Going to a movie? (656 hits)
Category: Movies & TVRating: 0 on 9 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by <Master.at.13.cc> (View user info) at 2003-09-06 17:53:55 EDT
Today I went to see Cheepers Creepers 2. I must say, the movie wasn't that great, except for the part were the murderer dude ripped his own head off and replaced it with some dumbass football player's. Holy shit that ruled. Another cool part was when the murderer thing flew away with that bus driver. She was old and bitchy - she had it coming to her. But what really ruined the movie was the people in the fucking theater.
There weren't more than 20 people the theater, but it only takes one dipshit to ruin the movie. After the movie, I met up with one of the fuckers I'm about to mention and slammed his face through a wall. So, if you're going to a movie, chances are I or someone as badass as me will be going too, so here's some tips on how to avoid getting your ass kicked after a movie. Everything I'm about to mentioned happened at random intervals during the movie:
Cell Phones:
I must have heard 3 different cell phones go off. The people who answered them were obviously the same kind of dipshits who ruin ubersite - teens. Once their annoying ring tone went off, they immediately started running their mouths. "Yeah, hun, I'm watching this oh so scary movie! Ahh!!! Like wow...... this is soooooo scary! Oh my God did you see her shoes last week blah blah blah..." Here's a hint: If you're going to a movie, TURN OFF YOUR FUCKING CELL PHONE. If you can't tolerate not speaking to your friends about every little thing, then you shouldn't be in a movie theater.
Annoying group of 5 housewives with their children:
These are adults who have nothing better to do than go to every movie with all of their neighborhood friends. Obviously, since their husbands are working their asses off so they can support their dead weight wive's asses, they can't leave their kids at home. The result is two rows of perfectly good seats taken up by idiots. The women are all in their 30's, and they always talk to each other with their annoying New York City accents and their even more annoying laughs. Sometimes the wives aren't the problem - it's the kids. During this particular movie, the kids were screaming their heads off, to the point where one kid had to be escorted out by their mother. This happened right at the part where some guy got his head chopped off by the murderer and landed in front of everyone. THE MOVIE IS RATED R FOR A REASON, LEAVE THE KIDS AT HOME OR GO SEE A G RATED MOVIE.
Two know-it-all preteens and their deadweight father:
During the movie, two kids in the back were making sure everyone heard them when they said "Oh my God! He's trying to fly!" "Murderers can't fly!" "Yes they can!!" "He just died." "The windows blew out." "The father just shot a spear through him!" Like the last category, if you escort your kid and his friend in into an R rated movie, don't forget to bring extra duct tape, so if they don't shut up, you can take care of it in 10 seconds.
Really-cool, sexy-stud, show-off-to-all-the-girls, laser-pen-carrying-9th-grader:
There is always one of these groups of barely-highschoolers in any given movie. They'll come in groups of 4 (2 boys, 2 girls). One of them will have a laser pen, the other will come along so he can act cool like he's the one being badass. During the best part of the movie, they'll shine a laser pen on the screen. Their girlfriends will laugh and when the usher comes in they can't do anything about it because they are not legally allowed to search their pockets. At the end of the movie the run out of the theater laughing their faces off and can be seen at the back of the building smoking every possible illegal drug they can get their hands on as you pull out of the theater parking lot.
Pussy-ish couple:
Always, there will be those few couples in the crowd sit on the ends of isles who bring coats to "keep them warm in the really cold movie theater." Today it was 86 degrees, but the couple 5 rows in front of me, the wife had a coat. During non-suspenseful part of the movie, like the part where the monster can be seen for half a second flying really fast, she screams, and hides under the jacket. Then, when someone gets killed, they scream even louder and run out of the theater, only to come back in 6 seconds later because her husband and purse are still in the theater.
If you fall into any of these categories, DON'T GO TO R RATED MOVIES. They are rated as such for a reason, dipshit.
User Reviews
Submitted by Otter (user info) at 2003-09-07 02:14:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Waiting for DVD or video is all fine and dandy for dramas and chick flicks, but with action adventures, sci-fi and horror flicks, part of the movie is the sound. Some of us just don't have the cash to dump into a full on surround sound home theater entertainment center.
I actually have started waiting for movies to go to video these days, but some need to be seen in the theater.
My mom had a similar experience when she went to see "Seabiscuit." The problem was not any children. It was the senior citizens believe it or not. My mom is sixty-one and she siad she was the youngest person in the theater.
The old folks were asking their mates "what did he just say?" "the sound is too loud, can you ask them to turn it down?" "I'm cold, give me your coat to wear over mine." "Is the candy open yet?"
My mom said she moved four times to get away from the noisy people. The other thing was, while most of us are smart enought to know that when we walk into a theater and the movie has started, it's going to be dark. The even smarter of us stand at the door way and let our eyes adjust to the dark then proceeed to find a seat. Some old couple who could barely see past their cateracs decided to try to find a seat right away and the old lady almost sat in my mom's lap.
I always hate when you have the theater to yourself, almost, and a group of people, teenagers, young adaults, their all guilty come in and sit right in front of you, or behind you. because they are in a group, they need to talk. I myself have moved to get away from the groups and once a lady seemed insulted by that and made some stupid comment.
I have been known to take a cell phone away from a teeny bopper and chuck it out into the hallway to shut them up. Once I grabbed the phone, told the person on the other end that their friend is at a movie and then shove the cell phone down my pants. That one didn't work too well, though. The teenager started screaming her head off at me making a bigger disturbance than she was before. She left the theater to get the manager and I had the foresight to bail to another seat before she returned.
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2003-09-06 22:54:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
My friend works in a movie theater, so I see a lot of movies for free, and I've never experienced any of the things you mentioned... Guess people are just more polite 'round here.
I gotta agree with Parkersister... if the movie theater experience is so incredibly offensive to you, wait for the DVD.
Submitted by Habitat (user info) at 2003-09-06 22:39:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
You guys talk about Maddox as if he was the first person to ever log onto the internet and type on a website about how he hates stuff.
+1 Because I hate kids too.
Submitted by IndianOcean (user info) at 2003-09-06 21:36:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
ALIREEEET>> WHWTEVER AHOIEMERMEKLIE
Submitted by Fabish (user info) at 2003-09-06 20:35:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
There must be something about seeing shitty movies with very few people in the theatre. When I went to see JEEPERS CREEPERS 2 (you must have accidentally mispelled it...) with a few friends. There were about twelve kids total. Three of which were about nine and decided to bring their three year old asshole of a little brother with them. Before the movie started about seven hundred "How to be Courteous" tips popped up, including: Shut the fuck up and don't explain the entire movie to your three year old shit-headed little brother. But they obviously missed that part and eventually I went and got the manager and he yelled at them...and me for cursing at them and throwing ice at the punk three year old.
Submitted by Jimmy23 (user info) at 2003-09-06 19:22:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
you can't escape the maddox-isque
simply because whenever someone types a rant about something that people hate, he has already done it. So just by default, he wins.
Submitted by Parkersister (user info) at 2003-09-06 18:35:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
So, let me guess...the guy whose face you bashed into the wall was one of those laser pen guys. Big accomplishment. You are soooo badass.
I agree that most people had horrible manners in movie theaters, but if you don't want to be bothered by anyone or anything wait until it comes out on DVD and watch it alone.
Submitted by Illicit_Joe (user info) at 2003-09-06 18:28:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
This is a bit Maddox esque.
Submitted by Jimmy23 (user info) at 2003-09-06 18:06:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I saw this movie the week it came out. I think my experince beats yours.
I was in a crappy movie theater, which is problem number one. The other issues relating to this theater, not knowing when to turn off lighting, not having enough people to work any part of the theater. And basically being a shithole. I was there because its five dollars to get in, the movie just came out and this place is never crowded.
Evidently, the boat just got here from another country. I consider myself an educated person and can recognize six or seven different langueges. But I have never heard this languege or anything like it ever before. Whats worse, is that they were sitting in the front and making comments about it in their little "languege" I refuse to believe its real.
Then at 10:00 at night, kids around 8 and nine are supposed to be at home, not watching scary movies. And not in r rated ones either. I had a group of 2 dozen kids in the front row, scream everytime something happened. It didn't matter what they screamed. On that note, I had two girls sitting behind me, where one was the bitch and the other was the master. I mean, their 8 years old. Don't let the one girl boss you around so much. But noo, the girl had to read, yes, read, the titles and stuff outloud to her. On every thing that had writing on it in the movie.
My friend went to go call someone out of theater and came back and sat down. And when he put his feet on the floor, it was a giant puddle of liquid. We're not too sure about it, but it smelled like piss. So we're calling it piss. One of the little brats behind us, couldn't hold it in anylonger and just let go.
The spanish people across from me, were jabbering in spanish during the movie, and one lady was translating everything from english to spanish for the other chick. I"m a decent guy, BUT DON"T DO THAT IN A FUCKING MOVIE THEATER YOU STUPID SPANISH PEOPLE. Then they had the nerve to say shh to anyone else that talked. Oh my mistake, talking in spanish isn't considering talking anymore? news to me.
Oh, the little brats in the front row had to get up every five seconds and run to get something. Water, soda, popcorn. The entire movie. It wouldn't be so bad, if the two kids that ran to get stuff didn't have pants that almost fall off and make that annoying sound when they rub together on the inside of your legs. The fat kid was wearing a jersey that he really shouldn't have been wearing. And wearing more gold then they weigh. So basically it was this noise. Clank zip zip clank clank zip zip "HOLD ON I GOTTA PULL UP MY PANTS" (yes he said that, loudly) zip zip clank clank.
God, I have an idea too. The smart people get licenses to shoot the stupid people. Like anybody with an iq over this limit gets to shoot people with an iq below this limit.