What's in a name? (539 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.55 on 10 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Meat <blanchfor.at.kitty-hawk.navy.mil> (View user info) at 2003-10-17 13:38:04 EDT
If I told you I had a cousin, would you believe I was telling you the truth? I most definitely believe you would. Now, if I told you that cousin was named after the "American Dream" Dusty Rhodes, would you believe that? For as much trust as my word alone can gain what I just said is entirely true. No one seems to believe me though, they think that no one in their right mind would name their child after some fat-ass wrestler. Obviously they have never been to southern Louisiana.
Dusty Allemand. That's his name. Dusty Raphel Allemand to be exact. He had game on me as a kid with that middle name, having the same label as a certain ninja turtle proved to be useful at times.
My other cousin used to whack off in front of people, even go so far as to show people his lotion collection. Strawberry, aloe vera, summer morning, fresh rain, he had them all. It was like a library of masturbation accessories. His porn collection was not at all impressive though. One video I can recall is "young and anal" which I nearly died from laughing while I was watching it. This guy has sex with his step daughter and her boyfriend walks in on them and they get into a fight (the boyfriend named Dave and the stepdad) and the stepdad asks "So what are you going to do Dave?" and Dave says, "I'll tell you what I'm going to do..." and he whips out his cock and gets some knowledge.
Never masturbate while laughing intensely, for it is far too difficult a task to complete.
I have tried it myself and I will tell you it is not worth it. The gods knew I was attempting to defy their "two at one time rule"; you know, rubbing your head and patting your stomach at the same time (or is that the other way around?), etc. It infuriated the deitys so much that they spit out the porno tape and put TRL on the TV. You wouldn't even want to catch yourself watching TRL with your cock in your hand my friends, let alone anyone else.
And that is when it happened.
I was standing in ranks (military formation) thinking about how the shit I wrote above when the music infiltrated my brainwaves...
"Dum, dum, dum, dum dum Dum dum dum dum dum dum da dum dum da dum du du du du"
Boy you looks good won't ya back that azz up!
It took over my entire body and I found myself backing that ass up on the dude behind me. They yelled at me to stand down but it was too late. I told them exactly what needed to be said at a time like that.
"I know you can't stand it, gay bandit, done landed stinky drawers spandex!"
Something unexpected happened. Dude behind me decided to take matters into his own hands and tried to pull my pants off. I came to at that moment and back kicked him into the servers and then everyone's asses simontaneously faced my direction and thus the onslaught of asses began. Luckly I was able to think fast enough to drop it like it's hot and whip out my cock which shot into the air, twirled around to provide a helicopter-like blade and lift me off the ground and out of harm's way.
Below me I could see the asses getting closer and closer until I saw on the news the next day there was a 42 ass pileup and they blamed me for the whole thing. It's tough being a fugitive on the run from the butt police but what can I say? Life could be a lot worse.
User Reviews
Submitted by MaesterMeat (user info) at 2003-10-17 16:20:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
The butt police won't catch me, The power of astro glide allows me to slip in and out unnoticed. I just can't get caught producing conterfeit nuggets.
Stink nuggets that is!!
ok i quit.
Submitted by Luther (user info) at 2003-10-17 15:47:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Started out slow but DAMN did I like the ending!!! Made me laugh... heh heh *snort*
Submitted by silicon-jesus (user info) at 2003-10-17 15:26:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
To do better, always begin a ridiculous story with "See what had happened was...."
Submitted by Velouria (user info) at 2003-10-17 15:14:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
When the butt police catch up with you, and your ass is in lockdown, remember not to drop the soap.
Submitted by sam_el (user info) at 2003-10-17 14:07:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Man, there's actually some decent shit on good ol' uber today. This is among it.
Submitted by FATMANTPK (user info) at 2003-10-17 14:00:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I need more of this to get me through my Friday
Submitted by Phinch (user info) at 2003-10-17 13:59:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Homer: There couldn't be heaven if there weren't a hell.
Bart: Who's in there?
Homer: Oh, uh ... Hitler's dog. And that dog Nixon had, whassisname, um,
Chester ...
Lisa: Checkers.
Homer: Yeah! One of the Lassies is in there, too. The mean one -- the
one that mauled Jimmy.
Dog of Death
Submitted by DrunkMonk (user info) at 2003-10-17 13:58:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"It was like a library of masturbation accessories."
Submitted by Apathesia (user info) at 2003-10-17 13:52:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I love confusing shit, which you have done nicely. +1 point for every time I had to read each paragraph to try to make sense of it all.
Submitted by itchy (user info) at 2003-10-17 13:46:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I . . .uh . . .what I mean to say is . . . well . . . I . . . .
I have no response to this. I'm not even sure what the hell it is, but I think I like it?
attn . . . ghey . . . menz? Maybe?