UberPulp: The Case of The Low Sodium Monkey - Chapter 6 (1017 hits)
Category: NoneLabels: UberPulp
Rating: 1.95 on 25 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Razor <Jeremy_21117.at.hotmail.com> (View user info) at 2003-11-04 17:37:13 EST
Sorry for the delay everyone. I've been kind of blah and uninspired lately, and working on my novel when I was feeling like writing... so the way I figure it, I owe you guys three chapters this week. How does that sound?
Chapter 1: http://www.ubersite.com/cgi-bin/message_get.cgi?message=1062702524190111288
Chapter 2: http://www.ubersite.com/cgi-bin/message_get.cgi?message=106279150872631075
Chapter 3: http://www.ubersite.com/cgi-bin/message_get.cgi?message=106331690370703821
Chapter 4: http://www.ubersite.com/cgi-bin/message_get.cgi?message=1065471797788624932
Chapter 5: http://www.ubersite.com/cgi-bin/message_get.cgi?message=1065635783328910833
Ahhhhhh...
Some people might say that a detective shouldn't smoke pot. It makes you stop paying attention to details, it slows you down, that kind of thing.
I couldn't disagree less. Err, more.
Too often we think laterally, moving in a straight line from one thought to the next as though we had blinders on. Pot helps you get away from that. Your mind drifts, causing seemingly unconnected thoughts to wander together. It allows you to make connections that you might not make otherwise.
"Umm... Razor?"
I sat up and looked at Loki. I could barely move and she was still lighting up. "Yeah, what is it?"
"Did you realize you were talking out loud just now?"
Hmm. Had I been talking out loud? Have I been going to bed earlier at night? Have I been sleeping later? Have I been Tyler longer and longer?
"Razor?"
"Huh? Yes, of course I did. I was just... uh... telling you about the detective business and stuff."
"Do you even remember what you were talking about?"
Pushy dames. "Of course I do."
I was spared the need to answer when the door opened and Glam Daddy walked in with Loren trailing behind him. She was dressed in a short skirt and a blouse. I made a mental note to thank Glam later.
Glam walked up to the bong, took a hit, and gestured towards Loren. "Like I said honey, if you ever need a job, you know where to come."
Loren rolled her eyes. "I'll pass, thanks. So what's the word, Razor? Is he here?"
"Huh? Who?"
Loren's eyes narrowed as she looked at me. "Have you been smoking pot? You're supposed to be keeping me alive! Rick Manfre, damnit!"
I smiled. "Relax, doll. I was just pulling your leg. So, Loki, like I was saying. Is Rick Manfre here?"
Loki's smile faded. "I had to kick Rick out."
"What? Why? He had to be your best customer."
Loki nodded in acknowledgement. "He is... in fact, he's got a lifetime membership. I only kicked him out for a week."
"What did he do?"
Glam Daddy stepped forward. "Well, Razor, it's like this. He was hanging out with Yes, and you know how the two of them get when they're together."
"Uh, actually, I don't. I don't know either of them."
"Well, they started drinking, and one thing led to another, and Yes started going on again about doing girls in the pooper, and Manfre got all riled up, and they ran out of the room chanting 'POOPER! POOPER!' like they were at a Bears game or something."
"So you kicked them out for disturbing your other customers?"
Glam grinned. "Not exactly. The two of them grabbed Kristy Swan and did her Kobe style."
"Ouch."
"At the same time."
"OUCH!"
"Oh, don't worry about her. She's used to that kind of thing... she got her start showing her ass off to a camera, and her career has just sort of taken off from there. In fact, she would have given permission if they had asked."
An awkward silence ensued. At least, it was awkward for Loren. I was just kind of stoned and had started thinking about how much I hated the Lakers.
"So..." she began.
Dames. Always so impatient. Acting like her life was on the line or something.
It was time to take command of the situation. "I'll ask the questions!" I said sharply.
"Razor, I didn't ask a question."
"That, my dear Loren, is beside the point. Loki, Glam, do you know where Manfre lives?"
They looked at each other and shook their heads. This was bad. We couldn't afford to wait a week to get to Rick.
Loki shrugged and said, "Well, I do know where Yes works. Maybe that would help."
"Out with it then."
"He's the head chef at the Emperor's Choice down in Chinatown."
I smiled. "That's perfect. I'm starving for some reason."
User Reviews
Submitted by wags (user info) at 2004-03-17 00:37:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"An awkward silence ensued. At least, it was awkward for Loren. I was just kind of stoned and had started thinking about how much I hated the Lakers."
hehehe, comedic gold
Submitted by UltraJesus4000 (user info) at 2003-12-09 18:37:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Guess what!
Submitted by bart (user info) at 2003-11-10 19:55:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Great as always.
Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2003-11-05 16:24:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The lines where Loki asks you if you were aware you were talking out loud, and when "Loren" says she didn't ask a question both brought me to tears. Hysterical. On to #7...
Submitted by Random Joe at 2003-11-05 14:35:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I really like this UberPulp stuff.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2003-11-05 13:38:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That's right fear my weed.
Submitted by Quartermain (user info) at 2003-11-05 01:33:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
'And the hits just keep on coming...'
I've been trying to work on your story, but damn schoolwork keeps interfering.
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2003-11-04 22:27:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Keep it going Razor. Nice job.
Submitted by lowsodiummonkey (user info) at 2003-11-04 22:02:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by MickGinny (user info) at 2003-11-04 22:00:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You Can't, You Won't And You Don't Stop
Razor Come And Rock The Sure Shot
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2003-11-04 21:59:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Fabish (user info) at 2003-11-04 21:49:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I know where the next ones going. Chinatown, that's definitely holding Phinches cameo.
Submitted by Yes at 2003-11-04 20:59:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
cool. so far so great... i hope to god they don't try and get any food though... that could be.... bad.
i would like to add a little something... W00T!
Submitted by antluvdog (user info) at 2003-11-04 20:36:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You're a quality writer.
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2003-11-04 18:45:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by jeetkunetony (user info) at 2003-11-04 18:34:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
awesome
Submitted by NickTheDivine (user info) at 2003-11-04 18:23:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Excellent.
Submitted by Phinch (user info) at 2003-11-04 18:15:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for this installment
+2 for three this week.
Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2003-11-04 18:02:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Nicole... check your own email. While you were readin this, I was readin your email.
+2 to preserve the current rating.
Submitted by Manfre (user info) at 2003-11-04 17:59:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hehe me and Yes did Kristy in the pooper...
If Yes came to the Ubermeet I have a feeling something similiar to this would end up happening... Even without Yes this may happen...
AWESOME!!!
Submitted by Nicole3 (user info) at 2003-11-04 17:56:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I realize that it is a transition chapter so it can't be that exciting. You at least made it interestingn and entertaining..
Check your email.
Submitted by itchy (user info) at 2003-11-04 17:52:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Could have sworn you were setting up for a "GO BEARS WOOOO!!!!" there for a second.
Awesome, as ever.
Submitted by streetpunk (user info) at 2003-11-04 17:45:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Awe, another brilliant installment. I am so happy!!
Submitted by BillsSBChamps (user info) at 2003-11-04 17:44:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice work.
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2003-11-04 17:41:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Excellent. I'm starving for more.
Clever touch: Yes the chef.