffed.
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2009-08-14 08:28:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2009-08-14 08:13:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I have this problem frequently. First, healthcare workers tend to have morbid/gallows senses of humor. Most people don't appreciate this. Second, throw in a psych background on top of that and it makes for a very odd sense of humor.
I can't tell a joke for shit. Humorous stories yes (or at least what I think is humorous), but not jokes.
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All the healthcare workers I know (my wife is freinds with a few doctor/nurse couples and my friend is engaged to a doctor) are very "goody two-shoes" for lack of a better term. I wonder if in a few more years they will grow a better sense of humor.
enlighten us with a story that you found humorous, but earned you the stink eye from peopel around you.
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2009-08-14 08:13:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I have this problem frequently. First, healthcare workers tend to have morbid/gallows senses of humor. Most people don't appreciate this. Second, throw in a psych background on top of that and it makes for a very odd sense of humor.
I can't tell a joke for shit. Humorous stories yes (or at least what I think is humorous), but not jokes.