Perhaps. (651 hits)
Category: Quotes & StoriesRating: 2 on 8 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by MOssiah (View user info) at 2003-09-15 04:17:49 EDT
On this moonless night, the stars were clearly visible, and the soft light they shed on the small port town could not reveal the pain and hardship that had so recently plagued its inhabitants.
Desdemona watched the water ebb. It splashed gently against the docks. She could not see the thin film of oil and refuse that floated on top of the river's surface. Behind her on the hillside she could hear sounds of music and laughter from the estates of the wealthy landowners.
The blood flowed down in rivulets and collected in a small puddle at the base of the cobbled stairway. Desdemona wiped her dagger on the victim's clothes before the dark ruby fluid could begin to coagulate.
Once sheathed beneath her bodice, she made her way to the riverbank, and washed her hands in the filthy water. All traces of the kill were erased, as the blood mixed in with the river, curdling with the oil on top. Desdemona hummed a tune to herself and cried silently as she watched the oil making intricate patterns on the water's surface, it was playing with the light, making rainbows of colour.
It brought her back to a more pleasant period of her life, when the town was full of people, businesses thronged the streets, and and the beauty of a rainbow was something that she took for granted. Now the town had all but closed down, it's people had moved away. The stalls in the marketplace lay empty and the salt ate away slowly at the wood remaining, turning them white and flakey.
Now only the rich remained, and the town survived solely on the whims of these affluent few, who imported goods, luxuries and services as they so desired. Long ago they had bought out the businesses, threatening those who would not sell, and disposing of those who caused trouble.
Now the whole town was owned by less than five families, each vying for a larger piece of the proverbial pie, though none of them being strong nor brave enough to wrest it from the grip of the others.
Desdemona slowly made her way back up the hillside, towards one of the larger estates where one of the five families resided. This is where she lived, working as a chambermaid. She used the servants entrance and walked to the showers, to properly cleanse herself of the nights activities. Her hands were shaking terribly as she turned on the water, and she had to breathe slowly and calm herself down. The water hit her body, and she scrubbed hard, perhaps too hard, as though she were trying to rid herself of her thoughts as well as the oil from the river.
Upon entering her small room, she found an expensive silk dress on her bunk. She cringed inwardly, knowing this to be a sign that the master of the house shall be "visiting" her again tonight.
Perhaps he might not want to be intimate. Perhaps he might just want to know that she had successfully completed her task, and that the son of the neighboring family will not awaken. Perhaps he would just want to know the details of how she seduced and killed him. Perhaps.
Perhaps.
User Reviews
Submitted by MOssiah (user info) at 2003-09-15 20:59:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Not sure if there will be more Quartermain. Just wrote it as it came to me. I think that if I were to do a series, I would like to have some idea of where I was going first. I suppose I could keep writing and hope that it just comes to me. We'll see.
Submitted by Quartermain (user info) at 2003-09-15 13:42:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good start. Will there be more?
It'd be nice if there were more things like this and less things like 'let me indroduse myself'
Submitted by MOssiah (user info) at 2003-09-15 04:48:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Thank you for your feedback iddqd. Your thoughts, opinions and ideas are always welcome.
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2003-09-15 04:42:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
NO! dont listen to their sirens song! block your ears. sure they look fine, and they can make you sound really clever, if you can use them well, but they drag you down and away from your story. you have to tame the adjective - make it work for you and not the other way around.
i didnt think you overused them in your article. keep em tamed.
Submitted by MOssiah (user info) at 2003-09-15 04:39:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
iddqd, I disagree. I think that adjectives used properly can add a lot to the story. I am aware I use them too often. I'm just starting out, getting a feel for things, and right now I like to describe things in detail.
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2003-09-15 04:33:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
fuck doing for it anyone else, do it to see if you can. developing a story is really hard. im trying to expand that ghost story out into the length it felt like it should have been when it originally ocurred to me, but im having a lot of trouble getting the story to flow.
adjectives fucking suck.
Submitted by MOssiah (user info) at 2003-09-15 04:29:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
iddqd. I just had a paragraph in my head, and the rest of the story came to me while I wrote it. I've set it up so I can continue it, although I'm not sure if I shall. I suppose if enough people ask for it I will.
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2003-09-15 04:25:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
excellent. readable.
is there more, or was this just an idea fragment in your head?