Brave was the man who... (1028 hits)
Category: HumorRating: 0.88 on 18 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by SubstnceP (View user info) at 2003-09-10 16:10:42 EDT
"He was a brave man who first ate an oyster." - Jonathon Swift
Indeed John! Brave were all of the men and women who mustered up enough courage to bite down on, at the time, unknown taste treats. I guess you could say that they were starving and ate what ever they could find. I recognize this of course, but fruits and vegetables are plentiful, and yummy critters can be found roaming every land. I'm talking about the people who were courageous enough to eat the foods that might be unappetizing on the outside, but scrum-diddely-umptious in the middle. Foods like snails, or snakes, or eel would have remained inedible had it been up to me personally. Take oysters for example. They look like rocks, smell like rocks, and fly about as far as rocks can be thrown. Who on earth would think of eating it? Eggs also strike me as something that wouldn't be eaten at first glance. First off, they come out of a bird's rear. They also look like spunk on the inside when you crack one open. Wonder who thought, "Gee, I bet if I heat this crap up (and put salt and pepper on it), it'd be awfully tasty."? My feeling is that if I watch an oval shaped, white ball fall out of a chicken's ass...it belongs on the ground where it fell; not in my mouth!
This is looking past the gourmet food of course. That stuff is just weird, but tastes awesome. Examples of things I can't ever imagine trying for the first time: Brains, Glands, Organs. Then of course we should also salute the great men/women who discovered that combining such things resulted in glory. Naturally I'm referring to my friend and yours, the hotdog. Scrapple rocks in my opinion too for that matter.
So join me now, as I pay due respect to our culinary forefathers. Three cheers for the brave men and women who took it upon themselves to eat what no man had eaten before. Lord knows I wouldn't have.
Bon appetite.
User Reviews
Submitted by Hairsphincter (user info) at 2003-09-11 18:38:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
SubstnceP, I don't have a deal. I just don't like cunts - and you prove yourself to be one over and over again. Just when I start thinking you are OK, you go and act like a childish cunt again.
Great tantrum by the way.
Submitted by Otter (user info) at 2003-09-11 18:27:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
He Virg...I just hope that booze wasn't beer. Beer and milk don't play well together in the ol' belly.
Submitted by SubstnceP (user info) at 2003-09-11 08:04:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Hey Hair...here's a thought. Go Fuck Yourself. If you don't like me or my posts, for what ever reason, don't click on the link to read them. What's your deal anyway?
Submitted by virgil (user info) at 2003-09-10 18:46:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
as was said, the milk thing confuses me... who the hell thought of that first. Probably invoved a dare and lots of booze.
Submitted by Hairsphincter (user info) at 2003-09-10 18:40:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Normally I think everything you contribute sucks cocks at the bus stop. This didn't.
Submitted by JinkyWilliams (user info) at 2003-09-10 18:36:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hehe... Quantum Foodics...
Why did I laugh? Dunno. But it was funny.
Submitted by Semi_Random_Joe (user info) at 2003-09-10 17:51:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Rather like the first cunnilingus. I mean, what the fuck was he or she thinking??
Submitted by acrog (user info) at 2003-09-10 17:44:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
would not wood
I'm a tool
Submitted by acrog (user info) at 2003-09-10 17:43:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
that wood require Quantum Foodics to figure that out Razor...
yeah I know, that was beyond cheesy
Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2003-09-10 17:34:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
haha itchy!
I've often wondered about this before too... the milk thing has long bothered me... but even more importantly... who was the first person to mix peanut butter and jelly together?
Submitted by itchy (user info) at 2003-09-10 17:00:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
What about the first guy to lick a bum's ass? Whoever thought THAT would be a good idea?
Submitted by Otter (user info) at 2003-09-10 16:43:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
D'OH! I menat to +2 this...
Submitted by Otter (user info) at 2003-09-10 16:42:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Interesting thoughts...
Who decided to grab that thing hanging under a cow and drink the white stuff coming out?
I know you wrote this in humor, but if you think abnout it, it's a given that animals are edible. Well, most of them. So it stands to reason that early man figured out that you could any part of them. I know for a fact that rabbit eyeballs taste like nothing, rabbit brain tastes like raw bacon and rabbit lungs taste like scrambled eggs. Snake doesn't taste like chicken it tastes like snake. Anyway, Through trial and error man decided what could be eaten and what souldn't be. Gross as it sounds urine can be consumed and so can fecies. I just wouldn't recommned it unless absolutly positively with out a doubt you need it. You obviously aren't going to get any nutriens out of eating it, but it will sustain the stomach for awhile.
It should also be considered that early man also watched other animals and said "Whoa, check it out, that racoon lookin' thing just ate that white thing that fell out of that chicken lookin things ass. I wonder if we can do that? Oh, and write down racoon and chicken, those sound like good names." Once man figured out that fire can be used to cook food, it didn't take long before he decided to put everything in the fire to see if it would cook.
Once man figured out that an oyster is an animal, he knew he had to figure out how to eat it. Once he figured out it made his woman horny, he REALLY needed to figure how to eat them.
As far as the cow thing, I'm sure man saw a baby cow sucking on the things and decided to try it out for himself.
Submitted by SpikeGoddess (user info) at 2003-09-10 16:42:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
In certain Native American tribes the oldest people in the community were the 'food testers'. They would eat random things, and then the tribe would wait and see if they got sick/died b/c of it.
How's that for self sacrifice?
SpikeGoddess
Submitted by acrog (user info) at 2003-09-10 16:30:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I've often wondered about stuff like this
Submitted by Cicciro (user info) at 2003-09-10 16:24:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You would pay $30 for that plate and a nice restaurant just because of the way they present it and the funky untensils... doesn't seem worth it to me.
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2003-09-10 16:18:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
http://www.ubersite.com/cgi-bin/message_get.cgi?message=1053613942708816547
Submitted by MAB (user info) at 2003-09-10 16:17:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I like the picture.