Zippers should be outlawed. (298 hits)
Category: NoneRating: -1.55 on 10 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by The Brad (View user info) at 2009-10-20 05:47:56 EDT
Whoever invented that demonic torture device should be dragged by the taint until dead.
All it takes is the slightest distraction, music in the background, an interesting limerick on the wall, or in this case, a single drunken stumble. And look! A disturbing amount of foreskin is still on the outside of my jeans!
Oh, the pain. The terror! The zipper is all the way up, but it looks like it has been zipped around a piece of bubble gum. Bubble gum that is quickly turning more and more red.
I consider my position. Standing before a urinal in a hole in the wall bar, held hostage by my own clothing. I try to zip it down. The pain is almost ecstasy in its intensity. There is nothing to do. I need tools.
The bar was only 25 feet away. It could have been a thousand miles, the steps it took to make it were infinite.
I try to explain the position that I am in. There are no secrets in a small bar. Everyone has an opinion. People are telling me "just zip it down quickly" and "no! Slowly, like a band aid!" Everyone gets a good look at my quickly swelling foreskin, while i beg for any kind of tools.
Some kind soul finally brought me a pair of wire cutters, and i cut the movable part of the zipper away, which freed the other parts, which freed my parts.
The bruising is intense. I want to know who to sue.
User Reviews
Submitted by osmosianist (user info) at 2009-10-27 06:49:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by TheBrad (user info) at 2009-10-27 06:15:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Wow, don't remember posting this, i need a breathilizer on my laptop.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2009-10-20 12:09:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2009-10-20 02:51:38 PDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Sue yourself for being so goddamn stupid that you can't put your dick in your trousers properly.
Submitted by sexualchocolate1984 (user info) at 2009-10-20 11:30:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Don't you wear underwear? It's a pretty simple case of securely into the shorts before any zipper action takes place. Surely you can handle that? Right?
Only person i know to have done this before was about 8.
You sir are fail.
Submitted by FATMANTPK (user info) at 2009-10-20 10:11:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I agree with all replies below
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-10-20 09:34:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Sue your mom for not aborting you.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2009-10-20 08:21:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You violated Rule Number One and Rule Number Two.
Rule Number One: ALWAYS know where your dick is.
Rule Number Two: NEVER put your dick into things with intermeshing metal teeth.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2009-10-20 05:59:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2009-10-20 05:51:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Sue yourself for being so goddamn stupid that you can't put your dick in your trousers properly.
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Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-10-20 05:52:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
i hate buttons , i prefer zips
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2009-10-20 05:51:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Sue yourself for being so goddamn stupid that you can't put your dick in your trousers properly.