So you want to fuck a ... (1193 hits)
Category: Humor -> Dumb JobsRating: 1.66 on 13 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by TurveyTopsy (View user info) at 2003-10-29 12:35:37 EST
Co-worker, spouse, boss, neighbor's spouse, man, woman, child, but don't know quite where to begin?
Well worry no more, for today is Wednesday!
For a limited time only, you are entitled to a mischievous flurry of pelvic thrusts upon the nearest object, animate or otherwise, for today is hump day!
Surely everyone has heard the phrase at some point during more promiscuous times, but how often is the phrase truly capitulated?
The only middle-of-the-week 'pushing' I've ever encountered was moving a rather large file from the 'work to be done' pile over to the 'work I never want to see again' pile, or more aptly labeled 'done' -- which is just what Chloe, a resident administrative assistant, has become.
Chloe stood at a quaint 5'9" and weighed in at a pleasant 145 lbs of blonde beauty, with ample amount of goods. 32 C's according to the winner of $35 and the most recent 'anonymous inter-departmental sports pool.'
She was also quite the promiscuous office dullard, but with a twist. She epitomized hump day. Every Wednesday, time permitting, Chloe would invite a co-worker into her bosses office to 'go over some figures,' 'review some files,' or simply suck some dick. The workers invited were always excited and ranged from Wilbur the mailman to John the regional CFO (ironically enough, also her boss). Of course she never celebrated hump day while John was in town, unless the festivities directly involved John and only John. (Such facts are WELL known to those in the loop)
But today marked the mourning of a long-standing tradition leaving the company, because poor Chloe had her employment terminated much to the dismay of resident perverts, sexually deprived accountants, and male workers across the floor.
Apparently John the CFO returned a day early from a trip to NY and came into work, like any ethically motivated worker would. Upon walking into his office, he witnessed Dwayne, a corporate risk manager eager to take John's job, balls deep in Chloe on top of John's desk. At least that's the story told by the spin-doctors around my third-world cubicell.
It's sad to see such a sweet face leaving the company for something so simple as enhancing interdepartmental relations, but then again she fucked Wilbur.
I call out a toast to Chloe of appropriate beverage, sugar and crème if desired, for making dreams come true.
Happy Hump Day!
User Reviews
Submitted by Yes at 2003-10-29 17:12:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I got some in the shower today, yay me! and no, it was not is the pooper and it was with a female human.
Submitted by sam_el (user info) at 2003-10-29 14:24:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
What an asshole that John is.
Submitted by slyphter (user info) at 2003-10-29 14:11:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I run a business by myself until my employee comes in at around three pm. This guy is probably 5'6" has another job at the local mill, has a big fatty smoke breathing eagle tattoo'd on his arms, wtih smoke clouds that say "American Redneck". He is not Chloe by any means. However he's going to look at me funny when he comes in and see's Chloe written on my hand, with a little face drawn on it.
Submitted by Manfre (user info) at 2003-10-29 14:06:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh and on another note.
I want a Chloe in my office =0(
Why is it I cant work in such an awesome place?
Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2003-10-29 13:53:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Excellent
Submitted by lowsodiummonkey (user info) at 2003-10-29 13:36:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2003-10-29 13:35:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"more aptly labeled 'done' -- which is just what Chloe, a resident administrative assistant, has become."
Brilliant. In more ways than one.
Submitted by Phinch (user info) at 2003-10-29 13:21:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Manfre (user info) at 2003-10-29 13:16:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
"Co-worker, spouse, boss, neighbor's spouse, man, woman, child, but don't know quite where to begin?"
I fuck children all the time.
All you really need to do is give them some cough syrup and some candy...
Er...noone just read that...
Submitted by BillsSBChamps (user info) at 2003-10-29 13:13:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow. Nice fucking post. I can't say much more, except keep it coming.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2003-10-29 13:12:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
oh dear
not that I can use it, but the expression "balls deep" made me laugh
Submitted by El_Guapo (user info) at 2003-10-29 13:10:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
it's all in the delivery
Submitted by Insanethemind (user info) at 2003-10-29 13:07:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh, man
Crazy, wacko, nuts.
Perfect.