gross misrepresentation on okcupid (20614 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.59 on 55 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Corn Nugget (View user info) at 2009-10-14 18:00:43 EDT
As I said in a previous post, I had recently signed up for an online dating site. It was a matter of boredom and lonelyness and this overwhelming worry that I might die alone that drove me to it. Not that I'm on my deathbed, but it still seems like an urgent problem.
I put up a halfway decent picture of me, didn't put up my best because I didn't want some guy to be shocked and grossed out when he meets me, "omg she is not half as hot as that picture!" and I didn't put up my worst, because well, I wanted this site to work! And who would do that, anyway, right?
My profile was full of quirk and wit. I was hoping, if nothing else, to come off as the alright looking funny girl. That usually works for me.
Well, I live out in no-mans-land, and I was surprised when this somewhat HOT guy messaged me from just 20 minutes away. I was on my way up to the local bar with some friends, so I told him to make his way up there, drinks at 10.
We got up there around 9, had a few beers, and I eagerly anticipated meeting the hunk from okcupid.com.
We shared similar tastes in music. That's bascially all I knew.
He called at 950, "I'm on my way in right now!".
OH YAY YAY YAY
My eyes glued to the door. My heart racing. My temperature rising.
In walks McFattySloppyPants.
Oh for fucks sake.
I see him look around, and I try to think of a quick hiding spot.
Now I know this is mean, I get that. I'm not a mean person, but I'm also not a slobby fat mess, nor am I interested in dating one. Sorry.
But I sit there, glued to my chair, wondering how many other women have fallen for this.
"Hey..." I wave at him and he comes over. I can see by his face that his profile pictures WERE him, maybe 100 lbs ago. He sits down and waves the waitress over.
"Can I get a glass?"
Okay, so he's going to share this pitcher with us, cool. I guess. No, no, it's cool.
I can't think of one goddamn thing to say. I'm just mortified. I drink my beer and smile.
"So, do you think I can get a few bucks for gas money? I didn't realize I was almost out...".
WTF?
"Sure, I guess?" I gave him a ten, because that's all the cash I had, and frankly, everything was happening too fast for me to know how to act or what to do. He pockets the money and asks me something or other about Pantera, and we talk about music for a minute.
Then a friend of mine saunters over, somewhat slams his beer down on the table and says to FattyMcTwoShoes, "Um, did you just ask her for gas money on your first 'date'?".
I hate conflict, so this further mortified me. "No, no it's fine...".
"How is he going to pay for drinks if he don't even have no gas money?" He asks. Nevermind the bad grammar, it runs rampant around here.
"Seriously, it's fine..."
Meanwhile SloppyPatterson says and does nothing besides stare at the table. That's what I did, too.
"Come on Corinne, I'm taking your happy ass home" says my friend.
YAY YAY YAY
Shortly therafter I get a text from my 'date' (ahem): "Sorry for wasting your time. I am a loser. I don't know what I'm going to do."
I ignore it.
"Really, I know I'm pathetic"
"I hope u dont hate me"
"can we go out again?"
I haven't heard from him today, so maybe he killed himself.
User Reviews
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2010-04-21 19:14:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
we need more stories liek this....
Submitted by Kyala6 (user info) at 2010-04-21 18:14:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ugh, fat, slovernly men ... <pukes> ... wth? lol
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2009-11-22 14:47:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Jarred, by "us" do you mean UBERSITE... or by "us" do you mean normal people like you and I???
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2009-11-22 09:38:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The guys on OKC are not like us.
Congrats on B@W, you crazy, crazy, crazy woman.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-11-04 07:22:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
HOW IN THE HELL DO YOU GET B@W! lol
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2009-11-03 22:27:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Bart hates me and I still get b@w???
Submitted by sage104 (user info) at 2009-10-29 22:29:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hahahahahahahahahaha!!!!
This post kicked all kinds of ass.
Submitted by Ducky (user info) at 2009-10-29 22:08:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
B@W woooooo!
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2009-10-19 00:26:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by netimportant (user info) at 2009-10-17 18:44:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I tried that for about two months, but they were the most horrendous-looking people on the face of the planet. I haven't seen people that ugly in real life. I think they're afraid to go outside, and rightly so.
Well, one guy was kind of cute, even though he was a little pudgy. He asked me out for ice cream, but then he flaked out on me. Ditched by a fat guy on the intarwebz? New dating low.
Submitted by maiorano84 (user info) at 2009-10-17 16:49:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
-2 for "lol"
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2009-10-17 15:06:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by YELLOW-MAN (user info) at 2009-10-16 12:54:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2009-10-16 11:22:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
lol, no FG, she didn't.
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2009-10-16 11:20:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2009-10-16 10:14:41 CDT (#)
Ranking: 0
update: this dude requested to be my friends friend on facebook. Not the friend that yelled at him, my hot female friend. lol
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FFS! This guy is a real yuck. She didn't add him, did she?
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2009-10-16 11:14:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
update: this dude requested to be my friends friend on facebook. Not the friend that yelled at him, my hot female friend. lol
Submitted by skarekrow (user info) at 2009-10-16 03:38:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
-- "Sorry for wasting your time. I am a loser. I don't know what I'm going to do."
"Really, I know I'm pathetic"
"I hope u dont hate me"
"can we go out again?" --
I don't understand how a guy with such low self-respect/self-worth has the testicular fortitude to (a) even show, (b) help himself to the pitcher of beer without an invite, or (c) ask for gas money. But I must say that this is fucking hilarious!
Submitted by maiorano84 (user info) at 2009-10-16 03:26:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You didn't have to tell EVERYBODY about our date.....
Submitted by sage104 (user info) at 2009-10-16 00:42:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hahahahahahahaha...this was great.
Submitted by pandora (user info) at 2009-10-15 17:55:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I've never understood why people do this shit. They must be masochists. Or maybe they think, "She/he sounds nice, maybe they'll throw me a pity fuck."
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2009-10-15 16:01:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I shouldn't have said that stuff about my ex. He's a nice person and was always good to me.
I stand by the rest of it though. Fuckity shit ass cunt.
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2009-10-15 14:36:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i think the guy won.
you: got a semi-date that you paid for with a fat loser
he: got a date with a semi sane girl, which she paid for
by my math he's a winner, not a loser
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2009-10-15 14:22:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
"You know...you find that one person who you can love. And who you can trust. And whose microbes you've developed a resistance to." - Emo Phillips
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2009-10-15 13:28:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2009-10-14 18:04:42 PDT (#)
Ranking: 2
GOD I FUCKING HATE DATING!! 95 % OF ALL MEN ARE BAGS OF SHIT! FUCK! ASS! God damn it all straight to hell. I sometimes think I would rather get all my teeth pulled with no novocaine than ever go on a date again. My last boyfriend was a selfish, annoying IDIOT and I got so sick of his shit I could hardly stand it, and then he dumped me! I am CURSED! FUCK IT ALL UP THE ASS! I DESPISE EVERYONE IN THE KNOWN UNIVERSE!
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heh
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2009-10-15 12:06:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
A girls gotta have standards, no matter what.
Although, I remember ditching a guy on a date because he had coffee breath.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2009-10-15 08:33:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I can't believe I wasted my time reading that or the fact that this post is on the front page. It's not a snub on you, but I'm just not happy with uber any more, you see? No, no. You're just fine. But, I think we're going to have to break up.
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2009-10-15 08:29:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
that'll learn you to search the web for a man!
everyone online is a liar or perv in some way.
I mean hell have you seen my facebook? Hell I look 150 lbs lighter.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2009-10-15 08:22:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2009-10-15 07:56:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HAR-HAR-HAW.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2009-10-15 06:55:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I luffed und luffed.
Submitted by sexualchocolate1984 (user info) at 2009-10-15 06:44:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This made me smile.
i used internet dating a few years back, spent a few months with a serious hottie as a result, sure, she was 11 years older than me, a proper (cider in mugs at 8am) alcoholic, and a neglectful mother of two on benefits, but she was smoking hot and fucking filthy too.
Good times, good times.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-10-15 04:45:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
oh and
reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-10-15 04:44:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
oh, this guy is obviously a weirdo and you shouldnt have given him any money but still, your mates a cock.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-10-15 04:40:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hnmmmmm your friend seems like a cock.
no offence.
but really they do.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-10-15 04:23:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
FFS will you ever stop posting.
now im going to read and make a sensible comment.
Submitted by creep_firebombing (user info) at 2009-10-15 01:14:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Internet dating... It casts a bigger net, but there's more dogfish in with the tuna.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2009-10-15 01:13:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I did laugh at your pain.
Sorry.
Good friend you have there, though. You are very rich in life to have someone like that on the payroll.
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2009-10-14 23:30:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
christ
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2009-10-14 22:42:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
its called 'creative license', bubba. its what talented, creative geniuses like myself take upon ourselves to indulge in from time to time.
to help put it into perspective for you, its sort of like how you fantasise about sexually abusing children, but not as clearly disturbed.
Submitted by willartstorg (user info) at 2009-10-14 22:22:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2009-10-14 21:52:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
hopefully he did kill himself, thats 120kg less of oxygen thievery.
=================
So you've decided, in your retarded wisdom, that the guy weighed 120 Kg. 264lbs.
WHERE DO YOU COME UP WITH THIS SHIT, YOU FUCKING RETARD????????
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2009-10-14 21:52:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
hopefully he did kill himself, thats 120kg less of oxygen thievery.
Submitted by TuTs (user info) at 2009-10-14 21:11:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2009-10-15 08:53:51 WST (#)
Ranking: 2
Once out of curiosity I browsed online dating profiles only to find a MARRIED guy I know advertising himself as single with no children (he had 2). To top it off, his wife was a lovely woman.
I never went back and he couldn't figure out why I shot him death looks.
Lots of scumbags about.
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My uncle got caught doing this. A not so pretty bloke, lots of money, his wife by accident noticed that they were get charges from a dating site, so she logged on and bam! There is her hubby, turns out he had been sending dirty messages to some woman.
Is it the internet? or is it just men?
This made me laugh nugget.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2009-10-14 21:07:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hahaha.
I just went to okcupid.com just to look around and see what they've changed- I haven't had a profile there in a couple of years. Yeah, my girlfriend definitely left her account logged in. Bahahaha.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2009-10-14 21:05:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That felt great! OK, now who wants to go on a date with the Jean Pool? Line forms to the left, assholes.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2009-10-14 21:04:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
GOD I FUCKING HATE DATING!! 95 % OF ALL MEN ARE BAGS OF SHIT! FUCK! ASS! God damn it all straight to hell. I sometimes think I would rather get all my teeth pulled with no novocaine than ever go on a date again. My last boyfriend was a selfish, annoying IDIOT and I got so sick of his shit I could hardly stand it, and then he dumped me! I am CURSED! FUCK IT ALL UP THE ASS! I DESPISE EVERYONE IN THE KNOWN UNIVERSE!
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2009-10-14 20:53:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Once out of curiosity I browsed online dating profiles only to find a MARRIED guy I know advertising himself as single with no children (he had 2). To top it off, his wife was a lovely woman.
I never went back and he couldn't figure out why I shot him death looks.
Lots of scumbags about.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2009-10-14 20:45:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Shlongy, where's my +2 "you're getting better at picking them out"?
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2009-10-14 20:42:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
auto okcupid +2
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-10-14 20:41:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
And yet, this broke fatass is actually less of a loser than the father of your kid.
YIKES!
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2009-10-14 19:27:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I'd wager you probably do better dating someone from Uber. At least then you'd already know the particular brand of crazy they enjoy.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2009-10-14 18:57:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
OkCupid rules.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2009-10-14 18:24:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2009-10-14 18:17:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
1. Why do men do this? I mean, the fat guy with the skiny picture is like a woman with a bra full of Kleenex or something. Sooner or later you have to be face to face, no? I don't get it. Then again, when I'm really bored I post craiglist Men Seeking Women ads describing what an annoying, anti-social, out of shape fuckhead I am, and I get a shitload of responses from women who want to meet. I guess that's how serial killers rack up those big numbers these days.
***
I know, right? Seriously, the cat will get out of the bag, and then who ends up feeling like shit? EVERYONE!
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2009-10-14 18:17:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2009-10-14 23:05:05 BST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm ashamed to admit this, but I laughed
-------
You probably laughed when Bambi's mum died.
I know I did.
There was lots of laughing and pointing that day.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2009-10-14 18:17:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
1. Why do men do this? I mean, the fat guy with the skiny picture is like a woman with a bra full of Kleenex or something. Sooner or later you have to be face to face, no? I don't get it. Then again, when I'm really bored I post craiglist Men Seeking Women ads describing what an annoying, anti-social, out of shape fuckhead I am, and I get a shitload of responses from women who want to meet. I guess that's how serial killers rack up those big numbers these days.
2. <Then a friend of mine saunters over, somewhat slams his beer down on the table and says to FattyMcTwoShoes, "Um, did you just ask her for gas money on your first 'date'?".> Now THAT'S a friend. HAHAHA!
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2009-10-14 18:05:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm ashamed to admit this, but I laughed.