I am beautiful (repost, now with PROOF) (1567 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.4 on 47 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by shandythetopdog (View user info) at 2009-10-24 15:55:10 EDT
I am beautiful
because Earth is beautiful
and I am part of Earth
Trees, birdies, bodies of water, expanses of sky, rocks, sand dune vegetation, buildings, blankets, matchboxes, plates, tables, dogs, blades of green grass, me, dragon flies, shrubs, etc
Not to mention the beautiful things beyond Earth, of which I am also a part, such as satellites, stars, moons, galaxies, universes, etc
Not to mention thoughts and feelings and invisible waves and vibrations etc, which also exist and are beautiful and of which I am also a part
Because I am beautiful, I walk tall, with my chin up, like Eric Banna in the film Troy. I have calm liquid eyes that enjoy and reflect the beauty around me, of which I am a part. I walk tall with my chin up, loose and relaxed, like a king, and my liquid eyes enjoy and reflect without any qualms at all the beauty of the cleavages women often display, even at primary school fund raising fetes. Without any qualms I look at their smooth soft breasts and become sexually aroused. And when I say sexually aroused, I do not mean that I have furtive smutty thoughts. I mean that blood flows rapidly into my penis and various other enjoyable and arousing physiological changes take place in my body in a very natural manner.
When I say how beautiful I - as an element of the universe etc - am, I should point out that unfortunately I am often not aware of this.
In fact, I rarely walk tall with my chin up like Eric Banna in Troy. Usually I slouch around with my chin down. Usually, it's not just a case of being unaware that I am part of, that I in fact AM, the beautiful universe. It's worse than that. Usually, I actually feel like I am separate to everything around me. Divorced from it. Not belonging. A ghastly outsider. So when I see the cleavages on display, I don't look at them openly. I don't get truly sexually aroused. I look at them furtively, and think furtive smutty thoughts, with my chin down, alone and separated from everything.
Sometimes though, I should repeat, I really DO prance around like walt fucking whitman. Like a dog.
Sometimes I really am as pretty as the healthy green leaves of the shrubs in my charming neighbour's pretty garden. As pretty as the scarlet colour of her lingerie, which I glimpsed frequently the other day through her loose overalls while I helped her with the mulching in her pretty garden.
I was a bit hesitant about admiring her scarlet lingerie too openly, I must admit. Likewise her other alluring features. But I suppose sometimes a bit of reserve and restraint is not a bad thing.
Just because each of the billions of tadpoles of sperm I have produced each contains infinite universes of infinite beauty and variety, and just because each of these tadpoles - in common with my other bodily excretions such as 'my' shit and 'my' piss - provides symbolic and actual evidence of my connection and oneness with everything outside my body, and just because my neighbor's scarlet lingerie no doubt contains similar wonders, including breasts, that is no reason to get carried away and surrender all self-control.
Or maybe it is?
That's not to say I need to start in with the barbaric yawping whenever the mood takes me. But the words 'self-control' do have a slightly sinister air, don't you think?
And the word 'surrender' is somehow very appealing.
Somehow effortless.
User Reviews
Submitted by netimportant (user info) at 2009-10-31 03:40:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Are you the Falconer?
Submitted by paxilliona (user info) at 2009-10-30 22:40:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I like your fuzz face.
Submitted by LoooseSprocket (user info) at 2009-10-29 13:37:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2009-10-27 08:58:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2009-10-26 11:26:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You're thinking of Bubba.
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Really? I was pretty sure someone else wrote about wanting to diddle their daughter.
Submitted by Ducky (user info) at 2009-10-27 01:38:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Be the Eric Banna you know you are.
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2009-10-26 22:46:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
the match??
what match is that???
is it time to get to grips with sauron/voldemort/bush etc????
keep me posted
don't forget i have to balance my borderline madness with the level of personal grooming required by a Receptionist
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2009-10-26 21:07:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
whilst the sexy pose is naturally giving me the now legendary 'lurch to the left' the smart-casual trim of the beard concerns me.
The match is nigh dear leader and we need you at your wild, borderline mad best.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2009-10-26 20:14:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
awesome beard
Submitted by SPECIALk (user info) at 2009-10-26 14:25:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
:)
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be.
And whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life,
keep peace in your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.
Submitted by SilvrWolf (user info) at 2009-10-26 13:06:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You look like you should be studying mountain gorillas.
...or practicing psychotropic therapy.
My beard isn't as luxuriously thick and neatly trimmed as yours and this saddens me. I don't know why.
Great post.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2009-10-26 12:22:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
cram it up your ass, Christina Aguilera
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2009-10-26 11:58:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Bubba doesn't fiddle kiddies, rappers do.
*complicated hand gesture*
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2009-10-26 11:26:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You're thinking of Bubba.
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2009-10-26 11:08:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Aren't you that fellow who wants to diddle kiddies?
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2009-10-26 09:31:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2009-10-26 08:28:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
fuck, sorry
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2009-10-26 08:23:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
shouldnt you be busy painting landscapes on public television?
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-10-26 06:09:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hi mum
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2009-10-26 06:03:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
When I grow up, I'm going to be just like you Mr. Shandy.
Either that or a low functioning alcoholic. I'm not sure I can be both.
Submitted by TuTs (user info) at 2009-10-26 05:45:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Aren't dogs and cats meant to chase each other up trees and generally dislike one, another.
Submitted by kittycat87 (user info) at 2009-10-26 05:20:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I sure WOULD.
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2009-10-26 04:24:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
kittycat, if things don't work out with my neighbour (i suspect she is a vegetarian, and may not be drawn to the animal protein within the beard in the same way a normal woman would) would you be willing to wear scarlet lingerie beneath workmanlike overalls and wriggle provocatively around my garden amongst moist eucalypt mulch?
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2009-10-26 04:16:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i'm glad to hear that kittycat
kittycat, btw, is a great name
having a racy internet exchange with someone called kittycat DRIVES ME WILD
Submitted by kittycat87 (user info) at 2009-10-26 04:00:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2009-10-26 03:47:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I often ejaculate into my beard
wazza's posts, particularly those where he included pics of his philipino child bride, are indeed often a source of inspiration
i prefer ceramic hippos to rubber toys, though
i generally leave the jism to naturally decompose within the beard environment. chicks often remark on my incredible animal magnetism and my special aroma, perhaps it has something to do with this.
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This was very informative, thank you. I apologize for not realizing that hippo was ceramic, I believe I was......preoccupied at the time. Natural decomposition just makes you somehow more enticing, it's caveman like - and surly - devil-may-care arousing. You float my boat.
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2009-10-26 03:47:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I often ejaculate into my beard
wazza's posts, particularly those where he included pics of his philipino child bride, are indeed often a source of inspiration
i prefer ceramic hippos to rubber toys, though
i generally leave the jism to naturally decompose within the beard environment. chicks often remark on my incredible animal magnetism and my special aroma, perhaps it has something to do with this.
Submitted by kittycat87 (user info) at 2009-10-26 01:48:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Maybe you'd be rubbing one out on a squeezy toy - I don't know.
Submitted by kittycat87 (user info) at 2009-10-26 01:46:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Would it be difficult to get splooge out of your beard, if for example you were rubbing one out to a Wazza post and your eyes rolled backwards as you came and in that instant you momentarily forgot yourself and fell back in your chair absentmindedly - spent; still holding your throbbing member and firing your swimmers straight into your what I'm sure is a beautifully sculptured kirk douglas chin.
I ask this because once a guy I was seeing, in the throes of ecstatic bliss blasted his warmlove onto my chest and a good dollop of it ran down into my armpit and then dripped with a final act of gravity loathing defiance onto my mom's duvet. I remember at the time being relieved that I shave my armpits and that I didn't have some hideous third eye growing in that particular one, but also being worried that his thankyoucream which only smeared when I tried to wipe it of the silk fabric might attract my cat, or worse still my mother/her always drunken bf/the deviant puppy from nextdoor that humped/sniffed/ate everything from my cat's excretment to his six year old master's pool pony - and who had the uncanny ability to source sperm, like the time I fucked a guy in my neighbor's pool and as his gravytrail floated to the top, his head falling forward and resting against my shoulder and the side of the pool, K-9 CSI launched himself from the side of the pool in slow motion, with the baywatch theme playing in my head, and the late afternoon shadow of his splayed legs and furry little tummy hovering like a metophoric magnifying glass over my exhausted friend's load of life.
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2009-10-25 23:04:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i wear a beard (it's actually a false beard) in an attempt to hide the fact that my chin is usually down, OBVIOUSLY
For your benefit, mighty apullo, I have edited the liquid eyes out as follows:
I have calm SPARKLING eyes that enjoy and reflect the beauty around me, of which I am a part. I walk tall with my chin up, loose and relaxed, like a king, and my SPARKLING eyes enjoy and reflect without any qualms at all the beauty of the cleavages women often display, even at primary school fund raising fetes.
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2009-10-25 22:26:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
some priceless lines. funny
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2009-10-25 22:09:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ummm, beards kick ass, cor...howeveryouspellyournameladywhoidolizesme, that's why.
Submitted by willartstorg (user info) at 2009-10-25 17:42:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2009-10-25 17:18:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
What's up with the beard, really? Is it some antiquated attempt at regaining your caveman roots, or are you hiding something?
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If men weren't supposed to have beards, why do they grow? Same as pubic hair. Do you spend all that time shaving it, or what? Maybe you own stock in a razor company.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2009-10-25 17:18:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
What's up with the beard, really? Is it some antiquated attempt at regaining your caveman roots, or are you hiding something?
Submitted by cheerios (user info) at 2009-10-25 15:57:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
needs more female
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2009-10-25 12:25:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I must be drunk....
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2009-10-25 03:00:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This stirred me.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2009-10-25 02:47:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
you need to ease back on the liquid eyes.
love the message though.
Submitted by willartstorg (user info) at 2009-10-25 01:06:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2009-10-25 00:44:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That is very beautiful.
Submitted by Chroniclysm (user info) at 2009-10-25 00:00:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by kittycat87 (user info) at 2009-10-24 23:21:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
DO me
Submitted by FatTony (user info) at 2009-10-24 21:19:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
-2 Because you wont share the awesome weed you smoked.
Submitted by pandora (user info) at 2009-10-24 17:45:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Nah, sounds more like he's on acid.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2009-10-24 17:08:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Repost all you like; this comment will chase you like it's tied to your belt. Now then...
What's Shandy been using that's four feet tall, tapers from eight inches at the base to three inches in diameter at the top, is made of brightly colored glass, is partially filled with apple juice, and sounds like a bell?
BONG!!!!!
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2009-10-24 17:03:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Don't compare yourself to Whitman. The man was so arrogant. And all he did was talk about his cock. But you are beautiful.
Submitted by RoadSong (user info) at 2009-10-24 17:02:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by SkullBiter (user info) at 2009-10-24 16:05:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by BranDo (user info) at 2009-10-24 16:00:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
you ARE beautiful.
we ALL are.
You hippie!