Hey man you got a smoke? (1017 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 0.23 on 21 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by <hpark_28.at.yahoo.com> (View user info) at 2003-10-10 23:52:41 EDT
What will you do when the price of ciggerettes goes up to $8 a pack? Most people would say quit, me I say I'm going to call in all those free smokes I gave out over the years.
So I am outside the graduate school monday enjoying a nice cancer stick when this guy comes out of the building patting his pockets like he's trying to frisk himself. I avert my eyes in case he is about to pull it out, hey it's NY you never know, when he comes up to me and gives me a nudge. Now if I hadn't seen him before on the 6th floor tooling around I probably would have been like, "What the fuck you cock sucker!" and put my cigarette out on his eyelid, but I had so I didn't.
He looks at me and is says, "Hey you got an extra?" and does that gay hand motion where he bring his hand up to his face like he is smoking and imaginary cigarette. I feel my pocket for my pack and pull it out to realize to my horror I only have two left, but being the nice guy I am I was about to put them away and say no. He must have seen the hesitation in my eyes and said, "Hey I'll repay the favor I just don't want to go buy another pack right now." So reluctantly I give him one of my last two. Of course the Duane Reade is right across the street so I don't see why he can't go buy another pack, since he has already came all the way down here just to light one up, but I degress.
Then he proceeds to make the "I'm lighting my imaginary lighter" hand motion so I offer him my lighter, leeching bastard. So we make stupid small talk, when honestly all I want to do is smoke and go back inside, but no this goes on for about 10 minutes then I just leave.
The next day I go outside to take a smoke break between my four hour lecture and I realize I had smoked my last cigarette last night, but I would have another one if I hadn't been ousted by some douche bag. I see the guy standing outside and I say, "Hey man you got a cigarette on you?". He replies, "Sorry" That's it? Sorry? you bastard you stole one of my last cigarrettes and you can only say sorry!!!
Honestly this isn't what bothered me the most, what did bother me was that 5 minutes later when I had finally allocated a coffin nail from a generous friend I went outside and here was this bastard pulling out a pack of camels and proceeding to light one up from his full pack! That coniving bastard! Lie to me will he! I was tempted to light his hippie hair on fire and run like a school girl but I resisted and now am plotting my revenge.
I think next time I will put my cigarette out on his eyelid.
Speaking of cigarettes can I bum one?
User Reviews
Submitted by grandturismo (user info) at 2005-03-15 07:56:52 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2004-10-05 11:30:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Just say no when they ask. How hard is that? Thats what I tell all the fools i work with. Stop being a pussy.
Submitted by KoolMang (user info) at 2004-07-21 23:38:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I bet you like to smoke cock.
Submitted by K.M (user info) at 2003-11-03 04:42:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
its true... people like that piss me off no end..
Submitted by sebcharrot (user info) at 2003-10-18 16:33:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
-2 for using the number "8" as opposed to typing it like any normal up-standing citizen.
Submitted by sebcharrot (user info) at 2003-10-18 16:32:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
-2 for saying "ciggerettes"
Submitted by sebcharrot (user info) at 2003-10-18 16:31:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
-2 to be a spiteful bastard because you minus'd my post simply because i posted another one on the same day.
Submitted by blujnbbyqn (user info) at 2003-10-11 23:21:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No worries Insane. I thought it was funny. I doubt doormat would be in the top 1000 words to describe me if you polled anyone who knows me.
Actually I prefered the menthol from the first time I tried them. No one I knew smoked them so that was a year or two after I took up the habit. My friends and I were young and you all know that youth(usually)=broke. When I noticed I always had a smoke when others didn't I did the math. Huh, this menthol thing may pay off. The rest is history.
Michelle
Submitted by Insanethemind (user info) at 2003-10-11 22:51:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ok, that isnt pathetic, I was being rude.
I take it back. Whatever works.
Submitted by Insanethemind (user info) at 2003-10-11 10:29:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
that's pretty pathetic of you michelle, switching to disgusting menthols, simply because you wanted to be able to tell them "Sure, they're menthols." In a bind, I'll smoke a menthol.
Why be such a doormat?
hcp- yes you are correct, of course I would not do that to you, telling you I didnt have any, when I kind of "owed" you one.
Here, I never pay more than about $3.20 for a pack of camels, and the last carton I bought was 20.00... with a coupon.
I guess I can see where you're coming from. I don't really spend much money on any vice anymore, save cigarettes so I feel like I can "afford" to give them out a lot. But I also want everyone I meet to think I am a nice guy too.
Submitted by hcp28 (user info) at 2003-10-11 10:16:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Unfortunately some of us have to work with people so I can't be an asshole. I can see it now. Hey man Steve said you lit his hair on fire and kicked him in the nutsack for lying to him. "Yeah I did what's it to you ass face?"
Oh man that will go over great with the department. Bring on the assholes!!!
A pack of cigarettes is like 6.50 right now. I can get them in Alabama for like 3.00 it's ridiculous.
Submitted by Herpes (user info) at 2003-10-11 03:47:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
You my friend... are a wuss.
Why do people feel like they can't speak theiR mind to a total stranger? I mean come on.. it's not like it really matters if this guy thinks you are a complete fuckwad for calling him a leeching douchebag. And if enough people like you call this fucknut out... maybe he will think twice before shitting on everyone kind enough to give him a cigarette. You know what you need to do next time you see the fucker... DEMAND a smoke!
If not.. don't complain next time you get railroaded. Get in touch with your inner asshole.
Submitted by blujnbbyqn (user info) at 2003-10-11 03:23:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Wait, $8 a pack? Holy hell! Where do you live? Cartons of 'top shelf' smokes here go for $25 - $32. Super generic brands go for just over $20. Damn, I may have said too much already...I can see the tide of smoking refugees packing up and heading for Idaho. Nah, fuck it. I wouldn't mind if all the smokers lived here. At least that might help to counteract all the mormon influence.
Bumming smokes. Goddamn aweful if you need to bum off someone and almost as bad if you are the bummee(maybe bummee isn't a word, who knows?) Early on I switched to menthol for that very reason. 75-80% of people bumming a smoke will back off if you say "Sure, they're menthol though."
I am always reminded of my dad's wit and sarcasm when he was pressed for a smoke. Anyone who asked for one usually got two. He'd hand them two smokes and usually say "Here, take two, they're small." If that person might be around for awhile he'd just hand them the whole pack and say "Just hang onto those, I been trying to quit." Then almost out of thin air he'd have a new pack in his hand and lighting up. Now, if the person asked him for a light as well, he'd light their cigarette and ask "Hey, you want me to kick you in the chest too?" As a kid I never got the joke. As a smoker, that line makes me chuckle inside every time I find myself handing over a smoke and a light. Good times, [hack cough wheeze] good times.
Michelle
Submitted by GrizzlyHunter62 (user info) at 2003-10-11 03:17:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
If you are out of beer, do you go around to strangers and ask to bum a Bud off them? Probably not. Yet all you smokers leech off eachother all the time. Why not just NEVER give another person a cigarette. This will do one of two things. One, they will not smoke that day and realize that they are dumbasses for doing in the first place, or Two, they will go buy a pack, which will increase the sales, increase proifts, and therefore won't raise the price as much next time the government decides to adjust their cigarette tax.
Quit smoking. You'll thank me later.
+1 for not putting it out on his eyelid, but thinking about it anyway. That would leave permanent burns. Ouch.
Submitted by Mortimer_Elvis (user info) at 2003-10-11 01:37:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Once I was in Ohio visiting family and I walked to the local park. This punk comes up to me after I lit up a 'coffin nail' (I have never heard that one before, but I like it) and asks to bum one. I give him one, and then he goes away. His friend comes over and asks to bum one too. He looks like he's eleven, so I say no. He goes over to the first kid and the asshole pulls out a full, non open pack and gives it to him.
Submitted by Otter (user info) at 2003-10-11 00:44:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't smoke and never have on a regular basis, but I know what you are talking about. I'd say 80% of my friends smoke and I see this "bumming" all the time. Lots of times it's the same people bumming too.
It was because of this type of BS that we started charging people at parties for somewhat of a cover charge.
Here was the thing though...we had three parties where we provided the beer and munchies but asked people to bring their own if they wanted it. We invited the same people and took note of who drank what and who brought what. After those three parties we determined who had to pay the cover charge at the parties that followed and how much they had to pay. you'd be suprised how many kids get pissy when you won't let them mooch you beer anymore.
Some friends of mine did the same thing with smokes. They kept tally on who borrowed and how often and who returned the favor. Again, some people get really pissy when you won't bum them a cig.
I think if I smoked, I'd be the type of guy who would bum to those who bummed to me and had the gumption to tell a mooch to go F himself if he wasn't going to repay the favor. It's not like it's food or water where it could be a life or death situation.
Cig bummers are like wild dogs, feed them once and they'll keep coming back to you.
Submitted by hcp28 (user info) at 2003-10-11 00:44:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Yes my spelling can be deplorable sometimes. I can spell cigarette right most of the time. Yeah I do go to that school.
Insane I was being nice giving him the cigarette but I was angry that he lied to me about not having any. Of course you would never do that to me right?
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2003-10-11 00:20:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
let's hope the swine is reading uber and changes his ways. if you have a college magazine, you should publish this in it with some more detail on his appearance.
Submitted by Insanethemind (user info) at 2003-10-11 00:12:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Yeah go through life with this mentality, you are sure to have a sad one.
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2003-10-11 00:10:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
How do you spell cigarette wrong AND right in the same post.
Must be all that degressing.
Do you attend that graduate school?
I liked your post anyway.
Submitted by poisonyourkids (user info) at 2003-10-11 00:04:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
god...i know how you feel. though when you dont have a pack...there really isnt much you can do besides suck it up (yeah...no way) or rely on the kindness of your fellow smokers. Our numbers are dwindling...we gotta stick together.
that guy is a prick though...