Stupidity Shield? (677 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.3 on 16 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by <runswithscissorsbackwards.at.yahoo.com> (View user info) at 2003-08-19 14:40:15 EDT
Anyone know where I can find one?
Don't get me wrong -- I am by no means trying to claim that I have not had my own moments of
stupidity. In fact, at times, I think I may have helped further stupidity to a whole new level.
But I also KNOW when I have been stupid and take actions to make light of the situation, namely
by making fun of myself to acknowledge that, yes, I just said or did something incredibly stupid.
(However, for your reference, if you ever find yourself in a local inconvenience store, asking
the person behind the counter why they are limping, only to find out that they are in fact not
limping but hopping because they only have one leg, the proper response is not, I repeat, NOT,
"Oops! Ha ha! Open mouth and insert foot!")
I am just thinking about some of the stupid things that have been said in my proximity as of
late.
I went skydiving on the 15th. A coworker asks me on the 18th if I was able to go (cloud cover
made the possibility sketchy." "Yes," I say, with a large grin. A second coworker asks me,
"Did you have fun?"
No, I hated it. It sucks ass. Which is why i have done it 6 times in the past month and a half
and have my first assisted solo jump scheduled for teh 25th.
Sitting at my local pub, having a pint and reading in my book. An aquaintence comes up to me
and says, "Mind if I join you?"
Yeah. Feel free. I was only pretending to read anyway.
Later. Same pub. Playing darts with some friends. I am standing awaiting my turn (the person
ahead of me was at the bar ordering a drink.) Some random drunk starts talking to me. I toy
with the idea of rupturing his corneas with my darts but decide against it. It is my turn to
toss, so I ay, "Excuse me, but it is my turn to throw darts." He says, "Oh, you play darts?"
No. I just stand here and hold them in my hand and other people take them out one at a time
to toss at the board.
A coworker had just purchased a barely used/effectively new car. A couple weeks later, she
told us that she was in a car accident on the way to work, something about merging onto the
freeway, and someone tries to pass her but is not successful, so they slow down as the on-ramp
goes from two lanes to one, but they also do not slow in time, so they clip her left rear
wheel-well. Sending her into a 180 degree spin. Merging onto the freeway. At rush hour.
And she says, "And all I could think aboout was, No! Not my new car!"
Funny, at that point, I would be thinking, "NO, not my life!"
Today. Sitting at my desk. Headphones on to drown out the mediocrity of the office. My boss
walks into my cubicell and begins talking to me, never mind I cannot hear her due to the
headphones. I notice she is there, take off the headphones, and say, "Excuse me?"
"Well, " she says, "Shouldnt this account be under Doug's sales rep number and not Kelly's?"
I pull up the account in the system (which, by the way, she has access to in her office), and
point out that the account, is in fact, listed under Doug's rep number.
Thanks for taking the time to look this up in your office before interrupting me.
God save me. Either that, or shoot me now. Take your pick.
User Reviews
Submitted by Chad_Sexington (user info) at 2003-08-26 18:22:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by runswithscissors (user info) at 2003-08-20 16:32:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Well CATAL, no, I didnt say any of those mocking comments to any of those folks.
And, if you will note at the beginning of my post, I fully acknowledeged that I have said
more than my fair share of stupid things, and even cited an example.
As far as not liking the post, well, we are all entitled to our opinions now arent we?
Submitted by Can_Always_Trust_A_Liar (user info) at 2003-08-20 16:20:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
who said you ruined my day? i just said i would be pissed. i just didn't find any of it funny, maybe i was a little harsh with the -2 so i'll tone it down a bit this time, but while your complaing about the stupidity did remind me of Maddox, that is not why I gave you a -2. i don't care it you sound similar to him, i just think this "Everyone but me is stupid so I'll just complain and do nothing about it" attitude is just so fucking stupid. did you say any of those little mocking comments to those people, if you did you'd just be a jackass rather than a moron which is a little better. on the other hand, i imagine you might have been having a bad day, but i still didn't like this post at all.
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2003-08-19 19:43:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i feel your pain....
Submitted by runswithscissors (user info) at 2003-08-19 17:23:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Glad I could ruin your day CATAL...............i never said anyone should find this shit
funny. Feel free, if it makes you feel any better, to continue to berate me (or try to, as
your last attempt was pretty damn pathetic), like i give a holy fuck what your whiny assed
opinion of me is in the first place.
Submitted by Can_Always_Trust_A_Liar (user info) at 2003-08-19 17:14:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
i didn't find any of it funny. god damn, you've just pissed me off now i'm gonna be angry for the whole fucking day. fuck. god damn, quit yer bitching. so what if they asked if you had fun, either they were geniunely curious, or they were trying to make conversation. maybe they didn't know how many times you'd gone skydiving. some asks if you mind they join you, just say, "Yes actually, I'd like to read my book." some drunk starts talking to you, ignore him. i can't remembe the others, but shut the hell up.
Submitted by lowsodiummonkey (user info) at 2003-08-19 17:12:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
:)
Submitted by runswithscissors (user info) at 2003-08-19 16:56:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Alright loki - i will do my best to somehow post some photos for you......
And I understand, Razor, about the wierd shit that can go thru your head in a car accident....
I was struck 10+years ago by someone who ran a stop sign. I honestly dont remember thinking
anything, other than just doing everything in my power to avoid the accident....I guess I am
just irritable with all the other stupid shit being said around me........
Submitted by SubstnceP (user info) at 2003-08-19 16:11:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Hahaha good stuff chick! During my horrific car experience, the only thing I remember thinking was "SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII ....the "T" came when I yanked the E-brake and stopped spining in circles. Still have nightmares about that one!
Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2003-08-19 15:26:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You have to excuse the girl who got into the accident.
Wierd shit flashes through your mind in a life or death situation.
One time I was merging onto a road, and I'm a very safe driver, I ALWAYS look carefully, but somehow this car appeared out of nowhere right when I was merging over, it's one lane each way, I had to slam on my brakes, it was wet out... So suddently I'm fishtailing across a bridge, and at one point during the fishtail, I was at a 90 degree angle to where I was supposed to be, and so I was looking through my front windshield at the jersey walls that made up the side of the bridge.
The only thing I can remember thinking was "They should really hire someone to clean those things occasionally"
This was what I remember thinking, witnesses tell me I somehow managed to correct my vehicle which was spinning out, ended up in the wrong lane facing oncoming traffic, and went around the oncoming traffic in the left shoulder after I passed the edge of the bridge, and then I got back on the right side of the road.
All I know is that when it was over, I was dead calm, and the only thing I have any recollection of was looking at the dirty side of the bridge and thinking that it should be cleaner than that.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2003-08-19 15:05:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHA +2 for this and River's reply. He's going to be one of those smart ass college boys and I'm glad we could all nurture this along.
SOLO JUMP ON THE 25TH?!? As in next week, 6 days from now?
I demand pictures!
I've thought about jumping, but that was only when I was in a commercial airline and couldn't stand being in that plane one more second. Luckily the emergency escape hatch was in full view of several people larger and stronger than myself. Maybe I'll try it one day with a parachute.
As for the post, I have to admit that the one wreck I was in my actual at the moment thought was, "if this fucking airbag deploys I'm kicking that guy's ass."
How about this brilliant snatch of conversation that I have every single time I get my oil changed:
"wow that's a lot of mileage, this is only a 2000 jeep?"
"yea well I drive a lot"
Hollywood couldn't come up with better shit than this. Mileage comes from driving, get it. Damn I am a brilliant conversationalist. This kind of snappy come back ability can only come from the 22 years of education that the state of NC provided me.
Submitted by DrunkMonk (user info) at 2003-08-19 15:05:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"I pull up the account in the system (which, by the way, she has access to in her office), and
point out that the account, is in fact, listed under Doug's rep number.
Thanks for taking the time to look this up in your office before interrupting me. "
Preach on, preach on.
I hate when lazy bastards call me to look up information that they already have access to.
I want to just shake 'em and say "Hey, remember 12 months ago when you fuckers complained about not having access to this crap and having to ask me for the info? Well, you've had this info for over a year, so stop asking me!"
and they usually respond, "Oh that's right, I forgot!"
ARRRRGH!
Submitted by DJMattB241 (user info) at 2003-08-19 15:03:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"And she says, "And all I could think aboout was, No! Not my new car!"
Funny, at that point, I would be thinking, "NO, not my life!"
************
HAHAHA
good stuff!
Submitted by Insanethemind (user info) at 2003-08-19 15:00:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I feel you.
Good stuff.
Submitted by Rivers_Liebig (user info) at 2003-08-19 14:46:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for cubicell
Id give it more +2s, but Im lazy, and the entire damn thing was funny. I especially liked the darts one. The problem is that you can NEVER thing of these at the moment they happen and fire 'em off, or when you do, the person who's said the stupid thing is 6'3 and 260 pounds.
Submitted by Murphy1844 (user info) at 2003-08-19 14:45:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I laughed at all 5 examples. Good stuff...