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god damn insects... (1066 hits)

Category: None

Rating: 1.4 on 7 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
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Submitted by EvilZurr <EvilZurr.at.gundamwing.net> (View user info) at 2003-08-21 21:56:05 EDT


ok, i live in southern california. i moved here from northern illinois. with that in mind, you need to take a few things into mind:

1) in illinois, there are mosquitoes almost all year round. there are barely any here.
2) in illinois there is a meager supply of flies. there are many here.
3) in illinois, there are daddy long legs and wolf spiders. here, there are black widows in my back yard.
4) i have arachnaphobia.

on those notes: moving here was traumatic enough as it was. the end. the first night i slept here, i slept on my couch because i did not like my bed. the second night here, i slept in my bed and woke up at 1 am with a black widow 2 inches from my face. i hate spiders... every summer since then, ive noticed how the insect populations move in and out, like an ebb and flow of tiny assholes bent on pissing me off... during the winter, my yard turns into a decently clean acre of iceplant and poinsettias. at a max, the flies come around every once in a while and buzz around. no worries. i dont mind insects really. they all serve their point for the most part.

during the summer though, its best to stay in doors. my yard becomes littered with little white funnel webs, making it impossible to walk around without watching your step (these spiders ARE deadly...). you cant really turn lights on at night, or mosquitoes and mosquitoe hawks come in the house and tend to land RIGHT ON MY TV! my doorways become hazards in the mornings when giant spiders make webs aross the frames just in time for you to get a shower and walk into their webs. i did this the other day and had to quickly tear off my dress shirt (for work) because 2 spiders were starting to go down my loose collar. i have to sweep my bathroom every day son as to clear out the moths and spiders that decided that they had the right to move in on my shit.

you see, its not that im squeamish or anything: its just that after seeing arachnaphobia and then waking up with the deadliest spider in North America on your pillow doesnt exactly put me in the best mood. also: that feeling you get when youre doing something and you feel something crawl into your pants or something isnt exactly my favorite feeling in the world. spiders have no real purpose setting up shop in my house. all i want to know is WHY GOD WHY!?!

i lost where i was going with this...

AAMagrider.jpg (28 kB)

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User Reviews


Submitted by Ainkara (user info) at 2003-12-12 01:20:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 1

I'm scared of spiders too... and since I live in Australia, every damn year we get big ass spiders in our house. Luckily, we don't get funnelwebs here since i'm in Western Aust. Occasionally though its amusing to see my cats chasing a spider and eating one of it's legs. Even funnier when my brother freaks out because a spider crawled across his foot. (These are mostly Huntsmans for all of you down here)

Submitted by Embryophagous (user info) at 2003-12-12 01:04:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 0

In reality, Black Widows pose very little threat to people. Yes, they are venomous but the chances of being bitten are extremely remote and less than 5% of bites are even fatal (though it's not fun!). You have a higher chance of slipping and cracking your head open in the shower than dying from a bite. Also, they do not build "funnel webs"; that is another species of spider. Respect them for the awesome creatures they are.

In what ways is a Brown Recluse bite worse than a Black Widow? I'm interested in knowing. Personally, I'll take the rotting dermal ulcer over the respiratory paralysis and severe nausea.

Submitted by Helpertin <me.at.fakeemails.com> at 2003-08-22 10:45:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

I'll admit, while Black Widows are bad news, the Brown Recluse is worse in ways.

Sure while if bitten it won't kill you if your a healthy young lad/lass but a sizable chunk of skin where you got bit will simply die. Then you will have to walk around for a month with a bunch of dead flesh wherever it was you were bitten. Yikes! Watch yourself. Arachnaphobia sort of pissed me off... that damn little bitchy girl was ALWAYS saved because she would just whine and scream all the time. If there was one person in that film I wanted to have been killed it was her. I hate fucking kids, always loud, obnoxious and above all stupid. Good thing for me I"m now a young adult 8/ *sighs*

Death to youth.

Submitted by kinney69 (user info) at 2003-08-22 01:01:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Word, flapjack, word.

I'm not afraid of spiders, but my sister is. She freaks out when a little black spider skitters across the floor. I laugh, pick it up, and chase her with it. The only down side is, she has a good fifty to seventy pounds on me.

Once the spider is gone, I'm in shit.

Black Widows, however, would scare the shit out of me.



Submitted by EvilZurr (user info) at 2003-08-21 23:05:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

yaya. back in Illinois i was set. i hate california with the fiery passion of a thousand fiery passion of a thousand fiery suns!

Submitted by Flapjacksupreme (user info) at 2003-08-21 22:34:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2


Shit, that's some creepy stuff.

California might be warmer and sunny all year, but at least here in Canada all the deadly exotic insects die off in the winter; except the occasional Black Widow we get from you guys, hiding in our grapes.

Submitted by MOssiah (user info) at 2003-08-21 22:17:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Cement your entire property and put up those electric blue fly killer things everywhere.

In Australia, we have to put up with the deadliest spiders, snakes, reptiles... if it can kill you, it lives here.

Though most of us tend to stay away from them, except of course for the Crocodile Hunter, who... of course... encapsulates the essence and feeling of the quintessential Australian.

...not


Bart: Hey, Santa, what's shaking?

Homer: What's your name, Bart ... ner? -- er, little partner?

Bart: I'm Bart Simpson. Who the hell are you?

Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire