An Average Day In A Devious Mind. (868 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 0.77 on 12 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by MOssiah (View user info) at 2003-09-05 00:47:17 EDT
Preface: Is it wrong to steal from work? Do the ill gotten gains that we procure play upon our minds, or do we feel just in taking the stationary, making free calls and billing for time we are at lunch? Do we believe that we somehow deserve these things? When it comes down to it it's a question of ethics, and of morals that can only be answered on a personal note. How far do YOU draw the line?
~ An Average Day In A Devious Mind ~
It was 9.45am, I was late for work at the law firm. I calmly waltzed in, knowing that a rush would give the game away that I just arrived. I proceeded to my desk, where the computer was left on, and some small personal trinkets lay about, to give the impression to those passing earlier that I was in fact here, and that I was probably sending a document to court, or seeing a client. It's a trick I've implemented a few times the day before when I know that I have a big night ahead of me.
I crack open a packet of Berocca from the first drawer, to stem the headache and rising nausea caused by the nights events. I'm still amazed by it's rejuvinating power, ten years after consuming my first. As I breathe in the fizz, and have a large gulp, I contemplate the days events.
The email, of course, has to be checked. I must know what boring anecdotes and lousy pictures my associates have sent me. After reading the ones I deem important, and deleting the forwarded nonsense, I arise and head to the staff kitchen.
I proceed to ingest all the Kingston biscuits in sight. The ones I can't shove in my mouth, I palm in my hand before heading back to my desk to give them the same treatment. My usual work breakfast. I'm still surprised when I hear moans that someones taken all the good biscuits. You'd think they would have figured it out by now.
After my delicious if not nutritious breakfast I settle down to work. That is, I open my documents on the computer before opening up Ubersite amidst other amusing webpages I frequent.
I thirst. A trip to the partners kitchen is in order. I peek my head around to make sure the coast is clear before taking a good serving of pulp enriched orange juice from the fridge. I see some Tim Tams there. Someone was obviously saving them for a special occasion, as they weren't in the staff kitchen. I decide that this is a fairly special occasion in that I found them.
Content for now, I listen to some VNV Nation rubbing Tim Tam crumbs off my shirt, whilst I sift through evidence for an ongoing case. The thrills and spills of law. My contentedness lasts for an hour or so, before I tire of this task and take my customary trip round the office, giving a "Hi there, how's it going?" and an occasional "So, what'cha got planned for the weekend?" This usually only takes about fifteen minutes, and keeps up appearances with the crew.
After a lunch which takes an hour and a half, (it is, after all, Friday) half of which I write off as speaking to clients, I return to my desk and once again check my email. I check in on the partners and give them a "hidely ho" Ned Flanders style, which seems to amuse them every time for some unfathomable reason. I ask them what they would like for work drinks.
I have managed to place myself in a niche area where I get to order the "Friday after work drinks". This has benefits as I'm sure you can imagine. I order the expensive wines they want, some single malt Scotch, a case of Heineken, some James Boags, and some Redback, before proceeding to go and pick them up. This, as always, warrants a pre-tasting session... merely to ensure the quality of the goods, of course.
As the end of the day rolls ever near, I sit at my desk, nursing a bottle of Redback, awaiting the end of the day. I suppose work isn't all bad, as long as you don't have to do much.
User Reviews
Submitted by Insanethemind (user info) at 2003-09-16 10:21:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Sounds like great work.
Submitted by Yes at 2003-09-05 12:27:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
not bad at all... you work too much though.... jesus, I think I'd have three more ulcers if I had to do all that.. ON A FRIDAY!
Submitted by Semi_Random_Joe (user info) at 2003-09-05 06:38:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I have created a monster
Submitted by Hairsphincter (user info) at 2003-09-05 03:01:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Mos - I got your e-mail and I intend to reply - I've been under the pump today.
Submitted by Miss_Sim (user info) at 2003-09-05 02:52:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Personally for breakfast I don't mind the ol' gingernut.
Submitted by MOssiah (user info) at 2003-09-05 02:49:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Thank you Miss Sim.
Ah yes. Kingstons. The cornerstone of any nutritious breakfast.
Submitted by Miss_Sim (user info) at 2003-09-05 02:22:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Bloody hell - nearly choked on my Diet Coke when I read the Kingstons line. Mmmmmmmm Kingstons. Good writing MOssiah - keep it up.
Submitted by MOssiah (user info) at 2003-09-05 01:45:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Chip - Yep. They let me into the legal profession. I don't dress like this for work. I wear a suit and slick my hair back mafia style. Hi hair. Did you get the email I sent you.
Submitted by Hairsphincter (user info) at 2003-09-05 01:32:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Chip - he's Australian.
Submitted by chipolatte (user info) at 2003-09-05 01:16:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
they let THAT be a lawyer? where has this country gone...
Submitted by Illicit_Joe (user info) at 2003-09-05 00:53:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
MOssiah, we've seen your ugly mug already, once is enough. Good story though.
-2 for ugly
+2 for writing perfection
Submitted by Hairsphincter (user info) at 2003-09-05 00:52:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
For Kingstons alone.