My Ass (796 hits)
Category: HumorRating: 0 on 2 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Evan Greene <ScoutCJustice.at.aol.com> (View user info) at 2003-10-26 22:25:36 EST
(re: http://www.ubersite.com/cgi-bin/message_get.cgi?message=1067190537829128186)
This memo is to announce the development of a new software system. We
are currently building a data center that will contain all firm data
that is
Year 2000 compliant. The program is referred to as the "Millennia Year
Application Software System"(MYASS).
Next Monday at 9:00 there will be a meeting in which I will show MYASS
to everyone. We will continue to hold demonstrations throughout the
month
so that all employees will have an opportunity to get a good look at
MYASS.
As for the status of the implementation of the program, I have not
addressed the networking aspects so currently only one person at a time
can use MYASS. This restriction will be removed after MYASS expands.
Several people are using the program already and have come to depend on
it. Just this morning I walked into a subordinate's office and was not
surprised to find that he had his nose buried in MYASS.
I've noticed that some of the less technical personnel are somewhat
afraid of MYASS. Just last week, when asked to enter some information
into the
program, I had a secretary say to me "I'm a little nervous, I've never
put anything in MYASS before." I volunteered to help her through her
first
time and when we were through she admitted that it was relatively
painless
and she was actually looking forward to doing it again. She went so
far as
to say that after using SAP and Oracle, she was ready to kiss MYASS.
I know there are concerns over the virus that was found in MYASS upon
initial installation, but I am pleased to say the virus has been
eliminated and we were able to save MYASS. In the future, however,
protection will
be required prior to entering MYASS. We planned this database to
encompass
all information associated with the business.
So as you begin using the program, feel free to put anything you want
into MYASS. As MYASS grows larger, we envision a time when it will be
commonplace to walk by an office and see a manager hand a paper to an
employee and say "Here, stick this in MYASS".
This program has already demonstrated great benefit to the company
during recent OSHA and EPA audits. After requesting certain historical
data
the agency representatives were amazed at how quickly we provided the
information.
When asked how the numbers could be retrieved so rapidly our
EnvironmentalManager proudly stated "Simple, I just pulled them out of
MYASS".
User Reviews
Submitted by bargled (user info) at 2003-10-26 23:40:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Did you know that Orajel doesn't do shit for real toothaches?
Just thought I'd tell you.
Submitted by Tom (user info) at 2003-10-26 22:39:11 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
So, do you commute by bus to Mianus?
-Tom