Homophobe to the max, yeah (786 hits)
Category: Humor -> Dirty HumorRating: 0.27 on 20 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Denis Leary <learydenis.at.yahoo.com> (View user info) at 2003-08-20 10:26:01 EDT
I can't take credit for this. Just relaying the message.
How to tell if you're gay:
1. If you are over 30 and you have a washboard stomach, you are gay.
It means you haven't sucked back enough beer with the boys and rather
you've been sucking-off the boys and have spent the rest of your
free time
doing sit-ups, aerobics, and doing the Oprah diet.
2. If you have a cat, you are a Flaaaayming fag. A cat is like a dog,
but gay: it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself, has a
delicate touch except when it uses its nails, and whines to
be fed. And just think about how you call a dog..."Killer, come
here! I said
get your ass over here!" Now think about how you call a
cat..."Bun-bun,
come to daddy, snookums!" Jeeezus, you're fit to be framed, you're
so gay.
3. If you suck on lolipops, Ring-Pops, baby-pacifiers, or any such
nonsense, rest assured, you are a Gaylord. A straight man only sucks
bar-b-q ribs, crab-claws, raw oysters, craw-fish guts, pickled pigs
feet, or titties. Anything else and you are in training to
suck El Dicko and undeniably a fag.
4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or piss in a
parking lot, you're in a deep homosexual relationship. A man's world
is his bathroom, he defecates and urinates where he pleases.
5. If you drink decaf coffee with skim milk, you like a high hard one
in the poop-chute. Coffee is to be had strong, black (or with
thick, wholesome milk) and full-aroma. A 'tang-eating man will never
be
heard ordering a "Decaf Cafe Latte with Skim" and he will never,
ever
know what artificial sweetner tastes like. If you've had Nutrasweet
in your mouth,you've had a dick there too.
6. If you know more than six names of colors or four different types
of dessert, you might as well be handing out free passes to your
ass. A real man doesn't have memory space in his brain to remember
all of that
crap as well as all the names of all the players in the Major
league, NFL,
NBA, college ball, PGA, and Nascar. If you can pick out chartreusse
or
you know what a "fresier" is you're gay. And if you can name ANY
type of
textile other than denim, you are faggadocious!
7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it...your hungry
for the meat-popsicle. A man only puts both hands on the wheel to
honk at a slow-ass driver or to cut the sumbitchoff. The rest of the
time
he needs that hand to change the radio station, eat his hamburger,
hold
his beer, grab the bi-atch in the passenger seat (whoever she
happens to be),
or, if he's Latino, talk on his cell-phone.
8. If you enjoy romantic comedies or French films, mon-frere, vous
sonnez le Gay, oui? The only time it is acceptable to watch one of
those is with a
woman who knows how to reward her man.
Watching any of the above films by yourself or with another man is
likely to result in SHC (spontaneous homosexual combustion), which
is what
happens to fags when they flame out too quickly. So follow the rules
and
beware...or keep that shit to yourself,
faggot........................
User Reviews
Submitted by Spooner (user info) at 2004-03-08 18:36:39 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Wow, Denis_Leary, you sure have some good gaydar on ya. Wonder where you get it from.
Submitted by Mr._Rude (user info) at 2004-03-08 18:14:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Fucking genious.
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2004-01-24 06:36:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
This is horrible. Basically, if anyone's not a neanderthalic (might be a word, might not) imbecile he's gay.
I'm 25, I like the theater, I know the words to seveal musicals, I own two cats, I speak well, I like to read, write, and think, I don't drink, and I'm not a fat slob. In addition to all that I know more about football, basketball, and basketball than most people, I was in the military for five years, and I'm married...to a woman.
I guess I'm FLAMING though.
Submitted by Zoidberg (user info) at 2003-08-20 22:04:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Im the litmus test for gayness now? lol thats cool
Submitted by Hairsphincter (user info) at 2003-08-20 19:30:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
mon-frere, vous sonnez le Gay, oui?
Submitted by Semi_Random_Joe (user info) at 2003-08-20 16:45:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
What if you actually live in France?
Come to think of it, I took a girl to the cinema the other day and we saw Mes Enfants ne sont pas comme les autres --possibly the gayest film of all time not involving sodomy. It was so crap this girl won't return my calls. This movie not only sucked, it also swallowed, retched it up, dribbled it onto another movie's arsehole, proceeded to bang that, came, then felched out the combined cum. That's how bad it was.
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2003-08-20 16:25:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
what is the french film has whores and massive violence in it?
Submitted by Nicole3 (user info) at 2003-08-20 14:27:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
http://www.theonion.com/onion3932/infograph_3932.html
Submitted by DJMattB241 (user info) at 2003-08-20 12:55:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
guilty of 3,6,7.
that makes me 38% gay.
hm. calling zoidberg.
lol ONE WAY TO FIND OUT FOR SURE, RIGHT?!
Submitted by Quartermain (user info) at 2003-08-20 12:53:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
**A straight man only sucks bar-b-q ribs, crab-claws, raw oysters, craw-fish guts, pickled pigs
feet, or titties.**
What about cigars?
Submitted by MickGinny (user info) at 2003-08-20 12:26:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
i am positive on #2 and #6 am i gay?
http://www.ubersite.com/cgi-bin/message_get.cgi?message=105660134534589486
Submitted by dagrag (user info) at 2003-08-20 12:11:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I think this post is funny because of the hypocrisy.
Submitted by Hugeos (user info) at 2003-08-20 11:56:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
'free passes to your ass' - amuse.
Where the hell did the insult gaylord come from though? Does it mean that they are indeed Lord of all the Gays?
Anyone html-lit enough to ever bother doing a gay-people-love-us site in the same vein as the black-people-love-us site that ROCKS? Spoof at its best.
Submitted by streetpunk (user info) at 2003-08-20 11:32:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
this was gay and I like foriegn films. I watched Amelie with my roommate who happens to be a guy just the other day and I am not into sucking dick. I think Dennis here is in denial.
Peace,
STREETPUNK
Submitted by Rivers_Liebig (user info) at 2003-08-20 11:07:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
It was still pretty funny, despite the obvious hypocrisy.
Submitted by Denis_Leary (user info) at 2003-08-20 11:03:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Shut up Razor. Just shut up. That's the most predictable thing that could have come out of you or anyone else.
Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2003-08-20 10:55:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
If you can pick out chartreusse or you know what a "fresier" is you're gay.
I guess that the author of this post is gay, since logically he has to know what a fresier is to say that someone is gay if they know what it is.
Submitted by Insanethemind (user info) at 2003-08-20 10:54:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
This post would be a lot better if you substituted sissy, or girly man (Austrian accent) for gay, fag, flamer, whatever. I do a lot of those things and I am not gay.
Submitted by johnnyOZ (user info) at 2003-08-20 10:54:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Nice... I've got one:
- If you wear tennis shoes from the parking lot to your desk, then change into dress shoes, you are probably a queerbait.
Submitted by Rivers_Liebig (user info) at 2003-08-20 10:42:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Eee... 3/8 (if you count artificial sweetner as one)
Oh well. I can always call up Zoidberg. Someone had better explain this to Lu for me.