Perhaps. II (764 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.66 on 8 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by MOssiah (View user info) at 2003-09-16 00:09:19 EDT
This is a sequel/prequel to my previous story "Perhaps". While it can be read on its own, It works better if the original was read first. Feedback is welcome.
MOssiah.
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The quartet was playing a merry tune in the main hall of the Lohengrain family's manor. Guests were dancing, wine was flowing and Tristan, lord of the house, was singing. Badly.
Iori had left the festivities to pursue other interests. He chuckled wickedly, chasing a young girl through the corridors which wound their way around the great property. He was drunk and infused with lust. Servants scurried out of the way as he raced through, one of them not being swift enough, lost all the cutlery he was holding, dropping them to the floor with a crash. The medallions and jewellery Iori habitually wore jangled against each other, and his boots made a thundering noise as he bore down on his prey. These sounds, although loud, were drowned out by the echos of his laughing reverberating against the walls. The chase led them to a small courtyard at the rear of the estate, where he finally caught the girl and held her in a tight embrace, forcing her to look up at him.
Iori had inherited his father Tristan's chiselled bone structure, and strong jawline, whilst his mother's softer facial characteristics took the harsh edge off his features, leaving Iori with an almost perfect countenance, making him quite sought after by the female townsfolk that remained in the town.
Not so long ago, Iori was flocked by women who wished to have dalliances with him, and Iori was of a mind to grant them all their wishes, bedding down as many pretty young girls as he could. Recently though, the numbers of women seeking him out had dwindled, as the numbers of townsfolk leaving increased due to the vast amount of bloodshed and villany in the area.
It was once a rich port town, teeming with families, but now it lay quiet and void of activity. The surrounding landscape was now overgrown with grass and wild flowers. The houses lay empty, their open doors swaying back and forth in the wind. Trinkets and ornaments which were once sentimental and polished, are now strewn over the ground, partially covered by earth and weeds, their lustre faded.
Now Iori had precious few playmates to consort with, so a chance like this was not to be squandered, especially seeing as this girl was so very attractive. He shoved her against a wall and smothered her with kisses, his hands wandering up her legs.
The girl protested and attempted to push him away, stating that she was not that sort of girl, and aside from that, she attested that Iori didn't even know her name. Iori released her and stepped back, apologising profusely and prostrating himself in front of her in a joking manner and allowing the girl to fix her garments. He introduced himself, knowing that the girl already knew who he was, and offered his hand. She took his hand in hers and told him that her name was Desdemona. Iori whispered softly in her ear, telling her that she had the most exquisite beauty that he had seen, and inquiring why he had not seen her before. Desdemona did not reply, but led him out of the courtyard, looking back at him, with a raised eyebrow and a mischevious smirk on her face.
They walked down the hillside, making their way slowly to the riverfront, Iori forever asking questions of her, while his eyes looked up and down her lush body, anticipating what would be coming next.
They came to an iron gate, left ajar, which lead down some cobbled steps to the docks and polluted river front. The night was silent, save for the occasional high pitched laughter and soft music that could be heard from the estate behind them, where the party continued to rage into the night.
Desdemona leaned close to Iori, and kissed him lightly on the lips before withdrawing. Iori stared greedily at her and advanced, taking her in his arms and kissing her face, her lips, her neck. His hands once again found their way up her legs and this time found no resistance. His eyes moved down to her cleavage and his hands tried vainly to remove the clothes that kept the treasure within out of his grasp. Desdemona gently moved his hands away, and slowly unfastened the catches one by one. Each one allowing Iori to see a glimpse more of her smooth white skin. Iori could stand it no more. His patience was exhausted. He lunged at Desdemona, both hands outstretched as she unbuckled the last catch and withdrew a dagger, plunging it deep into Iori's undefended neck.
Iori grabbed her shoulders, hard, and a pained expression crossed his face. He tried to scream, but only a curdled, gargling noise eminated from his lips. Blood streamed out from the wound where the dagger still sat and sprayed over Desdemona's face, clothes and her hands, where she still held the blade, pushing it deeper into Iori's lacerated neck.
Iori slowly collapsed to the ground, his face now with a puzzled look on it, blood weeping from the wound and through his expensive clothes, making a circle of red around his upper body. Desdemona removed all the jewellery from his body, before wiping the dagger on his clothes, cleaning the blade before the blood could harden. She returned the dagger to its place underneath her bodice and carefully did her garments back up. As Desdemona walked down the steps she noticed how quickly the blood had also made it's way down in small rivulets, collecting in a puddle at the base.
She was lost in thought as she washed the blood off her hands and face in the river's murky water, humming a sad song to herself and crying silently, her tears mixing in with the blood. She gathered herself together, and made off to her master's estate, where, no doubt, he would be waiting for her to hear details of her exploits, and perhaps try a few exploits of his own. Perhaps one day she will be free of these burdens and free of this town. Perhaps one day she will be free of her memory. Perhaps.
Perhaps.
User Reviews
Submitted by kimmy02721 (user info) at 2003-09-22 17:00:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Mo, was hoping for a favor. I dont get to Uber very often (work restrictions and no home computer) so I was hoping that when you decide to post the next chapter you could email the link to me?
kimberly_terceira.at.yahoo.com
I dont want to miss out
Thanks in advance!
:-)
Submitted by MOssiah (user info) at 2003-09-21 04:36:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Kimmy, I am in Perth, Western Australia.
I probably will write a couple more on this series. Not sure when though.
I chose MOssiah as my handle, because my name is Mo, and one of the nicknames given to me is MOssiah, you know like Messiah, but spelt differently.
Glad you enjoyed.
Submitted by kimmy02721 (user info) at 2003-09-19 16:28:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Hey MOssiah---where are you????
I really enjoyed this and the original. Will you be posting more?
also, I am curious, why did you choose 'MOssiah' for your handle?
Looking forward to Part III.
:-)
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2003-09-16 05:34:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Quality.
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2003-09-16 05:00:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i definately think that this works really well as a prelude to your earlier one. it has mystery - why is the girl killing this guy, sure he kinda deserves a slap across the face, but not really a knife to the throat. this mystery is slightly alleviated in the next one.
i really dont have much criticism for either of your stories. both are well written and readable. i look forward to a third part.
the only thing i could really say is keep writing.
Submitted by Miss Sim <sim_1978.at.hotmail.com> at 2003-09-16 02:02:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
MOssiah - thank you for joining Ubersite. This was just another example of your talent, and I'm glad you share it with us. As always I look forward to further chapters.
Submitted by Quartermain (user info) at 2003-09-16 01:08:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is good. If it were fleshed out a little, it'd be better, but it's still pretty damn good
Submitted by DUMFART (user info) at 2003-09-16 00:14:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wonderfully descriptive.
Here's some constructive criticism for you... I think that you spend more time telling rather than showing. You say "this happened, that happened," but I think that if you actually SHOWED some of these events, either as precursors or as flashbacks, you'd be even more successful in your writing. That's just my 2 cents, but think about it. I'm looking forward to seeing more of your stuff!