Friends are Forever? (708 hits)
Category: Quotes & StoriesRating: 0.33 on 8 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by kim t <kim_terceira.at.yaho.com> (View user info) at 2003-11-11 14:48:42 EST
It was my chance to be completely on my own.....but much to my dismay my best friend of more than 10 years got dumped by her man and evicted from her apartment simultaneously. She was not working at the time but had some interviews lined up. 'Sure things', she assured me. I made the fatal mistake of being TOO fucking nice and took her sorry ass in. Here I was working 8-5 every day living check to check, while she stood in bed til tenish, watched talk shows, ate my food (always the things that i was especially looking forward to eating, or things that I'd save for myself) blasting my A/C, using my cable and was a total slob to boot. At first this didn't bother me too much because we had been friends for so long, but then I realized she was never going to get off of her ass and start helping out.
As over a month went by I was getting pretty fed up and was trying to rationalize to myself why it was OK to kick her out. I remember going to bed one night and thinking of all the things that she'd done to piss me off and all of the things that I wanted to do to her. I dreamt that I throw all of her belongings out of the third floor window, she's sees this, starts screaming and frantically runs over to check the damage, as she sticks her head out I push her through, her ass is large and gets stuck, I give it a kick and POP.... sorry, I am getting off track here.
I woke up, remembering my dream a big smile spread across my face. I rubbed my eyes and started over to the bathroom. "Psssssss. flush." FUCK. The toilet's clogged. I tried plunging, no dice. I explained the situation to my roomie and told her to not use the toilet until it was fixed. During my lunch that day I stopped at Home Depot and headed for the plumbing dept. I picked up some industrial strength draino and though it looked scary, a 'snake-a-mabob' also.
I got home and went to work. After about 10 minutes of trying to figure out how to use this jackhammer looking device I got the toilet to flush sans clogging. During this adventure I found that the dipshit had been flushing her tampon wrappers. HellfuckingO, there is 'DO NOT FLUSH' written there right on the wrapper. Was the two foot toss to the barrel too fucking difficult? Obviously the answer was yes.
The following day the toilet backed up again, I avoided using it and advised her (Again) to do the same, that evening I broke down and called a plumber, told him to be by around 6:30 the next day. I woke up the next morning and walked into the bathroom only to encounter the worst stench you could possibly imagine. Think steaming fresh horse shit. Yes, kinda like that. I looked into the toilet and to my horror found the nastiest, blackest shit cake I'd ever seen. It was disgusting, I mean it was July, about 90 out, and the tiny bathroom window was open. I flipped. I had endured the agony of holding it or using somebody else's bathroom (which I dread) for all that time and she ruined it at the last minute. I fight an strange urge to take a dump on her bed but instead I wake her up and ask her what the fuck she was thinking. She tells me about all the food she ate last night and the terrible stomachache she woke up in the middle of the night with. She 'couldn't wait' and 'didn't think it was that big a big deal'. This bitch was pushing her luck. I was having flash backs of my dream. Oh this bitch was asking for it.
On the way into work I started thinking about proper plumber etiquette, if there is a such thing. I don't know if there are rules about this but I'd assumed that he would not appreciate unclogging a toilet with baked in shit that looked about a foot deep! Then it came to me.
I waited until everyone left at 5 and jumped into action. I zipped to the supply closet and after about two minutes emerged with two pairs of rubber gloves, a huge can of Ajax(?), some xtra large trash bags, a couple of paper face masks and a devious smile.
I waited til closing and went straight home. I could barely wait, I was giggling like a school girl.
Finally I walked in, threw the supplies on the couch and gave her a quick run down of the task at hand. She looked at me as if I were crazy, I looked back at her like I was. The look in her eyes told me she thought it was a joke, it wasn't. I was ecstatic to find that she had about 4 or 5 people over at the time. I will never forget the look on her face as she shoveled her own shit out of the toilet and into a trash bag in that miserably hot bathroom while everybody just kinda stood around to watch. She finished up just in time for the plumber's arrival.
User Reviews
Submitted by Herpes (user info) at 2003-11-11 16:21:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
i sure am
Submitted by gr8_ceezers_gh0st (user info) at 2003-11-11 15:52:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
NOTHING is forever...............except herpes.
Submitted by kimmy02721 (user info) at 2003-11-11 15:26:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Insane, that sounds pretty crazy. Just your style, no?
Hopefully your place didn't suffer through too much destruction
Submitted by kimmy02721 (user info) at 2003-11-11 15:22:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
This happened over a year ago. She forgave me for embarassing her and telling EVERYone about her plumbing job. We got into a spat and haven't talked in about five months. SPT reminded me of this story.
Submitted by Phinch (user info) at 2003-11-11 15:17:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us
from the animals. Except the weasel.
-- Homer Simpson
Boy-Scoutz n the Hood
Submitted by reallybored (user info) at 2003-11-11 15:11:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
You need to punt the bitch out of your place. Or make her get a webcam to slut up some funding.
Submitted by Insanethemind (user info) at 2003-11-11 15:08:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I got in a situation for six weeks like this one time. 2 friends from CZ were visiting and then two other friends stopped at my house, no where else to go. Another girl even stayed 2 weeks or so at the same time... eventually I blew up at one of them.
It was stressful
Submitted by Phinch (user info) at 2003-11-11 15:04:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
you need to talk to your friend. or email. or write it down. your friend has no idea what she is doing to you.