Clouds (607 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.63 on 13 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Lord_Of_The_Strings (View user info) at 2003-11-12 12:19:11 EST
I'm sitting at my desk there is 45 minute to quitting time and I am in an empty mood in which I am questioning a few fundamental principles of me.
The view from my window is stunning to say the least, it is November and the rain, which was threatening all autumn, is finally here. The bulbous grey mass of cloud is decorated in a pink glow from the sun, it breaks through any gap or slit it can in the vastly over cast sky. Every time I encounter a sight like this of total breath taking beauty I start to ponder on the moments of my life gone past. I am the kind of person who hates a missed opportunity; loki posted today asking what choices had given our lives different paths to follow. I dread that I make the wrong choices.
When your sitting on a bus in a foreign place or somewhere new do you look out the window and gaze upon the landscape with mouth open, eyes wide and think my god this is spectacular, what a view. Well I'm the kind of person who looks out the other window to see if I am missing a more rolling hillside, steeper valley or greater opportunity to make myself happy.
In other words did you ever have the best thing, be it a girl, a friend, a possession or goal in the palm of your hand and drop it (reminds me of one Halloween when I was holding 2 eggs, I dropped one and released the other to catch it, they both smashed on the ground) because your are clutching at other passing opportunities/chances.
I think like this an awful amount, I am living a perennial "What if?" lifestyle.
Lately I have come to a realisation that hey maybe the view out this window cannot be topped, I hold the only things that I could ever want. I am slowly but surely acknowledging my limits and I feel ok about it. Sorry to rant on and on I know this sucked but the view out my window set me off.
User Reviews
Submitted by Lord_Of_The_Strings (user info) at 2003-11-13 05:06:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for NotApologizing, I can see by your response that you understand, you have been there and I thank you for your advice. I was just thinking about a summer of choices, which are clearly past me, and I am only beginning to come to the final realisation that I am happy with my choices. The effect of my continual "what if" frame of mind took me to the brink of self-destruction but I am clear now.
Hey Mike how are you? How's work? =)
Submitted by ugaly (user info) at 2003-11-12 19:37:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Often times, while on the road, I stare out the windows at the scenery. Partly because I am anti-social and I dont want to talk to anyone, and partly because I like looking and seeing what I can find. I have never started looking to the other windows to see if the view was better because I always thought that it was perfectly fine through mine.
Submitted by AlnicoIIPro (user info) at 2003-11-12 18:46:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Been thinkin bout this 1 for a long time now, not because I don't have much to do(which I don't) but because it bears thinking about...to a certain extent.
The way i see it Lord_of_the_strings isn't taking a "what if" approach to this senario, but more along the lines of "what things would be like had random things had been different", things outside of his control for example.
'Course, I could be WAAAYYYYYYYYY off the mark there. Still thinkin bout it too much starts to hurt.
I think that if you never questioned what you have, you would never strive to obtain or achieve more, so to that extent it is healthy. But on the other hand, taking LOTS example of having exactly what you want in a girl an then lookin elsewhere seems like a bad idea to me personally.
Anyway thats my 2 cents, Hopefully you wont be dropping any more eggs LOTS ;)
Submitted by NotApologizing (user info) at 2003-11-12 17:03:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
DJMattB-
Is that a Spiccoli (Fast Times at Ridgemont High) reference? If so, kudos to you.
Submitted by SpikeGoddess (user info) at 2003-11-12 15:38:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"I've looked at clouds from both sides now,
Win and lose,
And still somehow it's cloud illusions I recall.
I really don't know clouds at all."
~Joni Mitchell
Submitted by DJMattB241 (user info) at 2003-11-12 14:59:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"whereever i am... thats the place to be."
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2003-11-12 14:33:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm sure that everyone's life is full of missed opportunities and bad decisions. Of course hindsight being 20/20 it's easy to make yourself crazy by thinking about it too much. I guess at some point you have to accept the fact that although you can learn from it, you cannot change the past and accept the fact that you did the best you knew how given the circumstances you found yourself in and the information you had at the time.
There is a guy that I knew in college that I wonder about sometimes. We were friends but there was always a slight current of sexual tension between us. The timing never worked. He was dating someone, I was dating someone, or one of us was not ready for a relationship - that type of thing. I'm in a wonderful situation now and wouldn't trade it for anything, but I have to wonder just every now and then what might have been.
Oh well you shouldn't ruin your future by spending the present fretting over the past.
Submitted by NotApologizing (user info) at 2003-11-12 13:28:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
One of the great ironies of life as a human. I am not kidding when I say that humans 'are both freed AND bound by their ability to think'. Thinking sets us apart from the rest of the natural world. It has allowed us to create the most wonderfully terrifying technologies and make our lives frightfully easier (see, I am speaking to the duality of human thought). The worst part about having an advanced brain is questioning our past decisions and our current circumstances.
LOFTS, I am not trying to take the attention away from you or downplay your confusion, but I can best illustrate my point with a personal story. I have been married for about 3 years now. I love my wife and our 13 month old daughter. But I often wonder if I've made the right decisions (I have an older post about it, but I won't whore it on yours). I know I have. I love them. They are my reason for living and my main source of happiness and inspiration. Honestly though, they are an obstacle for me and many of my ambitions. I wonder how my life would've went if I had made just a few choices differently. WHY? Why do I do this when I know that I am happy with them? Then I realized, it's not THEM that binds me to those other possibilities. It's me. I have a good memory (photographic--not stereographic though). I remember every choice I've made. I think about them, analyze them. It gets me very close to mutilating myself--ya know, to give me something else to think about.
Those memories are not healthy. I am trying to make choices, own up to them, and be happy with them. The key is giving your full attention to the choices you've already made. Save the thinking and overanalyzation for the future choices. Live in the present that is, not that could have been.
Well, I hope I helped you. Off to punch myeslf in the balls!
Submitted by sam_el (user info) at 2003-11-12 12:33:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Good post. Probably a +1, but rating yourself a -2 and simply saying, "You're" made me laugh enough to give you that extra point.
Submitted by AlnicoIIPro (user info) at 2003-11-12 12:32:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
profound stuff man! Don't suppose the window your lookin out faces dell does it????
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2003-11-12 12:25:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Stringy : I hear you bro.
Where about in Ireland are you?
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2003-11-12 12:21:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This post doesn't suck. Follow your bliss.
Submitted by Lord_Of_The_Strings (user info) at 2003-11-12 12:20:19 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
You're