Light Cars and Human Speed Bumps (561 hits)
Category: HumorRating: 1.5 on 5 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Evan Greene <ScoutCJustice.at.aol.com> (View user info) at 2003-09-16 17:54:49 EDT
I have a friend that is a good deal older than me. He graduated from college about 20 years ago, and he is now a lawyer (but I don't hold that against him). He went to the University of Wisconsin (which I also don't hold against him). He was on the football team, he played defensive end, and was a back-up for most of his career. Anyways, as is often that tradition at a University, he would go drinking with his football buddies, and as you can imagine the large amounts of alcohol consumed combined with the large, muscular men often led to funny and sometimes dangerous situations.
Well, one night all the guys went out drinking at the local bar. A good looking girl walked into the bar. Almost every guy in the bar that was single (and quite a few that weren't) was immediately hitting on her. Eventually, and to no one's surprise, she ended up leaving with the guy that was "smooth" with the ladies (read: he was an asshole, I don't know why women do this, but that is another post that has been done better that I could do). Anyways, there was one guy in particular that was really attracted to this girl and couldn't stand to see her leave with this asshole. He formulated a plan (which is never a good idea when you are drunk). He ran out to the parking lot and laid underneath the car that the jerk and the girl were about to leave in. He positioned his chest right behind the one of the rear tires, and was determined not to move until the girl got out of the car. I think it's pretty obvious that the asshole didn't find this very pleasing, seeing as he was in a hurry to score with the hot chick. So he (also drunk) comes up with a plan of his own. He simply shifts his 2-door convertible Chevy Corvair into reverse and backs over the human speed bump.
Now the human speed bump lays there and contemplates what exactly happened (which takes him a while, he is drunk). He then admits his defeat and goes into the bar and continues to drink. Eventually, all the guys stumble their way to a friend's house and crash for the night. When our good friend Mr. Speed Bump wakes up in the morning he grimaces, and has a hard time getting up (at least harder than usual, it's hard enough to get up hung-over). He looks to his nearest friend and exclaims:
"Man, I must have a cold or something, cause my chest really hurts."
User Reviews
Submitted by SoCalCasinova (user info) at 2003-09-17 00:24:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
The girl left with a guy that drove a corvair. I thought she was a materialistic bitch but from the sound of it she was nothing more then a hooker. If I was at the bar, the bitch would have never gone into it, she would have waited out front next to my car for me.
Submitted by ScoutCJustice (user info) at 2003-09-17 00:07:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That sounds like a great idea, but it would kind of make me the asshole. Although if it gets me some girls, who cares, right?
Submitted by CBawler (user info) at 2003-09-16 19:05:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
A great way to have chicks avoid going home with an asshole(And with you instead) ask the asshole how his herpes are doing.
Submitted by Anjie (user info) at 2003-09-16 18:48:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Too funny.... nothin' worse than not remembering the night before. It's even worse when someone else had a video camera.
Submitted by IndianOcean (user info) at 2003-09-16 18:36:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
haahhahhahahahah.. that's great.. funny +1000