Help, We're Being Raped! (539 hits)
Category: HumorRating: 1.33 on 5 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Espo <esposhp319.at.yahoo.com> (View user info) at 2003-09-03 12:28:49 EDT
I've been away for a few days, so here goes.
This is one of hopefully a few more to come. Stay Tuned. Hope you like it.
That's right, folks. You and I, along with the rest of humanity, are being raped each and every day. I speak not of the well-publicized "rape" that one would normally think of. I am not talking about walking through Compton at 2am rape. I am not ranting about federal pound-me-in-the-ass prison rape. I am talking about normal, everyday experiences that rape the very pockets and souls of our society at large.
Example 1:
Ink.
Ink has been around for millennia in one form or another. The Egyptians wrote on papyrus with
the ink made from indigenous plants. The Sumerians wrote in Cuneiform on un-dried slabs of clay. The Native Americans used different inks and dyes to paint totem poles and decorate tribal gear. Purple, in particular, has always been a sign of elegance and majesty due to its difficulty to produce as an ink or dye.
An impartial observer might venture a guess stating that ink, due to its necessity in ours as
well as prior societies, would have a relatively low cost. Ink, like paper and green lava lamps in the shape of a rocket, is an essential not only for communication, but for the good of society in general.
Most people, when writing formal documents, use a computer, as we are blessed with the wondrous technological advances of our age. The printer transfers what we type and see on the screen to actual paper. A simple process to even the most slow-minded of us, which is an ample percentage. Ink, is the final link. From your brain, to your hands, to the keyboard, to the screen, to the page, ink is that last link in the chain of modern day communication. Yet, for 5 cartridges of ink, you could practically buy 3 computers, with screens and DVD burners, and still have money
left over to go grocery shopping for a week for a family of 14.
I recently went to purchase a color ink cartridge from a local electronics shop. I went prepared with the number and make of the cartridge written down on a little piece of paper in my wallet,
so as not to buy the wrong one. After perusing the isles for the ink cartridges, I finally happened upon my El Dorado - the accessory isle; filled with such marvels as staples, refillable highlighters, and paperclips.
At the end of the row, on the right hand side, were the ink cartridges: the source of my sore sphincter and ever diminishing wallet size. Piled high to the ceiling, they were, with all the brands and models available and watchful, ready to pop the cherry of some unsuspecting patron. I decided to go with a blunt approach, and walked swiftly down the isle to confront my assailant. But, alas, it was to no avail. Even from 5 feet away, I got a glimpse of their primary weapon - the medium in which they have raped so many printer-using individuals - their prices.
It almost boggles the mind. To look at these small, easy to produce, and essential plastic cartridges, and then to glance at the price - it is truly a symbol of the power of the rapists. FIFTY DOLLARS for ONE cartridge of ink. Could this be a sick and twisted joke? Could it be
that some ignoramus had switched the price tags with a different, more costly product? No, the names on the tags matched the product. There had been no mistake - the ink cartridge heathens
had me once again, pants around my ankles and bent over, crying for them to stop.
After a few minutes, I regained the ability to breathe normally, and managed to pull out the dildo....err, well, needless to say, I managed to pick out the correct rapist...uh, I mean cartridge and went to pay for it. My whole body told me I was doing something wrong, something unnatural
and evil, but like so many crack-whores in the past, I knew the answer: it must be done. I
forked over the money for the ink, for the power to communicate with other, a power I had paid
with not only with my wallet, but with my ink virginity. No longer was I some innocuous innocent wondering about with no cares or worries...I had been taken advantage of without consent,
Kobe-style, and introduced into the dark, menacing world of ink rape.
So please, do not be fooled by corporate propaganda or marketing ballyhoo. The ink cartridges
are here to hurt you, and in more than one place. We must fight back, against the rapists.
Fight, I tell you, fight for you right to communicate! Down with the ink rapists! Viva la ink virginity!
peace
espo
stop.the.rape.psd (479 kB) [application/octet-stream]
User Reviews
Submitted by DJMattB241 (user info) at 2003-09-03 15:06:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ive been to a computer show.
you should DEFINATELY check these out.
Black ink: $5
Color ink: $10
+2 cuz you used to pay as much as me.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2003-09-03 14:27:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
If you think ink is bad, look up the cost of a fountain coke vs. what you pay for it in a restaurant.
Submitted by lowsodiummonkey (user info) at 2003-09-03 14:19:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Hahahahaha....
I've done this once. I forgot to convert my work to a gif or jpeg and posted the psd file instead.
Submitted by jimmy23 at 2003-09-03 12:45:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
it worked, just you have to open it up. nice though
Submitted by EspoDmouth (user info) at 2003-09-03 12:30:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm an idiot, the pic didnt work. Oh well.
peace
espo