Secret Santa Anarchy.. (962 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.35 on 16 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by <transcend.ent> (View user info) at 2003-11-15 13:25:15 EST
..or, "One more tale of me 'ruining shit'"
Here is the reference: http://www.ubersite.com/cgi-bin/message_get.cgi?message=1066586010477625420
I haven't posted anything here in awhile, so I felt I must. This is a story about how I completely ruined someone's shit last Christmas. And with Thanksgiving a few weeks away, the Holiday season is upon us. On with the show..
Setting: Company 'Holiday' Party
Time: ~9pm on Friday the 20th of December, 2002
Key Characters: Me, some guy named Ed, and a LOT of alcohol
So our company has one of those idiotic holiday parties, y'know the kind, the ones that are meant to keep the rabble happy so they don't realize the executives are draining the retirement fund and such. Everyone is required to bring in an item valued between $10-20 for one of those equally idiotic secret santa exchanges where everyone gets some hunk of crap item that they can hold onto to re-gift at the party next year. I had taken some time and actually considered what to buy. I found what I was looking for, a fake scratch-off lottery ticket. This ticket, when scratched, declares that the holder has just won $1,000,000 (One Million) but then when they flip it over to find out how to claim their winnings, they see that it's a joke. When we do the exchange, some guy named Ed chooses my gift. Ed, some douche-bag I've seen around the office looks like he has a LOT of alcohol, he can barely stand. Once everyone has a gift we're instructed to open our presents. I keep my eyes focused on Ed, I'm relatively sober, and am looking forward to a laugh. Everyone is opening their present and trying to guess how little it cost, etc. When Ed begins to scratch it off, I can see his eyes widen. He must've seen the 1st $1,000,000 symbol. A few moments later, he gasps. Second symbol. Approximately a quarter of a second later a shriek akin to a little girl being crushed by a tank fills the room. Everyone is staring at Ed, who has just begun criggling (crying while giggling, for those who weren't aware) and rolling on the floor. No one has a clue what's going on. He begins screaming 'I've won! I've won! A million dollars! I can't believe it! I've won!' Everyone erupts into that spontaneous happiness, the kind that only occurs when people are mildly drunk. Ed stands up, and while waving the card, begins to dance. The hilarity of watching an intoxicated 30-something male do a jig if something that has to be seen to believed. This goes on for another 20 minutes, and Ed still hasn't realized it's a prank-gift. I realize I have to say something. Ed eventually goes to the men's room, and I follow him in. I tell him that I'm the one who bought the scratch-off card, and he hugs me. He apparently has to pay off his car, his apartment, his mother's health bills, and more. I break the news to him. He blinks. He shakes his head while he flips the car over. His grin is replaced by a look of horror. He leans over and pukes. He begins crying. I leave. I was told the next workday that they found him in the bathroom ten minutes later, still crying. His shit: ruined.
That was quite long.
User Reviews
Submitted by StonedSilly (user info) at 2004-06-13 14:15:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
+1 for the post.
-3 for giving yourself a positive rating when you reviewed.
Submitted by transcendent (user info) at 2003-11-16 11:29:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Hmmm.. I remember Hidden saying he had enough stories about ruining shit to fill a book. So, I wonder if anyone else does as well?
Perhaps people could share some of their stories? Maybe we could make a post with nothing but shit ruining stories. Or better yet, a website of posts. We could name it Ubersi.. oh wait.
Submitted by transcendent (user info) at 2003-11-15 16:43:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
...not that I've heard a little girl being crushed by a tank. I just imagine that would be the same sound. And, yes, I am a little evil. And, yes, I am an asshole.
If only he HAD told the boss to go screw off. But the boss only made his required cameo appearance then quietly exited out the back door so he wouldn't have to spend his night with us.
Submitted by neomage (user info) at 2003-11-15 16:06:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"Approximately a quarter of a second later a shriek akin to a little girl being crushed by a tank fills the room."
Yea.... I got nothing. Funny as hell though
Submitted by MrWillard (user info) at 2003-11-15 15:46:34 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Your an asshole. I hope you get cancer and die.
Submitted by ess2s2 (user info) at 2003-11-15 15:18:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
What an amazing mindfuck!
The way you describe it...So vivid! If someone had told me the million dollars I had just won was a joke, I would have puked too.
Submitted by ess2s2 (user info) at 2003-11-15 15:16:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You are my mother fucking HERO!
Submitted by K.M (user info) at 2003-11-15 15:15:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"He apparently has to pay off his car, his apartment, his mother's health bills, and more."
HAHAHAHHAHAAHAHAHAH thats so fucking horrible. awwww hahahah man. thats like the meanest fucking thing i have ever heard in my entire life.
Submitted by GrizzlyHunter62 (user info) at 2003-11-15 15:10:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Why did you tell him? I'm sure he would have figured it out sooner or later. I think that would have made you look like less of an ass, but still 'ruined his shit'
Submitted by SoHipItHurts (user info) at 2003-11-15 15:05:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Beauty.
Submitted by chipolatte (user info) at 2003-11-15 15:04:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Terrible, terrible person.
Submitted by Acarnis (user info) at 2003-11-15 14:51:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
So evil...
Submitted by settle (user info) at 2003-11-15 14:21:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You asshole.
Submitted by Illicit_Joe (user info) at 2003-11-15 14:18:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm surprised he didn't kill himself, or you.
Submitted by orion (user info) at 2003-11-15 13:47:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Amazing.
Submitted by sebcharrot (user info) at 2003-11-15 13:35:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hehe, classic
i thought that he was gonna punch his boss and say "fuck this job! IVE got a million dollars!!", and then realised that it was a joke ticket.
thatwould have been quality.
seb