A beast in the night. (978 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.93 on 17 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Nobb (View user info) at 2003-11-17 03:59:41 EST
This is the aftermath of Aussie beating us in the rugga and knocking us out of the world cup. Note:American's can read this as it is not about rugby at all.
Unneccesary backround reading: http://www.ubersite.com/cgi-bin/message_get.cgi?message=106889611024435412
Well after the game I was depressed along with the whole country, what could I do? Well first I posted to uber, priorities right? Then I did the only thing that can make up for such a disaster, I went to my girlfriends and well i'm not gonna make this into a yay for me I got some ass post, but yay for me I got some ass. Then I went outside and topped it off with a joint, watching the sky. So now i'm all cheered up, I go inside and get some sleep. Now she's only got a single bed, and while she is your average sized female, i'm a big fulla and since she doesn't care to have her face smooshed into the wall, my ass is right up against the edge of the bed.
I awake at around 2am to a noise, still midly stoned and with early-morning wood, I almost drift back to sleep immediatly. Then I hear the noise again. I start to get that thing, you know what it is, where you start to get paranoid, but then realise you're an adult and monsters aren't real. The noise continues however, it's getting close and closer. Silence then I hear it brush a plastic bag, again silence, then over some paper. By this time i've worked myself up into a frenzy, i'm now wide awake and plotting how I shall overcome this beast. Then bam, it must have been quicker than I thought. It grabs my leg, my brain sends signals to my body before I even conciously know what's going on, my leg flings out to kick it out, I hit it hard then instinctively jump onto my girl to protect her from danger( ok I admit it, I was trying to go over her to put her between me and danger), however in my heroic attempt I go way over her and smash face first into the wall then bounce off the bed.
There has been alot of talk about god on uber recently, I don't really care or participate, but something up there is watching out for me, because erections don't point directly straight out. You guessed it, I landed face down. My girlfriend awakes and turns on the light, i'm on the ground one hand on my face one hand on my..., whining like a sissy. She has a horrified look on her face, not about me though, about something whining in the corner. The monster I so valiantly defeated turned out to be her cat and I had broken its leg or some shit. I almost start to cry when I know what's coming, along with the fear that I've broken my dick.
So the cycle is complete, from devestation after the game to a night as good as any to devestation at the fact that even if I could have sex there was no chance in hell I was getting any from her. So much for heroism.
Whoever's up there has a hell of a sense of humour.
User Reviews
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2005-09-07 19:42:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Funnay!
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-03-30 10:38:42 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2005-03-29 00:42:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Fuck nuking, Freight.
Submitted by Freight_Train (user info) at 2005-03-29 00:18:10 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by fucktard (user info) at 2004-10-04 02:23:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Falco (user info) at 2004-03-25 06:12:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 excellent
Submitted by Natophelia (user info) at 2003-11-17 13:24:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Cats rule. Go kitty go! heheheh
Meow.
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2003-11-17 13:16:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hahahahaha. goddamn.
Submitted by hendrixjrr (user info) at 2003-11-17 12:03:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I hate cats. +2
Submitted by Haltier (user info) at 2003-11-17 11:48:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm really sorry, being a guy who has fallen on his dick before, though not to the extent that you have...I sheltered my crotch at the climax of this story.
Submitted by potatomanjack (user info) at 2003-11-17 10:30:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ouch!
I'm glad it was a cat though, and not a dog.
Dogs are so much better than cats.
Submitted by Natophelia (user info) at 2003-11-17 10:18:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by SoxSexSax (user info) at 2003-11-17 10:12:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I giggled.
Submitted by Insanethemind (user info) at 2003-11-17 10:08:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
oh, MAN
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2003-11-17 06:31:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Hehehehe. Dicks are stupid.
Glad I haven't got one.
Submitted by Hairsphincter (user info) at 2003-11-17 05:17:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
poor love
Submitted by PizzaEagle (user info) at 2003-11-17 05:03:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Pretty funny - reminds of that movie EDtv where the guy falls on the girls cat and it has to go to the hospital