Why Nude women are rated R and nude men are rated X (9073 hits)
Category: Humor -> Dirty HumorRating: 1.11 on 39 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Jon Elkins <jonukah.at.aol.com> (View user info) at 2003-11-07 15:43:12 EST
Have you ever noticed that there can be full frontal shots of nude women in rated R movies as long as their legs aren't wide open, but if you throw a penis in there it becomes porn? There are exceptions of course. In all exceptions I've ever seen, the penis is always flaccid. The exceptions usually occur in documentary, or when the penis is displayed in a completely unsexual manner to represent weakness or vulnerability. As for women, they can get away with extreme lap dancing in NC17 films. Some may think that this double standard of nudity is sexism, but the true reason for is actually quite simple.
Full nudity with men involves showing their full assembly of sexual organs, which precarisouly exist outside of the male body for temperature control. They dangle, they flop around disturbingly with movement, and quite frankly: They're hideous. I'm sorry, but they really are an unattractive set of organs. In the words of the all-wise Blossom when she say Joey naked: "They kinda look like undecorated Christmas trees." Amen to that, you gargantuan-nosed freak.
In women, the sexual organs are all but completely contained inside of the body. These organs, however are really not all that attractive, either, minus the appealing external appearance. The ovaries, fallopian tubes, together with the uterus look like some hideous missing link in the evolution of an obscure tropical plant like the Venus Fly Trap. Or an alien species. The difference with women is, you don't fucking have to look at these organs when you see a girl naked. All that you witness is a mere slit of an opening and a beautiful pair of lips, unless she has her legs completely spread open and is as slutty an Kristy Swan. That of course, would never appear in any R rated movie, which is exactly my point.
Conclusion: Male nudity is rated X because you have to deal with the site of scary sexual organs. And I guaran-fucking-tee you that if a woman's ovaries and fallopian tubes were dangling outside of her body, you wouldn't ever see that in a rated R movie, either.
Sorry this post is a garbled piece of junk. I missed Thursday. I will never again write something as inspired as: http://www.ubersite.com/cgi-bin/message_get.cgi?message=1068005860495431114
It is all downhill from here.
User Reviews
Submitted by bossk (user info) at 2005-02-22 17:32:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I just saw that movie "Sideways" and there is some of the most eye-gougingly awful male nudity in that movie I've ever had the misfortune of seeing. Just hideous.
Submitted by Original_SK (user info) at 2004-03-29 21:52:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for this comment "...you gargantuan-nosed freak." I almost vomited it was so funny!
Submitted by bart (user info) at 2004-03-21 03:54:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
There's never a reason for a woman to be playing with a flaccid penis.
Submitted by crackergirl (user info) at 2004-03-21 03:43:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I remember the first time I played with a flaccid penis. I was shocked at how soft and pliable it is.
Submitted by jeetkunetony (user info) at 2004-02-16 20:52:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
where did it occur in 28 days later? i can't remember
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2003-11-08 15:31:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by jonukah (user info) at 2003-11-08 12:21:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That I did, Loki. That I Did.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2003-11-08 10:33:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
interesting point
you quoted Blossom?
Submitted by jonukah (user info) at 2003-11-07 22:16:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Oops. I just realized I replying as Firefly. Sorry Tracy. I am an idiot.
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2003-11-07 21:35:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Don't care. You missed the point. Goodbye
Submitted by EvilZurr (user info) at 2003-11-07 20:42:29 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
"Amistad is a documentary like film"
amistad is not a documentary. it is an artistic re-enactment, at best. documentaries dont hire actors, create sets, or make up characters (usually). amistad was NOT a documentary. otherwise, youre saying that any movie based on a true story (or loosely based) is a documentary.
youre an idiot. have another -2
Submitted by ShieldMackey <user3562242.at.yahoo.com> at 2003-11-07 20:37:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
In the Devil's Advocate Charlize Theron's ovaries were removed and shown in the hands of a baby, but that movie still made the R cut. Still a good post though.
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2003-11-07 20:32:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by acrog (user info) at 2003-11-07 17:47:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I think it may have something to do with the fact that guys are more exited by visual stimuli, women are not. Naked women sells movies. Naked men usually do not....unless it's gay porn.
Submitted by jonukah (user info) at 2003-11-07 17:30:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by EvilZurr (user info) at 2003-11-07 17:03:11 (#)
Ranking: -2
amistad is rated R. it has lots of penises and vaginas, exposed or not.
do your research
Amistad is a documentary like film. And the male nudity shown is depicting the brutality of slavery, not sexuality.
If you noticed this line in my post: The exceptions usually occur in documentary, or when the penis is displayed in a completely unsexual manner to represent weakness or vulnerability.
Do your research, you say? Learn to fucking read.
Submitted by Natophelia (user info) at 2003-11-07 17:23:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I think we should start making our boobs talk n stuff. That'd be sexeh.
Not really, but it would be funny.
Submitted by Cassiopeia (user info) at 2003-11-07 17:16:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Insanethemind (user info) at 2003-11-07 16:57:09 (#)
Ranking: 0
cassi- you don't "bend" a limp dick. It offers no resistence, so it isn't bending.
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that's the part that freaks me out though!! the dick i like and usually experience is hard and if it bends at all in the wrong direction, i can imagine it would be somewhat painful, but then when it's floppy and can do pretty much anything, it seriously freaks me out!!! it shouldnt be able to bend in the middle and have the head touch his stomach. it's just not right!
Submitted by Natophelia (user info) at 2003-11-07 17:10:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
ooooooooh my fucking god Cassi!! hahahahahaaaaaaaaa I'd hate to see it, but it sure is funny to read!
RB- I said *HAD* that bf. He is no more! If my fiance starts do penis puppetry I'm putting a stop to it IMMEDIATELY.
And holy shit those things stretch for miles, don't they??? If it can STRETCH that big, why doesn't it..um...GROW that big?
Submitted by EvilZurr (user info) at 2003-11-07 17:03:11 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
amistad is rated R. it has lots of penises and vaginas, exposed or not.
do your research
Submitted by Insanethemind (user info) at 2003-11-07 16:57:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
cassi- you don't "bend" a limp dick. It offers no resistence, so it isn't bending.
Submitted by reallybored (user info) at 2003-11-07 16:50:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
nat-- you reminded me of a few things... my boyfriend likes to freak me out (this is seriously scary to me) and he bends his flacid penis in all directions.... and one of my ex's used to grab a chunk of skin from his balls, smoosh it up, and say, "look! bubblegum!"
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WHAT THE FUCK!!!
What fucking freaking ass motherfucker are you chicks dating?!?! Holy Christ!
Submitted by Murphy1844 (user info) at 2003-11-07 16:35:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Penii!!! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
Submitted by Cassiopeia (user info) at 2003-11-07 16:34:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
nat-- you reminded me of a few things... my boyfriend likes to freak me out (this is seriously scary to me) and he bends his flacid penis in all directions.... and one of my ex's used to grab a chunk of skin from his balls, smoosh it up, and say, "look! bubblegum!"
Submitted by Anjie (user info) at 2003-11-07 16:33:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
There is very little need for "penii" on film, but there is no need for film makers to go out of their way to not show it. Sometimes it makes sense for us to see it.
I like "penii" up close and personal at home. I find them to be very interesting and even softer than a babies bottom. I enjoy looking at them, but only if I get to play with them also....
Submitted by Natophelia (user info) at 2003-11-07 16:16:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hahaha I like boy thingies. I think they're rather pretty when at attention. But not flopping around. Lying still, ok. Flopping? Doesn't make me want to jump on it. I had a bf who thought it was funny to hold it and make it talk, poke me with it and say 'let me in let me in'. Ugh. It's funny once, but that's about it. Come to think of it, several guys have done that. What's up with that?
I can take conversations in weird directions. Sheesh.
Submitted by reallybored (user info) at 2003-11-07 16:13:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"leave the lights on"
I fucking HATE that. When you getting ready to GET NASTY and the girl is like, turn the lights off. Its such a fucking buzzkill. Hey honey, its not gonna make a difference. Your either ugly, or not. Deal with it.
(Sidenote: Iv actually found that bigger girls were more apt to leave the lights ON as oppose to skinny chicks. Weird.)
Submitted by jonukah (user info) at 2003-11-07 16:12:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Damnit, I hate that. Everytime I post a reply, there is a lag in which I missed a reply before mine that voids what I'm trying to say. I didn't notice you corrected yourself, Angie. Also, I meant 28 Days Later, not 28 Later. And, Spikegoddess, you are right. This country needs more nudity.
Submitted by Cassiopeia (user info) at 2003-11-07 16:10:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"They dangle, they flop around disturbingly with movement"
HAHAHAHAA!!! this line had me rolling......
Submitted by heatherm (user info) at 2003-11-07 16:09:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I gotta tell you though, I have no need to see any of them.... I don't mind a nekked woman here and there, but I only like looking at one nekked man, and I have him at home. Even if I go to a male strip club, I'd rather see them in some small boxer briefs!!!
Ditto on that..except that I find men dancing at strip clubs hilarious.
That dude in 28 Days Later showed his wang for quite a while.. then again.. that's not an American film.
umm.. that pic is gross. Much nastier than a man's twig n berries.
Submitted by jonukah (user info) at 2003-11-07 16:08:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
+ 2 because I like my own work. -1 Because it resulting in Anjie mentioning Kevin Bacon nude. It was Wild Things, btw, if that wasn't a joke. There was also penis displayed in 28 later and Trainspotting, but again in both cases they were flaccid and used to represent vulnerability, not sexuality.
Submitted by SpikeGoddess (user info) at 2003-11-07 16:07:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I recall you making these observations to me once before, and I do agree to an extent. I also think that the female body has also been turned into a visual commodity to a greater degree by our culture, which uses it to sell everything from cars to music to chewing gum. Naked men sell things too, but not to the extent that naked women do. We're just more used to naked women, for better or worse.
I think penii(haha!) are fun, and while they are not particularly aesthetically pleasing, they're not really designed for visual stiumlation. They're far better at stimulating other things. :-)
What I think this country needs more of is non-airbrushed naked men and women. Then maybe we could all get over ourselves, have more sex, and leave the lights on. This country is ridiculous in its Puritan sexual heritage, and its simultaneous shame/expolitation of the human body.
SpikeGoddess
(Naked and proud!)
Submitted by Anjie (user info) at 2003-11-07 16:05:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Oh the movie was Wildthings....
Submitted by Anjie (user info) at 2003-11-07 16:04:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Kevin Bacon has no prob showing his....he showed it in ummm Wild.... something I can't think of it. It was with Charlie Sheen, Denise Richards. He also showed it in Trapped. And didn't Jack Nicolson show his in one of his early movies? None of then were over an 'R' rating. I think it depends on the context. Most of the time they are in the shower. Shower scenes must be ok.
I gotta tell you though, I have no need to see any of them.... I don't mind a nekked woman here and there, but I only like looking at one nekked man, and I have him at home. Even if I go to a male strip club, I'd rather see them in some small boxer briefs!!!
Submitted by Manfre (user info) at 2003-11-07 16:04:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The force is strong in this one.
Submitted by sam_el (user info) at 2003-11-07 15:58:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Actually, just putting a penis in a movie wouldn't make it rated NC-17. Just that would make it R. It isn't that they can't show dongs in movies as much as it is they don't. I don't really know why (although I suspect it has something to do the fact that the industry is largely male-dominated)). Still, fun post.
Submitted by marc01 (user info) at 2003-11-07 15:57:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
i have a pretty penis.
still funny post though
Submitted by PropaGumby (user info) at 2003-11-07 15:54:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Male nudity is X rated cause i dont want to see it
Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2003-11-07 15:51:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"Amen to that, you gargantuan-nosed freak."
haha
Submitted by reallybored (user info) at 2003-11-07 15:50:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
First post that made me laugh today...