Cha Cha Cha Chia (988 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.9 on 14 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Meat <blanchfor.at.kitty-hawk.navy.mil> (View user info) at 2003-10-18 13:49:36 EDT
I almost bought a chia pet online yesterday but I thought for a moment (which is a rare occurence) and decided that none of the chia pet models available were in my taste. What I am looking for in a chia pet is much different than a chia head or a chia cat or dog. Then again, maybe "dog" would be appropriate for what I am looking for in chia pet.
Imagine this... the chia pet nutsack, complete with the Lexington Steel like ding dong. You put the seeds on the nut sack and watch it grow into manly testicles of earth given grass. Most people have said I am insane or perhaps homosexual for wanting such a thing, but I have dismissed their critisms with two simple facts:
1) I am not insane (I just act that way to get attention).
2) I'm not gay (at least I think I'm not, I mean I've never had the chance to determine if I like man-sex or not. I do know I am flamboyant though. Flamboyantly manly my fellow Über nuts.)
Now then, I have come to the conclusion that this chia pet would sell by the millions. Why? Because no one can deny the presence of man cock. Why does everyone watch porno with man cock but denies the fact that they've been beating off to another man's penis (yes you were simontaneously viewing jenna jameson or someone likewise but that is not the issue here now is it?)
I rather porno with penial penetration and I can't explain why. Maybe it's 'cause I like to imagine that being myself doing the dirty. Maybe I like the way it looks or something. But if that is the case why was I playing pocket pool to blacks on blondes last night? I'm not black, so I couldn't imagine that big chocolate cool pop being mine, and liking the way it looks brings up another issue. Maybe I like the way the COCK looks. Maybe you do too.
But I'm not afraid or saying anything is wrong with liking the man tool. It's one hell of a train ride, and I'm not getting off no matter what.
But really though, I'm not gay. Seriously people. What!?
User Reviews
Submitted by Velouria (user info) at 2003-10-20 10:33:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
As always, I enjoyed reading.
Submitted by PeopleAreStrange (user info) at 2003-10-18 17:53:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"But I'm not afraid or saying anything is wrong with liking the man tool. It's one hell of a train ride, and I'm not getting off no matter what."
Better sound the horn before it enters the tunnel.
It's pretty disturbing that that euphemism is also used for getting children to eat their food "open wide, here comes the big choo choo train".
Submitted by bart (user info) at 2003-10-18 17:37:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"no one can deny the presence of man cock"
Thank god derek is back.
Submitted by MaesterMeat (user info) at 2003-10-18 16:39:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Of course it means I'll be posting more you silly woman creature! There's not much else I can do while out here doing donuts in the ocean, and you people are the only contact I have with actual semi-intelligent life out here.
Oh and I don't worry about being gay. Sometimes I wish I was gay (at least a little bit). Men are easy to seduce.
Tell anyone I said that and I'll kill you.
Submitted by Nicole3 (user info) at 2003-10-18 16:24:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
So does that mean you will be posting more frequently again. I think men think too much about stuff like this, always worrying about being gay. Quit thinking about it is my advice. It will go away or one morning you will wake up to find a bottle of Atroglide on the nightstand and a sailor spooning you.
I do like the Chia idea.
Submitted by ess2s2 (user info) at 2003-10-18 16:21:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I would like a chia boot...No, really...
Submitted by ScoutCJustice (user info) at 2003-10-18 16:15:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Well meat, you must like the man meat.
Submitted by Titinita (user info) at 2003-10-18 15:11:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Well, as long as you don't have to shove anything up your ass like she did, you can't look worse!
I once was a sailor, a young man and brave
Da da dum, da da dum dee
My nights were once sleepless,
My peace I would crave
Carry me back home again
Da da dum day, da da dum dee
Drift away sailor boys on the deep sea
Worry no more for you're safe now with me
Rest in my arms and my sweet melody
One night as I'm stood on the deck in the rain
Da da dum, da da dum dee
I heard a sweet voice and she's singing my name
Carry me back home again
Oh rock me so gently now ocean so deep
Da da dum, da da dum dee
I wish I was back, cause I think I can't sleep
Carry me back home again
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2003-10-18 14:56:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Derek, you're definitely gay and you're in denial. trust me, i've been there, pal....
what?
Submitted by steve clark <sclark222000> at 2003-10-18 14:54:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i usually diss people but u get a pass, u alright by me
Submitted by sublime (user info) at 2003-10-18 14:35:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
and then you can shave them to make it look more presentable be there a chia pet vagina.
Submitted by MaesterMeat (user info) at 2003-10-18 13:59:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Actually my dear Tina I am back out at sea and you know what that means...
I'll only be out for a month this time though unlike the four month torture ride when we went to Iraq last spring. Bad thing is I have insomnia this time around. I slept about 20 minutes yesterday and I'm wide awake as I write this. I'll look like that woman on Requiem for a Dream soon at the rate this is going.
Submitted by Titinita (user info) at 2003-10-18 13:54:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Do you have the week off or something? You've been gone a long time and then BOOM three posts.
I hope you are doing good. :)
Submitted by Tom (user info) at 2003-10-18 13:52:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'd like to see it done but I wouldn't ever buy it.
I would just feel violated with that thing sitting on my kitchen windowsill.
-Tom