Seeing the Silver Lining (454 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.93 on 25 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by icarus (View user info) at 2009-09-30 16:49:29 EDT
Maybe there's a good side to this whole 'recession' thing.
Sure, people have lost their livelihoods and their homes. Okay, so the standard of living achieved by those who grew up in the 40's or 50's -- pensions, steadily rising home values, lifetime employment at one company; will be unattainable for future generations.
That's bad and stuff.
But, in a way, maybe an obscure way, isn't that a good thing?
Isn't this the point at we, the planet's answer to Ebeneezer Scrooge, shoot, bolt upright, from our bed, throw back the sash and shout "You, boy, what day is it??"
And hearing the young urchin's reply, we still know it's that magical day upon which our aged sloop can fill its sails and heel over with the wind of destiny on its larboard quarter. We can go to that misused clerk (Canada) and let it burn all the coals it needs. We can go to those needy philanthropists (the UN) and pledge all the aid we can give. We can go to those cockney urchins (China, Araby, all those worthless African nations) and give them cakes and candies until their distended little bellies burst and the little fuckers go septic.
What's more we can finally get our values out of whack, overhaul our megomaniacal consumerist zeitgheist, and finally find a reasonable standard of living that doesn't force our neighbors to do without. Imagine how much good we could do.
Cable TV's what? $60/month? You could do without that shit. And if EACH of us did without it would mean 18,243,583,440 we could put towards our struggling neighbors in Darfur or Indonesia.
How much do you spend on coffee? Chips? Eating out? How much do you put into groceries in general? $300 a month? You blasphemous, greedy whoreson. Don't you know that all you need is two bowls of rice and a glass? Why, you're practically shoveling that money into your capitalist vagina which is, in the context of this analogy, your maw.
If you gave up that $3600 a year, we could dump $1,094,615,006,400 into areas where people have REALLY DARK SKIN AND BY DEFAULT LOADS OF CULTURE AND OPPRESSION AND SHIT. Is $1,094,615,006,400 too much to as for starving children?
How much do you pay for your house?
I bet those of you who own one pay a lot.
Like $1.2K minimum.
Why do you need that much space, huh? What the fuck do you need with a foyer? Or a broom closet? Or a private bathroom? Why can't you just PITCH A FUCKING HAMMOCK IN THAT UNUSED CUBICLE AT YOUR OFFICE? Is that too good for you, motherfucker? Don't you know that your sacrifice could mean that each child in wartorn Lichtenstein would finally be able to afford private yachts?
DON'T CHILDREN DESERVE PRIVATE YACHTS, YOU COCKY ASSHOLE??? I THINK LICHTENSTEIN IS ACTUALLY LANDLOCKED, BUT FUCK WITH $4,378,460,025,600 PER ANNUM I'M GUESSING THEY COULD PROBABLY BUILD THEIR OWN OCEAN.
You know what? You're not worth it. Fuck that. I would happily crush China and Araby under our Imperial boot if it meant a few extra 0's in my paycheck.
Fuck you, secular humanism!
Onwards, manifest destiny!!
Carry on.
User Reviews
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2009-10-01 08:46:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2009-09-30 18:35:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey look, I didn't purposely keep my uterus barren just to give all the money I DIDN'T spend on diapers to somebody else who thought her vagina was a clown car.
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Oh man, you make me laugh.
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2009-10-01 08:43:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2009-10-01 03:38:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
If you gave up that $3600 a year, we could dump $1,094,615,006,400 into areas where people have REALLY DARK SKIN AND BY DEFAULT LOADS OF CULTURE AND OPPRESSION AND SHIT. Is $1,094,615,006,400 too much to as for starving children?
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Are you talking about New Orleans or Baltimore?
Tell me, would you take it in the bum for a million dollars a minute?
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Bethnal Green, actually.
See, the proper answer to the whole 'Indecent Proposal' scenario is amazingly simple. Litigate. Sue the hell out of the person made it, and get twice the amount they offered in damages. Then pay a quarter of that to hire mercenaries to throw a bag over said individual's head in the middle of the night, brainwash and torture him until you've actually destroyed his soul. Then make him live in a rabbit cage, knee-deep in his own urine and feces, and stop down every now and then to attach electrodes to his prostate.
Of course, you bleeding-vagina ultraliberals would never think of such things, what with your whorish secular humanism and lack of any true moral compass.
Submitted by BranDo (user info) at 2009-10-01 08:17:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2009-09-30 16:55:32 EDT (#)
I stand by my mispelling of Liechtenstein. And pretty much everything else.
Like Zeitgheist? Dumpfbacke!
I sent my cable modem to Darfur, I hope you're happy now.
Submitted by DaBeast (user info) at 2009-10-01 06:09:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Why, you're practically shoveling that money into your capitalist vagina which is, in the context of this analogy, your maw.
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But... but... but I LIKE shoving money into capitalist vaginas!!!!
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2009-10-01 03:38:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
If you gave up that $3600 a year, we could dump $1,094,615,006,400 into areas where people have REALLY DARK SKIN AND BY DEFAULT LOADS OF CULTURE AND OPPRESSION AND SHIT. Is $1,094,615,006,400 too much to as for starving children?
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Are you talking about New Orleans or Baltimore?
Tell me, would you take it in the bum for a million dollars a minute?
Submitted by X54 (user info) at 2009-10-01 01:00:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
That's the spirit!
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2009-09-30 23:00:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2009-09-30 18:35:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey look, I didn't purposely keep my uterus barren just to give all the money I DIDN'T spend on diapers to somebody else who thought her vagina was a clown car.
So there.
That's right, isn't it?
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You should take over the world so I can be the insane general who blows shit up and blames it all on following your orders.
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2009-09-30 22:05:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by TuTs (user info) at 2009-09-30 20:26:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I will have to find the link, anyway there was a really educated woman from Zimbabwe saying that all their problems were because of foreign aid. Basically she said that until the west stopped giving them money their country was going to rely on their money and never learn to stand on their own two feet. She also said most of the money goes to people in the country who don't need it and that it was just fostering a dependence on aid.
It was a different opinion, that came forom someone who actually lived there. Not some bleeding heart feed the children type.
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That is an interesting opinion... I wonder how an uneducated woman from Zimbabwe feels about it. I'm aware of both sides of the story but admittedly ignorant of all the details. I would be interested in checking out the link if you can find it.
Submitted by TuTs (user info) at 2009-09-30 20:26:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I will have to find the link, anyway there was a really educated woman from Zimbabwe saying that all their problems were because of foreign aid. Basically she said that until the west stopped giving them money their country was going to rely on their money and never learn to stand on their own two feet. She also said most of the money goes to people in the country who don't need it and that it was just fostering a dependence on aid.
It was a different opinion, that came forom someone who actually lived there. Not some bleeding heart feed the children type.
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2009-09-30 19:58:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I don't get it. Is someone telling you that you should do that shit?
Submitted by willartstorg (user info) at 2009-09-30 19:35:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2009-09-30 18:35:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey look, I didn't purposely keep my uterus barren just to give all the money I DIDN'T spend on diapers to somebody else who thought her vagina was a clown car.
So there.
That's right, isn't it?
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You were right to do so. I've heard those big, floppy shoes hurt on the way out. . . .
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2009-09-30 18:35:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey look, I didn't purposely keep my uterus barren just to give all the money I DIDN'T spend on diapers to somebody else who thought her vagina was a clown car.
So there.
That's right, isn't it?
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2009-09-30 18:20:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Nice try. I bet your house is jacked full of Darfurian orphans and rescued Saudi Arabian child brides.
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2009-09-30 18:18:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
entitlement, like deserve, don't mean shit
it's up to you to: earn, and then protect your money by any means possible
Submitted by sandmantate (user info) at 2009-09-30 18:17:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
If you stop paying your cable bill, will you start paying mine?
Submitted by Tom (user info) at 2009-09-30 18:14:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I've always been something of a minimalist. I don't have much of anything. I even wash my clothes by hand and dry them using a clothesline and, miraculously enough, there is no difference between using a washer/dryer and doing it all manually. It's pretty great, and I'm able to save a lot of money.
Fuck people and their gross excess.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2009-09-30 18:07:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I mean seriously; let's all just sit about and slurp Barney's purple vagina and be filthy, barefoot hippies.
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2009-09-30 17:19:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
So long as it's not going to Darfurian orphans we're cool.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-09-30 17:18:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
My cable bill is $224 a month.
And "no", I cannot live without it.
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2009-09-30 17:16:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh, ok! We're cool then.
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2009-09-30 17:16:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
that's the point
you, i'm assuming, work hard to earn your money....that's not entitlement.
the others that want your money...believe they are entitled to it
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2009-09-30 17:15:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't know what you just said little man.
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2009-09-30 17:10:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Who needs to? I'm entitled to my money. Not someone else.
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2009-09-30 17:08:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
you can't cure entitlement-ism
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2009-09-30 16:55:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I stand by my mispelling of Liechtenstein. And pretty much everything else. It's a tiny little crappy country anyway.