The Australian Trilogy, Final Chapter (1817 hits)
Category: HumorLabels: Australia
Rating: 1.43 on 13 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by <jkershner00.at.hotmail.com> (View user info) at 2003-09-30 17:22:53 EDT
True story.
Mike, Lasse, and I decided to go to the QVB (the big expensive retail mall in downtown Sydney) so that I could buy a formal outfit for my brothers' wedding. It was during the Christmas holidays, and all the festive decorations were up. You know, the Nativity scene, elves, plastic Santa, the whole deal. We went into this high-end store, like the one in that SNL skit with Jimmy Fallon, Sean Hayes, and Will Farrell. The kind of store where the clerks are really snooty, and the suits are super expensive. Well, there was a suit I really liked, and I was willing to pay their price. The only thing was, I didn't want to deal with the fuckstick elitist clerk working the floor, so I asked Mike (a Dane, and quite an effeminate one at that) to sort of deal with the guy.
Mike started talking to the clerk while I went and tried on the suit in the changing room. When I came back, the clerk was all nice and sweet and giggly and shit. He kept making me put the jacket back on so he could check the fit, and kept touching me on the shoulder. I just assumed the guy was gay. I didn't give a shit, I just wanted to pay for the suit and go get something to eat. He eventually took the suit from me to go ring it up at the register, with Mike and Lasse giggling like little kids.
Me: "What the hell are you laughing about?"
Lasse: "Mike told that guy you thought he was cute, but were really shy!"
I rolled my eyes and turned beet red as the clerk beckoned me up to the register. I committed myself to keeping my trap shut, paying for my shit, and getting the fuck out of there. Mike and Lasse were laughing their balls off near the exit. The clerk put the receipt out for me to sign, and on the customer copy I saw his handwritten name and phone number. Bastards.
I thought to myself, "What do I care...the guy is never going to see me again." I turned and swiftly started to walk away. As I was walking out the door, Mike came up behind me and kicked one of my feet into the other. I don't know if you've ever done that as a kid, but it's a sure-fire way to trip someone quite spectacularly.
Which was what happened in this case. I went down screaming in this high pitched childs voice, "Eeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!" WHAM...right into the Nativity scene display...I scattered the wisemen like fucking bowling pins. Mary went shooting off into one of the store displays, causing it to come crashing down, in some freaky ass chain reaction. The lifesize plastic Joseph toppled the Manger, and both came down on me.
Mike and Lasse took off like cowards they are, and I was left there to confront the clerk with a crush on me. He was standing over me with a look of supreme disgust on his face. In a tone of dismissal, he said,
"On second thought, don't call me."
User Reviews
Submitted by nrduncan (user info) at 2005-08-09 11:56:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2004-04-02 10:44:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
great
Submitted by Natophelia (user info) at 2004-01-23 10:57:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Dammit, I read this ages ago and didn't even rate!
Submitted by Choppa (user info) at 2003-10-06 04:04:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
funny in a gay sorta way
Submitted by paco (user info) at 2003-10-05 20:28:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Outstanding! I laughed till I spewed!
Submitted by Petrao <petrao9.at.yahoo.com> at 2003-10-03 11:52:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
AAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHH! You should have got that cow from your first post and put it in Mike's room to mete out some frontier justice!
Submitted by buttsmear (user info) at 2003-10-02 09:02:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You should have pushed those bastards in front of a bus.
HAHAHAAHAHHAHAHAHAHA! How ya like that, ya fuckin vikings?
Submitted by Sec (user info) at 2003-09-30 18:33:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
:)
Submitted by GoingBlue (user info) at 2003-09-30 18:16:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Those kooky Danes remind me of my Grandmother and Aunt Hilde. Except for not as dead as Aunt Hilde.
Submitted by Phinch (user info) at 2003-09-30 18:09:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hah.
silly danes.
Submitted by GoingBlue (user info) at 2003-09-30 18:09:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
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Ohh, my son doesn't stand a chance! The whole world has gone gay!
-- Homer Simpson
Homer's Phobia
Submitted by tuesdaydelay (user info) at 2003-09-30 18:04:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
The link. It was blue. It was untarnished.
http://www.ubersite.com/cgi-bin/message_get.cgi?message=1064955910864213349
Submitted by Anjie (user info) at 2003-09-30 17:52:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I giggled a little... :) <g>