In Time (893 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.64 on 18 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by <jumpinjellyfish59.at.hotmail.com> (View user info) at 2003-10-10 15:41:55 EDT
I was holding my father's hand when he died. It still hurts to think about it.
My stepmother called me on March 4th of this year and told me that she didn't think my father had much more time. It came as no surprise. The poor guy was a physical mess...he had over 100 inches of surgical scarring. He'd had his first open heart surgery in 1976, the second in 1981, and a heart transplant in 1990. Then, in November of last year he'd learned that he had cancer brought about by the anti-rejection drugs he was required to take due to the heart transplant. And those are just the high points of his medical history. He'd had less dramatic procedures and complications almost continuously from the time he was in his early 40's to when he died at age 68. In fact, in the final 20 years of his life he'd spent more time in Doctor's offices and hospitals than he had at home.
The truth is, I'd expected him to die a long time before the day I received that phone call. He was amazingly tough though...throughout it all he'd never complained...I mean that, really...he'd faced it all with a smile. He was always more worried about how his surgeries were affecting his family than he was about himself.
So, after she called me I caught the first available plane to Seattle. Since it's a long flight from Texas I didn't get in to Sea-Tac airport until almost midnight. By the time I'd rented a car and drove the 30 miles to his house it was after 1 am. While I drove I kept wondering if I was going to be too late.
When I walked into the house I viewed an intensely graphic scene. My father was lying on a hospital style bed in the living room. His eyes were closed and his breathing was labored. In fact his breathing could only be described as a "death rattle". If you've never heard it, which I hadn't until that moment, it's extremely scary. It sounds something like a broom being drug against the grain of a corrugated metal roof. It's a very dry, raspy sound.
My stepmother and stepsister were in the room with him and they told me that he hadn't opened his eyes since around noon. I walked over to the bed and told him "Dad, I'm here...it's me, Jim." He opened his eyes and fought to focus them...then he tried to say something but the only sound he made was a weak croak...then he closed his eyes again.
I'd always heard that the last sense to go when someone is dying is the hearing so I sat in a chair by his side for 3 hours and held his hand and talked to him. I told him funny stories about his 3 year old granddaughter (my daughter), I told him stories that I remembered from my childhood, I told him what a great father he'd always been to me and to my sisters, and I told him how much I loved him and would miss him.
He died at 4:05 am. I'm grateful that he opened his eyes for those few seconds and knew that I was there. I'm grateful I had a chance to say those things to him and tell him goodbye. I'm grateful that he tried to talk to me, and I like to think he was telling me that he loved me. But mostly, I'm so grateful that I made it in time.
User Reviews
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2005-10-06 17:16:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Clockwork Orange prize!
Submitted by jan humphrey <janjannybeth.at.sbcglobal.net> at 2003-11-03 15:24:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!! I'm glad you were there...since I got there too late. Your eldest sister...jan
Submitted by ettuorag (user info) at 2003-10-29 20:27:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I needed to read it again and again because for some unknown reason, I wasn't on time. Wonderful story.
Submitted by digdogdig (user info) at 2003-10-13 10:41:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Excellent writing.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2003-10-13 10:34:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by jumpinjellyfish (user info) at 2003-10-13 10:28:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Thank you all for your kind comments...this was a story that I just had to write.
Submitted by blujnbbyqn (user info) at 2003-10-11 04:17:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You are a very lucky man, but I think you know that. Your father sounds very brave and obviously raised a fine son. I am sorry you had to lose him. Thank you for sharing your experience with us. I hope it has helped ease your pain in some way.
I came very close to not reading this post at all. I had to stop after the first sentence. I read your other posts first to get an idea of who you were and maybe what I could expect if I ever read this post. I needed to know because I lost my own father recently and I try to avoid anything to do with that subject. I'm glad I finally came back and read this. Sure, I'm wiping tears away so that I can even see to write this, but I feel a little less alone in my pain.
Michelle
Submitted by Gump (user info) at 2003-10-11 03:24:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
thanks for sharing
Submitted by GoingBlue (user info) at 2003-10-10 20:50:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Tears.
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2003-10-10 17:58:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Beautiful.
Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2003-10-10 16:36:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ok no that really did bring tears to my eyes.
Submitted by Anjie (user info) at 2003-10-10 16:20:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That was really nice and well written....brought a tear to my eye.
I'm very sorry for your loss.
Submitted by xLisaCatx (user info) at 2003-10-10 16:00:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Makes me wonder about what I never had, and how I cherish what I lost.
Submitted by streetpunk (user info) at 2003-10-10 15:58:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That made my eyes all wet. I am glad you got to do that. So many people do not.
Submitted by Insanethemind (user info) at 2003-10-10 15:56:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm... well I don't know.
+4
Submitted by Insanethemind (user info) at 2003-10-10 15:55:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Murphy1844 (user info) at 2003-10-10 15:49:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
GET THE PRESIDENT ON THE PHONE I'VE NEVER BEEN SO DEPRESSED IN MY ENTIRE LIFE.
That was well written and I'm glad you had a chance to spend the last moments with your father.
Murphy
Submitted by itchy (user info) at 2003-10-10 15:47:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Beautiful. Thanks for sharing (really). Wish I would have had the same opportunity with my dad.