How I decided to join the Army Reserve. (989 hits)
Category: HumorRating: 0.8 on 6 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by <majicalwalrus.at.charter.net> (View user info) at 2003-10-03 15:34:37 EDT
True Story:
I don't hate women.
At least, I don't hate ONLY women ALL the time.
I don't want you to get me wrong and think I'm a chauvanist pig in this story, but I'm not. I don't despise any woman I love them all. I've even supported feminists rights in some areas. But holy crap. PMS is a whore. No no, seriously... I'm not BLAMING women for it. They have to deal with much more than men do during this time of the month, but submitted for your approval, a plea for sympathy.
I'm at school. My friend is having troubles, I help her make a decision on what to do about it. No biggie. 1st block goes by with a in-depth chat, homeworked turned in early, getting to see my girlfriend at the end of the day, and a nap. Second is much the same, but with less napping. Lunch however begins to grab me by the ears and rape me.
My friend, my sister even, she's that close... We'll call her Jamie (Her name isn't Jamie at all, but I don't want a repeat of what happened today) is sitting with me, by ourselves at our table.... I mention that I don't like PMS, she mentions she's on her period and my alert mode goes off.
The testosterone levels in my blood begin to decrease and a shield is erected on my skin, my mind switches to the big Deluxe O' Filter-a-matic and my mouth hardly opens. We laugh, we get through it, she gets lunch.
Another girl. We'll call her Babs, sits on the other side of me. I feel like my world is becoming outnumbered. Soon there after the little me in my head raises the terror alert to hot pink (Don't ask, it's just bad) and I soon shut down all motor function. Babs mentions I look sad, I explain that I miss my girlfriend, which is true, but I also fear for my life. She goes off on a tanget of anger yaking, I wait to die.
Jamie comes back! With another female (A butch Ninja killer one, with a catalog full of weapons) Nancy. Here I am, the one penis in a field of females. You'd think that be great don't you. But why wasn't it do you ask? Simple, the dreaded period. It overwhelmed me and I made a joke about Jamie's boyfriend's penis. Why? Because it was funny, it was a pathetic attempt to lighten the mood that would've worked had Nancy been striken dead before her next comment.
Jamie hit me on the shoulder lightly, one could say like a girl. One did say that, here is what followed:
Nancy: Jamie you hit like a girl.
Jamie: *harder hit*
Nancy: Didn't ninjitsu teach you anything? *laughs*
Jamie: *hits much harder*
Me: Ow...
Nancy: Haha, you still hit like a girl.
Me: Nancy, if she hi--
Jamie: *one well placed, pee inducing kidney shot*
Me: Oooooowwwwwww!
I proceded to act like a female (as I oft do in their company) and storm off, clutching my side and stumbling to my locker (which I share with Jamie) I grabbed my books and ran off to the Vo-tech bus (that's a whole other post). But anyway...
Back to my title? Isn't it plain and simple to see? I'm going to join the Army Reserve, because that's at LEAST two weeks I won't have to deal with PMS. Granted, the alternative might be being shot at, at least I have a better chance of getting a purple heart and not a purple bruise.
User Reviews
Submitted by NinjaStep (user info) at 2003-10-08 22:54:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
pussy
Submitted by Phinch (user info) at 2003-10-03 16:42:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I kinda lost interest in the middle the first time i read it. but i re-read the whole thing, and it got funnier.
-1 + 2 = +1
Submitted by Alaina (user info) at 2003-10-03 16:14:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm a female. And I am currently on the rag. But I have to admit, even I cant stand too much estrogen... I am now in the Air Force.
Submitted by MajicWalrus (user info) at 2003-10-03 16:01:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yeah I know I'm going to get totally death for this but I don't fsking post just the good things. I just post about my day whenever I can. If everyone hate me for it then we're equal, cause I probably hate them for hating me.
Submitted by reallybored (user info) at 2003-10-03 15:43:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"The testosterone levels in my blood begin to decrease and a shield is erected on my skin,"
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
I got a feeling your gonna get drilled on this post. But i think its hilarious.
Submitted by Phinch (user info) at 2003-10-03 15:41:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
prepare yourself for a barrage of minus two's