Ode, well, limericks to the penis (1642 hits)
Category: Humor -> Dirty HumorRating: 1.17 on 24 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Semi-Random Joe (View user info) at 2003-08-19 17:34:56 EDT
There once was man with a cock,
Who alas ended up in the dock.
He'd behaved like an ape,
Indulging in rape,
When he should've cum in a sock.
Worried that you have a small willy?
Don't worry: you're just being silly,
Explain it away:
The weather today
Is rather cold, harsh and chilly.
But *my* cock is by far the best,
So long it pokes me in the chest.
Its thrust is so strong,
--What a fabulous dong!--
And its contents healthy to ingest.
I'm indeed in love with my dick,
So I'm wont to call in sick,
To wank in the dark,
--Oh, t'is such a lark!--
Even if it is not in a chick.
I once felt a strong need to fuck,
And with the girls I had no luck.
Of parks I am fond,
So I went to the pond
And cruelly buggered a duck.
I once had a girlfriend called Lisa,
And would do anything to please her.
But it came to pass,
When I'd Kobe her arse,
That she'd cry "I'll call the police-UUUHHHH!!!"
User Reviews
Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2004-04-21 05:33:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by SammySam (user info) at 2004-03-25 16:19:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
There once was a mathmatician named Paul
Who had a hexadronical ball
The square of its weight
times his pecker plus eight
is his phone number, give him a call
There once was a plumber named Lee
who was pluming his girl by the sea
Oh Lee stop your pluming
For I hear someone coming
Oh no my dear ho it is me
Submitted by fell-8-me (user info) at 2004-01-16 20:43:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
some more... I'm drunk.
A full bodied woman named Grace
was blowing me at a snail's pace
the shit was gettting old
so I tried fucking her folds
and then emptied my load in her face.
A horny young French chick named Lise
was proving quite difficult to please
the ambience was squashed
because of how little I'd washed
on the end of my dick was some cheese.
Mom walked in and just turned to stone
(my girl and I thought we were alone)
she was tonguing my ass
reaching around for the brass
she was playing the rusty trombone.
Submitted by fell-8-me (user info) at 2004-01-16 20:13:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
A nice decent woman named Kate
my penis she began to fellate
onto her waiting tongue
my tool quickly sprung
and exploded, on this, our first date.
Submitted by Freeman at 2004-01-16 19:51:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This is some of the best poetry Ive read on Uber!
Submitted by CaptainObvious (user info) at 2004-01-16 19:29:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
There once was a man named Dave
who kept a dead slore in his cave.
Her tits were all shot,
and she had crotch-rot,
but think of the money he'd save!
I thank you.
Submitted by PeopleAreStrange (user info) at 2003-08-26 20:14:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That's simply superb.
Submitted by Insanethemind (user info) at 2003-08-25 20:31:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Semi_Random_Joe (user info) at 2003-08-20 16:01:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
What's with the old Nantucket limericks? Think of original material like me!
And I'm still waiting for congratulations on (um, nearly) rhyming "uterus".
What's "piesch"?
Submitted by Semi_Random_Joe (user info) at 2003-08-20 15:37:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I am the Artist Formerly Known as David.
Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2003-08-20 15:22:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Strangly similar, eh Loki? But it looks like there's a piesch there...
Submitted by nitty34 (user info) at 2003-08-20 15:19:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
There once was a man from Nantucket
Who sailed 'cross the sea in a bucket
Upon arriving there
When asked for his fare
He pulled out his dick and said "Suck it!"
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2003-08-20 15:05:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Are you the artist who did that painting in Loren's lobby?
Submitted by Semi_Random_Joe (user info) at 2003-08-20 11:19:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Mysterious and great is the uterus.
Though we never see it, it's not new to us:
Mothers, by your grace,
It was in that place,
That the gift of life was made by *you* to us.
Submitted by Semi_Random_Joe (user info) at 2003-08-20 10:26:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Plenty of stuff rhymes with uterus if you don't say it in Latin.
There once was a girl with a womb,
As spacious and huge as a room.
If her pussy you fucked,
Inside you were sucked,
And through asphyxia ended up in the tomb.
OK, I'd like to point out I didn't start this vulgar poem trend. I just enjoy it. ;-)
Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2003-08-20 10:20:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for the use of "Kobe-ing"
Submitted by Mogwai (user info) at 2003-08-20 02:39:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is great. There was also a poem about the cunt? vagina. Anyways, they do go together. I like the last line the most ..." i'll kobe her ass"
Submitted by Hairsphincter (user info) at 2003-08-19 21:51:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Why, oh why, does so little rhyme with uterus?
Submitted by ronnockeem (user info) at 2003-08-19 21:33:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
There once was a man named Enus.
He had a very long penis.
When he walked around,
His dick swept the ground,
so his house was always the cleanest.
Submitted by Titinita (user info) at 2003-08-19 20:39:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
There once was a man from Nantuket
Who had a dick so long he could suck it.
He said with a grin
As he wiped off his chin
"If my ear were a cunt I'd fuck it."
Submitted by Random Joe at 2003-08-19 20:00:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Jimmy had a Six foot penis
So he showed it to the girl next door
She thought it was a snake
So she beat it with a rake
And now it's a Two by Four
Good night everybody!!!
Submitted by SundanceKid (user info) at 2003-08-19 18:33:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Alright, that's about enough of the bad poetry. That's definately way too much of a crotch shot.
Submitted by atz (user info) at 2003-08-19 17:47:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesome.
Submitted by Semi_Random_Joe (user info) at 2003-08-19 17:37:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Ah shit
A slip of the mouse when selecting JPEG compression levels.
Probably fortunate.