The Best Part of You Ran Down the Crack of Your Mother's Ass (621 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.94 on 17 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by EatMeCompletely (View user info) at 2009-10-30 01:02:45 EDT
I have a lot of anger.
So much so, that it pupates into something that could be mistaken as comical, so long as you're not in the same room as me. That's right. I brought butterflies into this. You never thought butterflies could be angry, however you should try getting stuck in a spider's web and stifle yourself from uttering the words, "Oh fuck," and then we'll talk. It's all relative.
There's a world that I would like to be a part of: it's all smiles and dandelion farts until the shrapnel of the impending shitstorm pegs you in the back and the realization of how worthless everyone else around you is resounding. That's called epiphany. Say it with me: E-PIF-e-NEE. Sounds like a black girl's name but with a lot less attitude. If I had a black daughter, I'd name her something like 'Ebony' or 'Epiphany' but I'll never have that privilege. Alas, I am a white, middle class male, intent on trying for the aforementioned quiet existence.
HELLO. QUIET?! ARE YOU THERE?! There is no such thing. I can't take a shit without thinking about the bills that I can't pay or the pathetic job that I'm forced to subsist upon. It's basically a fucking a blind person trying to learn the intricacies of sign language, doomed to always look sarcastic and to sound muffled.
What is most disturbing to me? Some of the things that I find solace in...
"Hey, at least you're not a paraplegic!" Because, hey if I were, I would cut off my fucking legs and use them to bludgeon people that irritate me. At least then, I would serve an entertaining purpose. People would preface my arrival, by saying, "Don't piss him off lest he beat you about the head and face with his useless, rotting lower extremities."
"Hey, at least you don't have Down's Syndrome!" I wish that I had the affectation of an extra chromosome. I submit that it cannot get better than whipping my phallus out in public and breaking into a masturbatory fit. Truthfully, I think that mentally handicapped individuals are the only ones to know true happiness. When was the last time that you considered getting ice cream as a life-altering event?
"Hey, at least you're not living the corporate American whore's life?"
Wait a minute, I am.
User Reviews
Submitted by paxilliona (user info) at 2009-10-30 22:05:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I've looked around on old things here, and I noticed something. That idqd person gives a 0 to just about everything./ Why is that? Doesn't he like anything, or is he being a butthole? I really dont underrstand people like that.
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2009-10-30 17:08:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Up until yesterday, we would have got along like peas and carrots.
www.ubersite.com/m/120483
Today, however my dreams have been realized and I am no longer angry.
Have a nice day! :)
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2009-10-30 14:03:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I think ya been cheated.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2009-10-30 12:30:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
lol @ sounds like a black girls name
Submitted by wardy (user info) at 2009-10-30 11:46:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
black kids are funny.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-10-30 11:30:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I didn't really read this- too fucking boring - but I'll give you a Shlongy +1 for posting once a year.
Submitted by X54 (user info) at 2009-10-30 11:22:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
"Waaaaah, my pussy hurts."
Submitted by messmind (user info) at 2009-10-30 10:20:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Ducky (user info) at 2009-10-30 01:26:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
whore.
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2009-10-30 07:34:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2009-10-30 10:34:49 GMT (#)
Ranking: 0
Simples.
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That fucking meerkat has a lot to answer for.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-10-30 07:10:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
you sound like toe
Submitted by TuTs (user info) at 2009-10-30 07:06:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm angrier than you.
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2009-10-30 07:00:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Yea life sucks blah blah. We all hate bills and people telling us what to do. At the end of the day - you're the only person to change it. It's easy to blame society and friends and bad pop music for keeping you down.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2009-10-30 06:34:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Get rid of your debt, stop buying so much garbage, get a job that's less stressful and downsize.
Simples.
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2009-10-30 06:26:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
"pupates"
Submitted by ridiculous (user info) at 2009-10-30 04:16:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"There's a world that I would like to be a part of: it's all smiles and dandelion farts until the shrapnel of the impending shitstorm pegs you in the back and the realization of how worthless everyone else around you is resounding."
That alone is worthy of a pluss 2.
Dandelion Farts... I can't stop laughing
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2009-10-30 01:57:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
you dont have that much anger.
Submitted by Ducky (user info) at 2009-10-30 01:26:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
whore.