The Horse in the Cereal Box (1000 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 1.38 on 22 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by JMG114 (View user info) at 2003-10-16 10:49:47 EDT
Edgar fingered the letter opener and sliced open his mail. Finding nothing of interest, he turned to the task at hand - breakfast.
Tearing open the new cereal box, Edgar hummed along to the clinking bits of cereal in his bowl. Some colorful writing on the box caught his eye.
"Special contest! You can win! Check inside for a horse with no name! Thousands will play, one will win!"
Edgar scratched his head. He looked around the box for a picture of the supposed prize. Finding none, he looked inside. Seeing none, he reached his hand inside. Feeling none, he dumped the contents of the box onto the floor. The cereal poured out and nothing else. He shook the box to remove the last clinging cereal pieces, and that's when it fell out.
It was small, like a toy plastic horse. The difference was that it was real. It was chocolate brown and had a shiny black mane. He shook its head, whinnied, and looked up expectantly at Edgar. He stared at it for several minutes.
Edgar looked away for a moment, deciding what to do. "Um . . ."
When he looked back, the horse was twice the size it had been the moment before. Its eyes were big and friendly, but Edgar cast it a doubtful look. The horse neighed again, shaking its mane around.
Edgar smiled. "You're a fun-loving horse, aren't you?"
The horse nodded.
"Maybe you'd like to have some fun?"
The horse doubled in size again. It was a little less than half the size of a normal horse.
Edgar petted the horse, and it instantly grew to regular height. Edgar looked around for his parents. They didn't seem to hear anything, but he stayed cautious just in case. He shuddered.
He mounted the horse. "Giddy-yap!"
The horse took off, through the plaster wall, through the china closet, through the plasma television, through the fireplace and out of the house. Edgar looked back in terror at the shattered china plates and fallen wall fragments. He knew that he'd be in for it when he returned home.
The horse ran down the street, turning sharply every few corners. It was all Edgar could do to hang on for dear life. The horse cut through cars, bent traffic light poles, and trampled dozens of people in its wake. Furiously galloping like a horse of the apocalypse, it snorted flames from its nostrils.
Edgar gripped the horse's mane with both hands as the shattering speed lifted his body off of the beast. "Aaaaaagh!"
On it ran, pumping madly to the city's industrial district. Smashing through smokestacks and faceless facades, the horse continued on.
Finally, it ran full speed at the thickest set of wooden double doors Edgar had ever seen. He didn't have enough time to scream as the horse bulleted at them. Edgar shut his eyes.
The doors opened by themselves, the horse and rider entered, and jetted up the dirty gray stairs. Factory workers cheered them on as the horse clopped up to the top floor and into a big office. It stopped.
A big, big man in a big, big chair swiveled to face Edgar. "Congratulations! You won!"
Edgar was still gripping the horse mercilessly. The big man motioned for two workers. They approached the horse, pulled Edgar off of it, and returned to the factory floor. The horse whinnied pleasantly.
The big man extended his hand. "This is the cereal factory, young man. You've won the contest! Here, have a cracker."
The big man handed Edgar a thin, salted cracker. Edgar shakily took it and put it into his pocket. Puffing on his cigar, the big man looked wistfully at the silent horse. Edgar remained standing in the office for several moments, until the big man noticed him again. "You still here? Get out!"
Edgar trudged up the stairs, entered his house, shut the door, and that was it. He looked up. There were his parents.
They were smiling madly, and obviously had something very special planned.
User Reviews
Submitted by jinx (user info) at 2003-10-17 11:55:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by BryantJ (user info) at 2003-10-16 17:11:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by beer-turtle (user info) at 2003-10-16 15:06:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
What you don't see is the guy's left hand....
Where is it....
Well The Shocker comes to mind as she looks a little less happy and a bit more surprised than he does.
-turtle
Submitted by Natophelia (user info) at 2003-10-16 14:44:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
yowza
Submitted by Insanethemind (user info) at 2003-10-16 14:33:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by lowsodiummonkey (user info) at 2003-10-16 13:24:51 (#)
Ranking: 1
And I thought that post I did the other week was fucked up.
---------------------------------
and which one was this?!?
too many to choose
Submitted by Phinch (user info) at 2003-10-16 14:29:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
AAAAAAAAAAAAAHhhh shit!
I needed this story.
I juat got out of a boring meeting. I was pissed off and ready to go onto those noobie teenage posts and tear the shit out of them. but now i'm better. thanks man.
Submitted by ratbastard (user info) at 2003-10-16 14:00:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Great googlie mooglie.
Submitted by Manfre (user info) at 2003-10-16 13:40:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That couple will haunt my dreams.
Submitted by SpikeGoddess (user info) at 2003-10-16 13:36:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I love the little horse. Bring him back!
That is one scary picture.
SpikeGoddess
Submitted by spacemonkey (user info) at 2003-10-16 13:34:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That kicked ass.
Submitted by lowsodiummonkey (user info) at 2003-10-16 13:24:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
And I thought that post I did the other week was fucked up.
Submitted by lucid (user info) at 2003-10-16 13:08:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
What the hell are you smoking? How can you post half a story like this and leave me wondering if you had any point to make at all? Where's the end? What happened to the horse? Was the saltine a shrinking cracker? Were the parents really brother and sister from the backwoods on Arkansas?
What gives?
-2 For ruining the ending.
+3 For the picture of the yellow toothed inbreds.
Submitted by sam_el (user info) at 2003-10-16 12:50:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I really like the story. Reminds me of The Polar Express meets Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. But what's with the ending? Is there a part 2 coming?
Submitted by streetpunk (user info) at 2003-10-16 12:32:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Loki, you have acid? Mail me some. I will give you sexual favors for it. Please?!?!?!?
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2003-10-16 12:04:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This has encouraged me to take that hit of acid I've been saving.
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2003-10-16 12:00:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"only interesting points was how unusual this "story" was and those grinning retards with butter teeth"
That kind of covers everything, doesn't it, Faulkner?
Submitted by DrunkMonk (user info) at 2003-10-16 11:32:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Moann (user info) at 2003-10-16 11:09:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
what kinda twilight zone did i just drop into......only interesting points was how unusual this "story" was and those grinning retards with butter teeth
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2003-10-16 11:06:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
British teeth?
Submitted by Insanethemind (user info) at 2003-10-16 11:01:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
la lah, lahhh, la ah ah ah ah, la la lah, lahh la...
Good stuff. Great song, I want you to serenade me sometime.
Submitted by Apathesia (user info) at 2003-10-16 10:56:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Geez, do we drink a lot of coffee? Time for some Crest whitening strips!
Submitted by Cassiopeia (user info) at 2003-10-16 10:55:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
not sure i comprehend....