Asshole Chicago Bums (1609 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.46 on 16 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by <cassi021584.at.yahoo.com> (View user info) at 2003-11-06 12:35:10 EST
I was sitting at this little Mexican restaurant on Belmont Ave. with a tasty quesadilla sitting in front of me. My boyfriend and me were having a nice dinner, when this bum walks up to our table...
It's one thing to beg for money on the streets. It's another to come to our table, while we are eating, and beg for money. Really.
When someone begs me for money, I either:
A). Graciously explain that I don't have any on me—Translation: I'm cheap.
B). Give them a dollar to shut the hell up and stop bothering me.
C). Go on a tangent and ask them, "How do you think I got THIS money?! Huh?!! I got a damn job!!! I worked for this money!!!
Okay, so I never would have the guts to do C, but it's something I always think of. So, what I usually do is go with A, but after they keep annoying the fuck outta me making up every sad sounding excuse they can think of, I finally give then a dollar or two just to shut the hell up. I was trying to stay strong, but with all the food and beer between me and my boyfriend, there was no way to get out of the 'Sorry, I don't have any' excuse. Damn.
This bum was slightly different than the majority of bums I have run into in the past. This one actually wanted to sell something. The first thought that comes to mind is he probably stole it. But he was selling this shitty black leather jacket. It was old, beat up, the works. Oh no, he doesn't care, he keeps persisting with every bite I take...
'This is genuine leather, and all I want is 10 bucks.'
'No thanks, I already have a jacket, but hey, is there anything in the pockets??'
<Nervously searches the pockets> 'No, they're empty. This is a nice jacket, I saw you outside, and this will fit you perfect! Ten bucks! That's all!'
'No thanks, I don't want the jacket.'
'Well, I'm trying to get home to Minneapolis, and I have most of the money to get there, all I need is ten more dollars.'
'I said I don't want the jacket.'
'Well can I have two dollars?'
'No, I'm just trying to eat, and I don't want to give you any money, ask that guy.' <I point my finger to some other oddball drinking beer at the bar>
'But this jacket would fit you so perfectly'
'I don't want it! And buy you're own ticket home, if your friends or family want you there so bad they'll pay for you to get there! And if the next thing you tell me is you need money for food, here. Eat my damn burrito. It's still fresh, all I did was eat half of it. Here.... Take it!
'No, I don't want it, all I need is two dollars because blah blah blah blah blah yada yada yada yada....'
At this point I was getting pretty pissed off, so I angrily dug in my wallet and shoved two dollars at him and said 'GOODBYE!!!' All I wanted to do is eat, and this guy was being an asshole bum. Not one of those pathetic looking bums that will actually be fake nice to you so you'll give them money, but an asshole bum indeed. Now I know that practically everything costs money in Chicago, but it's pretty bad when you even have to pay to have an asshole bum to shut the fuck up!
So what I want to know is, does anyone have a lot of bum experience, how to get them to leave you alone, how to avoid them in the first place, any kind of advice or stories that deal with bums...
User Reviews
Submitted by SFchick at 2003-11-14 17:35:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Having lived in Sf for some years I have some tips. San Francisco is a homless mecca, and these bums, drug addicts, and left over hippies can get VERY annoying.
1. When walking NEVER make eye contact. If they see you looking their way, they are sure to jump up and start harrassing you.
2. Completely ignore them, at the dinner table, I would have kept a conversation with my dinner partner and never looked their way. After a couple sentances they should get the picture and move on to the next victom.
3. When asked (if I did accidently make eye contract) I usually keep it to a "sorry" or "no change." while its tempting to just go off on them, a lot of these people aren't very stable, and you really don't want to get them all pissed off. Their nuts, thats usually why they are on the street (thank Ronald Reagan for that one).
That said, I agree with other posters, be stern and assertive, make it clear that you are a waste of their time and they would be better off bugging some one else. Every time I have given out change I have regretted it, then I was sure to be bugged by the same guy daily, or other street people would catch on and harrass...
Submitted by heatherm (user info) at 2003-11-14 17:27:48 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Agh. Fucking bums. I'm like Mick, on this one. The only guy I didn't mind giving money to was the one who told me he wanted it so he could get a beer.
Some friends and I were at Subway eating one day and a bum came in, walked up to our table, looks at me and asks me for money. I looked at him with an evil crooked eye and said "are you fucking serious? WE ARE EATING, GOODBYE". He looked at me funny, then turned and walked off.
I've told bums to get applications before. The approach I find that works the best, is if you see a bum and he looks like he's going to ask you for some money, ask him for a buck before he gets the chance. More than likely.. he won't bother asking you.
-1 b/c you gave him money. I would have kicked the shit out of him.
Submitted by Natophelia (user info) at 2003-11-14 16:59:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
It's alright Cassi, you can do it! I'm only 5'3" and I can get them to fuck off very well. Just don't show any weakness! Don't pause for a second. Don't stammer. I say one line and one line only: "I don't have anything for you." If they keep talking, I interrupt and repeat the exact same thing. I've never had to say it more than three times. If you're walking, keep moving. If I'd had someone approach me while eating, I would offer them food and if they didn't take it I'd start parroting my little line until they went away. I've never had it not work, but if it didn't I'd just tell them to fuck off, I guess. Screw nice. Screw pity. If they feel like they can get one over on you, they'll keep trying.
The only time I've given money was when some dirty looking guy passing by my apartment when I was moving out helped my dad move something heavy. He asked for some change and I gave him everything I had.
Sometimes it makes me feel guilty, but most of the time when I offer food instead, they won't take it.
Submitted by bargled (user info) at 2003-11-08 16:11:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Just print out a few Phinches and give them out!
Submitted by Skware (user info) at 2003-11-08 15:45:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I hate Chicago Bums. They touch you. I used to give up a few cents. Now I tell them to fuck off right off the bat. I don't even let them finish their sentence. That's the only way to deal with Chicago Bums. They're a different breed.
Submitted by MickGinny (user info) at 2003-11-07 08:33:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i ask them if they want the money for crack or booze if they are honest with me i will throw them a fin, if the tell me they are hungry or they need cab fare, i tell them to fuck off.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2003-11-07 08:16:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Aresenal... No, I went to Eastern Michigan, which is a town over.
Submitted by Cassiopeia (user info) at 2003-11-06 16:45:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Marc01-- 'a deep low no from a 6'5' guy kinda makes peopel leave me alone"
you have an advantage there, I am 5'6 female
Submitted by marc01 (user info) at 2003-11-06 15:03:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
i used to buy into this shit as i can from a very small texas town and was moved to va for the navy. lots of bums around here. at first i was liek sure heer a dollaor or 590 cents or what ever. after a while i noticed it was the same fuckers preying on peopleso my atitude started changing and now they get jack shit. while i know i have the word "naiveté" in flashing neon over my head a deep low no from a 6'5' guy kinda makes peopel leave me alone. now if i could just get the hard-ass stare down so they wouldnt ask to begin with i would be all set.
would have given ya +2 if you had actully heald out and not caved in but since did just +1.
Submitted by Cassiopeia (user info) at 2003-11-06 13:22:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Sorry about that Will, I just got back today from a trip to Chicago (I am from St. Louis, and I never really see any beggars here) and it's my bad for not reading through the other posts before i posted... i still have a few other things to comment on chicago... like the freakin traffic. absofrickenlutely insane.
i cant help but cave in though, usually if i decline, they will be like, 'please' or something simple and i give them some change or something, but it's annoying when you keep saying no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.... and they STILL are asking you, stopping you from doing whatever you are trying to do, so then i'm just like FUCK IT! HERE'S YOUR FUCKING $2 YOU BASTARD!!! ugh... sorry, i dont seem to have much sympathy, they piss me off more than they make me feel warm and fuzzy and start throwing out cash because i feel bad for them
Submitted by Arsenal (user info) at 2003-11-06 13:02:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
corn_nugget
you go to school there?
Submitted by sam_el (user info) at 2003-11-06 13:02:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
There is an unwritten rule about eating. When you are eating a restaurant or something, you should be left alone. When I was eating at a steakhouse in Chicago, I saw Dick Butkus dining. Everyone knew it was him, but nobody approached him for an autograph until the meal was done. And he was very gracious. If football fans can figure out that you are to leave people alone when they're eating, bums should, too. I wish you hadn't caved into this prick. In fact, you should have picked up your burrito and shoved it into his face. Hopefully, it was still hot.
I sometimes give money to the homeless, but if say no, I mean no, cockbreath.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2003-11-06 12:53:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I live in a decent sized city, college town (Ann Arbor, MI)... we have random drunk-bums around town.
For the most part they don't annoy me at all, usually all they ever ask me for is a smoke, which, hell, I'll give them a couple... I know how much it sucks to be drunk and not have a smoke (ha).
I usually don't fork over any money, well, usually I don't have any money, but even when I do, I don't give it out.
But they get angry.
I had one guy throw a pillar candle at me from about a block away. He missed.
One guy told me I had a nice ass, I told him to fuck off, he pulled my hair. It hurt.
Submitted by WillZone (user info) at 2003-11-06 12:48:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
http://www.ubersite.com/cgi-bin/message_get.cgi?message=106804218561013444
my yesterday post was about the homeless...weird...
collective.
Submitted by Arsenal (user info) at 2003-11-06 12:41:18 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Stop being a prick and give him a dollar. I like bums. You can buy the Double at wendys instead of the Triple.
Submitted by ChristPuncher (user info) at 2003-11-06 12:40:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Dude, you gotta step up to the bums
Due to their malnutrition they are easy to beat up
Next time stand up to the bum and he will scamper off into the alleys.
The last thing a bum needs is money...
He gets money all day long from chumps like you
GO BEARS WOO!!!