why daddy? (675 hits)
Category: PoliticsRating: 1.61 on 34 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Glam_Daddy (View user info) at 2003-09-18 13:48:23 EDT
I didnt write. Just thought it was good.
Q: Daddy, why did we have to attack Iraq?
A: Because they had weapons of mass destruction, honey.
Q: But the inspectors didn't find any weapons of mass destruction.
A: That's because the Iraqis were hiding them.
Q: And that's why we invaded Iraq?
A: Yep. Invasions always work better than inspections.
Q: But after we invaded them, we STILL didn't find any weapons of mass
destruction, did we?
A: That's because the weapons are so well hidden. Don't worry, we'll find
something, probably right before the 2004 election.
Q: Why did Iraq want all those weapons of mass destruction?
A: To use them in a war, silly.
Q: I'm confused. If they had all those weapons that they planned to use in
a war, then why didn't they use any of those weapons when we went to war
with them?
A: Well, obviously they didn't want anyone to know they had those
weapons, so they chose to die by the thousands rather than defend
themselves.
Q: That doesn't make sense, Daddy. Why would they choose to die if they had
all those big weapons to fight us back with?
A: It's a different culture. It's not supposed to make sense.
Q: I don't know about you, but I don't think they had any of those
weapons our government said they did.
A: Well, you know, it doesn't matter whether or not they had those weapons.
We had another good reason to invade them anyway.
Q: And what was that?
A: Even if Iraq didn't have weapons of mass destruction, Saddam Hussein was
a cruel dictator, which is another good reason to invade another country.
Q: Why? What does a cruel dictator do that makes it OK to invade his
country?
A: Well, for one thing, he tortured his own people.
Q: Kind of like what they do in China?
A: Don't go comparing China to Iraq. China is a good economic competitor,
where millions of people work for slave wages in sweatshops to make U.S.
corporations richer.
Q: So if a country lets its people be exploited for American corporate
gain, it's a good country, even if that country tortures people?
A: Right.
Q: Why were people in Iraq being tortured?
A: For political crimes, mostly, like criticizing the government. People
who criticized the government in Iraq were sent to prison and tortured.
Q: Isn't that exactly what happens in China?
A: I told you, China is different.
Q: What's the difference between China and Iraq?
A: Well, for one thing, Iraq was ruled by the Ba'ath party, while China is
Communist.
Q: Didn't you once tell me Communists were bad?
A: No, just Cuban Communists are bad.
Q: How are the Cuban Communists bad?
A: Well, for one thing, people who criticize the government in Cuba are
sent to prison and tortured.
Q: Like in Iraq?
A: Exactly.
Q: And like in China, too?
A: I told you, China's a good economic competitor. Cuba, on the other hand,
is not.
Q: How come Cuba isn't a good economic competitor?
A: Well, you see, back in the early 1960s, our government passed some laws
that made it illegal for Americans to trade or do any business with Cuba
until they stopped being Communists and started being capitalists like us.
Q: But if we got rid of those laws, opened up trade with Cuba, and started
doing business with them, wouldn't that help the Cubans become capitalists?
A: Don't be a smart-ass.
Q: I didn't think I was being one.
A: Well, anyway, they also don't have freedom of religion in Cuba.
Q: Kind of like China and the Falun Gong movement?
A: I told you, stop saying bad things about China. Anyway, Saddam Hussein
came to power through a military coup, so he's not really a legitimate
leader anyway.
Q: What's a military coup?
A: That's when a military general takes over the government of a country by
force, instead of holding free elections like we do in the United States.
Q: Didn't the ruler of Pakistan come to power by a military coup?
A: You mean General Pervez Musharraf? Uh, yeah, he did, but Pakistan is our
friend.
Q: Why is Pakistan our friend if their leader is illegitimate?
A: I never said Pervez Musharraf was illegitimate.
Q: Didn't you just say a military general who comes to power by forcibly
overthrowing the legitimate government of a nation is an illegitimate
leader?
A: Only Saddam Hussein. Pervez Musharraf is our friend, because he helped
us invade Afghanistan.
Q: Why did we invade Afghanistan?
A: Because of what they did to us on September 11th.
Q: What did Afghanistan do to us on September 11th?
A: Well, on September 11th, nineteen men, fifteen of them Saudi Arabians,
hijacked four airplanes and flew three of them into buildings, killing over
3,000 Americans.
Q: So how did Afghanistan figure into all that?
A: Afghanistan was where those bad men trained, under the oppressive rule
of the Taliban.
Q: Aren't the Taliban those bad radical Muslims who chopped off people's
heads and hands?
A: Yes, that's exactly who they were. Not only did they chop off people's
heads and hands, but they oppressed women, too.
Q: Didn't the Bush administration give the Taliban 43 million dollars in
May of 2001?
A: Yes, but that money was a reward because they did such a good job
fighting drugs.
Q: Fighting drugs?
A: Yes, the Taliban were very helpful in stopping people from growing opium
poppies.
Q: How did they do such a good job?
A: Simple. If people were caught growing opium poppies, the Taliban would
have their hands and heads cut off.
Q: So, when the Taliban cut off people's heads and hands for growing
flowers, that was OK, but not if they cut people's heads and hands off for
other reasons?
A: Yes. It's OK with us if radical Islamic fundamentalists cut off people's
hands for growing flowers, but it's cruel if they cut off people's hands
for stealing bread.
Q: Don't they also cut off people's hands and heads in Saudi Arabia?
A: That's different. Afghanistan was ruled by a tyrannical patriarchy that
oppressed women and forced them to wear burqas whenever they were in
public, with death by stoning as the penalty for women who did not comply.
Q: Don't Saudi women have to wear burqas in public, too?
A: No, Saudi women merely wear a traditional Islamic body covering.
Q: What's the difference?
A: The traditional Islamic covering worn by Saudi women is a modest yet
fashionable garment that covers all of a woman's body except for her eyes
and fingers. The burqa, on the other hand, is an evil tool of patriarchal
oppression that covers all of a woman's body except for her eyes and
fingers.
Q: It sounds like the same thing with a different name.
A: Now, don't go comparing Afghanistan and Saudi Arabia. The Saudis are our
friends.
Q: But I thought you said 15 of the 19 hijackers on September 11th were
from Saudi Arabia.
A: Yes, but they trained in Afghanistan.
Q: Who trained them?
A: A very bad man named Osama bin Laden.
Q: Was he from Afghanistan?
A: Uh, no, he was from Saudi Arabia too. But he was a bad man, a very
bad man.
Q: I seem to recall he was our friend once.
A: Only when we helped him and the mujahadeen repel the Soviet invasion of
Afghanistan back in the 1980s.
Q: Who are the Soviets? Was that the Evil Communist Empire Ronald Reagan
talked about?
A: There are no more Soviets. The Soviet Union broke up in 1990 or
thereabouts, and now they have elections and capitalism like us. We call
them Russians now.
Q: So the Soviets ? I mean, the Russians, are now our friends?
A: Well, not really. You see, they were our friends for many years after
they stopped being Soviets, but then they decided not to support our
invasion of Iraq, so we're mad at them now. We're also mad at the French
and the Germans because they didn't help us invade Iraq either.
Q: So the French and Germans are evil, too?
A: Not exactly evil, but just bad enough that we had to rename French
fries and French toast to Freedom Fries and Freedom Toast.
Q: Do we always rename foods whenever another country doesn't do what we
want them to do?
A: No, we just do that to our friends. Our enemies, we invade.
Q: But wasn't Iraq one of our friends back in the 1980s?
A: Well, yeah. For a while.
Q: Was Saddam Hussein ruler of Iraq back then?
A: Yes, but at the time he was fighting against Iran, which made him our
friend, temporarily.
Q: Why did that make him our friend?
A: Because at that time, Iran was our enemy.
Q: Isn't that when he gassed the Kurds?
A: Yeah, but since he was fighting against Iran at the time, we looked the
other way, to show him we were his friend.
Q: So anyone who fights against one of our enemies automatically becomes
our friend?
A: Most of the time, yes.
Q: And anyone who fights against one of our friends is automatically an
enemy?
A: Sometimes that's true, too. However, if American corporations can profit
by selling weapons to both sides at the same time, all the better.
Q: Why?
A: Because war is good for the economy, which means war is good for
America. Also, since God is on America's side, anyone who opposes war is a
godless un-American Communist. Do you understand now why we attacked Iraq?
Q: I think so. We attacked them because God wanted us to, right?
A: Yes.
Q: But how did we know God wanted us to attack Iraq?
A: Well, you see, God personally speaks to George W. Bush and tells him
what o do.
Q: So basically, what you're saying is that we attacked Iraq because
George W. Bush hears voices in his head?
A. Yes! You finally understand how the world works. Now close your eyes,
ake yourself comfortable, and go to sleep. Good night.
Q: Good night, Daddy.
- - - - - -
+2 to you if you made it through the whole thing
User Reviews
Submitted by oddbob (user info) at 2003-11-28 12:49:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Excellent, definitely worth the effort.
Submitted by Nator (user info) at 2003-09-19 11:06:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Yes it is glam, on your site go to political corner and click the Foreign Policy FAQ. It's a link to this document.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2003-09-19 09:52:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
What?!? Bush NEVER tried to connect 9/11 to Sadam in order to drum up support for the war? What the FUCK? What is this "revisionist history" all the sudden. Where do you think 70% of the more idiotic percentage of the population got the idea then? Could it be from statements like this:
**The administration has argued that Saddam's government had close links to al Qaeda, the terrorist network led by Osama bin Laden that masterminded the September 11 attacks.
On Sunday, for example, Vice President Dick Cheney said that success in stabilizing and democratizing Iraq would strike a major blow at the "the geographic base of the terrorists who have had us under assault for many years, but most especially on 9/11."
And Tuesday, in an interview on ABC's "Nightline," White House national security adviser Condoleezza Rice said that one of the reasons Bush went to war against Saddam was because he posed a threat in "a region from which the 9/11 threat emerged."**
http://www.cnn.com/2003/US/09/17/sprj.irq.bush.ap/index.html
**We also must never forget the most vivid events of recent history. On September the 11th, 2001, America felt its vulnerability -- even to threats that gather on the other side of the earth. We resolved then, and we are resolved today, to confront every threat, from any source, that could bring sudden terror and suffering to America.
Members of the Congress of both political parties, and members of the United Nations Security Council, agree that Saddam Hussein is a threat to peace and must disarm. We agree that the Iraqi dictator must not be permitted to threaten America and the world with horrible poisons and diseases and gases and atomic weapons.
We know that Iraq and the al Qaeda terrorist network share a common enemy -- the United States of America. We know that Iraq and al Qaeda have had high-level contacts that go back a decade. Some al Qaeda leaders who fled Afghanistan went to Iraq. These include one very senior al Qaeda leader who received medical treatment in Baghdad this year, and who has been associated with planning for chemical and biological attacks. We've learned that Iraq has trained al Qaeda members in bomb-making and poisons and deadly gases. And we know that after September the 11th, Saddam Hussein's regime gleefully celebrated the terrorist attacks on America.**
http://www.whitehouse.gov/news/releases/2002/10/20021007-8.html
Saying that they never tried to connect Sadam with 9/11 is like saying that last week when I called in sick, I didn't actually SAY I was sick. I just SAID that I wasn't feeling well and was going to take a sick day. It's called a lie of omission.
Bush should do the honorable thing and admit that he dragged us into a war under false pretenses for personal reasons causing the loss countless lives and livelihoods while simultaneously reeking havoc on the US economy and creating a new stronghold for extremists. If he were half the leader he pretends to be, he would resign.
PS Osama Bin Laden is in Pakistan. Say it with me kids, the correct answer is Pakistan.
Submitted by RayRay (user info) at 2003-09-19 02:03:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
One thing just bothered me. Someone below stated that Bush claimed Saddam was connected to 9/11. Bush never once said he was. One of the reasons we went to war with Iraq was because Iraq was HARBORING Osama bin Laden. We never connected Iraq or Saddam to 9/11. Thank you and have a nice day.
Oh and I got a +2 for reading all the way through it, but i'm going to be getting -2's because none of you want to state that I'm right. I'll get flamed and everyone will attempt to prove me wrong with no hard evidence. I say, "Whatever." You all can think what you'd like.
Submitted by Quartermain (user info) at 2003-09-19 01:28:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
To be honest, I don't know why this bothered me earlier. I was just kind of irritable today. Still, no excuse for taking it out on you and your post.
There you go. Mea Culpa.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2003-09-18 21:29:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Glam - you mean kind of like that lie you keep telling about having smoke worthy weed?
Submitted by Nosferatu (user info) at 2003-09-18 21:17:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Im printing this and using it in my social studies class. Hope you dont mind, if you do, too late....
Submitted by glam_daddy (user info) at 2003-09-18 20:47:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
if you tell a lie enough times it becomes the truth
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2003-09-18 20:21:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Bush should do the honorable thing and resign. Instead he's now claiming that he never intended to link Sadam with 9/11. What a crock of shit.
Submitted by Nosferatu (user info) at 2003-09-18 19:58:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i actually learned alot from this. thanks man. great. simply. great.
Submitted by Hairsphincter (user info) at 2003-09-18 19:44:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Escellent, Glam, excellent.
It's funny how all the pro-war people haven't even begun to eat humble pie - there were a few of us who were against all this bullshit (not action, the reasons for it) and we were accused a lot of being "America Haters", "Hippies", etc.
I wonder what Iraqi Humble Pie tastes like? Anybody?
Submitted by glam_daddy (user info) at 2003-09-18 19:32:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"Submitted by C-dogg <sullywp.at.hotmail.com> at 2003-09-18 14:18:13 (#)
Ranking: -2
You are simply confused. Watch the news HIPPIE!!!"
-------
I do watch the news. And i do believe I just saw george bush admit straight up, that saddam was in no way connected to 9-11....
ouch thats gotta hurt!
and Bush's rating drop lower... and lower...
Submitted by Chad_Sexington (user info) at 2003-09-18 18:42:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by PlugAndPlay (user info) at 2003-09-18 18:03:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by glam_daddy (user info) at 2003-09-18 17:46:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
http://whatreallyhappened.com/memo.jpg
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2003-09-18 16:42:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
another one because I'm having a shitty day and afraid to go home to see what the wind has done to my yard
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2003-09-18 16:41:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Meanwhile back at the ranch, Bush has finally announced that Iraq didn't have anything to do with 9/11. WOW no shit, welcome to the party - asshole. I didn't read the comments, no time. I'm waiting on someone right now and snuck in here. Anyone seen the comparison to the amount UU requested to rebuild Iraq versus the Marshall Plan in current dollars? Maybe when he's finished, he can rebuild the US because this little budget of his is going to finish off the already crippled economy.
Submitted by illidurit (user info) at 2003-09-18 16:26:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
right on
Submitted by acrog (user info) at 2003-09-18 16:11:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
waaaay over-simplified but quite funny none-the-less
Submitted by IndianOcean (user info) at 2003-09-18 15:32:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
nice.
Submitted by TwEE (user info) at 2003-09-18 14:48:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It's funny cuase its true..
Submitted by glam_daddy (user info) at 2003-09-18 14:28:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Nator -
no this is not posted on my web site...
although it may be soon.....
Submitted by glam_daddy (user info) at 2003-09-18 14:28:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
quarter - look your guilty of it just as i am. difference being you think its a big deal and im just posting something on a forum in fun. reellllaaaaxxx.
difference #2 is you think this is serious when its obviously a humor piece.
maybe you need to take a chill pill there chumpy.
Submitted by Quartermain (user info) at 2003-09-18 14:21:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Well, see the difference between those and this(except for that last one, which even I admit was a bad idea)is that those were actually entertaining and/or informative.
This is neither.
Submitted by Nator (user info) at 2003-09-18 14:18:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Already read this. Is linked on your site, isn't it?
Submitted by C-dogg <sullywp.at.hotmail.com> at 2003-09-18 14:18:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You are simply confused. Watch the news HIPPIE!!!
Submitted by glam_daddy (user info) at 2003-09-18 14:17:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
quarterman
here are a few examples of posts you have made that were written by someone else and posted by you...
hypocrite anyone?
http://www.ubersite.com/cgi-bin/message_get.cgi?message=1058970866593121846
http://www.ubersite.com/cgi-bin/message_get.cgi?message=1055354263608112671
http://www.ubersite.com/cgi-bin/message_get.cgi?message=1049812678408414673
as you sow , so shall you reap...
pissoff
Submitted by Anjie (user info) at 2003-09-18 14:16:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Well - I made it thru. Thank God for Conference Calls.....I get to play while others drawl on...
This was great, thanks for showing it....
Submitted by glam_daddy (user info) at 2003-09-18 14:12:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
quarter -
i stated right off that bat it wasnt written by me....
as if i was the only thing to post something found on the internet... come on!
I thought it was good and so I shared.. deal with it chumpy.
Submitted by virgil (user info) at 2003-09-18 14:12:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
that was good.
Submitted by DJMattB241 (user info) at 2003-09-18 14:11:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
loved every word
Submitted by Quartermain (user info) at 2003-09-18 14:09:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Q: Daddy, why did you post this?
A: Because I'm bored but not bored enough to write something original and/or interesting. So I dug this up.
Submitted by gr8_ceezers_gh0st (user info) at 2003-09-18 14:09:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
very good stuff
Submitted by elhooligan (user info) at 2003-09-18 13:58:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I made it.
+2 because of the subject matter.
It was too damn long though.