Australia and Denmark: The REAL Axis of Evil (1764 hits)
Category: HumorLabels: Australia
Rating: 1.57 on 14 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by <jkershner00.at.hotmail.com> (View user info) at 2003-09-30 09:01:10 EDT
True story.
As many college students know, Thursday nights are usually quite busy on campus, as many students manipulate their class schedules to avoid having classes on friday. The dorm I was in was no different. It had a coutyard in the middle, and a tradition started where all the students would gather there on Thursday nights to drink before going out to the pub. Mike, Lasse and I started "Hanky Bannister Night".
Now, Hanky Bannister is about the worst Scotch whiskey on Earth. I don't know if it's a product of Australia or not, but I have been unable to find it anywhere else (thank God). There are some who would say that the proper way to enjoy Scotch is slowly, "on the rocks" or with soda. I couldn't speak to that, but we were drinking it quickly, sans ice, out of shot glasses. Between the three of us, we could get a decent buzz going out of a fifth (or maybe they sell it as a litre bottle, I can't recall).
So, we finished our Hanky and were preparing to make our exit to the pub, when a little Australian girl (Fiona, damn her eternal soul to Hell), walked up with a litre of Finlandia. Okay...so we'll shoot that too. Blackout...end of event for me.
I woke up the next day with a splitting headache and no recollection of the previous night. Oh...and naked. And all the film in my camera had mysteriously been used up. Because I wasn't thinking clearly, I forgot the thing about the film, and went down to the cafeteria to have the tried and true Australian hangover remedy of Vegemite on toast (I got dressed first). Feeling somewhat myself after breakfast, I cleaned myself up and headed off to the University hospital to go to the labs where I worked at the time.
On the bottom floor of the hospital is the Medical Illustration Unit, where all of the poster presentations are made for the grad students. I went down there, and in my best kiss-ass voice asked the girl there if she would please, please, please develop my film for me (technically, only research materials are supposed to be developed there). She grudgingly said okay. Off I went to my lab.
Noon rolled around and a coworker and I went to lunch. When we got back, there was a crowd of people outside my lab, standing in front of the bulletin board, applauding me. What the fuck? They stepped aside to explain.
The film had been developed all right. And blown up to 8x10. And posted on the bulletin board. In the first picture, I was drinking my first shot. In the second, my fifth. Then I had no shirt on. Then no shoes...no pants...then I was naked, blacked out in the dirt with a fine layer of beige dust covering me, like one of those painted natives in "Congo"...evil spirits cannot see me...
Evidently, someone was kind enough to transport me to my room, because the next photo was of me lying in bed, soaking wet, with a thin sheet covering my rude bits. Next to it, the poster size photo of my shrivelled wee-wee. Gods.
I like to think I was a good sport about it. I shrugged, turned pink in the cheeks, and everyone had a good laugh. No harm, no foul. All the while, I was plotting the violent death of two particular Danish ass-clowns. When I got back to the dorm, I cornered the two of them. "No, no", they said, "we had already left for the pub, we don't know anything about it". And wouldn't you know it, the photos were carefully staged so that no one else was ever in the pictures. No positive i.d. could be made. Sneaky bastards
So I completed my studies, graduated, flew back to the States, and dismissed the entire incident as a bad memory of my otherwise pleasant time abroad.
I know it was you, Michael.
User Reviews
Submitted by nrduncan (user info) at 2005-08-09 11:52:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2004-04-10 16:30:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by thinning_temples (user info) at 2004-01-23 11:07:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Dude, blaming the whiskey for pics of your shrivelled pecker being made public seems a little unfair.
Submitted by Natophelia (user info) at 2004-01-23 11:00:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I've read this and didn't rate, too! I must sit here reading and drooling and nothing else.
Submitted by Walrus <james.peddle.at.youngecc.com> at 2003-12-05 05:14:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This story as well as the Australian bad ass cows one made me laugh...A lot. I will now make a point of wasting my work time and reading all of your other posts.
When you say I know it was you Micheal, would that be the Mike that got you chased by a cow by tipping over a calf?
Ah the drunken fun.
Submitted by paco (user info) at 2003-10-05 20:30:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Danish people are freaks. Why can't they just make Sweden, Norway, Denmark, and Finland one country and call it Scandanavia? Fuck ALL those countries. Funny story, though.
Submitted by crusy the clown at 2003-10-05 16:19:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Great story! Those Danes need an ass-beating bad.
Submitted by yens <yensFop.at.poway.edu.sp> at 2003-10-03 11:54:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for the evil spirits line...Sweet!
Submitted by Random Joe at 2003-10-03 09:12:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by buttsmear (user info) at 2003-10-02 08:57:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Too funny! Those Danes deserve some justice, American style.
Submitted by tuesdaydelay (user info) at 2003-09-30 18:17:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
http://www.ubersite.com/cgi-bin/message_get.cgi?message=1064955910864213349
Submitted by Phinch (user info) at 2003-09-30 18:07:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by GoingBlue (user info) at 2003-09-30 09:12:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh God. I am Australian from Danish lineage. I feel dirty.
Can't... get... smell... off...
Submitted by Insanethemind (user info) at 2003-09-30 09:10:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
haha