Grocery Store Commando (896 hits)
Category: HumorRating: 1.5 on 9 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by M Davenport <quartrax.at.hotmail.com> (View user info) at 2003-11-17 09:17:08 EST
Ah, the first job. You remember your first job, right? I remember mine clearly. Some people work for their parents, some people work at McDonald's, but not I. No, I became a Grocery Store Commando.
I'm sure some of you have met a Grocery Store Commando before. These honoured and elite ranks are the cowboys of the shopping cart and hand-jack, purveyors of parcels, and always willing to honour their nation's call of, "Cleanup, aisle six." All of this for minimum wage.
I never thought my skills would be needed here at University, but during frosh week, someone dropped a full yet fragile aluminum soda can.
It was the kind of moment Grocery Store Commandoes were born for.
The can hit the ground, and the fizzy sugary soda shot plumes several feet into the air. Everyone else cowered, and I think a damsel in distress yelped, "Whatever shall we do now?" Enter the Grocery Store Commando.
I leapt, supermanlike, over the mound of boxes that blocked my way. As I soared though the air, my shirt ripped off from sheer air friction, so my bulging muscles glistened in the fluorescent light. In an instant, I was at ground zero, containing the cola explosion with my vice-like grip. At least, that's how I remember it happening...
But even the mighty hands of the Grocery Store Commando could not hold out indefinitely. I needed to ditch the mess, as it was starting to drip caramel-coloured acid through my claws. I looked up, and directly in front of me was a washroom. Perfect, I thought, until I realized it was a washroom for women.
Last time I checked, I wasn't one of those.
I looked at the can. I looked at the women's room. I looked again at the can, realizing what it was I had to do. "I'm going in!", I screamed, like a commander leading his men into one last heroic charge. My frightened companions cheered me on, and I made the ultimate sacrifice; entering the bathroom of a sex other than my own. After all, us Grocery Store Commandos must be willing to do anything.
User Reviews
Submitted by InSaNeSna1L (user info) at 2003-11-17 19:22:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHA....i could picture the scene in my head...well written,
and yes, I worked at Toys R Us for a while and at Christmas, it was the same damn CD for a bout two months....ARRGGGHHHHH!!!!
But it was good....i worked in the Video Games\Electronics, so i played whatever CDs i wanted :)
Submitted by Valacosa (user info) at 2003-11-17 19:10:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
The worst part of working there was the Muzak...
Yeahm two years after I stopped working there, I was at this restaurant with a couple of friends, and they had the SAME DAMN STUFF!!! Man, the bastardization of good songs just penetrates your soul and kills you a little inside. Anyone who's worked at a Grocery or Department store knows what I'm talking about.
Submitted by poop_monkey (user info) at 2003-11-17 18:55:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You have a very large imagionation.
(:(|)
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2003-11-17 18:55:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
haa haaa haaa!
I worked in a grocery store when I was 17. years later, nightmares still haunt me. but i'm recovering. :)
Submitted by Beer_bong (user info) at 2003-11-17 18:47:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Good first post.
Submitted by Anjie (user info) at 2003-11-17 12:05:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
You made me giggle on this fine Monday morning....
Submitted by Phinch (user info) at 2003-11-17 11:52:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
heh.
Submitted by krist (user info) at 2003-11-17 10:34:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
takes me back to 'nam.
ahhhhh.... flashbacks
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2003-11-17 10:11:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
"Made me smile"