Why do we have sacks? (2499 hits)
Category: HumorRating: 0.9 on 45 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by SubstnceP (View user info) at 2003-09-08 09:25:17 EDT
I got punted in the sack the other day. Long story short, I pissed off my sister and she booted me directly in the balls. Immediately I dropped to both knees and my stomach felt like my jewels were trying to fight it from the bottom. My father used to tell me that I felt like this because my gonads fly north for protection. After a half an hour of dry heaving and intense tingling...I asked myself one question. Why do we have sacks? To hold our balls I know...but why do they have to hang outside of our bodies?
Having gone to a medical school; I know the answer is to maintain a stable temperature to allow for sperm development. But for argument sake...why can't they be inside? Face it guys, nut sacks in general look gross. Like shriveled skin bags after your dog chewed on them awhile, they are really not pleasant to stare at. My major gripe is how woman have ovaries inside of their bodies, but still maintain a formidable habitat for egg growth. Think of the power we, as men, would have if our balls were inside of our bodies. Granted a quick shot to the peni hurts too, but I think that most of that pain is due to simple fear that our balls are close by.
In a more perfect world, our testicles would be positioned directly below our kidneys, on either side of our bladder. Think about the possibilities....
1) We would no longer fear the foot attack of our female enemies.
2) The phrase "Got me by the balls" would no longer be valid.
3) The influx in body temperature would allow for super sperm, capable of longer flying distances.
4) In battle, we could perform "leap" attacks onto the heads of our foes.
5) The cup would no longer be a necessity. (Unless your johnson is super sensitive)
6) Wrestling would not be as gay.
7) Our bodies would be more aerodynamic.
The only downside to not having balls outside of our bodies, would be no longer enjoying a good oldfashion tea-bag. There really is nothing like having your balls sucked on by a large breasted, cleanly shaven female. A small price to pay for never having your testis kicked in again I suppose.
User Reviews
Submitted by slowlyrotting (user info) at 2004-03-26 11:51:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I can "answer" this "question".
Men have "sacks" so that when you we are doing it "anal" & "doggystyle" they can flap against our female companions's "lips" and make that delicous "plop" sound!
I don't know "why" I have a quotation mark fetish.
Thank You.
Submitted by Nator (user info) at 2004-03-21 17:50:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
"women have higher pain thresholds"
What utter feminist-invented bullshit
No, it's true.
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-03-18 18:23:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by SPE (user info) at 2004-03-18 05:56:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You people ruin everything.
Submitted by kgbpasha (user info) at 2004-03-18 05:31:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
There really is nothing like having your balls sucked on by a large breasted, cleanly shaven female
I'm assuming the shaven part isn't her face you're talking about...
But hey, if it is, I can see how it would be a nicer teabag.
Submitted by Fleet_Marshall_Badass (user info) at 2004-03-17 22:04:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Spike, you're a fucking idiot. Saying that comparing the pain that men and women feel in their repoductive organs cannot be compared because they're different, and then going on to say that women have higher pain thresholds to men because they can push out kids is absolutely ridiculous and completely contradictory.
The pain's just different, like you said in the first place. Once again, fucking idiot.
Badass.
Submitted by Zeccs (user info) at 2004-01-16 01:25:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You know why women have higher pain thresholds?
So it doesn't hurt them when they get their asses slapped. Obviously....
Submitted by Semi_Random_Joe (user info) at 2003-09-11 04:53:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"women have higher pain thresholds"
What utter feminist-invented bullshit.
Submitted by Hairsphincter (user info) at 2003-09-11 04:25:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm with spike - bad comparison.
Two different worlds of hurt - totally.
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2003-09-11 03:57:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Entertaining.
Simply, they hang so we have something to play with.
Ohhh they're so much fun..
I miss mine, they're out of town right now.
~coley
Submitted by SpikeGoddess (user info) at 2003-09-10 16:23:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
My two cents on menstrual cramps vs testicle trauma:
Two completely separate issues that don't even need to be compared. Yeah, cramps hurt. Some women become really sick with PMS (think vomiting, migranes, not to mention mood disturbances and debillitating cramps) and some don't. Yeah, gettting kneed in the balls hurts---but why compare the two?
More importantly, why did this chick want to compete with you for the 'who has more pain' trophy? Real mature.
A side note: women have higher pain thresholds than men do. This is believed to have been an evolutionary advantage b/c for women enduring the pain of childbirth is a necessity, but for men a sensitivity to pain was adaptive. Basically, women who endured the pain of childbirth passed on their genes, and men who had pain to warn them of danger, or that made them stop when they were hurt were more likely to survive and pass on their genes. I don't know if I believe the theory, but it's proven that women rank pain stiumuli as less severe than men do. I'll look for the study again.
SpikeGoddess
Submitted by Quartermain (user info) at 2003-09-09 14:50:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
A friend of mine got kicked in the balls by a girl and they got kind of lodged up in his abdomen(or whatever, I didn't press for details). He had to have an operation to retrieve them and put them back where God intended.
Submitted by Semi_Random_Joe (user info) at 2003-09-09 09:45:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"You know, I tried to tell my girlfriend one time that getting kicked in the nuts probably hurts 10x worse than a woman's menstraul cramps... She got mad and argued with me about how PMS cramps are worse. Can any females put their two cents in??"
I've heard that they can get several dozen coins in there before it really starts to hurt.
Submitted by Hairsphincter (user info) at 2003-09-09 07:33:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Why are nuts salty?
Umm... forget it.
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2003-09-09 07:16:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
if didn't give this a +2, you're either female, or you have small nuts.
i've often thought of the same thing.
Submitted by Bellebrown (user info) at 2003-09-09 07:03:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Forget why you have them in the first place - you just do (wouldnt I make a great scientist/mum?).
What Id like to know is - what stupid bastard decided that sperm needed to be created at a lower temperature in the first place.
Why not just have sperm made at body temperature and have no sensitive danglies that can be bashed.
Submitted by johnnyOZ (user info) at 2003-09-08 15:14:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
You know, I tried to tell my girlfriend one time that getting kicked in the nuts probably hurts 10x worse than a woman's menstraul cramps... She got mad and argued with me about how PMS cramps are worse. Can any females put their two cents in??
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2003-09-08 14:40:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Damn. You said that yourself in your own post. Well, fuck me. Here's a +2.
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2003-09-08 14:39:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm not sure if someone said this already, but to take this post seriously for a moment, our testicles are outside simply because it's too hot for them inside. All of the sperm would die. If you knew that already, then forget I mentioned it.
Submitted by Anjie (user info) at 2003-09-08 13:57:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
1st out loud laugh of the day....Thanks!
Submitted by El_Guapo (user info) at 2003-09-08 13:46:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Submitted by xLisaCatx (user info) at 2003-09-08 13:31:17 (#)
Ranking: 1
"HAHAHAHA you got your ass kicked by a girl."
Correction - He got his nuts kicked by a girl."
oh, but it's such a crowded neighborhood down there!
Submitted by xLisaCatx (user info) at 2003-09-08 13:31:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
"HAHAHAHA you got your ass kicked by a girl."
Correction - He got his nuts kicked by a girl.
Submitted by TuTs (user info) at 2003-09-08 12:02:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
My mates kid had balls that were up in his belly he had to have an operation to get them into his sac.
Submitted by acrog (user info) at 2003-09-08 11:13:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"Rodney Carrington "
that dude is funny as hell, Street
Submitted by momanlad (user info) at 2003-09-08 10:54:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i don't have any balls. Just cock, it's all cock. Perhaps it's just that both have yet to descend!!
Submitted by SubstnceP (user info) at 2003-09-08 10:53:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
exactly my point Tuts!
Submitted by TuTs (user info) at 2003-09-08 10:43:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
heheheheheeeeee. Boys have balls so girls can beat them. Where would many females be if they couldn't kick a guy in the nuts? Think about it.
Submitted by Semi_Random_Joe (user info) at 2003-09-08 10:42:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Hey, bollocks are great.
As long as you get them licked more often than you get them kicked, I don't know why you're complaining. Keep 'em, outside, I say! Wonderful things. I think I'll go and juggle them now.
Submitted by marc (user info) at 2003-09-08 10:32:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
i have a pretty penis. no matter what anyone else says.
and yes i would have to agree it is lame that our balls are able to be beat on. although saying soemoen has balls of steel would loss all macho meaning.
Submitted by lowsodiummonkey (user info) at 2003-09-08 10:32:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Does that stand for "SlimJim"?
Submitted by SubstnceP (user info) at 2003-09-08 10:29:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I guess you're right...where would "Jim" be with out his "twins"?
Submitted by lowsodiummonkey (user info) at 2003-09-08 10:28:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
"two"
Submitted by lowsodiummonkey (user info) at 2003-09-08 10:28:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Thumper would get lonely if he didn't have to buddies to hang out with.
Submitted by Bellebrown (user info) at 2003-09-08 10:19:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
That whole area is not very pretty.
Its a good job women are a little nicer about describing your bits.
I know that women with ugly flanges get some seriously nasty names... The girl with the vage that looked like a mcmuffin was very funny, but it must have hurt her loads to think that you all thought she looked like a burger.
you guys are lucky in that respect. You've all got wrinkly sausages and nutsacks that look pretty much the same... imagine if you could be judged on how pretty they were too.
Submitted by streetpunk (user info) at 2003-09-08 10:10:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Nuts sacks are ugly, you think god would have done something about that. He could have made them look like crown royal bags. 'ooh, nice sack,' thank's honey"
Rodney Carrington
Submitted by Bellebrown (user info) at 2003-09-08 10:04:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Why do you have to ask why?
Does it matter?
They're there to be messed with - either by yourself or a friend... its nasty that an enemy can use them against you, but you take the rough with the smooth. The drunkeness with the hangover etc etc.
They're like boobs. Boobs dont need to be big. We could have nipples like cats and dogs, but we dont... do we ask why?
No, but there are a lot of women that ask "why havent I got any". And I feel sorry for them.
Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2003-09-08 10:01:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
"Like shriveled skin bags after your dog chewed on them awhile"
hahahahahaha.
I want to know what you did to your sister. Or did she take off running?
Submitted by SubstnceP (user info) at 2003-09-08 09:54:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
El Guapo - reread pal...said that.
Loki - Thanks for rubbing it in.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2003-09-08 09:51:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
HAHAHAHA you got your ass kicked by a girl.
Submitted by El_Guapo (user info) at 2003-09-08 09:46:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
""My major gripe is how woman have ovaries inside of their bodies, but still maintain a formidable habitat for egg growth.""
cause spermz need to be sitting at 97.6º F, one degree cooler than the rest of your body. they hang because that way your body can regulate their temp.....anyway.......
ever sat on one of your own nuts? dude, that fucking sucks!
Submitted by Hadooken (user info) at 2003-09-08 09:44:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I enjoy scratching the nads every once and a while.
Submitted by lowsodiummonkey (user info) at 2003-09-08 09:41:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I like having my sack fondled (by a female).
Submitted by Manfre (user info) at 2003-09-08 09:38:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Id rather scratch my cock than have my nuts crunched by some roller coaster.
I agree. Having your sack inside the body would be much more productive.
Think of how much work construction workers would get done. I mean they wouldnt be able to stand around sratching their nuts as much.
I concur with the nuts on the inside. Ill have to research on surgery of this type.
Submitted by IndianOcean (user info) at 2003-09-08 09:35:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
kacka is correct on this one..
Submitted by Kracka (user info) at 2003-09-08 09:28:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
if we didn't have sacks we couldn't scratch our balls and that would make us women