Paging Mr. Alky Hall (936 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1 on 28 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Natalie <nataliefortin.at.yahoo.com> (View user info) at 2003-09-04 15:25:31 EDT
This started out as an email I was going to send someone on here who expressed interest in AA, but since there were several people who expressed the same interest I thought I would post it. It's not an advertisement for, well, anything. It's just my point of view, and hopefully something in it will be useful in whatever way it's employed.
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I've been in Al-anon for 11 years (I'm 25). My dad has been sober for 12 years; my mother is still actively seeking any substance she can ingest. The 'G' word still makes my skin crawl. I don't bow my head and say the Serenity Prayer or the Lord's Prayer at the beginning and end of meetings like others do. I'm self-righteous enough to get annoyed with people who have whole conversations of parroted-back lines from the literature. But then I realize that they do it because they NEED something to hang onto to get through whatever they're dealing with. Same thing with god this, god that. I'm going to go out on a limb and say that it's more the newer people and those going through a really rough spot who parrot things. It is a more constructive thing, in my opinion, to hang onto rather than going back to the old ways that weren't working for them.
You said something about not being able to give up power to something that wasn't scientifically or logically solid (to paraphrase). Same here. I interpret the whole 'power greater than ourselves' idea as basically just getting out of yourself. It's so easy to get and stay caught in that circle of crap that swims around in the head and seems to never have a logical end. "If you work on your mind with your mind, how can you avoid an immense confusion?" Some dead Asian guy said it ;) i.e. If I'm so good at handling things, why are things so fucked up?
I'm rambling now, so I'll get to what I THINK was the reason I'm emailing you! My 'version' of the 'G' word (gah! I hate it I tell you!):
1. Biology class in high school: Matter/energy cannot be destroyed or created only altered. Something like that. That immediately struck me as an amazingly huge thing. There is the same amount of energy on this planet now as there was a million years ago. No matter what you do. Ever. When I die, my atoms will become part of something else.
2. I took a class in college called Faith/Reason/Imagination. The teacher was Jewish. I don't know if that makes any difference to anyone, I'm just saying it. He was so incredible; he could have been telling us that god was actually the giant football player sitting in the back row, and we would have thought that was the best idea ever because he was so excited by the ideas and things that were thrown around that class. Even the guy who used to sleep through any class was sitting up and enthralled. I wish so much that I were a better writer and so could recapture the pivotal moment I had in that class. I can't remember how he put it, but one day he was talking about how god (skincrawlingskincrawling) was in every human being. Something about looking into another person's eyes to see god, not going to a church or having imaginary conversations with some being in your head. For whatever reason that day all these strangers who would never normally speak to each other or even bother to look each other in the eye started taking a look. Right in the eyes. You know when you're walking down a street and you're surrounded by people, but you don't acknowledge each other and you're still alone? Imagine the complete and utter opposite. I locked eyes with this human being a few rows down from me, and I was seeing...myself. Everyone had chills. After a few moments of this, it dissipated into kind of an awkward shuffling of papers and getting back to business. But for one period of time- we all saw it.
I've tried to remember what exactly was said that day to spark this. I just can't. What I have come up with to explain it (because that's what stubborn intellects do) is this: We ARE all the same. Not a soul looking at this has not felt love. Or anger. Hate, jealousy, insecurity, confusion. We react differently to various stimuli, but it's all there. That is the connection we have with each other. That is bigger than I am.
While other people in meetings are praying to their god, I'm looking around at them thinking of these things. I don't believe in a personified creature that will strike me down. I don't even believe in something that has cohesive thoughts. It's only time, space, and energy going on and on no matter what anyone does, and me in the middle of it hoping I can pass on part of this disgusting sickly sweet positivity I feel most of the time so that no one else has to feel like shit.
*Pardon any spelling/grammar errors. I wanted to finish this as fast as possible to keep it honest.
User Reviews
Submitted by angrykoz (user info) at 2003-12-29 22:38:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I wanna lick you!!!
Submitted by Natophelia (user info) at 2003-11-05 11:13:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No. Not a 'load'. You either can't relate (not a flaw with my words or ideas), or it just doesn't help you (also not my problem). Move along, move along...
That or you're being super clever and saying something really funny and friendly, and I don't get it. Oh well.
Submitted by yidele (user info) at 2003-11-04 18:15:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
what a load. Allow me to quote from MY jewish professor:
"I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam. I looked into the soul of the boy next to me."
and
Harry: "Women are God"
Hilly: "God's a woman?"
Harry: " Im not saying that God's a woman - let me put it this way:
There are women! We don't know if there's a god, but there are women!
Not in some imaginary heaven, but right here on earth - and some of them
shop at victoria's secret"
Submitted by Murphy1844 (user info) at 2003-11-04 17:48:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Natophelia (user info) at 2003-09-19 14:50:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I hope NA works out better for you!
Submitted by Insanethemind (user info) at 2003-09-19 10:43:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Natophelia (user info) at 2003-09-18 15:50:47 (#)
Ranking: 0
How long have you been going?
_____________________________________________________________________________
Off and on (much more off than on) for 5 years. I went to about 3 meetings last week, but I keep catching myself checking out the women, going there high, wanting to leave and get high, wanting to puke on some of the people there, etc.
I love what AA does for some people. I hate being one of those people.
I am going to be attending some NA meetings in the near future. We shall see how those go. I think they will be much more up my alley than AA.
INSANE
Submitted by Natophelia (user info) at 2003-09-19 10:14:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
And you, Mr. Chicken ;) I think I might rent that this weekend. I love stupid movies.
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2003-09-19 04:35:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Sci Fi channel late night sort of movie nowadays. I saw it once about 3 months ago, and that was the first time in like 5 or 6 years. You'll have to look carefully for it.
by the by, nice to meet you.. since I'm new.
Submitted by Natophelia (user info) at 2003-09-18 23:40:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"some people need a sense of support from outside to keep them standing tall inside. They can't drag themselves up without it. Others drag themselves up out of a sense of disgust with what they've become."
Or both...I continue going because I remember what I was like before. Left on my own without people around me who've had the same experiences and still managed to drastically change...it probably wouldn't be pretty after a while :)
Heh..I still haven't seen that movie, only the spoof on Saturday Night Live years ago. "It's peeeeeeeeeoplllllle!"
Submitted by Yes at 2003-09-18 22:12:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
sorry, i'll try something more obscure next time....
Submitted by Natophelia (user info) at 2003-09-18 22:07:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Well that didn't take long...anuses.
Submitted by Natophelia (user info) at 2003-09-18 22:06:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
haaaaahahahahahahahahaaa Well I was going to watch a movie, but now I really need to know the answer to that! I'm off on a quest now...
Submitted by Yes at 2003-09-18 22:03:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
really? wow, um, no thanks though, i don't touch other members... only anus...um... anusi... anuses... anus's... anuss... hmm... what is the plural for anus?
Submitted by Natophelia (user info) at 2003-09-18 21:54:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Actually, Yes, they don't advertise this, but once a month all the men get together and have a circle jerk. You should join.
Submitted by Yes at 2003-09-18 20:54:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
very true Mr. GodChicken... but some of us just say fuck it and masturbate into the great abyss.....
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2003-09-18 20:45:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
" 1. Biology class in high school: Matter/energy cannot be destroyed or created only altered. Something like that. That immediately struck me as an amazingly huge thing. There is the same amount of energy on this planet now as there was a million years ago. No matter what you do. Ever. When I die, my atoms will become part of something else. "
While we're here, can I interest you in buying a stock option in my new company, Soylent? we have this new product line, Soylent Green, coming out next year....
Aside from the twisted joke, I can identify with this post quite well. I dont begrudge those who chant their mantras against their own personal demons, some people need a sense of support from outside to keep them standing tall inside. They can't drag themselves up without it. Others drag themselves up out of a sense of disgust with what they've become.
Submitted by Natophelia (user info) at 2003-09-18 15:50:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
How long have you been going?
Submitted by Insanethemind (user info) at 2003-09-18 15:21:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I missed this originaly.
Nice. I go to AA, albeit sporadicaly.
I do not want to feel like I have to go there to be functioning.
So far, I am doing well enough without it this week. When I do go, it is usually for the wrong reason anyway.
Submitted by Natophelia (user info) at 2003-09-08 22:32:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
heh..I keep giving myself random rankings. Screw it.
Submitted by Natophelia (user info) at 2003-09-08 22:30:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Thanks much :) Don't worry about sporadic ramblings. Sometimes free flowing writing makes a stronger point than something that's been picked to death.
As much as I owe my life to AlAnon/AA, I know that it's not for everyone. I really believe you have to be at 'a certain point' for it to work for you. There are as many breaking points as there are individuals. Luckily (I think) I was 13 when I hit mine. All the shit my friends were going through later as teenagers, I'd already been through.
"you are that redhead right? yea natophelia. and you are an artist who calls yourself an artist(why do other artists get annoyed when a fellow artist refers to themselves as an artist?)"
That be me! I don't know why any artist would get annoyed. I've only encountered one... There's a million of us out there. It's a special thing to have a talent, but it's not like anyone or any group has that market cornered. Oh well.
goddamnit I like your redhead pics ;)
Submitted by MickGinny (user info) at 2003-09-08 14:59:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
fuckin' A! i really liked what you had to say and how you said it.
i tried aa and na i got zero from it. im not saying i went to meetings looking for the meetings to do the work and help me, i went when i was saying to myself, "self, you get your ass there cause maybe you will learn something to help yourself,..self."
ultimately, i cleaned up from drugs by grace, thats the only possible reason because i was a hopeless junkie.
i sometimes think of going to a meeting and stating this; you are not a failure at your rehabilitation if you think this is stupid and it bores the shit out of you, and you can smoke pot because it is not an addictive drug. dont drink, or do drugs. smoke pot.
i drink and sometimes i get outta hand with it, but i can put it down whenever i want.
that statement pisses aa na people off, but for me it works.
i have to get shitty once in awhile. thats me. everyone is different.
i dont believe that religion has anything in common with God. ive said this before, i believe god hates religion.
i have alot of thoughts but dont want to take the time to make it flow so here are my sporadic ramblings to you.
you are that redhead right? yea natophelia. and you are an artist who calls yourself an artist(why do other artists get annoyed when a fellow artist refers to themselves as an artist?)
goddamnitt i like you! even if you werent a flame brain. that is a plus though.
Submitted by Natophelia (user info) at 2003-09-08 14:08:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I should clarify something for anyone who stumbles across this since I've met several people who'd heard of AA but not AlAnon. AlAnon is not the same as AA. AA is for the alcoholics, Alanon is for the families of alcoholics. Same steps and everything. Wherever you find an AA meeting, you'll usually find an AlAnon meeting in the room next door. The families of the first groups of people who got sober using AA found that they were still nutcases even though the alcoholics weren't drinking. They behaved just like the drunks minus the booze. Voila- AlAnon.
It's kind of a dumb misleading name, but there it is. Okay, not kind of. I've always thought it was stupid.
BongZilla- I didn't continue this conversation any further because I don't generally discuss religion or politics in any depth with anyone who isn't a close friend, but I've been thinking about things you've said. I just wanted to say thanks :)
Submitted by BongZilla (user info) at 2003-09-05 04:26:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I just find it too hard that matter just happened without reason. Why is the periodic table so uniform? By coincendence? I think not. I believe that some thing that is so perfect had to have an author, like that of a great novel. It doesn't just come about. I've had way too may science classes, which have only confirmed my faith and what i believe. I am a child of science, but that had only reinforced what i already believed.
-BongZilla
Submitted by Natophelia (user info) at 2003-09-04 20:27:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Bong, now you're making me think! Imagine that...
Maybe matter wasn't matter as we know it, but in another form? Energy? What kind of energy? Don't know. Maybe THAT is "god". In wich case that make sense to me. I just don't neccessarily believe the bible stories. For now it's enough for me to know that there is something bigger than I am, and that I'm not actually in as much control as I try to be sometimes.
And damnit, wouldn't you know, I have to run off for the night. More rehearsals. I don't wanna goooooooooo :( Oh well...
Submitted by Natophelia (user info) at 2003-09-04 20:15:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Big Bang Theory- all matter was already there but condensed into a tiny space. Before that...I don't have the answer :)
Submitted by Natophelia (user info) at 2003-09-04 20:13:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I guess I didn't insult enough people to get a response. Screw all of you! Raaahhh! Raaahhh! ;)
I'm giving this a +2 so I don't change the rating that's already there.
Thanks Street :)
And I shouldn't have said "me in the middle." I'm certainly not the center.
Submitted by BongZilla (user info) at 2003-09-04 20:11:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"Matter/energy cannot be destroyed or created only altered." Then how do you explain the beginning/creation/whatever of the universe? Matter doesn't create itself.
-BongZilla
Submitted by streetpunk (user info) at 2003-09-04 17:42:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I am agnostic. i don't know what god is. I don't think we are supposed to know what god is. Well written and thought out post, I identify with a lot of those same thoughts.