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Badass Australian Cows (270080 hits)

Category: Humor
Labels: Australia

Rating: 1.77 on 428 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by <jkershner00.at.hotmail.com> (View user info) at 2003-09-29 10:30:45 EDT

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True story.

I was in grad school in Sydney, living on campus. There were two Danish guys in the dorm, Mike and Lasse, who had kept in contact with some Danish girls who were going to another university out in the sticks, around dairy and emu farms. Since I didn't have any family around, and had no money to fly home for the holidays, they were nice enough to invite me to their little Scandanavian Christmas.

Things started out great. I was the only non-Dane in the room, but everyone was so nice, I was really starting to feel welcome. Then they prepared the Gluck.

If you don't know what it is (as I didn't then), let me explain: Gluck is a traditional Danish holiday drink made from hot wine, but there are spices and nuts and rasins and shit in there too. I guess you have to have been raised on it, because I could barely choke it down. But since I was a guest, I did my best to smile and swallow. I drank entirely too much of it. ENTIRELY too much.

Later on that night, after everyone was a bit lopsided, the American bashing started. Not mean spirited, or anything, but needling just the same. You know, things like, "Why do you love war so much?", "Why are Americans so fat?", and "What makes you think cow tipping is so funny?"

I was trying, without much effort or success, to defend myself. I explained that I didn't think cow tipping was particularly funny, and that I had never actually been cow tipping. So of course Mike and Lasse start screaming, "Let's do it! I want to see an American tip a cow! That would be funny as hell!"

I said Fuck no, I'm not tipping a cow, but everyone was really into it, and Mike and Lasse said that they'd go with me and tip as well. In my drunken mindset, it started to make more and more sense to me, so I reluctantly said Okay.

So we went out into a field that has maybe six or seven cows in it, and Goddamn if Mike didn't pick out the fucking biggest cow. He said, "Tip that one. Just walk up to it an push it over." Are you fucking kidding me? The cow must have weighed 500 pounds. There was no way I was going to just push it over. I said as much to Lasse, and he said, "Okay, get a running start."

Well all right...that made much more sense...I got about 50 feet away from the cow and took off. I got up a good head of steam, and ducked my shoulder at the last minute for the best impact. I even aimed high for the best leverage possible.

Lessons learned from that experience:

1. Cows are fucking heavy.
2. Cows are fucking hard as rocks.
3. I am fucking stupid.

I just about fractured my clavicle, and the cow shuffled over about half a step and walked off, leaving my stupid, drunk ass whimpering in the mud. The rest of the cows woke up and sort of wandered off. Mike and Lasse were pissing themselves in laughter. I picked myself up off the ground and resigned myself to taking the walk of shame back into the house.

As we were walking back, we passed a Momma cow and her little calf. I don't know anything about animal husbandry, but I guess the calf was maybe a year old. Cutest little thing. Mike pushed the calf over. He didn't say anything, didn't look to Lasse or myself for approval, just suddenly pushed him over. And started laughing like a lunatic.

The Momma cow freaked out. She gave a scary ass cow scream, which I had never heard before and hope to God in heaven that I never hear again. Jesus Christ, I nearly shit myself. I had no idea that a cow could make a horror-movie scream like that. Then the cow charged. Fuck, you never saw three drunks run like that. Suddenly, I remembered a joke from my childhood. Something about running from a hungry bear: I don't have to be faster than the bear, I just have to be faster than you.

Lessons learned from that experience:

1. Cows are fucking scary fast.
2. Drunk people can't run.

I was clearly in the lead, running back toward the fence. I hopped nimbly over (har har) and promptly spewed all over myself. Purple fluid, nuts and raisins came shooting out of my mouth like the pie eating contest in "Stand By Me". It was evidently quite spectacular.

Mike came over next, but it was obvious that Lasse wasn't going to make it. I guess he thought he was being chased by a bear, because he decided to fall down and play dead, but it was clear the cow wasn't to be had so easily. She stopped, rolled Lasse over with her nose, and started sniffing him. For a minute I thought his ruse was going work. Then the calf trotted over, and I swear, with God as my witness, monkey-stomped Lasse in the nutsack. Then the Momma and baby just walked away. Lasse projectile vomited in a fashion very similar to my own. Mike and I stood there, open-mouthed, disbelieving.

We never spoke of the incident again.

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User Reviews

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Submitted by THERAPlST (user info) at 2009-04-16 03:18:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

LMAO.

"dubass below". I really hope you meant to misspell dumbass.

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Submitted by Tony_the_Tiger_is_a_Pedophile (user info) at 2009-03-31 23:01:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Really? I mean, really?
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Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2009-02-03 22:38:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

dubass below.

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Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2009-02-03 22:38:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

because it's been copied to ther sites.

dubass below.

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Submitted by Gazbo (user info) at 2009-02-03 22:36:28 EST (#)
Ranking: -1

I'm sure I've read this story somewhere else before...

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Submitted by Fungah (user info) at 2009-01-16 10:52:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

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Submitted by systemm-zer0 (user info) at 2008-12-28 14:11:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

No Comment

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Submitted by lburna_7 (user info) at 2008-11-30 21:00:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

good stuff

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Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2008-11-18 07:37:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

still good

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Submitted by locksly (user info) at 2008-10-31 11:16:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

I'm sorry, this post is overated

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Submitted by angrydrunk86 (user info) at 2008-10-31 10:54:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

alcohol and cows a winning combination

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Submitted by jtrujillo34 (user info) at 2008-08-13 16:00:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Funny as hell!

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Submitted by Aussie_em (user info) at 2008-06-15 14:58:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

this was the first post i ever read on uber. its good

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Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-06-15 14:47:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

No Comment

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Submitted by Toshi (user info) at 2008-04-26 10:50:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Lovely.

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Submitted by habib23 (user info) at 2008-03-15 20:42:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Cows are very kind animals...

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Submitted by Gravity_Purple (user info) at 2008-03-09 23:49:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

I rarely laugh out loud. I guess it was more a hearty cackle.

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Submitted by Ltap (user info) at 2008-02-06 12:52:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

Instead of "Kicker of all ass", insert "Stomper of all nuts"...

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Submitted by knowledge13 (user info) at 2008-02-06 12:08:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

LOL, great story! I wish i was there :/

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Submitted by billiam5billion (user info) at 2008-02-05 23:59:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

cows are predictable...humans, not so much. kept me entertained...

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Submitted by bjrog2 (user info) at 2008-02-05 23:20:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

+4 For Automatic Australia
-2 For no pic of 'nutstomping' cow

Needs more rape. Top post

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Submitted by LazySusan (user info) at 2008-01-07 22:40:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

fuckin A thats funny

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Submitted by HellRazer (user info) at 2007-12-21 04:39:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

Jesus dude, I had to stop reading 4 times to catch my breath from laughing so hard!

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Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2007-12-04 19:06:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2005-10-31 01:07:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

This is probably the funniest post on Most Viewed.

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Submitted by drewlish (user info) at 2007-12-04 18:43:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

My sec. gave me some funny looks because I was laughing so hard. I remember a similar situation when I was in high-school.

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Submitted by bruzwuld (user info) at 2007-11-22 14:56:24 EST (#)
Ranking: -2

No Comment

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Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-11-06 15:47:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

Saw this pop up on MRR, and I can't believe I never rated this...one of the stories that drew me to Uber. Funny shit.

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Submitted by pillowcase (user info) at 2007-10-23 20:54:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

This Is SOOOOO Fuckin' Funny!!!!!!!!!!!! I Read This And It Got Me All Warm And Fuzzy In My Pants Just Thinking About Tapping Some Cows *WINK_WINK*

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Submitted by St_Jimmy (user info) at 2007-10-14 20:40:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Wow, I never rated this.

Definately in my top 10 posts of all time, easy.

This is greatness right here.

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Submitted by dronebee (user info) at 2007-10-09 10:50:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

No Comment

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Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-09-06 12:23:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

i read this ages ago and never rated it.

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Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2007-08-01 03:35:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2


Might as well pay homage.

Kick ass post.

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Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-08-01 03:02:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Classic

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Submitted by Zeglamancer (user info) at 2007-08-01 02:37:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

How have I been so foolish as to never have clicked this link in my short time on Uber? My god what a funny fucking story man....

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Submitted by smack809 (user info) at 2007-07-27 12:31:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

That was a fantastic read.

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Submitted by brownee (user info) at 2007-06-15 18:04:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

No Comment

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Submitted by spyder882001 (user info) at 2007-05-04 13:58:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

Submitted by slrman (user info) at 2007-04-24 07:05:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2

This is a lie. There is no such thing as cow tipping. For one thing, cows do not sleep standing up like horses. For another, a cow that is awake is not simply going to stand there and allow itself to be pushed and prodded. Finally, with four feet on the ground, a cow cannot be pushed over like a domino. Use some brains people! That is, those of you that have any.

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ur a dumbass yes cows do sleep standing up, and can be tipped. my friends and i once tipped a cow. it tumbled all the way down a big ass hill and broke almost every bone in it's body. (it died after about the second roll.) cows roll quite nicely.

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Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-04-25 22:01:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

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Submitted by slrman (user info) at 2007-04-24 07:05:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2

This is a lie. There is no such thing as cow tipping. For one thing, cows do not sleep standing up like horses. For another, a cow that is awake is not simply going to stand there and allow itself to be pushed and prodded. Finally, with four feet on the ground, a cow cannot be pushed over like a domino. Use some brains people! That is, those of you that have any.

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Submitted by particle_man58 (user info) at 2007-04-02 04:13:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Funny shit

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Submitted by sideshow (user info) at 2007-03-15 12:49:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

This was so fucking funny I couldn't stop laughing!!!

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Submitted by Fey (user info) at 2007-01-29 06:45:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

Actually laughed out loud. Got some funny looks, but it was worth it.

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Submitted by Director (user info) at 2007-01-29 00:23:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

This is still the greatest Ubersite post of all time, IMHO.

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Submitted by Wisher (user info) at 2007-01-24 22:48:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

I~~EEEEE~tahhhh!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lGnGh2_I8XQ

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Submitted by Lmarie22000 (user info) at 2007-01-24 22:39:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

No Comment

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Submitted by aldenso (user info) at 2007-01-23 20:58:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

i would love to tip a cow...never tried.

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Submitted by homer42 (user info) at 2007-01-22 15:32:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

Lessons learned from that experience:

1. Cows are fucking heavy.
2. Cows are fucking hard as rocks.
3. I am fucking stupid.

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Submitted by 501LatinVerbs (user info) at 2007-01-03 15:28:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

hehe thats gold. i assure you there are no emu farms in australia though

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Submitted by Maltese (user info) at 2006-12-15 16:04:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

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Submitted by GetNakeddd (user info) at 2006-12-06 11:36:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

I never got a chance to rate this til now
But I've loved it since forever

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Submitted by ununderstood (user info) at 2006-11-30 07:09:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

good work

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Submitted by Lizz_Zero (user info) at 2006-11-12 17:09:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

I think Lasse should get to stomp Mike's nuts.

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Submitted by lechuza (user info) at 2006-10-26 00:40:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

3. I am fucking stupid.

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Submitted by Whoresteak (user info) at 2006-10-23 09:43:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1

"monkey-stomped Lasse in the nutsack"

Oh deary

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Submitted by JediMasterJambi (user info) at 2006-09-13 15:31:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Sex

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Submitted by Saucier86 (user info) at 2006-09-12 14:46:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

I love this story.... It makes me happy in bad way...

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Submitted by UnderOathMeal (user info) at 2006-08-29 23:36:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1

No Comment

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Submitted by Laser (user info) at 2006-08-17 11:53:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

I just find it funny a Dane pushed a calf over. HA.

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Submitted by Life101 (user info) at 2006-08-05 22:00:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Wanted to rate this for a long time

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Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2006-07-23 13:28:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2

For being an american and not being able to properly tip a cow.

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Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2006-07-22 15:36:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

It has a good title though.

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Submitted by UnderOathMeal (user info) at 2006-07-22 15:20:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2

Very unfunny. Very much.

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Submitted by Maltese (user info) at 2006-07-22 15:00:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2

I never saw the humor in this. Maybe I'm missing something. This does not deserve MVM, get something like Jonukah's Killing a small child with my ass, or Snark's I was raped by my dyson on this.

ATTN GHEY COWZ.

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Submitted by anesvick (user info) at 2006-06-13 21:46:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

ok, now theres coke all over my monitor! BAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAAHAHAHAH

Sorry bout your friends nuts, but great story!

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Submitted by hour_man (user info) at 2006-05-31 10:34:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

i cried

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Submitted by Bundaberg (user info) at 2006-05-28 09:17:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2

No Comment

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Submitted by I_love_Kracka (user info) at 2006-05-06 23:47:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

best ever

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Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-04-27 12:31:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

http://www.helpwinthisbet.com

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Submitted by TimTheBard (user info) at 2006-04-19 16:17:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

I like 'em fast.

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Submitted by Nat_Nemcova (user info) at 2006-03-27 16:10:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

Hilarious shit! Can't believe I missed this for so long with it being on the MV list and all too......

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Submitted by Hexavier (user info) at 2006-03-22 14:50:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

"Then the calf trotted over, and I swear, with God as my witness, monkey-stomped Lasse in the nutsack."

I laughed enough that everyone is leering at me now.

---

Submitted by Fungah (user info) at 2006-03-22 13:38:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 0

Bow down before me, your new lord and ruler, and serenade me with a beautiful flowing chorus of insults and -2's.



dlfnsngr;osmtrgo;hwm neo;pj5w93ng[qpgeu8q jh5roq7uieswajnhgaqohwg 5ru9psyu,tsjpi5rexswau8ioswa0[uoju5qaoj tp0om8qaoq5ja q lnhgowsandlfnsn gr;osmtrgo;hwmne o;pj5w93ng[qpgeu8 qpw9ju8 n9oihv79opuiesgnjh5roq7 uieswajnhgaqoh wg5ru9psy ,tsjpi5rexswau8ioswa0[uoju5qaojtp0om8qaoq5jaqlnhgowsan
dlfnsngr;osmtrgo; hwmneo;p j5w93ng[qpg eu8qpw9ju8n9o hv79opu iesgnjh5ro 7uieswajnhgaqohwg5ru9 psyu,tsjpi5rexswau8ioswa0[uoju5qaojtp0om8qa oq5jaqlnhgowsan
dlfnsngr;osmtrgo;hwmneo;pj5w93ng[qpgeu8qpw9ju8n9oihv79opuiesgnjh5roq7uieswajnhgaqohwg5 ru9psyu, tsjpi5re xswa u8ioswa0[uoju5qaojtp0om8qaoq5jaqlnhgowsan
dlfnsngr;osmtrg o;hwmneo; pj5w 93ng[qpgeu 8qpw9ju8n9oihv79opuiesgnjh5r q7uieswajnhgaqohwg5ru 9psyu,tsjpi5rexswau8 ioswa0[uo ju5 qaojt p0om8qaoq5jaqlnhgowsan
dlfnsn gr;osmtrgo;hwmneo;pj5w93ng[qpgeu8qpw9ju8n9oihv79opuiesgnjh5roq7uieswajnhgaqohwg 5ru9psyu,tsjp i5re xswau8io swa0[uoju5qao jtp0om8qaoq5jaqlnhgowsan
dlfnsngr;osmtrgo;hwmneo ;pj5w93ng[qpgeu8qpw9ju8n9oihv79opuiesgnjh5roq 7uieswajnhgaqo hwg5ru9psyu,tsjpi5 rex wau8ioswa0[uoju5qaojtp0om8qaoq5jaqlnhgowsan
dvsfahbtrd'lkgbvewsam0ofiimfdohmgods
sdtrpijotgk8esw08gjpj85ew8pg8j5eimg4w9pvmwo9pmg9opwe8j8tiwvj9 8pwjtg9p8jt9p;gwi9evs9j8vw0ojgf0ubj98hbg tjnyhet
jaez ju
dtk
ryjre5jnutfjnuyhgfjnrtnertybvyertbv
ewgt
e3wh46tyhdhye
onusdgnifventro9ugerunoigenuignw4ouneoijh guvifn muigonv4rikjhngnwe jkfhxnjikgnfv iodsuhnvujwnl uifhetr
09vnjgi4opwjkmev9fomrfe jngiuoimgrimiofkm0iowremoifj8f irounrfhpn 98h e9pfhw7p9frfe
fniu34` 8 fh97f8h987jn5iuhf bruyhg089hwuei ojg8vwsnoijvhtis lj8g90h4nwerwjh8g97iewausjhgr7tuinhwjtg08higt
gieuyfbiwgerop v jhiutvgj98uigntve908ghybvkotrkg9uin g tmrfjhiutgfe908 9hygbthfekdfjuiyghvfd8 9g7uiygfnujtg8vrfwgehjfojkgtr
t5gbrkjkigtjkhigtruijkiwr,f.oir90ouikgdef swouie is oui4w3 qirjkeki8gt9uo4ir8tiuyr gf-08hybvd0uygh3roe vf9i87uigref
fgrv8gunjltbgruijnokgthb yfioygfijBow down before me, your new lord and ruler, and serenade me with a beautiful flowing chorus of insults and -2's.



dlfnsngr;osmtrgo;hwm neo;pj5w93ng[qpgeu8q jh5roq7uieswajnhgaqohwg 5ru9psyu,tsjpi5rexswau8ioswa0[uoju5qaoj tp0om8qaoq5ja q lnhgowsandlfnsn gr;osmtrgo;hwmne o;pj5w93ng[qpgeu8 qpw9ju8 n9oihv79opuiesgnjh5roq7 uieswajnhgaqoh wg5ru9psy ,tsjpi5rexswau8ioswa0[uoju5qaojtp0om8qaoq5jaqlnhgowsan
dlfnsngr;osmtrgo; hwmneo;p j5w93ng[qpg eu8qpw9ju8n9o hv79opu iesgnjh5ro 7uieswajnhgaqohwg5ru9 psyu,tsjpi5rexswau8ioswa0[uoju5qaojtp0om8qa oq5jaqlnhgowsan
dlfnsngr;osmtrgo;hwmneo;pj5w93ng[qpgeu8qpw9ju8n9oihv79opuiesgnjh5roq7uieswajnhgaqohwg5 ru9psyu, tsjpi5re xswa u8ioswa0[uoju5qaojtp0om8qaoq5jaqlnhgowsan
dlfnsngr;osmtrg o;hwmneo; pj5w 93ng[qpgeu 8qpw9ju8n9oihv79opuiesgnjh5r q7uieswajnhgaqohwg5ru 9psyu,tsjpi5rexswau8 ioswa0[uo ju5 qaojt p0om8qaoq5jaqlnhgowsan
dlfnsn gr;osmtrgo;hwmneo;pj5w93ng[qpgeu8qpw9ju8n9oihv79opuiesgnjh5roq7uieswajnhgaqohwg 5ru9psyu,tsjp i5re xswau8io swa0[uoju5qao jtp0om8qaoq5jaqlnhgowsan
dlfnsngr;osmtrgo;hwmneo ;pj5w93ng[qpgeu8qpw9ju8n9oihv79opuiesgnjh5roq 7uieswajnhgaqo hwg5ru9psyu,tsjpi5 rex wau8ioswa0[uoju5qaojtp0om8qaoq5jaqlnhgowsan
dvsfahbtrd'lkgbvewsam0ofiimfdohmgods
sdtrpijotgk8esw08gjpj85ew8pg8j5eimg4w9pvmwo9pmg9opwe8j8tiwvj9 8pwjtg9p8jt9p;gwi9evs9j8vw0ojgf0ubj98hbg tjnyhet
jaez ju
dtk
ryjre5jnutfjnuyhgfjnrtnertybvyertbv
ewgt
e3wh46tyhdhye
onusdgnifventro9ugerunoigenuignw4ouneoijh guvifn muigonv4rikjhngnwe jkfhxnjikgnfv iodsuhnvujwnl uifhetr
09vnjgi4opwjkmev9fomrfe jngiuoimgrimiofkm0iowremoifj8f irounrfhpn 98h e9pfhw7p9frfe
fniu34` 8 fh97f8h987jn5iuhf bruyhg089hwuei ojg8vwsnoijvhtis lj8g90h4nwerwjh8g97iewausjhgr7tuinhwjtg08higt
gieuyfbiwgerop v jhiutvgj98uigntve908ghybvkotrkg9uin g tmrfjhiutgfe908 9hygbthfekdfjuiyghvfd8 9g7uiygfnujtg8vrfwgehjfojkgtr
t5gbrkjkigtjkhigtruijkiwr,f.oir90ouikgdef swouie is oui4w3 qirjkeki8gt9uo4ir8tiuyr gf-08hybvd0uygh3roe vf9i87uigref
fgrv8gunjltbgruijnokgthb yfioygfijBow down before me, your new lord and ruler, and serenade me with a beautiful flowing chorus of insults and -2's.



dlfnsngr;osmtrgo;hwm neo;pj5w93ng[qpgeu8q jh5roq7uieswajnhgaqohwg 5ru9psyu,tsjpi5rexswau8ioswa0[uoju5qaoj tp0om8qaoq5ja q lnhgowsandlfnsn gr;osmtrgo;hwmne o;pj5w93ng[qpgeu8 qpw9ju8 n9oihv79opuiesgnjh5roq7 uieswajnhgaqoh wg5ru9psy ,tsjpi5rexswau8ioswa0[uoju5qaojtp0om8qaoq5jaqlnhgowsan
dlfnsngr;osmtrgo; hwmneo;p j5w93ng[qpg eu8qpw9ju8n9o hv79opu iesgnjh5ro 7uieswajnhgaqohwg5ru9 psyu,tsjpi5rexswau8ioswa0[uoju5qaojtp0om8qa oq5jaqlnhgowsan
dlfnsngr;osmtrgo;hwmneo;pj5w93ng[qpgeu8qpw9ju8n9oihv79opuiesgnjh5roq7uieswajnhgaqohwg5 ru9psyu, tsjpi5re xswa u8ioswa0[uoju5qaojtp0om8qaoq5jaqlnhgowsan
dlfnsngr;osmtrg o;hwmneo; pj5w 93ng[qpgeu 8qpw9ju8n9oihv79opuiesgnjh5r q7uieswajnhgaqohwg5ru 9psyu,tsjpi5rexswau8 ioswa0[uo ju5 qaojt p0om8qaoq5jaqlnhgowsan
dlfnsn gr;osmtrgo;hwmneo;pj5w93ng[qpgeu8qpw9ju8n9oihv79opuiesgnjh5roq7uieswajnhgaqohwg 5ru9psyu,tsjp i5re xswau8io swa0[uoju5qao jtp0om8qaoq5jaqlnhgowsan
dlfnsngr;osmtrgo;hwmneo ;pj5w93ng[qpgeu8qpw9ju8n9oihv79opuiesgnjh5roq 7uieswajnhgaqo hwg5ru9psyu,tsjpi5 rex wau8ioswa0[uoju5qaojtp0om8qaoq5jaqlnhgowsan
dvsfahbtrd'lkgbvewsam0ofiimfdohmgods
sdtrpijotgk8esw08gjpj85ew8pg8j5eimg4w9pvmwo9pmg9opwe8j8tiwvj9 8pwjtg9p8jt9p;gwi9evs9j8vw0ojgf0ubj98hbg tjnyhet
jaez ju
dtk
ryjre5jnutfjnuyhgfjnrtnertybvyertbv
ewgt
e3wh46tyhdhye
onusdgnifventro9ugerunoigenuignw4ouneoijh guvifn muigonv4rikjhngnwe jkfhxnjikgnfv iodsuhnvujwnl uifhetr
09vnjgi4opwjkmev9fomrfe jngiuoimgrimiofkm0iowremoifj8f irounrfhpn 98h e9pfhw7p9frfe
fniu34` 8 fh97f8h987jn5iuhf bruyhg089hwuei ojg8vwsnoijvhtis lj8g90h4nwerwjh8g97iewausjhgr7tuinhwjtg08higt
gieuyfbiwgerop v jhiutvgj98uigntve908ghybvkotrkg9uin g tmrfjhiutgfe908 9hygbthfekdfjuiyghvfd8 9g7uiygfnujtg8vrfwgehjfojkgtr
t5gbrkjkigtjkhigtruijkiwr,f.oir90ouikgdef swouie is oui4w3 qirjkeki8gt9uo4ir8tiuyr gf-08hybvd0uygh3roe vf9i87uigref
fgrv8gunjltbgruijnokgthb yfioygfij

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Submitted by psychodude98 (user info) at 2006-03-18 21:29:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 1

Lmao.

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Submitted by ih8u2man (user info) at 2006-03-05 13:25:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

I never realized that this was your first post.

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Submitted by angryrob (user info) at 2006-03-02 12:03:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

thanks for making me laugh i was about to fall asleep at my desk.

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Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-02-28 07:30:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

Hehe

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Submitted by I_R_Suspect (user info) at 2006-02-28 06:53:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

This had me laughing.

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Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-02-20 23:20:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

No comment

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Submitted by EchoBoxing (user info) at 2006-02-20 23:17:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

No Comment

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Submitted by Doberish (user info) at 2006-02-20 23:03:31 EST (#)
Ranking: -2

You suck.

http://www.ubersite.com/m/84167

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Submitted by Gods_Imaginary_Friend (user info) at 2006-02-09 00:19:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

fucking funny

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Submitted by VelvetElvis (user info) at 2006-02-01 05:33:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

No Comment

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Submitted by yuvalset (user info) at 2006-01-29 16:57:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

I rated it before but Ill rate it again.

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Submitted by PokeyPecker (user info) at 2006-01-28 21:52:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

http://www.ubersite.com/m/74450

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Submitted by jagmcmanus (user info) at 2006-01-25 00:13:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 0

this has been done before: http://www.ubersite.com/m/81177

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Submitted by Godless_dave (user info) at 2006-01-22 23:07:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

Hurt myself laughing

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Submitted by Quasiplasmohedron (user info) at 2006-01-14 01:31:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

It's been over 17 years since I last rated this post!

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Submitted by PoTtY (user info) at 2006-01-07 18:43:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

I don't know why but I've never found this to be very funny.

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Submitted by Ditka (user info) at 2006-01-07 18:24:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

No Comment

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Submitted by boy (user info) at 2005-12-04 03:15:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 0

dumbass

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Submitted by Walker (user info) at 2005-11-26 09:52:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

Scary Dairy!

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Submitted by YmerSvennson (user info) at 2005-11-23 17:55:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

It's called Glögg

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Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2005-11-15 14:58:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

that was great. btw cows weigh like 2000lbs so don't feel bad.

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Submitted by MrHappyPants (user info) at 2005-11-09 14:03:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 0

http://www.ubersite.com/m/78654

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Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2005-10-31 01:07:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

This is probably the funniest post on Most Viewed.

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Submitted by Wisher (user info) at 2005-10-31 00:52:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

Funniest thing ever

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Submitted by Snuffleupagus (user info) at 2005-10-20 23:16:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

"She gave a scary ass cow scream"
Just for that^.

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Submitted by erinly (user info) at 2005-10-15 02:42:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

No Comment

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Submitted by Viciousriffs (user info) at 2005-09-27 17:42:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

This needs some heat.

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Submitted by matnotharry (user info) at 2005-09-06 18:36:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Submitted by chuckg (user info) at 2005-08-04 18:19:53 (#)
Ranking: 2

Udderly hilarious.

-----------------------

bwaaaaa-ahahgahahaha

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Submitted by jimbo (user info) at 2005-09-06 18:29:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

You're absolutely right, Gazbo. I lived in Basser College at UNSW.

But I called it a dorm because Americans get confused by the word "College" when used in the English manner.

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Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2005-09-04 21:48:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Submitted by Gazbo (user info) at 2005-09-04 21:21:48 (#)
Ranking: 0

Can't believe he did that to a calf.

By the way, I say you're full of shit. I'm aussie, and we don't have "dorms" at our uni's.
=-----------------=-=-=-=-=-=-
He said he was a yank.

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Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-09-04 21:47:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

What are you talking about, Gazbo? It depends where you go. It must be a pretty small uni not to have residences.

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Submitted by Gazbo (user info) at 2005-09-04 21:21:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

Can't believe he did that to a calf.

By the way, I say you're full of shit. I'm aussie, and we don't have "dorms" at our uni's.

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Submitted by jet_stream_nz (user info) at 2005-08-09 13:38:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

I have wandered around the UBERSITE and this is still the funnest thing going ...

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Submitted by dirtycyberdawg (user info) at 2005-08-09 11:24:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

ROFLMAO
Mental note - Never get pissed with Danish guys named Mark and Lasse

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Submitted by jet_stream_nz (user info) at 2005-08-09 11:19:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Wine for GLUCK = 8 Dollars
Cow = 100 Dollars
Stand by Me on DVD = 12 Dollars 50 Cents

Humans thinking that they are smarter than Cows and then being monkey-stomped Nutsack by a calf ... PRICELESS

I was asked to stop laughing by my workmates ... Great post.

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Submitted by nrduncan (user info) at 2005-08-09 10:59:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

"Then the calf trotted over, and I swear, with God as my witness, monkey-stomped Lasse in the nutsack."

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Submitted by chuckg (user info) at 2005-08-04 18:19:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Udderly hilarious.

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Submitted by Kindred (user info) at 2005-08-03 02:14:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Canadian Mad Cows could take on you crazy auzzie heffers !

http://www.ubersite.com/m/72348

...

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Submitted by kissmyarse (user info) at 2005-08-02 14:31:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Funny, but for a correction, the drink you consumed is Glug. And it gets you really drunk.

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Submitted by Gendo (user info) at 2005-07-28 16:02:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

[garbage deleted by bart]

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Submitted by dbhjw (user info) at 2005-07-27 18:49:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

This made me laugh until I cried. I'm glad I'm the boss!

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Submitted by DanielH (user info) at 2005-07-26 00:42:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Badass Alabama Cows. The very name strikes fear, no? http://www.ubersite.com/m/51592

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Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2005-07-26 00:15:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

http://www.ubersite.com/m/70277

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Submitted by Viciousriffs (user info) at 2005-07-24 17:37:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Y HALO THAR, RADLEY!

Am I a n00b, you fucking fag?

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Submitted by Spam (user info) at 2005-07-13 12:31:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

I've been at uber almost a year and never read this until today.

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Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-07-13 05:56:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

fucking n00bs


you ever see these old beasts on MRR, you know we have been invaded.

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Submitted by biggyph00l (user info) at 2005-07-13 05:34:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Wow... I have never laughed so hard in I dont know how long... that you sooooo much for brightening up my day... I wish they had a plus three just for this...

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Submitted by a_little_more_time (user info) at 2005-07-12 04:44:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Easily head and shoulders over any humor story post/yarn I've ever read/heard. 'Grats!

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Submitted by tasteslikeasunnysky (user info) at 2005-07-09 22:09:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

No Comment

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Submitted by sean_myung (user info) at 2005-07-09 15:10:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

lmao cows really are fast they look really slow n stuff but get one pissed off and theyre like cheetah on speed.

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Submitted by Lord_greg (user info) at 2005-07-06 08:54:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

this is funny as fuck but whats better than cow tipping is cow racing now that is funny as long as you don't fall off you can race 'em like horses with a cow jockey. this is very fun if your bored in the countryside

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Submitted by spamtrap50 (user info) at 2005-06-30 03:00:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

I read this at work, and people were coming up to me making sure I was okay...laughing so hard I was crying...

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Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-06-28 17:43:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

First time reading....nothing new to add

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Submitted by crazybutsolazy (user info) at 2005-06-27 22:16:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Absolutely priceless story! Luved it =)

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Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2005-06-15 14:35:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Read it ages ago but never rated it.

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Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2005-06-14 06:11:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Aw, wittle baby newbs hatch from their shells and enter the world through a Most reviewed portal. Awwwww....how cute!

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Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-06-14 06:01:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

you can always tell that a n00b was born when you see one of these 10 posts up on MRR.

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Submitted by soapXdestruction (user info) at 2005-06-14 05:47:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

hilarious. i had always thought they were really easy to tip too... but yea, now that i think about it, very heavy...

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Submitted by PokeyPecker (user info) at 2005-06-07 12:11:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

This has got to be the funniest thing I've ever read on Uber.

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Submitted by missflibble (user info) at 2005-05-27 04:10:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

COWS ROCK.

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Submitted by supadupapupa (user info) at 2005-05-27 04:00:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

No Comment

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Submitted by J4M3S (user info) at 2005-05-16 04:05:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Read this a while ago but forgot to rank it. Here's another +2 for you. I loved this.

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Submitted by DanielH (user info) at 2005-04-29 05:23:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

I'd bet my soul that this cow could kick any down-under cow's ass, hooves down: http://www.ubersite.com/m/51592 ++

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Submitted by GroundHogSlayer (user info) at 2005-04-16 22:36:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

i live on a cow farm. cow tippings a myth. they sleep on the ground. i've been mauled by a cow before and know exactly how lasse must of felt. funny shit. well written.

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Submitted by jwlmar10 (user info) at 2005-04-14 02:49:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1

Am I the only one who thinks this post is good, but not top 10 good?

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Submitted by canadia (user info) at 2005-04-06 23:13:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

i swear I read this a couple times, just never reviewed it..
good stuff

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Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2005-04-06 06:10:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Australian cows, Danes, nut-stomping and projectile vomit. This post has it all.

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Submitted by Viciousriffs (user info) at 2005-04-06 05:53:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

This post is the reason I began frequenting this website on a semi-regular basis a couple of years ago. I doubt I will ever be able to entitle another post my favorite, this one absolutely takes the cake. I used to read it aloud, quite dramatically, to my roommate while she pissed herself laughing. Good times, good memories....

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Submitted by canadia (user info) at 2005-04-01 17:32:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

woohoo!

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Submitted by PokerIsMyLife (user info) at 2005-03-09 05:58:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

Just adding my drop in the bucket. <Ejaculates>

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Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-03-05 01:32:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

Hadn't reviewed this yet

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Submitted by Heather (user info) at 2005-03-02 11:32:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

the nut stomp had me laughing

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Submitted by Ivy (user info) at 2005-03-02 03:21:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

Heh!

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Submitted by wardy (user info) at 2005-02-28 01:15:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 0

http://www.ubersite.com/m/60787

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Submitted by myredmirage95 (user info) at 2005-02-26 23:27:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

I don't remember if I've rated this or not but I'm rating it again. That's some funny junk.

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Submitted by Holz (user info) at 2005-02-22 10:28:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

No Comment

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Submitted by mbstateside (user info) at 2005-02-17 16:07:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

I laughed out loud (not good when I'm at work)

Oh for the record we go cow tipping in England too.

Err.... so I've heard

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Submitted by epiphany (user info) at 2005-02-14 13:36:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

Awesome.

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Submitted by Williams_2004 (user info) at 2005-02-09 11:21:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

Ive read this so many times and I still cant stop pissing myself laughing +2 x 100, Good post

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Submitted by Jimmy (user info) at 2005-02-08 14:53:58 EST (#)
Ranking: -2

FUCK THIS

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Submitted by IBME69 (user info) at 2005-02-08 14:48:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

I've read & reread this seeveral times n it gets fucking funnier each time,nice 1

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Submitted by EbolaMay (user info) at 2005-02-04 19:58:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

Fuckin' awesome.

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Submitted by darko (user info) at 2005-01-28 01:30:48 EST (#)
Ranking: -2

-2 because uber is shutting down. Noooooooooooooooooooooo!

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Submitted by briancte (user info) at 2005-01-23 18:54:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 0

link whore http://clicktoexit.net

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Submitted by Geodescent (user info) at 2005-01-11 18:42:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

awesome

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Submitted by blue_shift_revolution (user info) at 2005-01-05 14:23:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

Holy shit, I remember reading this a year ago and laughing my ass off

Good times

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Submitted by lava605 (user info) at 2005-01-02 01:00:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

that is absolutly hillarious

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Submitted by Degreeless_Capibara (user info) at 2004-12-16 23:38:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 0

Sorry, wrong post. http://www.ubersite.com/m/53924

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Submitted by Degreeless_Capibara (user info) at 2004-12-16 23:27:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

Badass Austrian Pigs: http://www.ubersite.com/m/53601

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Submitted by hellacious (user info) at 2004-12-15 22:54:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 1

No Comment

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Submitted by Arm_The_Homeless (user info) at 2004-12-09 16:59:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

I just realized that I've read this story three times and never rated it. God, I'm a penis.

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Submitted by lovetohate (user info) at 2004-12-09 16:49:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

Thats awesome as fucking hell.

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Submitted by bargled (user info) at 2004-12-05 19:50:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

this is almost as funny as this:

http://www.ubersite.com/m/53179

and this:

http://www.ubersite.com/m/53250

but good try.

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Submitted by Wonket (user info) at 2004-12-05 19:36:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

That is amazing.

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Submitted by will72 (user info) at 2004-11-28 10:38:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

soccer moms do the same thing

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Submitted by Wuzi (user info) at 2004-11-24 22:17:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

"..... Then the calf trotted over, and I swear, with God as my witness, monkey-stomped Lasse in the nutsack. Then the Momma and baby just walked away. Lasse projectile vomited in a fashion very similar to my own. Mike and I stood there, open-mouthed, disbelieving."


Fucking great man!!!

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Submitted by Pringles4eva (user info) at 2004-11-09 23:15:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 0

http://www.ubersite.com/m/38535

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Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-11-08 23:46:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 0

http://www.freephotoiPods.com/?r=11667665

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Submitted by Girlwithaclue (user info) at 2004-11-08 18:12:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

I laughed my ass of!!! More stories!!

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Submitted by hairycoo (user info) at 2004-11-05 10:26:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 0

Im gonna pin down my F5 key over the weekend so this so this is number 1



ahh fuck it

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Submitted by Fish3000 (user info) at 2004-11-04 22:24:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

Brilliant.

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Submitted by Simondk (user info) at 2004-11-02 00:29:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

Bloody funny story, but no: Even though you were raised with gløgg, you can still fucking hate it.
Hot wine, nuts and alcohol?!? I had hoped our mistake-to-end-all-mistakes was to colonize a big chunk of ice but NOooOOOoo... We had to make something that makes you puke AND wonder if that really is blood in your vomit. (Is it? It couldn't be. Could it? I do feel a little funny...)

And we don't hate Americans. Seriously.


Not much.







I think.

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Submitted by PandemicSymphony (user info) at 2004-11-01 01:26:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

Fucking awesome

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Submitted by raznold (user info) at 2004-10-28 16:46:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

dude, that fuked me up, gotta love it, funny as fuk

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Submitted by InkyFingers (user info) at 2004-10-27 09:36:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Well Written, and pretty funny.

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Submitted by Ingsoc (user info) at 2004-10-25 23:55:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Yes!

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Submitted by DukeRaoul (user info) at 2004-10-25 23:44:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

No Comment

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Submitted by Pringles4eva (user info) at 2004-10-25 02:40:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

http://www.ubersite.com/m/45753

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Submitted by HyDrA (user info) at 2004-10-20 08:33:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

ah god...i'm having to hold my mouth shut and shake with my laughter as not to wake up my redhead sleeping on the futon...and i finally lost it at the monkey stomping...niiiice

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Submitted by original_cola (user info) at 2004-10-15 20:36:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

link whore and a +2

www.aolsux.us

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Submitted by scrumdown (user info) at 2004-10-14 13:34:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Right on mate, next boozin' adventure, bareback brumies!!!

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Submitted by ToastEatingBastard (user info) at 2004-10-07 15:54:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Why did you say that you don't like cow tipping if you've never tried it in the firstplace? I'm from Wisconsin, and cow tipping is damn fun. Next time, though, do it at night, still be drunk, and don't push the biggest one.....ALONE!

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Submitted by letpandasdie (user info) at 2004-10-07 13:18:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

thats fan-fucking-tastic. i haven't that hard in ages.

fancy a laugh? look at http://www.letpandasdie.com

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Submitted by stabitha (user info) at 2004-09-28 00:49:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

dude, this was hilarious. "A scary ass cow scream" and "Monkey Stomped in the nutsack" thats great

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Submitted by bargled (user info) at 2004-09-23 16:18:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

if you like this, you'll love http://www.ubersite.com/m/45753

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Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2004-09-23 10:06:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

http://www.ubersite.com/m/43102
http://www.ubersite.com/m/43102
http://www.ubersite.com/m/43102
http://www.ubersite.com/m/43102
http://www.ubersite.com/m/43102
http://www.ubersite.com/m/43102
http://www.ubersite.com/m/43102
http://www.ubersite.com/m/43102
http://www.ubersite.com/m/43102
http://www.ubersite.com/m/43102
http://www.ubersite.com/m/43102
http://www.ubersite.com/m/43102
http://www.ubersite.com/m/43102
http://www.ubersite.com/m/43102
http://www.ubersite.com/m/43102
http://www.ubersite.com/m/43102

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Submitted by tuesdaydelay (user info) at 2004-09-23 09:45:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1

http://www.ubersite.com/m/45881

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Submitted by Julia (user info) at 2004-09-20 12:23:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Hahaha! I hadn't read this before. Fucking awesome.

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Submitted by Dino (user info) at 2004-09-13 21:37:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Yup!
Still Funny.

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Submitted by Method (user info) at 2004-09-13 04:16:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

B@W?

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Submitted by Quasiplasmohedron (user info) at 2004-09-13 04:01:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

I still laugh uncontrollably when I remember this post, and it's been almost a year since I read it.

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Submitted by Rooster (user info) at 2004-09-12 03:32:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Indeed

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Submitted by squirrely_wrath (user info) at 2004-09-11 05:49:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

hehehe...good post! dont mess with aussie cows!

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Submitted by Kyu <kamikazekyubi> at 2004-09-08 16:25:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Truely, a riot.

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Submitted by daniel <daniel.at.writerspacemail.com> at 2004-09-03 22:31:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

I never laugh, like some people can't whistle? But I feel it inside and it's like needing to burp but being unable to. Naturally some things make me hurt more than others with a need to laugh. This hurt like I'd been gut-punched by Clubber Lang. Please stop. I've fallen and I can't get up.

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Submitted by icon (user info) at 2004-09-03 14:27:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Owns all.

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Submitted by phredde2 (user info) at 2004-09-01 22:07:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Still rolling on the floor -- who would have thought Mamma Cow was scarier than Mamma Bear!

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Submitted by Adult Porn Star at 2004-08-30 18:30:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

I fucked kristen, and fetish got jelous.

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Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2004-08-27 23:28:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

monkey stomping calf! hahahaha

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Submitted by chezmoi pulli ay <cmoorcraft.at.yahoo.co.uk> at 2004-08-27 15:18:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

dear mayb u should stick to soft cuddly cows or indeed fake ones. If you can't tip cows physically
then instead of counting sheep b4 u go to bed count how many cows u tip ova. Hey u got away free
the exact same thing happened to me but i sued by the cow and got sentance for 6months(hehe)
that ws a great story may b u could make a film of then we all can see the amazing spewing of
purple and get the all time best throwing up award think of the fame

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Submitted by Dr. Stevenson <dr.stevenson.at.your.mom's.house> at 2004-08-26 15:57:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

-1 for "I could barely choke it down. But since I was a guest, I did my best to smile and swallow. I drank entirely too much of it." How can you drink too much of something you can barely swallow?

+3 for "the calf trotted over, and I swear, with God as my witness, monkey-stomped Lasse in the nutsack." People getting owned by animals is the best. Don't fuck with nature!

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Submitted by The_Walrus (user info) at 2004-08-25 20:19:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Don't mess with cows.

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Submitted by AwesomeJohnson (user info) at 2004-08-25 16:49:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

wow, I've only heard the term Monkey Stomp used correctly maybe once before, and its always on testicles! And never by a monkey! ha!

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Submitted by jimbo (user info) at 2004-08-25 15:43:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

Well, I believe I'm stuck now. Unless I get linked on another couple of websites (a la Tom's P2P story), I just don't think there's any way I can catch #2 or #1 on the Most Viewed Messages List. Ah, well... it was a wonderful run. I thank you all.

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Submitted by JungleJane (user info) at 2004-08-25 09:23:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Holy hilarity! That's too fucking funny.

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Submitted by jumpinjellyfish (user info) at 2004-08-24 14:45:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

One of the all time greats!

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Submitted by silja <scoobysil.at.yahoo.com> at 2004-08-24 07:33:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1

teaches you to be nice to the cowies... :p

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Submitted by Endo_Fire (user info) at 2004-08-23 14:33:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2


worth it . . . made me start laughing in the middle of work so that people all looked at me a shade funny

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Submitted by U-232 (user info) at 2004-08-21 21:45:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

very good

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Submitted by dom magi <Magi.at.aol.dom> at 2004-08-21 16:28:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

funny as hell. the part about lasse getting monkey stomped in the nutsack tickled my funny bone especially. great story.


cow tipping can only be done in the moooooovies.

guguguug

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Submitted by Richard DiMatteo <richarddimatteo.at.cox.net> at 2004-08-20 23:56:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Had a similar experience once, myself.

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Submitted by a <a.at.a.com> at 2004-08-20 23:10:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

No Comment

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Submitted by jason <me.at.me.com> at 2004-08-20 17:25:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

No Comment

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Submitted by Todd <damnstrt.at.hotmail.com> at 2004-08-20 12:50:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Holy shit,

This was to funny. I couldn't stop laughing and my boss came in to see what the hell was so funny. I thought oh fuck im gonna get fired. But instead he read the article and had me set up an rss reader on his computer so he would get fark. Then he told me to stop fucking off and get back to work. Guess I just can't win. Oh well.

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Submitted by welshwitch (user info) at 2004-08-20 12:18:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

I admittedly found this via the Fark link, but I am addicted now. Already. I laughed so hard I thought I was going to piss myself. Thank God the boss is out for a couple of days.

Sent it to friends and family alike, and they had the same reaction I did.

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Submitted by radio4bliss <dogksw.at.yahoo.com> at 2004-08-20 11:18:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

omfg, we need some sort of a warning system, I should never that load again at work, im gonna get canned if they find out I just sit here and read boredatwork instead of actually working.

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Submitted by airos4 (user info) at 2004-08-20 01:34:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Bwahahahahahahah. Monkey stomp. Bwahahahahahahah!

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Submitted by KT <kimtp.at.optusnet.com.au> at 2004-08-20 00:49:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Oh. My. God. I couldn't stop laughing. The imagery was great and the lessons learned have been noted. By the way it is almost impossible to tip Australian Cows. Our Cows are just far too wary of drunks to be bothered. After all we have beer you can get drunk on down under.;-)

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Submitted by denise <yer mom> at 2004-08-20 00:49:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

good times, good times

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Submitted by me <bite_me.at.aol.com> at 2004-08-19 19:52:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2

you are an asshole

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Submitted by whiskeyjack (user info) at 2004-08-19 18:07:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

No Comment

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Submitted by fosheezy <whatever.at.yourmom.com> at 2004-08-19 13:49:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Hes got a potty mouth but that was hecka funny. So funny im sending this to my buddy in florida, he digs on montana (where i live) because we got cows here... and somehow thats funny. Hes a city boy, he cant help it. I swear though, it was like he wrote the story. Too funny man.

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Submitted by jimbo (user info) at 2004-08-19 11:56:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

To all readers of this post (including the linkers from http://www.fark.com):

This story is true. I have since been notified several times that cows do not sleep standing up. So I hereby concede that I was, in fact, trying to tip a cow that was completely awake. I blame the alcohol. The other cows that I thought were "waking up" were likely just snapping out of a trance, and I freely admit that I thought they were sleeping due to their being motionless and quite silent at the time.

Also, several reviewers have pointed out that big cows weigh closer to 2000 pounds, rather than a measly 500. I hereby concede that I am not an expert in judging bovine mass. Please take my word for it that the cow was fucking big.

Lastly, one astute reviewer indicated the the calf was likely only 2-3 months old when pushed over by Mike. I believe him. I know nothing of such things, and I hope you can all forgive my ignorance in the matter.

Please feel free to ask any other questions regarding this post.

And by the way, I really wish I had found that supercow pic on Fark before I wrote this. That would have been perfect.

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Submitted by Walrus_King (user info) at 2004-08-19 11:08:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

(www.ubersite.com) When under the influence of strange alcoholic concoctions, do not, under any circumstances, taunt cow

Farkers have clicked on the above link 5634 times
--------------------------------------------------

That was nice of the good people of www.Fark.com to goive you an additional 5634 hits.

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Submitted by Leslie <dangerleigh.at.twaxx.com> at 2004-08-19 10:59:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Too funny!! I know your brother and he said this is just as funny now as it was when you first told it to him. I think it's hilarious!!!

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Submitted by Kyle <sorensok.at.yahoo.com> at 2004-08-19 10:38:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Too funny!

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Submitted by rob2k6aggie <bigsk8erpimp.at.yahoo.com> at 2004-08-19 10:00:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

monkey stomped Lasse in the nutsack.

Greatest.Line.Evar.

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Submitted by James <jamesxi.at.yahoo.com> at 2004-08-19 06:21:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

No Comment

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Submitted by devon <enlashok.at.gmail.com> at 2004-08-19 02:49:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

No Comment

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Submitted by Andy <hairballdls04.at.hotmail.com> at 2004-08-19 02:41:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

hahaha..

its true you don't have to be faster than the bear.

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Submitted by dick <dick.at.aol.com> at 2004-08-19 02:32:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1

sdfasdf

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Submitted by Toiletduk at 2004-08-19 00:29:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Hahaha! Great story! :D

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Submitted by invisiblegirl (user info) at 2004-08-18 22:54:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

I laughed so hard I think I peed a little....

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Submitted by Degreeless_Capibara (user info) at 2004-08-18 17:50:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

http://www.ubersite.com/m/31438

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Submitted by Rotodizer (user info) at 2004-08-17 01:28:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Man, that story made me laugh so hard. Nice going!

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Submitted by oria-dae (user info) at 2004-08-16 06:59:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

yea australian cows are mad... but so are australians, so what did u expect???

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Submitted by toddska (user info) at 2004-08-13 05:25:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

well funny that is....having grown up sourrounded by cows they aint as stupid as they look....now sheep on the other hand...

I had a similar (well not really similar) experience is Sweden with Glogg (what they call it there). I took to it like the proverbial duck to water. Little did i know that they had spiced it up with Swedish hembrennt (homebrew liquor) which is of variable strength. After 5-6 six of these I was well f*cked and missed the part of the evening where everyone stripped off (goils included) and went for a midsummer night lake swim. there is no moral to this story

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Submitted by dobrovolets (user info) at 2004-08-12 16:48:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

No Comment

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Submitted by monkeyrape (user info) at 2004-08-08 19:38:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Pretty damn funny!

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Submitted by domenad (user info) at 2004-08-08 14:06:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

I can't believe I never rated this. This line never fails to make me laugh...

" Then the calf trotted over, and I swear, with God as my witness, monkey-stomped Lasse in the nutsack."

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Submitted by ThatOneGirl (user info) at 2004-08-08 13:50:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

I wanted to be #300!!!! Gr......

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Submitted by kt at 2004-08-07 07:02:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

...ow.

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Submitted by Disektor (user info) at 2004-08-07 03:05:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Is there where the camera shows up and I get a new car, Jimbo?

Or is it like some crappy show like The Price Is Right where I've been entered into some crappy guess the price game so I can win some cough medicine, and if I'm lucky enough, a toaster!

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Submitted by Can_Always_Trust_A_Liar (user info) at 2004-08-06 16:32:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

I hadn't ever read this before.

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Submitted by jimbo (user info) at 2004-08-06 16:18:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

Yay! Disektor wins!

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Submitted by Disektor (user info) at 2004-08-06 16:15:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

300! whoo hooo

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Submitted by Scott_James (user info) at 2004-08-04 17:17:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

No Comment

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Submitted by Creepy_guy (user info) at 2004-08-04 02:25:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

At the tone, the rating will be... 1.84 on 297 reviews

This post still fucking rocks. You can't +2 something like this enough.

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Submitted by Slapshot99 (user info) at 2004-08-04 02:14:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Shit this was funny

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Submitted by EvrenWasHere (user info) at 2004-08-04 01:57:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Plus Fucking Two.

This is the first thing i read on ubersite, through a BAW link. I was confused about this website and wanted to learn more. Thanks man.

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Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-08-01 16:29:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

http://www.FreeFlatScreens.com/default.aspx?referer=7584498
Free flat screen monitor or TV! Just sign up for eBay on the requirements page, place a bid (doesn't even have to be a winning bid), and get 8 friends to do the same! Don't forget to verify your email on the 'My Account' page.

FREE SHIT WOO

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Submitted by cshape (user info) at 2004-08-01 05:07:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Still my favourite post.

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Submitted by searock420 (user info) at 2004-08-01 04:55:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

that was good

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Submitted by TeenageDirtBag (user info) at 2004-07-31 14:28:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

One of the funniest post i have read.

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Submitted by Mifuyne (user info) at 2004-07-29 00:45:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Holy crap...I guess cows are smart enough to exact immediate revenge.
I learned a lesson without being in pain. Yay!

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Submitted by tuesdaydelay (user info) at 2004-07-28 09:14:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

http://www.ubersite.com/m/39748

Try it.

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Submitted by Dooms at 2004-07-28 09:09:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

lmao, very funny!

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Submitted by Barb <midnight_chillz.at.hotmail.com> at 2004-07-28 04:57:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

HOLY SHIT. THAT IS THE FUNNIEST THING I HAVE EVER READ IN MY LIFE. IT TAKES ALOT TO MAKE ME LAUGH. GOOD JOB STAYIN ALIVE BUD. UNBLEILIVABLY HILARIOUS!!!

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Submitted by fitzie (user info) at 2004-07-27 05:57:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

love it

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Submitted by sjmanikt (user info) at 2004-07-21 17:53:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

truly one of the all-time classic posts on Uber. God bless ye, laddie.

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Submitted by lipnikki81 <lipnikki81.at.hotmail.com> at 2004-07-20 16:01:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Holy shit, dude.

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Submitted by Sambuca310 (user info) at 2004-07-15 11:39:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

this made me crack up..bravo

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Submitted by Stormlord (user info) at 2004-07-15 05:23:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

I can't stop laughing, this is definetly one of my all-time favorite posts.

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Submitted by Liz <asfjksafdfd.at.hotmail.com> at 2004-07-13 01:47:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

actually, cows weigh more like 1500 lbs, and if that one was big, more than that. the calf was the one that probably weighed 500 lbs. LOL.

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Submitted by FilthyAssistant (user info) at 2004-07-10 13:50:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

This is still my favourite post of all time.

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Submitted by maggot (user info) at 2004-07-10 13:36:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

No Comment

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Submitted by mentisent8 <chikushou08.at.adelphia.net> at 2004-07-09 20:06:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Pfft. AMERICANS.

...

*cough*

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Submitted by A-Daamage (user info) at 2004-07-08 03:24:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

No Comment

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Submitted by Punk-not-dead (user info) at 2004-07-06 23:00:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

hahaha good work.

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Submitted by pix <boypick.at.hotmail.com> at 2004-07-06 02:41:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

very very amusing.....excellent story as are most on this uber site, good work..

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Submitted by koreanboi2030 (user info) at 2004-07-04 21:54:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

WUT GRID SKOOL, YUIY TO GOD FOR GED? EHHHH SCOLARISTIC BOI?

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Submitted by dolfin (user info) at 2004-07-03 08:54:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Cow tipping is a joke we play on tourists. It's impossible to actually do, unless you 'tip" them with a truck. The main outcome is usually a shoe full of cow shit and a red face.

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Submitted by Bizdorph (user info) at 2004-07-01 00:17:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Only one problem...it's called Glug, not gluck. And it's made from Aquavit Schnapps and wine.

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Submitted by DarthFaded (user info) at 2004-06-30 20:22:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Jesus Christ, I nearly shit myself. I had no idea that a cow could make a horror-movie scream like that. Then the cow charged. Fuck, you never saw three drunks run like that. Suddenly, I remembered a joke from my childhood. Something about running from a hungry bear: I don't have to be faster than the bear, I just have to be faster than you.
******************


+2 just for that statement.

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Submitted by Spermy_Smurf (user info) at 2004-06-29 09:27:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Friggen amazing story but I have to respond to the idiot masses here:
You cannot tip over a cow. Calf yes. Cow no.
Anyone who says you can is an idiot and liar.
Cows do NOT sleep standing up, horses do. I repeat: Cows do not sleep standing up. If you want proof, do research on cows, not 'cow tipping' because there are other idiots out there like you.
Cows weigh about 1000 pounds (bulls weigh twice that sometimes) and just shuffle to the side when pushed or nudged.
The only way to 'tip' a cow would be to pick it up with a crane, then somehow tip it over onto its side in the air and set it back down, then it would just stand back up and look at you like you are an idiot.

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Submitted by ThunderCleese (user info) at 2004-06-24 12:16:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

I hate cows, and their little dogs too!

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Submitted by Confuzius (user info) at 2004-06-19 11:18:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

I will note your lessons learned from experience so I do not have to experience it myself.

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Submitted by sliver at 2004-06-18 09:32:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

thats good for you dumbass

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Submitted by tunatwist (user info) at 2004-06-12 15:19:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

i love this story!!!!

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Submitted by Stabkill (user info) at 2004-06-11 17:15:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Only better if you got madcow disease.

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Submitted by CleverName (user info) at 2004-06-08 13:59:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

This post needs to be adapted into a screenplay, and fast!
+2 to the writer for survival.
+2 to Mike for sheer brazenness.
-10 to Lasse for rolling over.
+8 to the calf for vengeance.
Unbelievable.

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Submitted by rayford (user info) at 2004-06-07 08:18:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

No Comment

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Submitted by SacredHeart (user info) at 2004-06-04 10:29:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

I only give you a +2 because there is no +3. That was great!

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Submitted by funk_boy (user info) at 2004-06-03 07:31:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

I used to play that pushy forehead game cows play. Just push your forehead into a mates, whoever stops due to pain first loses.

The last time i played, we managed to rub large circular chunks of skin from the middle of each others foreheads, about an inch in diameter. Which turned into a large scab, just in time to see the relatives at christmass.




Very funny post by the way.

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Submitted by walugi <walugi.at.hotmail.com> at 2004-06-03 07:19:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

ROFLMAO fucking hilarious, gj to you sire!

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Submitted by Envenom (user info) at 2004-05-28 17:43:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

OH my god, I can't believe I am just now reading this. I was going to highlight a few points but there were just too many. Fucking hilarious. Plus 2!

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Submitted by indigogecko (user info) at 2004-05-28 05:42:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Lasse is a darwin awards honerable mention candidate methinks.

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Submitted by Scotsman (user info) at 2004-05-28 04:46:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Fuckin Brilliant. Reminded me of a time when I attempted to go cow tipping. Unfortuanatly all that happened is they woke up as we approached and then decided to Bio warfare us by crapping everywhere!! It was honking!! Anyway cheers for the post and cheers for brining that memory back....I am so fired at the end of today hahahah.
Right I am logging out....must work...no more....oh bugger it one more post :)

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Submitted by Malificent (user info) at 2004-05-26 05:17:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Rofl...

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Submitted by manic_impressive (user info) at 2004-05-25 14:31:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Uh huh yep this is fuckin funny 2 o them points then...

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Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2004-05-24 14:51:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

This is excellent. I can't believe I have never read it.

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Submitted by Irazy (user info) at 2004-05-24 12:51:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

I ahte cows and I hate udder cream, they sell it at grocery stores, it isn't right

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Submitted by mizuchoudai (user info) at 2004-05-21 12:21:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

My friend's family runs a dairy farm, and they have actually lost a few cows
due to drunk kids coming in and tipping them over. They can suffocate
somehow...
:(

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Submitted by euripidestrousers (user info) at 2004-05-21 11:58:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1

No Comment

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Submitted by Bellebrown (user info) at 2004-05-21 05:47:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Why can we still not +3 on special occasions?
I hate cows.

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Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2004-05-21 05:21:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

still the best
still the funniest
can't be touched

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Submitted by Nee (user info) at 2004-05-18 22:52:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1

coolies, poor little nut sack

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Submitted by Val (user info) at 2004-05-18 22:38:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

you're like jesus

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Submitted by tenelka3001 (user info) at 2004-05-18 16:10:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Dude, this is the best thing I've ever read. And who ever said that you can't tip a cow is almost as big a dumb ass as the person who tries to do it. And I have a bit of an Idea considering I am from the great state that is full of nothing but steers and queers as far as the eye can see. :-)

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Submitted by bluerampage2 (user info) at 2004-05-14 15:54:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Fucking great.

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Submitted by higeldypigeldy (user info) at 2004-05-12 07:07:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Such prose and style definitely deserves a +2

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Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2004-05-09 18:54:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

an enduring classic

the post that lured me into this evil place - if only they were all of this standard

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Submitted by rattbasturd (user info) at 2004-05-09 18:23:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1

Shit, that is amazing! Nice story!!

BTW, tipping cows is much easier:

1. If you're not fall-down blatto
2. If the cows are sleeping (they can sleep standing up)
3. If there aren't a number of other loud, fall-down blatto people around

Oh, and fat Americans are fat because they eat too much and sit around on their asses all the time. Seems one must explain that to Danes.

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Submitted by Burn (user info) at 2004-05-08 19:27:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

omg this is the fucking funniest thing i ever read here!!!

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Submitted by Peter_Pumpkinhead (user info) at 2004-05-07 22:42:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Cows are crazy.

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Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-05-05 15:34:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

f'n amazing!!

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Submitted by someone (user info) at 2004-05-03 19:33:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

i cant believe ive never read this before.

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Submitted by DenDen (user info) at 2004-05-03 14:01:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Too funny! And--good for the calf!

It occurs to me that Europeans like your friends must think that we Americans are even more mean and stupid than I thought they did. Your Danish friends, who obviously thought that you were more stupid than they and could be put up to any idiotic stunt, were obviously more stupid than you in their belief that an animal that large could just be tipped over and they were obviously meaner than you because when it didn?t work, one of them picked on the seemingly defenseless calf.

Really scary.

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Submitted by nhhyd72 <bredgar.at.microsoft.com> at 2004-05-01 09:52:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Danes are fucked up.

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Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2004-04-29 01:28:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

funny*

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Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2004-04-29 01:28:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Jimbo leave your wife and run away with me!
Or just keep writing fuuny stories, whichever compels you more.

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Submitted by Great Scott <the_doug77.at.hotmail.com> at 2004-04-29 01:12:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1

This is funny....... BUT far from hilarious. In fact it's just not funny at all really.

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Submitted by Zhar (user info) at 2004-04-28 21:26:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

you are my eternal hero

this is the post that got me hooked on Uber

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Submitted by perfect007dark (user info) at 2004-04-28 17:22:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

This is one of the funniest things I have ever read! I have never broken out into laughing fits by reading anything before this. BRAVO!!

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Submitted by Scott_James (user info) at 2004-04-27 17:57:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

This still rules

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Submitted by echo465 (user info) at 2004-04-26 22:14:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Beware of the cows

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Submitted by Smax <none> at 2004-04-26 08:18:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Welcome to Australia.

We dont have those prissy ass Jersey cows here. They are big, fat and fucking mad as a cut snake.

Or is that Aussie women?
I forget.

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Submitted by legallady (user info) at 2004-04-22 13:53:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Just added your posts to my favorites...so I can
catch up on what I have been missing.

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Submitted by Magicaddict (user info) at 2004-04-19 06:50:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Cows are evil - that's why they should all be made into steaks.

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Submitted by hamilton (user info) at 2004-04-18 22:07:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

No Comment

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Submitted by DamienX (user info) at 2004-04-16 15:12:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

These are exactly the sort of things meant to be learned while attending college.

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Submitted by Melany (user info) at 2004-04-13 12:03:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Truly hilarious!

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Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-04-11 17:46:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1

do not, under any circumstances, insult Gluck!

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Submitted by Sian_Silverhair (user info) at 2004-04-08 07:57:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

FUNNY SHIT. We have some idiots in my backwater farm town that do the same thing... and I can't help but laugh at their stupidity every time.

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Submitted by 4:54 mile <coolrunnings_59.at.hotmail.com> at 2004-04-07 14:50:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Dude, this is the funniest shit that I have ever seen. I hate to say that I really don't give it a two. I give it a 5. I have to go cow tipping now. All I have to say is HAHHAHAHAHAHAHA

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Submitted by bugga (user info) at 2004-04-03 04:42:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

mate i read alotta post's in here an this is the first one i actually laughed for, ive bin tippin, but u seem to have had a much harder time at it than we did. thats a fkn crackup of a story

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Submitted by youarsoghey (user info) at 2004-03-31 20:37:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

I wonder why I've never before read this.

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Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2004-03-31 01:17:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

I've been an Uber lurker for a long time now and this is still probably my fav post...BRAVO!!!

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Submitted by Captain Foamy at 2004-03-27 23:32:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

I farted on your last deep dish, Im talking chicago style!
I also farted in Wade Boggs baseball mit!
And on Suger Rays microphone!
http://www.geocities.com/captain_foamy
I fucked your dads! twice!

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Submitted by BlackTar (user info) at 2004-03-27 16:29:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

i love this!!! yeah dude that gluck (spelling?) is awful! but yeah great story!!

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Submitted by DarkPhalanx <redline468.at.hotmail.com> at 2004-03-16 10:24:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

One of the most humourous posts that I've ever come across. Pure unadulterated genius!! Had the office rolling in convulsive fits of laughter. 20 thumbs up!!....LOL.

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Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-03-13 12:45:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

I have to find some cows...

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Submitted by ess2s2 (user info) at 2004-03-13 10:59:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

I can't believe this is the first time I've seen this post! Superb! I laughed my ass off!

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Submitted by Hibbit (user info) at 2004-03-07 19:21:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

Cow screams are scary, I've heard them. You deserve a +2, that was fuckin' hillarious!

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Submitted by moebius (user info) at 2004-03-06 03:16:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

Yaaaaay Lasse!! That's my Dad's name and he's not half as cool as your friend.

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Submitted by Mats <mats.at.lagnevall.com> at 2004-03-03 08:09:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

Truly amazing, I work with 15 year old kids and they can blow ones mind. But this surely blew my mind out of the house!

Thanks for making yet another fellas day mate. :) Cheers!

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Submitted by Scott_James (user info) at 2004-03-02 22:29:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

In the aims of getting some of the crap off the recently reviewed page, I'm gonna put this on there.

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Submitted by Grundy (user info) at 2004-02-24 09:14:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

Funny shit!

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Submitted by Scott_James (user info) at 2004-02-17 00:03:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

Just for old times sake. This was the very first Uber post I read.

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Submitted by Ninjaburger (user info) at 2004-02-16 23:59:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

too funny! reminds me of a story that i may one day write.

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Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2004-02-14 17:28:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

too damn good haha

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Submitted by triliad (user info) at 2004-02-14 01:17:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

Fuckin' hilarious. Next time consider taking the cows out from afar with a potato gun - it's potentially addictive.

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Submitted by amusediniraq (user info) at 2004-02-13 16:39:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

Holy cow that was funnier than I thougt it would be. Nice job.

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Submitted by seanster (user info) at 2004-02-13 16:27:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

haven't laughed so hard in a while. thanks,

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Submitted by UberWeiss (user info) at 2004-02-12 07:28:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

tears....codak.....nuff zed.

UW

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Submitted by SinVerguenza <Chyldbehaviour.at.yahoo.com> at 2004-02-11 14:51:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

Didn't make me laugh as hard as these other people, but damned if it wasn't a good story.

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Submitted by MStar4 at 2004-02-11 13:39:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

Im at work and i had to literally stop reading it and minimize the window so i would keep from laughing....this was priceless

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Submitted by BARBIE at 2004-02-09 10:58:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

good story,was fun reading.
the first and only time i cow pushed was no where near as funny, but i did get shot in the arse with an air rifle (only shoots them plastic black things) of old bailey, the mean bastard, i swear he used to wait for us.

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Submitted by SammySam (user info) at 2004-01-31 13:37:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

oh shit you made me blow snot out of my nose and all over myself. Needless to say I wasn't expecting to laugh so much.

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Submitted by Mario (user info) at 2004-01-30 20:16:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

Pure gold...you should get drunk with foreigners more often.

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Submitted by Sting (user info) at 2004-01-30 02:05:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

You just made me wake up my wife and kids with laughter! Damn funny story you silly ass! Great writing style!

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Submitted by KingFreakingKong (user info) at 2004-01-27 21:59:07 EST (#)
Ranking: -2

Meh.

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Submitted by laurenthepirate (user info) at 2004-01-24 12:05:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

very funny

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Submitted by Darkrigel22 (user info) at 2004-01-24 10:15:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

+2 - Great story...reminds me of my own cow-tipping experiences... not quite as funny as yours though!

- DR22

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Submitted by Worm (user info) at 2004-01-22 01:39:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

wow, hi-larious

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Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2004-01-16 15:12:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

I don't know why I put off reading this for so long. But I'm glad I did, because it was worth the wait.


For the record, that cow was probably more along the lines of 2,000 pounds. (I'm a recovering farm child.)

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Submitted by Carcass <iaintellingjo0.at.bleh.com> at 2004-01-15 14:22:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

Im still pissing myself!!!! AHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHA

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Submitted by DCWoody (user info) at 2004-01-13 08:50:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

Go cows!

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Submitted by Nlaar at 2004-01-13 08:19:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

Fuck me, im laughing so hard people are giving me evils in the library, two floors down!

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Submitted by Cynthia <calessi01.at.aol.com> at 2004-01-11 18:34:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 1

As an Australian, and more importantly an Animal Liberationist, I found your story to be hugely amusing. Not only did you lose face in front of your friends and the cow no less, but the cow(s) returned the favour... Cow 1 - Silly yank and danes 0... Congratulations, I applaud the cows... :)

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Submitted by dingo (user info) at 2004-01-10 00:12:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

funniest thing I've seen in a long time.

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Submitted by jonukah (user info) at 2004-01-09 20:08:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

That is funnier than my "O" face

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Submitted by finkboy21 (user info) at 2004-01-04 14:05:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

bling bling

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Submitted by SheDeviliam (user info) at 2004-01-03 19:14:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

As an Aussie you can to my farm anytime and have another go hell ill pay your ticket to c that again...what a fuckin laugh....brilliant story!!!!!

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Submitted by Lyric (user info) at 2003-12-29 22:33:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

Truly among the top posts I have read that has made me literally laugh out loud, and then frantically forward this to as many people as I could. Way to go.

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Submitted by Christ (user info) at 2003-12-29 21:10:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 0

http://www.ubersite.com/m/21705

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Submitted by Moany Toni at 2003-12-29 10:46:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

Ok.. I'm Irish and grew up with alot of cattle.. and I dont think is at all possible.. BUT my good points have to go to effort and detail.. Well done..

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Submitted by tuesdaydelay (user info) at 2003-12-23 12:14:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 1

...where credit's due.

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Submitted by A.Tyrael (user info) at 2003-12-18 21:37:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

Lmao....my god you are one crazy mother fucker.

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Submitted by Flogging-Molly (user info) at 2003-12-10 23:38:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

HAHAHA, that's fucking hilarious
This made me laugh all day

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Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2003-12-10 14:59:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

Random Joe is an idiot.

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Submitted by Random Joe at 2003-12-10 11:55:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 0

not true or funny

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Submitted by Scott_James (user info) at 2003-12-08 21:16:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

Truly awe-inspiring.

I thought I had already posted a response, but I hadn't so here's +2

Unbelievably freakin' cool.

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Submitted by jimbo (user info) at 2003-12-08 14:07:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 0

It's interesting to note here that LC posted a negative review after I commented on his first post (regarding story embellishment).

What's wrong, LC, is this story excessively Uberized? You poor thing. It must be so tiresome to have no imagination at all.

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Submitted by LC (user info) at 2003-12-08 12:12:10 EST (#)
Ranking: -2

Lame

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Submitted by leeluminati (user info) at 2003-12-08 01:55:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 1

To properly tip a cow, the cow has to be asleep, on all fours, with it knees locked. Then, you can push it over without too much difficulty. I have never actually done it myself, but it is done where I live. Usually, though, the farmers are more dangerous than the cows. And any idiot should know not to piss off a mother cow. Or a mother anything, for that matter.

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Submitted by O_O (user info) at 2003-12-07 14:41:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

that was FUNNY as hell

dam

i have seen emus so that but not cows











GO

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Submitted by Dr Owens <DrOwens.at.kc.rr.com> at 2003-12-07 07:55:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

I laughed until the point of pain!

Outstanding work!

Thanks!

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Submitted by wijormiclat (user info) at 2003-12-04 18:07:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

No Comment

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Submitted by Stupac (user info) at 2003-12-04 15:42:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

This reminds me of the time when i was in the Amish bar and people came up to me becasue they thought i was asleep, and pushed me over. I promptly took out my shotgun and blasted the bastards to hell.

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Submitted by kellye <suicideloveletter.at.yahoo.com> at 2003-12-01 11:50:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

omfg, i burst out laughing in my web design class. i got yelled at by my teacher. :/ it was totally worth it just to read that story. +2 all the way man.

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Submitted by Morpheus (user info) at 2003-11-29 05:29:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

You get another +2 because I've come back like four times to read it again. This has never happened before.

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Submitted by Tabby at 2003-11-28 19:19:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

That owned please write more :)

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Submitted by cshape (user info) at 2003-11-27 21:54:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

mike and lasse are my two favourite guys.

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Submitted by Raymond Owens <Raymond_canada_Owens.at.hotmail.c> at 2003-11-27 19:37:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

That was the coolest story I have ever heard in my entire lifetime. That was so cool. Imagine being those drunk dudes running. Man . And that one guy running and almost hurt his shoulder.
This story is the bomb.

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Submitted by Sparta.cn <mikeeyyman.at.comcast.net> at 2003-11-27 02:55:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

Oh sweet jesus.







I just cried from laughing. Props to you.

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Submitted by mfriazer (user info) at 2003-11-26 14:13:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

made me laugh for 15 minutes afterwards, everyone at school was looking at me, but screw them.

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Submitted by nazislut (user info) at 2003-11-21 22:06:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

lmfao that is by far the bes thing i have ever read on this site. i could picture every thing
my fav part was when you said the lil calf money stopmed you friend nut sack

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Submitted by Luther (user info) at 2003-11-21 15:33:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

This was the first UberPost I ever read and I've been addicted ever since. Thanks!

This post deserves so much more than just one +2

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Submitted by Still Random at 2003-11-20 14:32:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

This story so fucking owns I loved it...it was only better because we used to cow tip with tractors

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Submitted by labyrinthine (user info) at 2003-11-20 14:20:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

No Comment

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Submitted by Random Joe at 2003-11-20 08:58:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

man this story owned

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Submitted by ckyhimself (user info) at 2003-11-20 02:11:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

i think this is the best story i've ever read... SERIOUSLY

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Submitted by jimbo (user info) at 2003-11-19 10:51:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

I'm giving myself a +2 because this was my first post and it went to #9 on the all time most viewed list. In addition, it was briefly #1 on the best ever list. I like to think that I kick ass.

However, I regret that I followed it up with another post. How does one top perfection? Answer: one doesn't.

I have learned so much. Thank you all.

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Submitted by Morpheus (user info) at 2003-11-19 05:19:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

Funniest thing I've ever read on this site.

-S

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Submitted by merlock (user info) at 2003-11-15 21:14:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

hahahahha

cow > you

:D

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Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2003-11-14 19:47:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

HAAAAAAA HAAAAAAAAAA HAAAAAAAAAAAA HAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Submitted by Manuel Hung <manuel.at.hyng.com> at 2003-11-14 16:20:27 EST (#)
Ranking: -2

You left out the part when you and your buddy handcuffed the cow and you fucked the ass and tickled the utteres & he humped the nostrils.
While your in the closet, can you please rearrange my dress shoes?
Mo

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Submitted by Benjohn <B3NJ0HN.at.Hotmail.com> at 2003-11-14 09:10:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

I have just discovered how to get past the system at work and get the internet on and this article makes it all worth while. Cow tipping is mint i was telling some lads about my cow tipping experience about two months ago and my girlfriend overheard me talking about it and she went into a massive lecture about how the cows wakeup in a state of shock and sometimes die of shock and i was absolutly pissed myself with laughter this reminded me of then and my cow tipping days and my need i say it ex bird. Nice One

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Submitted by steve at 2003-11-12 16:29:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

I HATE YOU YOU TOOK PORN EXPLOSIONS 10TH SPOT
but ill still give you a 2 cause it was funny

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Submitted by Manfre (user info) at 2003-11-12 08:27:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

Shit forgot to +2

Man Im going to your college next year.

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Submitted by Manfre (user info) at 2003-11-12 08:21:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 0

"I said Fuck no, I'm not tipping a cow, but everyone was really into it, and Mike and Lasse said that they'd go with me and tip as well. In my drunken mindset, it started to make more and more sense to me, so I reluctantly said Okay."

Thats usually how it always goes. Usually all is well. Until the cops show. At which time that bear joke still works. You dont have to be faster then the bear. Just faster then your friends.

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Submitted by Random Joe at 2003-11-12 07:21:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

I just realized that this was your first post. The best first post ever!

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Submitted by oli at 2003-11-11 07:09:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 1

nice

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Submitted by paco (user info) at 2003-11-06 13:07:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

I just read this again after like two weeks, and Goddamn if it isn't still the fuckin' funniest thing I ever read.

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Submitted by Zeradin <Zeradin.at.xmail.net> at 2003-11-05 19:56:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

Fucking hilarious made my day.. back to my day sucking now...

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Submitted by G. <matchallica.at.hotmail.com> at 2003-11-03 18:03:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

Oh my god I was having such a bad day at work, then I read that and I died laughing. Thank you for being such an idiot

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Submitted by sjudrum (user info) at 2003-11-03 15:52:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

Good show.

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Submitted by Jason <ekdfh.at.sf.com> at 2003-11-02 03:45:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

Fuck that was funny, especially the parts where you say 1. 2. 3.

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Submitted by Dave <fraction.at.onlinemail.com> at 2003-11-01 07:33:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

Funny as hell..

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Submitted by paul <cock.at.mouth.org> at 2003-10-31 23:29:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

Nice!
i give that bullshit a two
its funny





haha

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Submitted by nicko (user info) at 2003-10-31 06:57:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

i've read every review for this and cant think of anything to add exccept. amazing. pure drunken genius.



i wish i lived near somebody with cows.

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Submitted by a dane at 2003-10-30 19:38:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

Thanks

Don't know if it was your vivid writing or the Sheer drunken insanity, but I even laughed while reading all these comments. I'm so proud of Lasse for attacking the least threatening target on the field, true danish mentality.

P.S. You don't enjoy Gløg, you just drink plenty to get stupid drunk.

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Submitted by chief0 at 2003-10-30 08:07:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

Mike pushed the calf over. He didn't say anything, didn't look to Lasse or myself for approval, just suddenly pushed him over. And started laughing like a lunatic.

HAHAH - europeans

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Submitted by Loki <rubysoho999.at.msn.com> at 2003-10-29 22:59:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

ah man.. i laughed so hard i damned near puked.. anyone who says this isnt funny should... um... die i supose..

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Submitted by K.M (user info) at 2003-10-29 15:22:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

Fuck, i must have read this like 10 times and i laugh my ass of everytime.

This is so awesome.

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Submitted by Fleet_Marshall_Badass (user info) at 2003-10-29 15:19:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 0

Fuckin' gold mate! Where'd you find a paddock in Sydney? Maybe it's something in the water, but it's not that hard to knock a cow over in the outskirts of Melbourne. Unless, of course, it wasn't asleep. If it wasn't asleep, you're an idiot. If it was, you're still an idiot, but it's okay because you were drunk.

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Submitted by Cassiopeia (user info) at 2003-10-26 11:15:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

HAHAHAHAHA!!!! HOW DID I MISS THIS?!?!?!!!

note to self:

dont go cow tipping

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Submitted by BuffWizard (user info) at 2003-10-26 10:58:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

No Comment

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Submitted by Jaime <Jaimemrm2002.at.yahoo.com> at 2003-10-21 23:21:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

I thought it was really funny and all. Most importantly though, it made me live through the experience of others, as I wither away in my cubicle. As I read about the stompin' my morning was slowly filled with a rare gas of glee that slowly but steadily effaced the coating of ennui that had covered me all Monday. I couldn't but pause and hold on to my desk with both hands as i hiperventilated, just enough to draw in air, and then go back into the readin'. I seriously think that I bruised my balls as I restrained myself from bouncin' on my office chair (by the pressure of my body on my balls as I sat and held down by force), for fear that people around me thought I was a ferret, looking up from my hole....but anyway, don't mean to get carried away, what I mean is that I had fun reading the story, but what about the American bashin'? Europeans, Canadians and Aussies love to do that, especially when they feel that there's not an American around. One time I was in a ski lift in Whistler, Canada, and the other people who shared the lift with me were mockin' Americans, saying "They are so inbred", as if Canada is: a) a real country anyway, b) a country with a huge and diversified genetic pool (30 million inhabitants= little more than Mexico City), c) a place we give a fuck about. Anyway, thanks for the story bro, I could not write this from work because they monitor us like all hell, but sure enough I waited to come home and reply. This was the highlight of my day (which just tells you)

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Submitted by Alena <airesrock.at.hotmail.com> at 2003-10-20 14:55:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Holy mother of God that's awesome!!!!! I don't think I have ever heard a funnier story. I"m assuming this is true, but my goodness even if its not! Being from Kentucky I have seen some cow tipping done..... but come on man, why would you try to tip a cow by yourself? I mean the quarterback and and two of the offensive line from my HS football team tipped one cow! I can only imagine how freaking hillarious it would have been to see one drunken fool trying to tip a cow!

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Submitted by mmmrice (user info) at 2003-10-19 12:19:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Good story but just for some general knowledge:
a 500lb cow is tiny. a cute calf reaches its peak cuteness at around 2 months @ which point most are weaned off their mama

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Submitted by PermanentlyPissed (user info) at 2003-10-19 12:12:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Good one. I laughed so hard, I nearly pissed myself, which, of course wouldve made for an interesting story, but far too embarassing. +2 for the laugh.

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Submitted by Wookiee (user info) at 2003-10-19 11:00:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

I laughed so ridiculously hard at this. Especially at the lists of things learned from certain experiences.

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Submitted by Brendan <Snipebudor.at.hotmail.com> at 2003-10-17 00:12:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

As I was sitting at work........I came across this article...as I read it, I started laughing my ass off. All my co-workers were just looking at me like, "What the fuck is this guys deal".....great story

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Submitted by toby <notme.at.notyou.net> at 2003-10-16 15:10:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1

It's glug, not gluck.

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Submitted by bargled (user info) at 2003-10-15 17:41:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

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Submitted by hopex (user info) at 2003-10-14 01:40:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

HIL-AR-RIOUS!

I laughed.

I cried.

I peed a little.

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Submitted by Squidget (user info) at 2003-10-12 19:08:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Holy shit, I think I pissed myself

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Submitted by Joon <me.at.here.com> at 2003-10-12 17:47:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Funny as shit!!!!!!!!!!!!!! lmao.

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Submitted by hendrixjrr (user info) at 2003-10-10 10:19:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

I haven't laughed at a post in a long time.

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Submitted by Random Joe at 2003-10-10 08:54:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Have you ever been in the middle of a class or a meeting, and you suddenly think of something funny, and start cracking up for no apparent reason? I was just in a meeting after reading this post, and I envisioned the cow screaming and I had to leave the room because I was about to piss myself. That is the funniest shit I have ever read.

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Submitted by Tasteslikeburning (user info) at 2003-10-09 20:39:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Hilarious- five stars. I've lived in Iowa and if I've learned anything from living in the corn fields, it's not to go cow-tipping....especially while drunk.

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Submitted by Dom <domsta20.at.hotmail.com> at 2003-10-09 16:43:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

HA HA That was so fucking hilarious. I guess it dosen't matter from which country your from! Drunk men are idiots!!! ha ha!

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Submitted by Crinks at 2003-10-09 15:39:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

omg man... i am dead serious when i say.... LASSE IS THE MAN!!!!!! any man that can take a monkey stomp to the nutsack and ever stamd up again deserves mad props man!!!! the only time i will EVER laugh harder then i did when i read this is if i was there to see it.. and thats no lie! hahahahhaahahhahahahah aohh the monkey stompage... hahhahahaha

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Submitted by dan <blind487.at.trouble.com> at 2003-10-09 15:27:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1

not all THAT funny, but a nice read

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Submitted by Luther (user info) at 2003-10-09 12:41:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

This is the funniest fuckin thing I have EVER read!!!!

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Submitted by sunny <fiestyxzzb.at.aol.com> at 2003-10-08 14:50:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1

although not a hall of famer, definitely made my roommate wonder why i laugh at the computer

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Submitted by katb78 (user info) at 2003-10-08 04:16:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Fantastic post!

Nobb's comment about Australians ... Nobb you are a tool!

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Submitted by Joe <notgiven.at.nowhere.net> at 2003-10-08 00:25:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

I nearly rolled out of my chair laughing so hard.

Rawk on dewd!!

Joe

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Submitted by CleverestCracker <CleverestCracker.at.yahoo.com> at 2003-10-07 20:00:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1

This wasn't as funny as you guys crack it up to be. I've definately heard funnier, by far. You guys are dumbasses.

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Submitted by Amy <razmataz73.at.yahoo.com> at 2003-10-07 18:25:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Kicker of all ass...yes, that would be it. I heard that you cannot actually tip a cow. But I wouldn't know.

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Submitted by cea (user info) at 2003-10-06 21:18:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

That ruled. End of story.

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Submitted by Matt <Matt991.at.aol.com> at 2003-10-06 19:34:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

This is one of the funniest stories I have heard in a long time

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Submitted by dbcooper (user info) at 2003-10-06 14:21:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

fucking awesome

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Submitted by Smurfsalot (user info) at 2003-10-06 12:16:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

HAHAHA

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Submitted by IndianOcean (user info) at 2003-10-06 09:28:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

GOOD BLESS you for the story.. Awesome monday start in the cell...

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Submitted by Rubberduk1010 <rubberduk1010.at.yahoo.com> at 2003-10-06 09:25:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

HAHA! Man this was a kick ass story, i was laughing so fucking hard i got kicked out of class... Keep 'um comming

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Submitted by couj <decouzen.at.hotmail.com> at 2003-10-06 09:06:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

this is the funniest article i have ever read. hillarious. excellent work

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Submitted by Death_Metal_Dude (user info) at 2003-10-06 03:52:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

There are way too many non +2s for this, the best post ever.

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Submitted by Death_Metal_Dude (user info) at 2003-10-06 03:48:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

No Comment

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Submitted by Nobb (user info) at 2003-10-06 03:38:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

HAHAHA Austrailian cows must be the only hard thing in Aus, soft cocks.

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Submitted by Franger (user info) at 2003-10-05 21:32:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1

+2 cause its a damn good story, -1 cause your tring to pass it off as true

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Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2003-10-05 21:21:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

i would pay money to see something like this happen.

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Submitted by paco (user info) at 2003-10-05 20:34:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

The funniest story in the history of the English language! By FAR your best post. More, more!

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Submitted by Danielle <DKallbrier.at.aol.com> at 2003-10-05 17:46:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

That was crazy fucking hilarius! I was laughing so hard, my aunt came back to see what the deal was! I wish I had seen this!

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Submitted by Shanni <yousuck.at.hotmail.com> at 2003-10-05 15:57:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

OMG, that was the funniest shit, Ive read all year!! Made my day, man!

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Submitted by hcp28 (user info) at 2003-10-05 14:19:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

"Then the calf trotted over, and I swear, with God as my witness, monkey-stomped Lasse in the nutsack"

Best line ever! Monkey haha... oh man this story made me laugh... I think my office mates might think I've finally lost it.

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Submitted by PizzaEagle (user info) at 2003-10-05 03:07:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Funny Funny

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Submitted by maddox.xmission.com <askbill.at.microsoft.com> at 2003-10-05 02:49:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2

buy my software.

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Submitted by cshape (user info) at 2003-10-04 23:11:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

omg i laughed a bunch of times while reading that story. strong props man... strong =P

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Submitted by Jimmy <Jimmythebartender.at.hotmail.com> at 2003-10-04 20:02:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

No Comment

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Submitted by Stin64 (user info) at 2003-10-04 19:14:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Absolutely fabulous!

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Submitted by SteveO <malfredor.at.aol.com> at 2003-10-04 10:58:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Sheer brilliance. You just completely made my day. But, I must confess, now I have this desire to see this "stunt" of yours repeated. High Quality Stuff.

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Submitted by Crinks at 2003-10-04 10:50:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

HAHAHAHA OHH MAN!!!! that has to be the best story ive ever heard in my LIFE!!!!!... lessons learned 1. Cows are heavy
2. Cows are hard as rock
3. I'm fucking stupid


AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Submitted by Random Joe at 2003-10-03 23:28:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

No Comment

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Submitted by Brad <nopigeonz4.at.yahoo.com> at 2003-10-03 23:13:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

That was fucking insane, dude i've never heard shit that was that funny, geez i wish i was drunk!

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Submitted by queenashleestalker (user info) at 2003-10-03 23:00:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Sweet

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Submitted by Wingnut (user info) at 2003-10-03 18:25:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

By Gawd, that was brilliant

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Submitted by Otto <lickmyballs.at.yahoo.com> at 2003-10-03 13:48:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

No Comment

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Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2003-10-03 13:47:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Undoubtedly +2 material

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Submitted by bargled (user info) at 2003-10-03 13:42:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Because they're fucking retards.

I've read this at least a dozen times and I still laugh my ass off.

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Submitted by shortgerbal (user info) at 2003-10-03 13:39:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Totally. Awesome.

Why the hell did someone NOT give this a +2???

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Submitted by Nicole3 (user info) at 2003-10-03 13:17:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

No Comment

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Submitted by Nicole3 (user info) at 2003-10-03 13:17:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

I haven't laughed like that in a long time.

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Submitted by Leela (user info) at 2003-10-03 10:44:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHA! One of the best stories I've seen on here in ages - well told.

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Submitted by Kristyswan (user info) at 2003-10-03 08:34:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

What a moving story! ;) Hilarious.

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Submitted by jimbo (user info) at 2003-10-03 08:18:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

100% true. Australian cows are smart. They should go to school. With robots. And Ninjas.

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Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2003-10-03 07:56:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

this was a very nice story. I enjoyed it particuarly becuase i have been in fields with cows and people have laughed at me for being scared of them. I kept imagining how helpless we would be in the midle of a big field if they had all suddenly decided to attack us.

Is the kick in the testicle part true???????

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Submitted by michaelooi <tzekann.at.nospam.com> at 2003-10-03 03:19:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

hahah... very original.

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Submitted by andrew <rx_bandits2006.at.yahoo.com> at 2003-10-02 22:43:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

i dont know what to say. its just the funniest shit evaa:P ive already snt it to just about all the people in all my classes at school. they loved it. even the teacher read it. he said, while laughing his jewish ass off, that that was by far the greatest thing ever. GENIUS my friend!

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Submitted by Fyre <fyrestata.at.yahoo.com> at 2003-10-02 22:26:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

This has got to be the best story I have ever read!!! ROFLMFAO

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Submitted by poop_monkey (user info) at 2003-10-02 19:10:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

This is the most perfect post I think I have ever seen. This should be the "Example" post that all new Ubersite users should read to get the big picture.

I love you.

(:(|)

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Submitted by gibberish (user info) at 2003-10-02 16:51:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

so damn funny

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Submitted by Ouijan (user info) at 2003-10-02 16:31:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

holy shit this is funny...LOL at work...literally laughed till I got tears to my eyes! I've read a lot of these, but this one made me actually decide to register with Ubersite just so I could give it a much deserved +2 and tons o props!

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Submitted by Apathesia (user info) at 2003-10-02 15:40:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

O M G
HAHAHAHA!

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Submitted by me at 2003-10-02 12:59:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Hilarious

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Submitted by joe scott <gymruntratt.at.hotmail.com> at 2003-10-02 12:27:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1

No Comment

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Submitted by FATMANTPK (user info) at 2003-10-02 09:48:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

I will have to recommend this to all my friends

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Submitted by buttsmear (user info) at 2003-10-02 08:33:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2



Fuck, that was the funniest shit I ever read. Your other two posts are good, too. but this is the best.

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Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2003-10-02 04:53:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

<guffaws>

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Submitted by Gump (user info) at 2003-10-02 03:32:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

I just read it again and here's another +2 cause its still so fucking funny.

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Submitted by bargled (user info) at 2003-10-02 01:25:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

That is fuckin great.

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Submitted by bp <bpcrafty.at.aol.com> at 2003-10-01 23:24:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

What a pisser!!!

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Submitted by MajicWalrus (user info) at 2003-10-01 22:49:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Hilarious.

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Submitted by PeopleAreStrange (user info) at 2003-10-01 20:14:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Maybe next time you can fight a kangaroo.

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Submitted by bob dole <bobdole.at.rep.gov> at 2003-10-01 19:50:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2


Been there, tried that.

Being drunk + People with bad ideas and no internet connection + field of cows = someones goin to the hospital tonight.

Much props for giving it a shot anyway. Keeping up our proud American tradition.

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Submitted by Eh Steve! <Creeping_death_120887@hotmail.> at 2003-10-01 17:55:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

i have learned so much:
1 cows hurt danish people.
2 don't tip the calf with momma watching.
3 always go cow tipping with a slower drunker and stupider person.

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Submitted by anon at 2003-10-01 16:11:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Hilarious.

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Submitted by bob at 2003-10-01 13:18:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

u cannot tip a cow. yes u are very very very stupid. but a great story none the less

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Submitted by garbage1013 <floppy1013.at.aol.com> at 2003-10-01 11:15:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

That was some seriously fucked up stuff. I live in Wisconsin, and I've never been cow-tipping. Figure that one out. All I can say is that is some "...weird, wild stuff. Weird and wild stuff..." I'll have to travel to the Australian outback to cow-tip now, I guess.

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Submitted by Sandrolina <sandrica35.at.hotmail.com> at 2003-10-01 10:28:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

brilliant. had me laughing out loud. luckily I'm "working" at home today

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Submitted by Gump (user info) at 2003-10-01 04:05:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Fucking Hilarious!

I've been laughing for like 5 minutes

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

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Submitted by joe <asd.at.aol.com> at 2003-09-30 21:22:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

best story ive read here, priceless

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Submitted by littledan (user info) at 2003-09-30 17:35:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

No Comment

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Submitted by Bethany Goad <thalia_aglaia.at.hotmail.com> at 2003-09-30 17:27:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

No Comment

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Submitted by Bethany Goad <thalia_aglaia.at.hotmail.com> at 2003-09-30 17:23:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

I so simpathize. Crazy crap like this happens to my best friend and I all the time. And it's not alcohol induced either!

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Submitted by Random Joe at 2003-09-30 16:07:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

ROTFLMFAO! Priceless!

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Submitted by jEntreri (user info) at 2003-09-30 13:29:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

LOL, that was great, I'm sitting in a quite class at school reading this and I just start cracking up laughing. You made my day with that one.

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Submitted by DannyAR (user info) at 2003-09-30 12:44:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Quite possibly the best thing I've ever read.

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Submitted by lowsodiummonkey (user info) at 2003-09-30 10:21:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

No Comment

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Submitted by Kracka (user info) at 2003-09-30 09:37:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Budamn,that was great. that brought a tear from laughter to my eye. that made my day.

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Submitted by Goulash at 2003-09-30 09:18:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

I needed a box of tissues to clear up the tears of laughter.

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Submitted by Shaon94 at 2003-09-30 08:55:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Laughed my ass off. I needed that this morning.

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Submitted by Choppa (user info) at 2003-09-30 03:34:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

funny shit
and an important lesson learned, coz every other australian animal will just kill you.

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Submitted by Death_Metal_Dude (user info) at 2003-09-30 03:30:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Cows are fuckin scary fast. All the more reason to eat them.

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Submitted by senseiofmattitudev1 (user info) at 2003-09-30 03:16:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

I have read through every review, and am still laughing at the original story. Cows rule.

+2 because I just dribbled in my under-roos. (A.K.A. nearly pissed myself)

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Submitted by DooZa (user info) at 2003-09-30 03:01:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

Oh yeah .. I myself have never gone cow tipping .. But I dont plan to either.. everyone tells me how shitty it went.. with stuff happening like that every time..


So .. you have to goto a redneck town, for redneck dumb slow cows

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Submitted by bart (user info) at 2003-09-30 01:24:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

That was great.

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Submitted by random at 2003-09-30 00:27:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

hee

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Submitted by moose74 (user info) at 2003-09-30 00:08:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

I don't think I can add anything except "Wow."

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Submitted by bargled (user info) at 2003-09-29 23:46:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Number 1 on the Best Ever list.

Congradulations! (and have another +2!)

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Submitted by MOssiah (user info) at 2003-09-29 21:52:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Wicked.

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Submitted by edfssss <sss.at.ds.dfg> at 2003-09-29 21:38:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

gooooooooood

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Submitted by natsthename (user info) at 2003-09-29 21:12:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

" Cows are fucking scary fast. "
OMG, that's hilarious.

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Submitted by SoHipItHurts (user info) at 2003-09-29 20:58:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

No Comment

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Submitted by PWNstar (user info) at 2003-09-29 20:24:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

"monkey-stomped Lasse in the nutsack. " This line really got me

ahh, karma rears its ugly head again.

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Submitted by Beer_bong (user info) at 2003-09-29 20:23:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Dear









Sweet








Jesus.

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Submitted by GoingBlue (user info) at 2003-09-29 20:06:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

If those Danes were around naked pig flesh, however...

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Submitted by ScoutCJustice (user info) at 2003-09-29 16:59:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Brilliant.

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Submitted by jwlmar10 (user info) at 2003-09-29 15:03:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

good stuff

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Submitted by Gent (user info) at 2003-09-29 13:31:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

"Don't kid yourself Jimmy, if a cow ever got the chance he'd eat you and everyone you care about." -Troy McClure

I always thought that was a lie.

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Submitted by SpikeGoddess (user info) at 2003-09-29 13:29:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

You made this animal-lover smile with your hysterical writing and the Momma cow's swift justice.

SpikeGoddess

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Submitted by Phinch (user info) at 2003-09-29 13:03:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Hoof to the nuts.

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Submitted by JinkyWilliams (user info) at 2003-09-29 12:04:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Bwahahaha!!

My mom used to go cow tipping a lot when she was younger.

I think the key to success is only attempting to tip cows that are sleeping. They have no balance that way. You still have to hit them with a fair amount of force, but they actually fall. But it's best to move on before you die as a result of the methane emission from said cow.

So... now you know. Go forth and tip!

--JW

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Submitted by Insanethemind (user info) at 2003-09-29 11:44:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Oh man!



He pushed the calf over, nice.


Great story.

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Submitted by Lord_Of_The_Strings (user info) at 2003-09-29 11:41:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Fantastic story, one of those ones where I have to stop myself laughin out loud(because I'm at work)which is quite hard with this post

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Submitted by Natophelia (user info) at 2003-09-29 11:22:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Hell yeah!

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Submitted by bargled (user info) at 2003-09-29 11:20:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Kicker of all ass

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Submitted by pimpbuster (user info) at 2003-09-29 11:19:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

IMMMMPRESSIVE! You make me proud!

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Submitted by DrunkMonk (user info) at 2003-09-29 11:13:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

I eat cows just to help control the revolution.

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Submitted by TuTs (user info) at 2003-09-29 11:07:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

This is why steak is a food.

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Submitted by loki (user info) at 2003-09-29 10:46:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

great visual

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Submitted by potatomanjack (user info) at 2003-09-29 10:44:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

I'm speechless.

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Submitted by Titan (user info) at 2003-09-29 10:39:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

HAHAHAHAHA....
I still have to go cow tipping one of these days...

+2 for a cow tipping story

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Jeez. No beer ... no opera dogs ...

-- Homer Simpson
Bart the Genius

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