grUeBERfest '09 R1 - The Three Deliberate Deaths of Emma (649 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 1.76 on 34 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by JoeyG (View user info) at 2009-10-08 18:49:02 EDT
The sky was washing colours of gold and blue and purple together as the amber sun disappeared beyond the far reaching vista of the ocean.
Emma crushed her hand-rolled cigarette between her thumb and forefinger, and flicked the remaining char at the dead body that lay at her feet.
"Save that one for the road, asshole."
She lifted her gaze from the recently deceased, and slowly turned it toward the three figures that stood solemnly, further down the beach. They were too far away for her to make out their features, but she recognised the beckoning motion they were making with their fingers.
She ambled toward them, step by step, not noticing the sharp, gritty sand teasing small cuts away between the toes of her bare feet.
As she drew closer, the hoods that cloaked the three figures seemed darker than before, and their faces, further away, Escher-esque, impossible.
With every step, the sand became sharper, harsher beneath her feet. As she neared the hooded figures, she realised the sand had gone, and she was walking upon shards of crushed and broken glass; hot glass, glass so hot it melted as it sunk its teeth into the flesh between her toes.
The pain increased, and Emma finally fell upon her knees in front of the figures, eyes shut tight, as the pin-pricks of molten needles drove themselves deep into her ankles.
When she opened her eyes, the tranquil beach was gone. She knelt at the precipice of a weather-worn cliff top, and the three visions of Death floated before her in the air, their oily black cloaks somehow managing to stand out from the tar-black pitch of nightscape that was their background.
The hooded figures began to speak [think].
[IS THIS NOT WHAT YOU WANTED? IS THIS NOT WHAT YOU WISHED FOR?]
"Why........ why are you doing this to me?
The next figure replied.
[BECAUSE THIS IS WHAT YOU ASKED FOR]
"I didn't ask for anything!"
The third figure looked at the first two, and shook his head. He pulled his hood back and revealed his face.
It wasn't the skeletal face she had been expecting, but the face of her dead fiancée that she had left for dead, a few hundred yards back up the [cliff?] beach.
It spoke [thought] to her in the same Southern drawl of the man who had beaten her for the past three years.
[SO, WATCH'YA WAITING FOR, SWEETHEART? WANNA GET DOWN ON THE GROUND, GET ALL DIRTY, MAKE WITH THE MESS BEFORE YA SHOVE ME IN THE GROUND AGAIN, HUH? WANNA PLAY THE GAME AGAIN, MAKE WITH THAT SHOVEL IN MY FACE AGAIN, OH BABY WE CAN PLAY THAT GAME AGAIN, OH BABY WE CAN PLAY THE GAME ALL YOU WANT]
"Stop it....stop it, please." The words croaked and trickled from Emma's lips like a drip from a leaky valve, rusted and caked with filth. The pale yellow moon was grinning in the night sky. The very air seemed dour and stale, and the grinning, hideous moon illuminated the night air, which was rich with the lush decaying scent of freshly murdered lovers.
The first hooded figure spoke [thought] again.
[HE KICKED YOU]
Emma rubbed a slow palming motion across her belly, and the second ghoulish figure continued.
[HE WHIPPED YOU. YOU WISHED FOR HIM TO STOP, WISHED FOR HIM TO GO, WISHED FOR HIM TO DIE. HAS YOUR WISH NOT BEEN FULFILLED?]
Emma screamed, and filled the satin night with her pain, "I didn't want anyone to die! I didn't want anyone to die. I didn't want anyone to die, I just, I just...just..."
[JUST CRACKED ME WITH THE SHOVEL, DIDN'T'CHA?] Said [thought] hood number three.
[JUST WHACKED THAT OLD BASTARD WHAM AGAINST MY HEAD, AND THEN, WHEN I WAS DOWN, YOU WHACK AGAIN......AND AGAIN....AND AGAIN...JUST COULDN'T GET ENOUGH OF THE FUCKING WHACKING, COULD YA, SUGARPLUM?]
#1: [ENOUGH. SHE WANTS TO]
#2: [ATONE FOR HER]
#1: [SINS. ISN'T THAT RIGHT, DEAR?]
"Yes, yes! Just please, please let me take it back, I'll do anything to take it back..."
#1: [YOU WISH TO TAKE HIS PLACE?]
"YES! I know I hated him, and I know killed him, but God damn yes, I would take it back, oh God, I want to take it back....."
As Emma knelt, sobbing away at the peak of the cliff, the three floating figures merged into one. The cackle of laughter rose above the pitch of the wind and the roar of the surf far below. Emma raised her face, and the skull-like figure she had thought of was now pressed against her face. The figure pulled a blackened bull whip from beneath his cloak, and suddenly the scenery
[CHANGED]
Emma peered down into the river that flowed around her, a molten glow of red and black, and......something else.
She was laid down naked across a boulder, tightly bound, and the scarlet sea flowed past her like a shower of ruby ribbons.
The first [CRACK] of the whip sliced her back open, in a long diagonal stripe
[NO ENTRY]
and the next [SWISH-SMACK] crossed the first, marking her back with a bright red "X", and the blood gently seeped into the river, making the level rise with a slick, crimson ripple.
Her screams were silent in the cavernous underworld, but further down below, the piercing shrieks and wails of pain were clearly heard.
#3 [I'M SORRY, SUGARPLUM, DIDN'T QUITE HEAR YA THERE, WANNA SAY THAT AGAIN?]
The bull whip lashed down hard against the nape of the neck of the woman who was bound to the rock in the middle of the river of fire.
"STOP! Please, I forgive you, I'll never do tha.."
[THWACK!]
The whip cut into the back of her legs, scarlet lines leaving craters in her thighs.
"STOP!, Please, please, stop....." Her sobs were now a chanting mantra, repeating, repeating, repeating....
[SWISH! SMACK!] against the small of her back, lashing so deep that her kidneys now showed through her skin.
[ THWACK!SWISH!SMACK!] The bull whip rose and fell, rose and fell, tearing at the flesh and bone that had once held a human form, thrashing it relentlessly, until all that remained was a head, a pulpy mush that represented a torso, and a set of legs with bright red weals.
[OUR WORK IS FINISHED HERE. WE HAVE GIVEN HER WHAT SHE WISHED FOR]
*********
On a distant beach, a man stirred and woke, as the incoming tide lapped against his face. He stood on his feet, and recollected his thoughts.
There had been a fight, he remembered that much, but nothing else.
"That sneaky fuckin' sum'bitch'll be the death o' me one day...."
In the dark night sky, the sickly yellow moon clapped his hands together, and began to slowly melt away into the horizon, his grin sparkling against the upcoming dawn of the day.
His work here was done.
User Reviews
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2009-10-13 22:18:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
TALENT
Submitted by RoadSong (user info) at 2009-10-12 14:27:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by paxilliona (user info) at 2009-10-10 21:54:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2009-10-10 21:42:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
and you even started it out with one of your 'accidental' zeroes just to get that extra edge.
that does it, i'm firing up the super secret uber hotline.
======
I realy dont understand why a shitty contest on a shitty wessite should cause such grief. You people really seem to hate each other in a serious way. I do think that I made a mistake by logging in here.
Oh, and to the scourge fellah: I dont give a fuck who you think I am. I am nobody. Im not an 'alter', nor am I jack mccalum. I just found this site by looking for "bored."
Excuse me for saying it, but you seem to be a big fucking jerk.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2009-10-10 21:42:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
and you even started it out with one of your 'accidental' zeroes just to get that extra edge.
that does it, i'm firing up the super secret uber hotline.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2009-10-10 21:41:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
way to cover up, cheater. it's obvious that paxilliona is either you or your girlfriend bubba.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2009-10-10 21:38:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
And again. Sorry, man.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2009-10-10 21:37:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Again...
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2009-10-10 21:37:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Bump up...
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2009-10-10 21:35:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2009-10-10 21:35:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Damn it.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2009-10-10 21:35:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Sorry you got dragged into this Joey.
What a joke.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2009-10-10 21:33:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
didn't even read this yet, but seeing jack start cheating this fucking early is enough for me to drop the +2 on his opponent.
YOU'RE FUCKING PATHETIC JACK. KILL YOURSELF.
Submitted by baby (user info) at 2009-10-10 21:20:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
AND ANOTHER JACK ALTER REARS ITS UGLY GINGER HEAD!!!!
the 1 doesn't get the trick done, so you come back and slam joey? and you whine about the alter ratings on your own post, jack?
grow the fuck up. you're more immature than me, and i'm a fucking baby.
Submitted by paxilliona (user info) at 2009-10-10 21:16:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Maybe, baby, you should wonder why you rate as you do. Think about it.
Submitted by baby (user info) at 2009-10-10 21:07:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ahhh... this was like a sweet lullaby for baby after all the whining on the front page.
Submitted by paxilliona (user info) at 2009-10-10 18:39:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2009-10-10 11:18:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It took me a couple of reads to really appreciate the style of the post. I am easily distracted by brackets and the color dalmation. One of which, this post had in spades.
I think I've settled on liking the post. Better than a 1, not quite a 2, but I will be distracted by something else long before I have the chance to go for the hip 1.75 double rating.
Submitted by willartstorg (user info) at 2009-10-09 19:38:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by willartstorg (user info) at 2009-10-09 19:38:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-10-09 03:57:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Ducky (user info) at 2009-10-09 06:57:25 BST (#)
Ranking: 2
Read yours and ryland's back to back...they're very different, but both very well done.
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you forgot to mention mine
====
We read yours, fool. Too bad.
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2009-10-09 17:52:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice. Very nice.
Submitted by august_sobriquet (user info) at 2009-10-09 12:45:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
1.5
Submitted by august_sobriquet (user info) at 2009-10-09 12:33:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
didn't really like it. good job though.
Submitted by spuj (user info) at 2009-10-09 06:44:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is turning out to be a very good competition.
keep it up
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-10-09 03:57:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Ducky (user info) at 2009-10-09 06:57:25 BST (#)
Ranking: 2
Read yours and ryland's back to back...they're very different, but both very well done.
-----------
you forgot to mention mine
Submitted by Ducky (user info) at 2009-10-09 01:57:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Read yours and ryland's back to back...they're very different, but both very well done.
Submitted by SkinnyKenny (user info) at 2009-10-09 01:06:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Very good, but not as good as Ryland's. Otherwise, would be a +2.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2009-10-08 23:22:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Well I can't beat this, even without being boned by the ass-clown contingent here.
Well done. I'll see if I can actually finish my story in time tomorrow.
At least I know you'll like it - it's another slice of California.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2009-10-08 21:57:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
If Jack shows up this will be an interesting pairing.
Submitted by TuTs (user info) at 2009-10-08 21:05:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Praying for absolution, wouldn't it be a piss off if the bible was true?
Submitted by peckerhead (user info) at 2009-10-08 20:46:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
shades of the Green Mile; nicely done.
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2009-10-08 19:24:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2009-10-08 19:19:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Just for public info, I've got Mr McCallum in this first round, and I'm guessing he'll have a kick-ass story up his sleeve.
Don't let me down Jack, I'm not sure I have time to write another story.....California Hollow is one of the main reasons I joined this site...
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2009-10-08 19:07:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
good.
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2009-10-08 18:52:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I liked it.