Uberpoll: Describe Your Worse Shits (1083 hits)
Category: Science & EnvironmentalRating: 0.65 on 54 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Caulaincourt (View user info) at 2009-10-06 12:48:51 EDT
I like to eat peanut butter with a spoon. Been doing it as long as I remember.
But whenever I eat too much at once, which I often do, my body doesn't seem to be able to break down all that thick fat.
So not only does my liver feel like it's been kneed by a Thai boxer, but I also end up shitting raw peanut butter! Slowly and steadily coming out of my ass like toothpaste.
It is SO painful. Like it is at the moment :-(
Fast-food shits, beer shits, spicy shits...what your worse?
User Reviews
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2009-10-10 01:56:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by SPECIALk (user info) at 2009-10-09 15:18:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I eat peanut butter off a spoon too...usually in the middle of the night
===
then we are soulmates
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2009-10-09 23:09:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Ottawa is my worst shit, followed by Quebec.
Then New Brunswick--what the fuck do you jerks have against Albertan workers?
Tell your family they're welcome for the jobs we gave you junkies, and the food this province put on your table. You are fucking welcome. Bastards.
See you Sunday.
Submitted by SPECIALk (user info) at 2009-10-09 15:18:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I eat peanut butter off a spoon too...usually in the middle of the night
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2009-10-09 14:44:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
ps: i have a tortilla soup recipe that will clean all of you out. it's caused much gastrointestinal distress but it is really fucking good so it's worth the pain.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2009-10-09 14:40:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
eat a handful of raw almonds half an hour before ingesting the fats. they help absorb fat and provide fibre so it might relieve your distress.
Submitted by paxilliona (user info) at 2009-10-09 13:55:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by netimportant (user info) at 2009-10-08 20:38:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Today I took a dump that smelled like beef stew, which is not necessarily unpleasant.
--
Keep you nose out of the toilet.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2009-10-09 05:08:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Peanut butter is horrid and eating anything out of a jar with a spoon is barbaric. These are undisputable truisms.
Then again Caul is canadian and the hostile environment probably inures people to horror and barbarism. It's probably why they were able to throw spears into whales and climb trees in the snow.
Submitted by netimportant (user info) at 2009-10-08 20:38:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Today I took a dump that smelled like beef stew, which is not necessarily unpleasant.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2009-10-08 15:42:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Worst one recently was while tailgating before the UGA-Arizona State game a few weeks ago. I had 3 mimosas, temporarily spacing on the fact that orange juice doesn't agree with me, and had to trot in the damn filthy porta-potty twice in 20 minutes. Nothing dignified about dealing with diarrhea while trying to keep your dress out of the chemical toilet. GO DAWGS!
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2009-10-08 14:40:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2009-10-08 07:18:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Just because other weirdos do it, doesn't make it okay.
...if they did that if front of me - gross. """
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"not okay, weirdos, gross..."
you make it sound like eating peanut butter is equivalent to watching kiddy porn.
i think you need to stop worrying about this and stfu. :-D
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2009-10-08 07:18:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2009-10-07 15:29:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i'm not alone btw
http://www.facebook.com/pages/Eating-Peanut-Butter-off-a-Spoon/86874680111
SEE?
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Just because other weirdos do it, doesn't make it okay.
Peanut Butter is awesome, when smeared on bread/toast. Like I said, I've never seen anyone just sit down with a jar or PB, and if they did that if front of me - gross.
Submitted by Soyware (user info) at 2009-10-07 23:20:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
One day I ate nothing but a bowl of cereal at about 8 in the morning. Around 8 at night I started playing beer pong and taking shots at my friend's apartment, and I was really drinking. The next morning I got up and thought, "Hmm, I kinda have to take a dump."
What ensued was probably the single most painful experience of my life.
I mean, I almost made my legs bleed from clawing at them in an unsuccessful attempt to distract myself from my burning, liquid spouting sphincter. I may have even lost a few pounds from sweat and tears. At one point I wished I had a lighter so I could spark the fumes and end it all.
Makes a great drinking story, though. Especially when you act out the key parts.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2009-10-07 17:01:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i eat peanut butter off a spoon... what's so weird/gross about that? peanut butter is fucking good.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2009-10-07 15:29:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i'm not alone btw
http://www.facebook.com/pages/Eating-Peanut-Butter-off-a-Spoon/86874680111
SEE?
i once ate a whole jar of 500g :-D
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2009-10-07 15:27:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2009-10-07 15:03:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
the only time I have ever seen anyone eat peanut butter with a spoon is when they are trying to get rid of the hiccups.
Otherwise, that's just weird and gross.
===
Brad Pitt does it in "Meet Joe Black"...WOULD YOU SAY BRAD PITT IS GROSS, HUH?
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2009-10-07 15:03:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
the only time I have ever seen anyone eat peanut butter with a spoon is when they are trying to get rid of the hiccups.
Otherwise, that's just weird and gross.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2009-10-07 14:57:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
*sigh*
I once got in from a night out to find that the only food in the house was a huge packet of raisins. I proceeded to eat these and then pass out. In the morning I felt the stirrings of an awful beer shit and rushed to the toilet. What I passed can only be described as a raisin hailstorm of misery. Incidentally, the raisins had become translucent in their passage through my intestinal tract.
It was a bad start to a day.
Submitted by willartstorg (user info) at 2009-10-07 14:37:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by pandora (user info) at 2009-10-07 13:46:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Peanut butter is notoriously difficult to digest.
A night of heavy drinking usually gives me diarrhea that leaves my body with enough force to remove plaster from a wall.
================
Call me weird, but peanut butter has no unusual effect on me. It digests like almost anything else.
Six pickled eggs, five beers, and three shots of Drambuie and all bets are off. . .
Submitted by pandora (user info) at 2009-10-07 13:46:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Peanut butter is notoriously difficult to digest.
A night of heavy drinking usually gives me diarrhea that leaves my body with enough force to remove plaster from a wall.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-10-07 10:47:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2009-10-07 15:39:18 BST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2009-10-06 20:57:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
hhhaha, i hadn't seen phallics.
i've been through that several times on transatlantic flights, but post madrid was the worst.
===
i'm going to Malaga on saturday. hopefully i won't get the shits :)
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nope just aids
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2009-10-07 10:43:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by TuTs (user info) at 2009-10-07 08:18:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
When I gave up coffee and I couldn't, torture.
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coffee activates your mucus membranes, including your rectum. that's why your poop chute turns into a water slide and eases the shitting process. so your ass becomes lazy, basically. eating enough fiber and drinking a lot of water usually helps that.
if i drink too much cafeine i end shitting way too much. like once every hour, very fluffy turds that don't have time to compact.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2009-10-07 10:39:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2009-10-06 20:57:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
hhhaha, i hadn't seen phallics.
i've been through that several times on transatlantic flights, but post madrid was the worst.
===
i'm going to Malaga on saturday. hopefully i won't get the shits :)
Submitted by Dervel (user info) at 2009-10-07 10:21:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-10-07 09:40:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
prick
---
And I watched the cricket.
And I swam with a dolphin.
And all the food and booze was free and on 24 hour room service.
And you love me all the more for it.
Sub notes:
Dolphins smell and I really don't see what the fuss was about with swimming with them.
I will eat fried chicken for breakfast. Everyday. Even though I put on a stone in a fortnight.
Submitted by Ducky (user info) at 2009-10-07 09:47:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Norwalk virus for sure.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-10-07 09:40:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Dervel (user info) at 2009-10-07 13:51:35 BST (#)
Ranking: 2
In the Carribean this summer
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prick
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2009-10-07 09:32:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
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Relevant linkwhores!
Submitted by Dervel (user info) at 2009-10-07 08:51:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
In the Carribean this summer, the toilet in our hotel room had a really high water line - came to about an inch from the top of the bowl.
That combined with a diet of rum and chicken meant I was doing these really long and thin shits that didn't break when they hit the water, they just coiled out. The biggest was easily about 2 foot long and came round full circle. I nearly called in the missus to show it off.
It became my personal competition for the duration of the holiday, a bit like trying to peel an apple in one go. A 2 foot turd is still my PB.
Submitted by TuTs (user info) at 2009-10-07 08:18:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
When I gave up coffee and I couldn't, torture.
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2009-10-07 08:14:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I had a hooker shit in my mouth once. She said it was an accident but I knew she was lying. After that I harvested her organs and raped her corpse.
Yeah, that was an accident too by the way.
Submitted by Cakes (user info) at 2009-10-07 05:23:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
So it's come to this... Seriously, gross. Before reading the reviews, I'd rather bungie jump off the London Eye at its highest point-- and just dangle there, being bitch slapped by the Buckingham palace gards, one after ther other. Couldn't you guys wait till AT LEAST around 2012 to start posting this type end of times stuff. jeezus!!
- ms cakes
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2009-10-07 04:52:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Like many others the worst experience I think I've ever had was when I had food poisoning, but all I had was a sore bumhole from a week of wiping my arse every 45 minutes.
I suppose the only other bad experience was when I was stoned and wasted, went for a dump and span out on the toilet for 3 hours. I couldn't stand up because my legs had gone numb.
Other than that it's been all good because I eat a lot of mayoniasse. Helps it all slide out of you like a warm fish.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2009-10-06 20:57:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
hhhaha, i hadn't seen phallics.
i've been through that several times on transatlantic flights, but post madrid was the worst.
thought i was going to shit myself dead.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2009-10-06 20:56:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
on the way home to houston via new york from madrid for my brothers stag do.
four days of obscene drinking, drugs and whores. sunday morning in the lounge at madrid airport, felt sick, couldn't make the toilet. Puked in a bin.
Hot, green shit spurted out into my pants a little. Got to the toilet, shat my guts whilst puking down my belly and balls.
This went on for several hours, face in a bag the whole way to new york and was still fucked, shit my pants on take off. business class next to some woman who worked for BP.
I LIVE IN DREAD OF MEETING HER IN HOUSTON AT AN INDUSTRY EVENT.
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2009-10-06 20:05:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Zurich airport on the way to England. Food poisoning. I spent the entire 5 hour layover spraying green acid from my anus and mouth. Went far past the green bile stage until there was just a sickly yellowy brown emission dripping from my lips and burning hot trails down my asscrack. I'd spend 10 minutes dry heaving and sipping water then ten minutes trying to force more of the acidic poison from my ass.
After 5 hours of this, I stood up to try and force myself to board the flight, and in a final act of malice an acrid string of yellow liquid shit dribbled out into my underpants. I took them off in the bathroom, threw them in a bin that was stationed outside the toilets and eventually wrestled myself onto the connecting flight. Face in sick bag the whole way to Newcastle-Upon-Tyne, but there was nothing left in me to purge.
Submitted by Dexter-Brown (user info) at 2009-10-06 16:52:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
e. coli in mexico. An hour on the toilet, legs shaking, face red, eyes streaming tears from the burning lava squirting out of your ass. 20 minutes later in a fetal position on your hotel bed, stomach starts churning. Head for toilet again on your hands and knees.
Submitted by BranDo (user info) at 2009-10-06 16:36:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2009-10-06 14:14:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by BranDo (user info) at 2009-10-06 14:08:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Couldn't feel them coming and then it was there. Everywhere....
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are you saying you shit in your pants?
====
and on everything else in the blast-zone.
Ah youth, when I used to have hormones, I can remember things as if they didn't happen.
Submitted by willartstorg (user info) at 2009-10-06 16:25:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Worst shit I ever had was from you. Or Shlongy.
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2009-10-06 15:23:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
http://www.ubersite.com/m/93331
Doesn't get any worse than that.
Except for maybe:
http://www.ubersite.com/m/98211
GO LINKWHORES!
Submitted by Erakith (user info) at 2009-10-06 14:49:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
The ones that are so hard they have no negotiation whatsoever and no matter how hard you clench to try and make them fit better, they still practically tear your ass 'cause they're so hard and wide.
That is all.
Submitted by maiorano84 (user info) at 2009-10-06 14:35:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I had some kind of food poisoning that had me bedridden for two days. The only time I would get out of bed was shortly after a small meal consisting of soup and ginger ale. I would feel it literally shoot through my entire system over the course of a few minutes, and when I knew it was going to come bursting out my ass, I had to be on the toilet when it happened.
The trouble was, by the middle of it, my asshole was so sore that any time I WANTED to piss out of my butt, my body wouldn't let me. My brown-eye would just close up on me so tight that it wouldn't even let me ease out a slow leak. I had to sit there for an hour and a half, my asscheeks completely numb by that point, and mentally will my body to not close up on me.
There was so much diarrhea, that the toilet almost foamed over. I shit you not.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-10-06 14:28:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
sometimes i think, having a really good shit is better than sex, am i gay?
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-10-06 14:27:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i had a terrible shit last night, felt like I was pushing a rusty mace out of my arse
Submitted by whiskey_jack (user info) at 2009-10-06 14:16:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Whiskey shits. They make you feel like a bad person and they're practically furry.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2009-10-06 14:14:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by BranDo (user info) at 2009-10-06 14:08:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Couldn't feel them coming and then it was there. Everywhere....
====
are you saying you shit in your pants?
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-10-06 14:11:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I poop a lot.
Submitted by BranDo (user info) at 2009-10-06 14:08:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I remember the dope induced shits were the worst.
Couldn't feel them coming and then it was there. Everywhere....
I like PB on bread with onion and sambal.
Submitted by SkullBiter (user info) at 2009-10-06 14:06:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The almighty dump that the lord above hath shat upon my life.
Submitted by HellRazer (user info) at 2009-10-06 13:37:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
One time I got really, really smashed. Then I sat down and ate an entire jar of Planters roasted peanuts(extra salty). Shortly thereafter, I felt doing more shots. I puked tequila flavored PB all over the kitchen sink.
Also, spicy shits are the worst.
end transmission
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2009-10-06 13:35:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Last weekend.
Beer shits.
Cornfield.
Wiped with geotextile.
Good times.
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2009-10-06 13:31:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
worst shits ever, White Castle...
they dont call em "sliders" for nothin'
and Caul shits peanut butter? whats his last name? Reeses?
Submitted by august_sobriquet (user info) at 2009-10-06 13:15:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
uh, well there was that one time I had uncontrollable diarrhea in the bushes of a local bank while barely awake, and throwing up, screwed up on pills and wine.
Also, as it sounds like you are describing, anything that gives a "creamy" shit that won't wipe the fuck up or stop.
Thanks for asking!
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2009-10-06 13:12:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You realise you are giving Sico the sense that people might actually want to listen to him talking about his shit? For Shame Caul!
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2009-10-06 13:12:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Another coprophiliac steps out of the closet.
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2009-10-06 12:55:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Sick fucker. I bet he makes the kid call him "uncle" while he licks the peanut butter off.