We Threw Gasoline On The Fire And Now We Have No Eyebrows And Stumps For Arms. (1136 hits)
Category: HumorRating: 2 on 9 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Titan <chainsawchimp.at.hotmail.com> (View user info) at 2003-11-04 23:10:20 EST
I'll be first to admit as a child I was intrigued with the notion of fire and fireworks. What other devices held so much power and destruction with so much ease of use ?
Yes i was one of those pyromaniac children, the kind whose parents gave them a full box of matches and a G.I Joe , and one of the following would happen:
1.) Joe would be tied to a stick and a ritual pagan stakeburning would take place, Joes melted flesh slowly dripping around the cheap nylon rope you'd tie him up with.
2.) Joe would be strapped to a bottle rocket/ cracker/ M-60 and would be sent into orbit to complete his G.I mission (Most of the time though he only got up to 150 meters and then blown into smithereens, leaving poor G.I Jane a widow and her 3 G.I Babies fatherless.)
3.) The matches would be saved for later and Joe would brave the unwaivable strength of the microwave.
But there were two incidences in my youth that stick out from the rest like so many charred G.I corpses.
Both incidences involved my younger brother so you can guess they involve him getting horribly burnt.
Well we both decided one day it would be funny to see how much gasoline it took from our lawnmowers two stroke fuel for the fuel by itself to blow up.
So we got an old paver and a coke bottle, filled the coke bottle half way up, and put it on its side. My younger brother, the only one brave enough to light it by hand did so.
The mouth of the coke bottle lit up but the fire wouldn't suck itself into it for lack of oxygen.
Well my brother, deciding he'll make the gasoline go to the fire, drops a paver on the coke bottle filled with gasoline, and with the mouth on fire.
Naturally he didnt realise that the mouth of the bottle was pointed directly at him, and hell i wasnt going to tell him.
The heavy paver dropped on the coke bottle and the contents spewed out, spraying my brothers silly synthetic wog pants with gasoline which was on fire.
Watching my brother run around the backyard with his pant on fire was the single funniest thing ive seen in my life. Apparently he didnt find it as funny.
The second time my brother and I decided fire was the best revenge was a little while after the flaming pants incident.
One day my brother and I were fighting as usual and since I was winning, he would hit me, then run into the toilet room, lock the door and put his feet onto the door, therefore making it impossible for me to get at him and strangle him to death.
Having had enough of this shit I ran to the kitchen and took out a bunch of butter knives, and flung them at his feet ninja-style under the crack of the door.
Sure this was fun for a while but soon he wised up and took the newspaper that was sitting in the room with him and blocked up the crack under the door, thwarting my plans of butter-knifery.
Then I had a moment of pure clarity which gave me the most beautiful plan of revenge I ever had.
Naturally I went to my bedroom and pulled out a tin of lighter fluid for an old zippo lighter I had. Spraying a large amount under the door and onto the newspaper blocking the hole, and a tail of fluid, I lit it and listened to the screams of sheer girly-dom that ensued.
He Apologised for starting the fight after that one.
(Oh and for the record the title of this post is a song from NOFX.)
User Reviews
Submitted by bush_for_god (user info) at 2005-01-16 01:21:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"and flung them at his feet ninja-style"
Submitted by STIXS (user info) at 2005-01-16 01:01:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I did that once...now I only have two penis' (penii?). Oh well...
Submitted by Random Joe at 2003-11-06 06:29:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for NOFX song.
Submitted by itchy (user info) at 2003-11-05 08:38:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Reminds me of the time I nearly killed all of my best friends trying to prematurely start a bonfire. Who knew gasoline fumes would ignite? Not me. Oops. Sorry guys.
Submitted by potatomanjack (user info) at 2003-11-05 08:29:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
If this post was a drink it would be called "Liquid Awesome".
Fire is cool.
Submitted by dakingisdead (user info) at 2003-11-05 01:21:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Loved the brick/coke bottle part. Just about wet myself.
Bad side note though to petrol as a firestarter. My great uncle managed to incinerate himself and two aunties starting the fire with gasoline.
Submitted by atz (user info) at 2003-11-04 23:39:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Haven't we all poured the gasoline onto the fire straight from the gas can once? You must put some into a smaller container (such as a cup), and then pour it. I've played with fire many, many times. It's fun.
Submitted by BongZilla (user info) at 2003-11-04 23:24:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
this post remind me of another post.....good job dude.
http://www.ubersite.com/cgi-bin/message_get.cgi?message=1063376755987912668
Submitted by Yes at 2003-11-04 23:17:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
fire is cool.