Cowns Must DIE (645 hits)
Category: HumorRating: -0.26 on 18 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Frank White (View user info) at 2003-10-10 16:07:50 EDT
This Just in, clowns scare the shit out of people! Who really like's clowns? Honestly. Only three groups that would enjoy the company of a clown come to mind. Older retard's, dying cancer patients, and John Wayne Gacy fan club members.
Haven't we had enough yet? Does anyone have any type of clown gear/memoribilia stashed in their house? Well guess what, clown stuff is empowered by the night. That "adorable" clown painting your Aunt won't take down can stare deeply into your soul. The stuff you've never told anyone. Clowns know.
The other day there was this FUCKING clown at the gas station. Know what it was doing? Filling up on gas. Do you understand how damaging that can be? My other clown sightings involve clown driving sighting, Nifty Fifty's diner sighting (IT WAS EATING!), and the Intesive Care Unit sighting.
Nothing scares me more than a clown with fucking 5 o'clock shadow. Smoking a cigar. You know his name is like "Stabby" or "B.O. the Clown". Clown's days are numbered. You MARK my fucking words. It's been too long for something a clown did not making it into the news. Robbery, serial killer, anything! It's gonna be good. Good enough for EVERYONE to realize how scared they are of clowns, every minute of every day.
John_Wayne_Gacy.jpg (0 bytes) [application/octet-stream]
User Reviews
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2003-10-10 19:20:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I hate clowns too. But the ones I make aren't too scary.
http://68.8.5.45:36363/GlassArtists/Img3863_Dscn0963.jpg
~coley
Submitted by ratbastard (user info) at 2003-10-10 18:36:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I didn't read it. Perhaps if I did it would tell me what a cown is?
Submitted by GoingBlue <7237> at 2003-10-10 18:19:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Don't read the above, read one of his non-cunting posts that don't suck terribly:
For Christmas one year, my Dad really went all out. He had always contemplated splurging on one of those massaging chairs from "The Sharper Image" and finally put his money where his mouth was. He bought the fattest chair ever.
This was the model that Charlie Sheen favored when pounding countless asian whores in his loft. It was a soft coffee tinged leather, on your right was the lever to raise the foot rest, and on your left was a fucking car stereo installed on the invert. There was one of those eyes things that Mrs. Howell used to wear on Gilligans Island to ensure rejuvinating sleep. This piece even came with a tape to go in the stereo. "Mystic Rainforest" was the tape, and you didn't even hear any chainsaws tearing through the dense jungle.
Everybody loved this chair. There were fights over the chair. Me vs. My sister and brother, Mom vs. me, etc. There was a "no farting" rule established regarding the chair. Worst rule EVER because this "relaxinator" would juice you for farts like coffe and a smoke. My Dad had said it was a family gift, but his ass never got out of the chair. Lost in a tranquil rainforest far away from work and kids, he would disappear.
Christmas had passed weeks before, and Dad and the chair were like Starsky and Hutch. Except Dad didn't fuck the chair when the cameras stopped rolling. He was sound asleep in the chair one night. Eye cover on, and slumped with his arm dangling tiredly off the radio side. That's when it all happened.
My Sister, who was about 11 at the time, retired to the basement hurriedly. When she emerged, I knew what was on her mind, SHE was holding a long feather from the menopause induced "craft area" of the basement. This was no , "Look Mommy! I found a feather" feather. This feather was not teeming with unknown masses of exotic bacteria. This was a feather that Thomas Jefferson would have slept with in fear that that bastard Ben Franklin would LIFT it. It was time to find a good spot.
I positioned myself just outside the room with the chair in it. By now I called it "Chairy". Dad still passed out, had no idea. The glass door to chairy's room creaked as my sister slowly cranked the handle around. She had to be very careful becuase there were no creaky doorknobs in the rainforest.
She crawled in on hand and knee, drew the feather like a beautiful weapon and steadied. The tip hovered inches below his nostril, cowering from the heavy nose breaths. Then it happened. My sister Nicki BURIED this feather into my Dad's nose so deep that his legs shot up OFF the chair, crashed down, and brought the leg-rest down. My sisters face was drenched in fear as she flailed wildly to escape. Now my Dad was up.
However, he had forgotten to remove the eye mask and smashed right into a bookshelf head on. Books rained down. This was FUCKING AWESOME. Unscathed, he turned realizing this was not the way out and swung both arms at my Sister. A 4 room chase ensued that ended brutally in her room with a beating like I have never seen. This was a beating that Joe Pesci would have been like, "Thats enough. THATS ENOUGH!".
My Father looked like an American Gladiator chasing a chicken in a pen that day. Most likely in that pen where they do the "Human Ball" rolling cage thing. COST OF THE CHAIR: $3800
SEEING MY DAD BEAT MY SISTER LIKE A WEATHERED INTRUDER: PRICELESS.
Submitted by sam_el (user info) at 2003-10-10 18:19:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I like the fact that this is under humor, therefore putting a little cown (sic) face right next to the post. Now I have read the word "clown" too many times and I'm not sure what it means anymore. That ever happen to you?
Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2003-10-10 17:14:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
DOWN WITH THE COWNS!
Submitted by xLisaCatx (user info) at 2003-10-10 16:56:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Strangers in the night, exchanging glances..."
*Sings*
Submitted by Murphy1844 (user info) at 2003-10-10 16:40:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I don't know about cowns, but clowns scare the shit out of me!
Submitted by glam_daddy (user info) at 2003-10-10 16:26:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
was it a badass australian cown?
Submitted by lowsodiummonkey (user info) at 2003-10-10 16:26:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"I'm high as a fucking kite man."
I'll give you that.
Submitted by potatomanjack (user info) at 2003-10-10 16:25:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
The tears of a clown...
When no one's around...
Submitted by WalkensGhost (user info) at 2003-10-10 16:25:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I'm high as a fucking kite man. That's the difference. And schizophrenic as well. WHO SAID THAT
Submitted by lowsodiummonkey (user info) at 2003-10-10 16:24:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
We've all done are fair share of bad posts (especially me), but how do you go from this
http://www.ubersite.com/cgi-bin/message_get.cgi?message=106555469291593587
http://www.ubersite.com/cgi-bin/message_get.cgi?message=1065731225932932515
to this post.
Are you schizophrenic?
Submitted by SpikeGoddess (user info) at 2003-10-10 16:23:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Cowns forever.
I'm not usually a member of the spelling patrol, but give me a break.
SpikeGoddess
Submitted by WalkensGhost (user info) at 2003-10-10 16:18:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
FUCK. What a piece of shit this is.
Submitted by Anjie (user info) at 2003-10-10 16:16:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I like *cowns*....
Submitted by streetpunk (user info) at 2003-10-10 16:13:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Ima be down, Ima be down
down with the clown til I'm dead in the ground
Peace,
STREETPUNK
Submitted by lowsodiummonkey (user info) at 2003-10-10 16:12:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Cowns and (0 bytes) [application/octet-stream]
Hahahahahahahaha............
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2003-10-10 16:09:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
what the fuck is a Cown?